All My Loving: Butler, Vermont Series, Book 5

by Force, Marie

He gave that some consideration. “I don’t think I have.”

  “Aha. Just as I suspected. Tonight, you’re with me, which means there’s no chance for her. At least not right now.”

  “Not ever. That’s over.”

  “For you. That’s not necessarily the case for her.”

  Frustration threatened to overwhelm him. He was on a date with her, and here they were discussing his track record with other women. That was the last thing in the world he wanted to talk about with her. She must think he was a complete asshole. Suddenly, he felt a desperate need to fix that—if he still could. “I don’t want you to think I’m a man-whore. I swear I’m not.”

  “Okay,” she said with a small smile that indicated she hardly believed him. And, really, why should she with the evidence she’d accumulated to the contrary in the last thirty minutes?

  Fucking hell. This date was turning into a full-fledged disaster. Wait until Hannah got ahold of this nonsense. She’d have a freaking field day with it.

  Thankfully, they got through dinner without further encounters of the female kind, but he’d utterly failed in using the time to get to know Amanda better. However, she’d certainly learned more about him—all things he didn’t want her to know.

  Chapter Seven

  “I think I've lived long enough to understand that plans really are very overrated.”

  —Viola Davis

  Landon had hoped Amanda would tell him about the to-do list she’d made for her second chance at life. After that intense make-out session earlier, he had even more interest in helping her to check a few of those items off her list.

  As if that was going to happen now. She was probably disgusted by him, and who could blame her? On the way back to the truck, he again lifted her over the mud puddle and deposited her into the passenger seat. When he walked around the front of the truck to the driver’s seat, he glanced into the restaurant and saw Jessica glaring at him as she cleared the plates from their table.

  Ugh.

  It had never once occurred to him that she or anyone else had taken their time together seriously. How could they when he never made promises or committed to anything other than a good time in the moment? He’d been all about having fun and trying to make sure no one got hurt. Apparently, he’d failed rather miserably at that last part—and now Amanda knew that, too. Great.

  His stomach was tied up in knots, and for the first time ever, pizza had given him heartburn.

  “Where’re we going?” Amanda asked as he drove them on dark, winding roads.

  “To Dani’s place. Luc is staying there.”

  “Oh cool, but I was hoping to see the farm.”

  “I’ll take you there in the daylight.” That was, if she was still interested in hanging with him after tonight’s train wreck.

  The outside light was on at Dani’s when they arrived. Landon parked next to Lucas’s truck, the navy blue version of his. Landon had delivered Luc’s truck to Dani’s when he heard Lucas would be coming there when he got out of the hospital. He realized it would be difficult for Amanda to climb the two flights of stairs to Dani’s apartment. “I’ll give you a lift up the stairs.”

  “I can do it.”

  “No need. I’ve got you covered.”

  He scooped her up out of the passenger seat and stepped through squishy mud, taking care not to fall and possibly injure both of them. They went up the stairs to the landing on the third floor, where he put Amanda down and again waited to make sure she was steady before knocking.

  Dani came to the door with Savannah in her arms. Petite and curvy, Dani had reddish-brown hair and big, expressive eyes. The baby was blond, rosy-cheeked cuteness. “Come in.” She led them into the small apartment, where Lucas was on the sofa, covered by a down comforter that Landon recognized from the store. Luc’s broken left arm rested on a pillow.

  “Have a seat,” Dani said. “Can I get you anything?”

  “No, thank you,” Amanda said. “We’re fine. We just wanted to check on you guys.”

  “We’re doing great.” Dani took a seat next to Lucas, who’d made room for her. When Savannah strained toward Lucas, Dani handed her over to him, careful to avoid his injured arm. “Except for his arm, the patient is doing really well.”

  “That’s a relief,” Amanda said. “I just want to tell you… What you did… Thank you, Lucas. Thank you so much.”

  “I was just doing my job.”

  “You saved my life. I was so scared, and then there you were. I’ll never be able to properly thank you.”

  “I’m glad we both made it out of there.” Lucas snuggled the baby with his good arm. “We’ve got a lot to live for.”

  Landon watched as Amanda shuddered from reliving the horror of that night, and decided to change the subject. “Did they say when you can come back to work?”

  “Another six weeks at least.” Lucas scowled at his broken arm. “If the fire didn’t kill me, the lying around just might.”

  Like Landon, his brother hated to be inactive.

  “Heard you guys made a hell of a rescue the night of the storm.”

  “Yeah, we found them. Just in time, too. One of them is still in the hospital but expected to make a full recovery, thankfully.”

  “Good news all around,” Lucas said. “So what’re you guys up to?”

  “Nothing much,” Landon replied. “Just had dinner at the Kingdom.”

  When Savvy started fussing, Dani stood to pick her up. “Bedtime for my angel. You want to help, Amanda?”

  “Sure, I’d love to.” She got up and hobbled after Dani.

  “You look a lot better,” Landon said to his brother when they were alone.

  “I feel much better. Go grab us a couple of cold ones.”

  “Are you allowed to have beer?”

  “Yep. I haven’t taken anything for the pain today.”

  Landon got up, went to the kitchen, opened two beers and brought them back, handing one to Lucas.

  “Thanks. Before Dani comes back, I need a favor.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Can you run to Montpelier and pick up something for me when you get the chance?”

  “Sure. What do you need?”

  “The engagement ring I ordered for her.”

  “I still can’t believe you’re actually engaged.”

  “I know,” Lucas said with a cocky grin. “Just when I thought I’d never find anyone who could stand me, there was Dani and Savvy to change my life forever.”

  “I’m happy for you.” Landon put his beer on the table and sat back in the chair, wishing he had the secret recipe for the kind of happiness his brother had found with Dani.

  “What’s the matter with you? You’re all spun up over something.”

  Landon would ask how Lucas could tell that, but it was a twin thing. They just knew. “It’s just been a very weird night.”

  “How so?”

  “Things with Amanda have been at a bit of a standstill, until tonight, that is. We had a little breakthrough, you might call it, which was totally effed when we went to Kingdom.”

  “What happened?”

  “I ran into Chrissy. She practically jumped me, kissed me, etc. right in front of Amanda. Then there was Jessica…”

  “Who wasn’t happy to see you there with a date?”

  “Yes! And I have no idea what her problem is. We were over a hundred years ago. The last freaking thing I needed was all that happening in front of Amanda when things were starting to move in the right direction—finally.”

  “Everyone has a past, Landon. I bet she does, too.”

  “Maybe so, but hers isn’t being thrown in my face. After tonight, I’ll be afraid to step foot outside the door around here with her.”

  “Does she know you’re into her in a way you haven’t been with the others?”

  “I think so. I mean, I guess…”

  “This is the time for very clear communication. Put it out there. Tell her how you feel so she can have no do
ubts.”

  “Look at you giving out relationship advice,” Landon said with a grunt of laughter. “Who’d a thunk it?”

  “Not me until I met Dani, and everything else ceased to matter. If it’s like that for you with Amanda, make sure she knows it. You can’t help what other people do, but you can certainly make sure she knows your truth.”

  “That’s a good point.”

  “I know.”

  Landon sent him a withering look. “Thanks again for not dying in that fire.”

  “I had to stick around to make sure you stay out of trouble and don’t mess it up with Amanda.”

  “I don’t want to mess it up with her. I really like her. I have this panicky feeling about her leaving and me missing out on this chance with her.”

  “Then don’t let that happen. Don’t hold anything back. All the usual bullshit doesn’t work here. You gotta dig deeper. I promise you, it’s worth the effort. It’s so completely worth it.”

  “Did you kids set a date yet?”

  “Probably later in the summer. It doesn’t really matter to us when it happens. We already feel married in all the most important ways.”

  “I’m happy for you guys.”

  “We’re happy for us, too.”

  “When you were first with Dani, how did you deal with, you know, your track record, I guess you’d call it?”

  Lucas thought about that for a second. “It helped that I met her in Stowe, and we spent some time there before we came back here. But I told her I’d dated a lot, that I’d never really done the serious thing before, but I felt ready for that, which mattered to her because of Savvy. After what she went through losing Savvy’s father when she was pregnant, Dani wasn’t about to bring me into her daughter’s life long-term unless I was serious about both of them. I had to man up or run the risk of blowing it. Since losing them wasn’t an option I wanted to consider, I manned up.”

  “What exactly does that entail?” Landon couldn’t believe he was actually asking that question of Lucas, of all people, but since he didn’t want to fuck it up with Amanda, he asked.

  “It means taking it seriously. No bullshit. When Dani asked for time to get her life here established, I gave her time, even if it killed me to put things on hold with her for months. But it was what she needed. With Amanda, don’t let her think for a second you want anything—or anyone—other than her. And if you don’t honestly feel that way about her, then don’t pretend you do.”

  “I really like her. A lot. Like, more than I’ve liked anyone since… you know.”

  Lucas stared at him. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Maybe you should tell her that.”

  “I’d have to tell her about… about Naomi…” Saying her name felt like lancing a still-healing wound.

  “Would that be so bad?”

  Landon shrugged. “I don’t talk about her, except when I see her mom.”

  “Maybe you should. It would give Amanda some perspective.”

  “I guess.” The thought of resurrecting that old hurt made him queasy and sweaty. “Why does this have to be so hard?”

  “Because it matters.”

  Landon nodded. That was certainly true. Before he could say anything more, Amanda and Dani returned to the living room.

  When Amanda smiled at him, the feeling that went through him was a reminder of why he was in this situation in the first place. It was because she made him feel things that only one other person ever had. Only Lucas had ever known how Landon really felt about Naomi. The rest of his family had thought she was a close friend. They hadn’t known he loved her, because he hadn’t wanted anyone to know that.

  “That little girl is indeed an angel,” Amanda declared, but Landon noted that she looked sadder than he’d ever seen her and wondered why.

  “You won’t hear us say otherwise,” Lucas said as he took Dani’s hand and encouraged her to snuggle up to him.

  Dani moved carefully into Lucas’s one-armed embrace, as if she was still afraid of hurting him.

  “We should go,” Landon said. “Lucas needs to get some rest.” And Landon wanted to be alone with Amanda, to talk some more, to try to fix the impression this evening had left her with.

  “That’s not what Lucas needs,” Lucas said suggestively.

  Dani put her hand over his mouth. “Be quiet.”

  “Don’t want to be quiet,” Lucas said, his words muffled by her hand.

  “That’s our cue,” Landon said to Amanda as he stood, helped her up and held her coat for her to put on.

  “How’s the ankle?” Lucas asked her.

  “Better but still sore. I can walk on my toes, thank goodness. The crutches are worse than the injury.”

  “I can attest to that the few times I’ve been on them,” Lucas said. “They suck.” He pulled himself off the sofa to see them out.

  Landon noted how slowly his brother moved. “You’re sure you’re doing better?”

  “Positive. Don’t worry.”

  “Will you be at Mom’s on Sunday?” Landon asked.

  “That’s the plan.”

  “Okay, see you then. Call me if you need anything.”

  “We will.” Lucas patted Landon on the back. When he had Landon’s attention, Lucas tipped his chin toward Amanda, who was hugging Dani. Man up. Lucas mouthed the words so the women wouldn’t hear them.

  Landon nodded. “Take it easy.”

  “You, too.”

  “Oh, hey, thanks for taking care of the horses for me,” Lucas said.

  “No problem. Happy to do it.”

  “I’ll be back at it soon.”

  “No worries. Take your time.”

  They stepped out of the apartment, and Landon said, “Hop aboard my magical mystery ride.”

  Amanda smiled and held on to him as he lifted her into his arms. “Don’t drop me.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “What’s this about horses?” she asked.

  “We have two of them at the farm that we use for the sleigh rides during the season. Usually, Luc tends to them because he lives there, but I’ve been doing it since he got hurt.”

  “That’s good of you.”

  “It’s no big deal.”

  “I’m sure it is to him.”

  Landon settled her into the passenger seat of his truck.

  “Thanks for the lift.”

  “Any time.” He wanted to kiss her, but he wasn’t sure he’d still be welcome. There’d be time to revisit that impulse when they got home. Or so he hoped.

  Chapter Eight

  “No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.”

  —Alan Watts

  “Are you ready for bed?” Dani asked Lucas after she shut off the outside lights and locked up.

  “Only if you are.”

  “I could make myself ready.” As he headed for the bedroom, she said, “Go slow.”

  “I’m sick of going slow. I want to get back to normal.”

  “And you will, but it’s going to take time. If I have to actually sit on you to keep you from doing too much too soon, I will.”

  He raised a brow and gave her his best sultry look. “Is that supposed to be a threat of some kind? Because having you sit on me hardly equates to punishment.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Is everything about sex with you?”

  “Not everything, but I’m more than ready to pick up where we left off before the fire.”

  “That’s not happening any time soon.”

  He gave her ass a grab. “Yes, it is.”

  She dodged him. “No, it isn’t. Now brush your teeth and take a leak and be a good boy.”

  “Being good is boring. I want to be very, very bad.”

  “Brush your teeth.”

  “I love when you use your stern mom voice on me.”

  “I’m practicing on you for when I’ll need it for Savannah.”

  When he finished in the bathroom, she took
her turn while he painfully got himself situated in bed, closing his eyes to breathe through the pain that riddled his entire body any time he moved. The doctors had told him it would take a while to get back to full steam. Lucas hadn’t wanted to hear that. He wanted to hold his fiancée and make love to her and play with his little girl.

  Dani got into bed, and even the subtle movement of the mattress had him wincing.

  “Sorry,” she said.

  “Don’t be. Get over here and snuggle up to me.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You’ll hurt me if you don’t.”

  She moved very carefully to prop his injured arm on a pillow before resting her head on his chest as he looped his good arm around her, all the while gritting his teeth against the pain.

  “God, this fucking sucks.”

  “It beats the alternative.”

  Her comment was a stark reminder of how she’d lost the first man she’d been engaged to in an ATV accident when she was three months pregnant with Savvy.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I have no complaints.”

  “Don’t be sorry. It does suck, but I’m so freaking thankful you didn’t die that all I can see is the silver lining.”

  “Thank you for reminding me of the silver lining.”

  “There is one. You’re still here, we’re all safe, and we’ve got so much to look forward to.”

  “You’re one hundred percent right, and I’ll try to keep my bitching to a minimum.”

  “It’s okay if you want to bitch. I know that being sidelined is hell for you.”

  “Only because I can’t hold you and kiss you and love you the way I want to or play with my little girl.”

  “You will soon enough.”

  “Not soon enough for me.”

  “It was nice to see Landon and Amanda.”

  “Yes, it was. It doesn’t bug you to have her here, does it?”

  “Why would it?”

  “Well, I was kinda in a rage over the two of them when we first met.”

  “A lot’s happened since then. She’s no threat to me.”

  He squeezed her shoulder. “No, she isn’t, and everything has happened since then.”