Lacey passed the driveway to Jordan’s house twice before she finally saw the teensy-weensy sign that said Sheehan beside a small opening in the trees. She pulled up to a home that looked like it had been built last century and lovingly restored.
She could hear a baby crying from inside the house when she stepped onto the porch. She knocked on the door and waited. With her hand raised to knock again, she heard footsteps.
Jordan opened the door, a very small baby in her arms. Essie, whom Lacey had held the day at Red Hill Farm, was on a blanket on the floor screaming her head off. Jordan raised her voice. “Hey, come on in. Sorry about the noise. Everyone was in a great mood until about five minutes ago when Amos had a poopy diaper at the same time Essie decided she was ready for a nap.”
She held the tiny baby out to Lacey. “You mind?”
“Oh. Um. Okay.” Lacey took the baby from Jordan, who immediately went to pick Essie up from the floor. “Who is this again?”
Jordan laughed as she settled in an oversize rocker-recliner with Essie, tossed a muslin blanket over her shoulder and began to feed her. “My sister and her husband are Amos’s foster parents, but on the day he was supposed to come home from the hospital, two of the other kids came down with strep throat. Amos was a preemie, and since Ash and I are still licensed to foster, we said he could stay here with us until they’ve been clear for a few days.”
“That makes sense. I think.” As she eased onto the love seat, Lacey looked down at Amos snuggling in her arms. He blinked up at her with eyes so dark blue they were almost black. If he weighed five pounds, she would be surprised. It was hard to imagine, but her babies would probably not be much bigger than this when they were born. They could be smaller, if they came earlier. “Is he pretty low maintenance at this stage?”
“In a way. He sleeps a lot, but because he’s so small, we have to be sure to feed him every couple of hours. He gets tired fast so he doesn’t take much at one time.” Jordan paused, apparently thinking. “The last preemie we had was on an apnea monitor. That thing was a pain.”
“That sounds a little...daunting.” Especially since Lacey would have two at the same time. Even more daunting if she was doing it alone. But if she stayed with Devin, she would be staying because it was the right thing for all of them, not because she was desperate for help with twins. “Are you planning to keep fostering?”
“We’re staying licensed for now, but we’re taking a break until Essie turns a year old...at least. We stay busy enough just doing respite for Claire and Joe.” She sighed. “I’m not a very good hostess these days. Sorry not to have lunch waiting when you got here. I do have some chicken salad and fruit in the refrigerator.”
“Oh, it’s fine. Trust me. I’m just glad to get out of the house for a little while. I haven’t had a lot of time to make friends here, so it’s nice to get to visit.”
“How are things over at Triple Creek? It looked like the farm stand was going really well.”
“I think it’s going okay. I’m making zucchini brownies and those cookies you liked almost every day.”
Jordan said, “They’re so good. Hang on. Let me put Essie in her bed before we both die of hunger.”
Her new friend disappeared into a door leading from the kitchen and returned just a couple of minutes later. Tugging open the refrigerator door, she looked back at Lacey. “I bet your kids are up on horseback before they’re walking. You and Devin seem like such a good match.”
To Lacey’s horror, her eyes filled. Jordan stopped in the middle of the kitchen with an armful of food from the refrigerator. “Oh, no, I said the wrong thing. Hang on.”
Jordan walked over to the farm table in the middle of their big open living area. She laid out chicken salad, a package of fresh fruit chunks and some crackers, returning to the kitchen for forks and paper plates. “I’m so not a hostess. I’m looking at this thinking it would all look better on some china.”
Lacey sniffed and smiled, relieved that—for the moment, at least—Jordan had changed the subject. “I know you’re kidding. I’ve been on the rodeo circuit for so many years. I wouldn’t know what to do if someone put china in front of me.”
With a laugh, Jordan pulled a couple of bottles of water from the refrigerator. “You knew just the right thing to say.”
Putting a spoonful of chicken salad on her plate, Lacey said, “How did you and Ash get together?”
“You mean because we seem so mismatched? Trust me, no one was more surprised than I was. Levi was adopted from foster care and when he first came to me, he had some special medical needs. Ash was right there with me the whole time.”
“That sounds amazing.” Lacey took a bite of her chicken salad but her appetite disappeared as she thought about what a polar opposite her experience with Devin had been from Jordan’s with Ash.
Jordan lifted a chunk of cantaloupe. “So, I’m just going to warn you that I’m nosy and opinionated, so stop me if I overstep. But I get the feeling that maybe you’re not feeling so great right now?”
With a big sigh, Lacey considered her options. She needed a friend desperately, someone who could be objective about all the things. “Can I share with you in confidence?”
Jordan lifted a hand. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.” She went into the kitchen, pulled a container of chocolate ice cream from the freezer and grabbed two spoons from the drawer. “Here’s the deal. My sisters and I have this rule. What is said when the ice cream is on the table is secret. Period.”
How did Lacey share something so personal when she barely understood it herself? “So, Devin and I have been friends forever and that was all it was for a long time...until we had kind of a whirlwind romantic night. Devin proposed and we were in Vegas so we got married. Which I thought was great, until I woke up the next morning alone. And pregnant, as I found out a few weeks later.”
Jordan pushed away her plate of chicken salad and pulled the ice cream container into the center of the table. “I think we’re going to need this. I heard Devin went to rehab.”
“He did and he’s been sober for months now. I came to ask him for a divorce and found out that he didn’t even remember the wedding. Since he found out about the babies coming, he’s been great. I honestly can’t tell you why I’m so terrified. But I am. Terrified.”
Jordan took a spoonful of the ice cream. “I was reading about trauma recently—it’s a big part of fostering—and I learned that the brain remembers things even when we don’t have a conscious memory of them. Like, this thing happened and this is how I felt so I’m going to do everything I can to avoid that feeling again ever. The kids don’t know why they’re acting the way they are. It’s mostly unconscious.”
With her own spoon halfway to her mouth, Lacey narrowed her eyes. “So you’re saying even if I think I want to trust Devin, my brain is telling me I should run because I was hurt before?”
“That’s exactly it. When I was dating Ash, I was literally petrified that things were going to end badly and I was going to get my heart broken. And I was a new mom to Levi and I was afraid Levi would get his heart broken. I was a mess. I was so scared that I broke up with him.”
“What?”
“I’m serious.” The baby in the living room started to whimper. Jordan dug through a diaper bag hanging on the chair next to her and pulled out a tiny bottle, breaking the seal and screwing a nipple onto the top. “Do you want to feed him?”
“If it’s okay.” Lacey watched Jordan, bottle in hand, as she picked Amos up from the bouncy seat. She seemed so confident in her skills, so at ease, even with this super tiny baby.
“Hey, little buddy, are you hungry? I bet you are.” The baby was squirming, his face getting red when Jordan handed him to Lacey. She stuck the bottle in his mouth and he was soon eating happily.
Holding the baby gave her something to do, something to think about besides how insecure she felt right now. “So w
hat changed that made you able to take a chance with Ash?”
Jordan drew her shoulders up with her breath and dug the spoon into the carton of ice cream one more time. “You’re not going to like this—but, there’s a tipping point, when the pain of being away from someone hurts worse than the heartbreak would if it even happened. I mean, if it’s going to hurt anyway, you might as well be happy in the meantime, right?”
Lacey stared into her new friend’s face. “I never thought about it that way. You’re right.”
The baby’s bottle hissed as he sucked the last bit of milk out of it. Lacey looked up in panic.
Jordan said, “Just sit him up on your lap. Hold his head up with his chin between your thumb and pointy finger—there you go. Now pat his back. He’s so new, he’s still really limp.”
Lacey patted Amos’s back until he let out a little burp.
“See, you’re a natural. So, are you in love with him?”
The question jerked her back to the conversation. She sighed. “I don’t want to be in love with him.”
Jordan smiled. “Yeah, that’s not what I asked. I said I was nosy and opinionated, so here comes the opinion. If you love him, you have to tell him.”
Her eyes on the baby’s precious little face, Lacey said, “I don’t know if I can do that.”
With a shrug, Jordan said, “If it’s gonna hurt anyway, what do you have to lose? Don’t answer that. Just think about it.”
“Thanks, Jordan. It helps to have your perspective.” Honestly, it seemed like she had a lot to lose, but if she didn’t try, she’d be depriving her babies of their dad without even giving him a real shot. She’d be depriving herself of her husband and Devin of his wife. “It’s so hard to sort out.”
“Your feelings are justified.” When Lacey looked up, Jordan said, “They are. Without question. But if you want a future with him, you’re going to have to forgive him. I’ll be praying for you, my sweet friend. I know this isn’t easy.”
Those words lingered in Lacey’s mind long after she handed the baby back to Jordan, gave her a hug and thanked her for the time together. She pulled into the driveway at Triple Creek Ranch and put the car in Park.
She’d been praying for wisdom and clarity. She’d prayed for relief from the fear that had plagued her ever since she found out she was pregnant.
He left her in Vegas, yes. And yes, she felt abandoned. But Devin wasn’t her mom. It was a completely different situation with a completely different outcome. It was time for her to stop punishing Devin for what her mom had done.
So now, she prayed for the courage to trust him. If it was going to hurt anyway, what did she have to lose?
Chapter Sixteen
With his arm around Lacey’s waist, Devin held his breath as they walked toward the hospital door. Lacey was whispering something under her breath and he didn’t dare interrupt her as they inched forward. The last four weeks had been peaceful, idyllic almost, the routine of the long farm days calming in a strange way. Lacey had seemed content to simply be together, often joining him as he’d done his chores, pestering him to share stories about his childhood. He obliged her with the adventures of Tanner, Garrett and Devin. And they’d both managed to ignore the fact that the date of their babies’ birth and their self-imposed deadline for a decision was coming soon.
He hadn’t even wanted to mention the parenting class, but with a determined set to her chin, Lacey reminded him it was their last chance. She’d never backed away from a challenge as long as he’d known her and his admiration only grew as he watched her battle her fear and win. When they reached the door, she didn’t look up. He opened the door and she walked through it.
A wall of cold air hit them in the face when they entered the building and her steps faltered, but he just kept going and her lips started moving again. A few seconds later, he opened the door to the classroom and they were inside. When he eased her into a chair close to the door, she looked up and took a deep breath.
He was so proud of her for not giving up. They weren’t home free yet—they had the hospital tour to get through after class but, for the first time, he felt hopeful that they’d be able to do it. “You okay?”
Her face was still a little white, her hand a little clammy in his, but she nodded. “Now it’s just any other classroom.”
The teacher walked to the front of the room with a big toothy smile on her face. “Welcome to Magnificent Multiples! If you’ll look in your complimentary diaper bag, you’ll find that we’ve put together a notebook for you with lots of ideas for how to manage your multiples, whether you have two or three or more!”
Devin turned to Lacey with wide eyes and mouthed, “More?”
She shook her head and murmured, “I think I’m good with two, thanks.”
The teacher walked them through the notebook, filling his head with all kinds of advice he didn’t know he needed. Feeding schedule. Sleep schedule. Gender-neutral clothing because who wants to be figuring out if a onesie is pink or blue in the middle of the night? Not a lot of snaps because they take too long. And the best news of all... They could expect for their twins to go through six thousand diapers in the first year.
When Lacey squeezed his hand and said, “Breathe,” he realized he’d been muttering out loud.
He didn’t hear a lot after that. For his own sanity, it was probably better that he think about other things. He was planning to be involved in the care of the babies and he knew it was probably going to be hard, but some things? It was probably better to just not know.
“So, we’re going to take a small break before we walk through the labor and delivery wing in the hospital.” The teacher’s bright, cheerful voice cut into his thoughts. He scowled. She could afford to be cheerful. She wasn’t going to be buying six thousand diapers this year. “In your bag, you’ll find some peanut butter crackers and a couple of small bottles of water. For a busy parent of multiples, it’s just as important to keep your own energy up when you’re out and about with your babies.”
As Lacey handed him a package of crackers, she grinned. “Don’t forget to pack your snacks, cowboy.”
“I’ll just add that to the long list of things I need to remember. My brain is tired.” He pulled the plastic wrap apart and took out a cracker. “She didn’t answer any of my questions.”
“Like what?” Lacey looked amused, but he knew for a fact she’d been chasing that barrel-racing championship buckle when other girls were babysitting. She had little to no baby experience, just like him.
“Like what do you do if you’re by yourself and both of them are crying at the same time? What if one of them’s hungry and one of them’s wet? Or one needs to burp and the other needs a nap? She didn’t cover any of that stuff.”
Her expression went from amused to concerned, her bottle of water halfway to her mouth. “You’re right, she didn’t. Those are very good questions.”
He shrugged as he crunched on a cracker. “I guess we’ll figure it out. In the meantime, we got some coupons and a diaper bag full of samples.”
She put the bottle of water down and said firmly, “It’s going to be fine.”
He shot her a look. “Are you saying that to yourself or to me?”
“Both.” She laughed as their facilitator cleared her throat in the doorway to the classroom.
“Okay, everyone, we’re going on a little tour. We’ll be visiting an empty L&D suite but there are people in the other ones, so remember to be respectfully quiet.”
Lacey’s expression turned wary. She sucked in a breath, and Devin remembered they weren’t out of the woods yet.
He took her hand in his and helped her to her feet. “Don’t overthink it. We’re just going for a walk.”
Lacey nodded, but her throat worked as she swallowed.
Waiting until the other expectant parents left the room to move into line behind them, he sai
d, “Have you thought any more about names?”
She followed him into the hall, her eyes straight ahead, her hand wrapped around his in a painful grip. “You mean other than Elmo and Prudence?”
He smiled. “Yeah. But to be honest, I do kind of like those now that we’ve been calling them that.”
“Not a chance are we naming our kids Elmo and Prudence. We could keep the initials, though, if we can think of something to go with them.”
“Like Penelope or Patience?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Or Paul or Patrick for boys.”
“Okay.” He hung back as their leader scanned her badge across the reader mounted beside the double doors and the group entered the OB wing. “I see where you’re going with this.” He thought for a minute. “I like the name Phoebe. It’s old-fashioned but feminine. It would sound good over the loudspeaker at the rodeo. Riding next is...Phoebe...Cole.”
Lacey let out a shaky laugh as he dragged the syllables out like the announcer would. “You’re right. It’s cute. I say yes to Phoebe. Can we use Rose as a middle name? It’s my grandmother’s name and she helped raise me after my mom left.”
“Phoebe Rose.” He tried it out to see how it sounded together. “It sounds classy. It has meaning. I like it.”
They stopped outside a glass window where a nurse in pink scrubs was wrapping a baby in a white blanket with pink and blue stripes. When she saw them in the window, she smiled and held up the baby, who looked like a burrito with fat baby cheeks.
“Oh, how precious.” Lacey put her hand on the glass. “It’s so hard to believe that we’ll be seeing our babies very soon. In some ways, I’m so not ready. In others, that day can’t get here fast enough.”
“I feel the same way.” He realized they were the only ones still loitering by the nursery window and reached for her arm. When she startled at his touch, he realized that while she was handling this better than he’d expected, she was still strung tight with anxiety. “You’re doing great. We’re going to make happy memories here.”
The Cowboy's Twin Surprise Page 14
