Whiskey Flick

by Ryan Ringbloom

  Crisis averted. I place a towel around his neck and give the cape a shake before wrapping it over him. I’m gonna trim his hair, clean the sides, and get him out of here as fast as possible.

  He smiles at me in the mirror, and my heart sinks. I feel awful. If he ever knew the truth, it would kill him. It would kill us and the bond that we have. It’s wrong to have a favorite, but Henry has always been my favorite brother. We’ve always been so close, and after Sasha broke up with him, I felt like I owed him. I worked tirelessly to try and help him find someone. Crashing on his couch, setting him up on dates, giving unsolicited advice, whatever I could to help make up for the girl who had left him because of me.

  And now, even though they’re no longer together, I still feel guilty. Going behind his back with a girl he once claimed to love.

  I saturate his hair with my water bottle, pull his thick locks in between my fingers, and snip.

  “Excited for Thanksgiving?” he asks.

  “Sure.”

  “It should be really fun, all of us together.”

  “I guess.” I shrug, and my brain goes into a quick fantasy mode that maybe one day, it really could be all of us. Henry can be with Tina, Adam with Remi, and me with Sasha. All the Barclays in love, starting their futures together. A new era of engagements, weddings, and babies. The thought warms the inside of my chest.

  But could it ever really work? Could Sasha ever show up to the family dinners again, only this time sitting at my side? Is it possible?

  “Sasha is going to make green bean casserole,” Henry says, taking me out of my dream sequence. The scissors drop from my fingers, clinking onto the laminate floor.

  “Who?” My voice trembles.

  “Tina. I said Tina is going to make green bean casserole.” A look of fear spreads across his chiseled features. “Didn’t I?” I shake my head. “Shit. Seeing her again must be screwing with my head. Jesus Christ, I need to be careful, Tina is already making herself half crazy about Sasha being back in my life.”

  I bend down to retrieve the scissors, steadying myself on the floor before standing back up.

  “Back in your life?” I choke on the words.

  “No, not like that.” He shakes his head. “God, what’s wrong with me? I just mean at work. The refurbish of the office.” He squirms in the chair. “I don’t know, she was in the office yesterday, and seeing her again has been unsettling.”

  “Uh-huh.” I am shocked that I’m actually able to grunt the two sounds out.

  “It’s just, you know, how we ended things so abruptly, with no explanation. That messed with my mind for a very long time afterwards.” He takes a calming breath. “I need to get my head on straight. If I make a slip like that with Tina, I can’t imagine how she’ll take it.”

  You might not be able to imagine, but I can, because right now, I myself am freaking the fuck out over your little slip of the tongue.

  Sasha and I had also ended with an intense mind fuck. There had been confusion, guilt, tears, truths exposed that ended in heartbreak. I know the pain of losing her. The anguish it caused. I’m sure seeing her again like this is causing chaos in his head. It completely undid me.

  “I’m sure once the project gets started and you get used to seeing her again, the weird stuff will go away.” Clippers, where are my clippers? I need to get you out of here.

  “She shot down the bamboo idea.” He tugs on the cuffs of his suit under the cape. “Immediately.”

  “Well, the plans are already underway. They can’t make big changes like that now,” I answer absently. Sasha told me about some of his absurd requests last night.

  “That’s funny, that’s exactly what she said.” He chuckles.

  Fuck.

  “That’s because it’s just logic, Henry,” I snap, jamming the plug to the clippers into the outlet and turning it on to buzz away any more conversation.

  It’s almost impossible to make a clean edge on the back of his neck with the way my hands are shaking.

  “Have I done something?” he says the instant I finish his hair and the noise shuts off.

  “No, not at all. Why?” I stretch my lips and expose my teeth. I can’t actually call it a smile.

  “You’ve pretty much avoided me these past few weeks and now you’re acting funny. Is what Remi said true? Did you meet someone?” Henry tries to meet my face in the mirror. “Are they treating you okay? Because you know you only deserve the best.”

  Deserve the best? Right now I don’t even believe I deserve the coffee he brought me. But when I think about Sasha and how every time I thought of her, especially around Henry, it would evoke feelings of anger and resentment, it no longer does.

  Saying I like Sasha is a huge understatement. I think all this time the anger and resentment I felt toward her was really just an emptiness. The part of me that felt empty after she was gone. Having her back, even for this short time, I’ve come to realize, she’s part of my soul. I love her.

  It’s the situation I hate.

  Head in the Clouds

  “DO YOU STILL WANT TO DO THIS?” I shout to her.

  “NO! THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPID! WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS!” she screams, her lower lip trembling

  “ARE YOU SAYING YOU’VE CHANGED YOUR MIND ABOUT ALL OF THIS?” My throat is raw from yelling. My muscles are working overtime to keep any trembling of my own in check. “WE MADE A COMMITMENT. YOU’LL REGRET IT IF YOU TURN BACK NOW.”

  “WHO’S GOING FIRST?” The lead instructor projects his voice across the small plane, using an arm to encourage one of us to come to the large open window sucking in the freezing cold air.

  We’re the last two left. I’m afraid if I go first, she’ll chicken out.

  “I’M ONLY DOING IT IF YOU DO IT,” I holler over the engine and loud wind whipping across my face. Jim, the man I met only an hour and forty minutes ago who I am now firmly attached to, moves us toward the exit. There’s only a small window of opportunity, and I guess the best option is to start with the seemingly less scared one.

  I give one last glance back toward Jenn. I wish I could see her eyes, but they’re covered by a dark pair of goggles. I hope once I make the jump, she does it too. The whole point was to experience this asinine thing together. Since I’ve known her, she’s been mentioning her bucket list dream of skydiving. This is not a me thing. It’s a her thing. I set this whole adventure up as a surprise, figuring she would be ecstatic. I wanted her to be ecstatic. Terror is not ecstatic.

  “READY?” I’m asked once we’re at the edge. I nod before leaning my head back. I can’t look down.

  We take a step over the edge and go. Most of my hair shakes free from the elastic holding it back and my arms rise up as I scream through a surprising smile, making the free fall back down to earth.

  I’m doing it. Oh my God. I’m flying.

  Time goes fast and slow all at the same time. The parachute deploys, and flight becomes more of a float. I’m looking at the world from a whole new point of view.

  “Look at the camera and say something,” Jim says, holding a steady arm to record the memory for me.

  “JENN, I HOPE YOU’RE DOING THIS. IT’S AMAZING. AND EVEN IF YOU DON’T JUMP, I STILL LOVE YOU.”

  I lift my feet up as instructed for a shockingly smooth landing. I think the blood quadruples in quantity as it rushes through my veins.

  “How was it?” Jim asks, already starting to disconnect us.

  “It was... fantastic.” I pull a deep breath in, trying to refill my lungs. The other people who were on the plane with us are all around hugging and high-fiving. I tip my head back and shield my eyes, zeroing in on the final parachute floating its way down. She did it. My heart speeds back up. The last of my harness removed, I start running toward her as she and her instructor make their final descent.

  “Ah, Sasha. I did it! We did it!” She lifts off her goggles, still attached to her instructor, Emma, but stretches her arms out to me, and I crash into her for an adrenaline-fue
led hug. Emma laughs and waits for us to detach before she continues to disconnect the harness. Her arm stays propped up, recording our excitement. “I love you,” Jenn says to me for the first time. “And I love you for doing this.”

  Jumping from planes, saying I love you. My heart is at risk for a massive coronary, but the second she’s free from Emma, she’s back in my arms. We kiss through gasping breaths and overjoyed replays of what just transpired.

  “I love you too,” I say to her, and my heart really does go into a questionable new rhythm. This is the happiest I have ever been in my entire life.

  Nothing could bring me down right now.

  “This is so adorable.” Emma is still filming us. “You guys are going to love the social media package we put together for you.”

  I thought I said it first, but watching the video they created for us, I see Sasha said it midjump.

  But I already knew how she felt. I mean, she jumped out of a freaking plane for me. When I saw her jump, as terrified as she was, I knew I had to jump too.

  We watch my dive next. The vibrant purple in my hair blowing with the beautiful bright sky behind it could be an ad. I’m already racking up all the likes this video and the pictures are sure to get. #hairgoals #hairinthesky #haircolorenvy

  “My family is gonna go nuts when they see I did this. As many times as I’ve mentioned it, they probably think I’d never actually go through with it.” I stay glued to the monitor and watch gravity settle my hair into a sexy windblown mane. “This is so unbelievably awesome!” I exclaim.

  “We can send you a link right now and you can upload it right away.” The woman behind the counter pushes the upsell.

  “Hell yeah, I want the link. I….” I stop. What am I thinking? I can’t post this.

  “They can edit me out,” Sasha says, already one step ahead of my realization. “You can post your jump, and they have these great stills of just you coming down.”

  “No, I can’t.” The best part of this video is that I did it with her. The scene on the screen of us proves that. Why would I ever edit that part out? I walk away from the counter, and Sasha follows me.

  “You can tell them you did it with one of your friends. Your family doesn’t know all of your friends. Or tell them you did it on your own.”

  “It’s really no big deal.” I did an incredible thing with an incredible person, but if I can’t share both parts, I don’t want to share it all. “The video and pictures can be just for us.” More secrets for our secret.

  “I’m sorry, Jenn,” Sasha says flatly. Our high is gone.

  “There’s nothing to be sorry about.” I make sure to say it with a smile. “I don’t need to show this to anyone else or tell them about it. I got to do this with you. That’s what matters most.”

  “Is it?” Her dark eyes are sad, glassy. “Because I feel like this thing we’re doing, keeping secrets, sneaking around, is pushing you back into the closet.”

  “I was never in a closet.” It’s a serious conversation, but I laugh to ease the tension. “I know you think I came out with some big pizza party reveal but honestly, it was just a conversation that occurred on a night we happened to have pizza,” I say.

  My family is normal. I had developed a crush on a girl. I was aware what it meant. I told them.

  “I like this girl in my class named Samantha,” I said.

  “Like, like?” Adam asked.

  “Yeah, like, like.”

  “Cool.” Adam shrugged.

  “Does she like you too?” Mom joined in the conversation.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You’re a little young to date.” Dad’s response was a typical Dad reaction.

  “That’s great, Jenn.” Henry met my eyes across the dining room table and smiled at me. “I’m really happy for you. And proud.”

  “You’re giving up too much.” Sasha fixates on her hands. All traces of the happiness we just experienced are gone. “But maybe there’s a way we can fix this. I can talk to Henry. I’ll make him understand.”

  “No. We’re not telling Henry,” I snap. “It’s just some stupid video and pictures. It’s no big deal.” It’s not, I confirm silently to my brain. “My life with you can stay separate and still be just fine.”

  “So, you’re going to live two separate lives?” She balks.

  “Isn’t that what you did too?” I throw back. “What you’re still doing with your parents?”

  She doesn’t say anything else. The truth of my words shuts her right down. She walks away and starts sorting through a rack of T-shirts with the skydiving company’s logo on them. I’ve won.

  But I haven’t won shit.

  A Rose by Any Other Name

  “Is this too loud?” Jenn points the remote at the TV and lowers the volume. “I can turn it off if you want.”

  “No, leave it on. I’m almost done here.” I’m going blind from scrutinizing fabric patterns on my iPad. They’re all starting to look the same. I take off my readers and rub.

  We’re having a cozy night in at my place. It’s always my place. The risk of going to hers is too great according to her. I don’t remember Henry as being the sort of guy to “pop in,” but if this makes her more comfortable, then it’s fine.

  Jenn’s on her stomach wearing a pink tank and silky pajama shorts. Her feet are twisted in the air and her eyes glued to the screen. The Kardashians are celebrating Christmas. She loves this show. The glamour, the hair... the family.

  Family is important to Jenn. How could it not be with a family like hers? Dinners, parties, holidays. They’re always warm, welcoming, fun times in their home, just like the scene on the screen. If she was with a different woman or if I hadn’t been with Henry first, she wouldn’t have to hide her relationship. Her two worlds would mesh together seamlessly. And I honestly believe in my heart they still could. But Jenn just won’t budge when it comes to that subject.

  I get up from my bed and take the cellophane-wrapped single rose she showed up with and a small bud vase into the bathroom. I fill the vase in my sink and unwrap the rose, trimming the stem before placing it in. I return to the room and proudly display the red bud on my dresser.

  “I got it at the gas station.” Jenn tries to diminish the romantic gesture.

  “You saw it and thought of me. That’s what makes it special.” I twist the vase, positioning the rose to face the bed. “In a few days, I’m going to hang it upside down. It’ll dry it out and keep the form and most of the color, then I’ll put it back in the vase.”

  “Ya know, my brother used to send you massive arrangements. I don’t remember you ever drying any of them out.” She smirks at me over her shoulder.

  Ah, yes. Henry and the flowers. Over-the-top arrangements on the regular that made my home and my office look like a funeral parlor. If those giant sprays made him think of me, then he must have thought of me as an old lady in a casket. But I never had the heart to say anything to him. He meant well.

  As close as Henry and Jenn are, they were always so different. Him and his imperfect perfection always striving to make a good impression, and her with perfect imperfections always able to leave a lasting impression. If anything, I was more like Henry, which is why I was probably so drawn to Jenn.

  Henry and I are dressed to the nines. Him in his tux, me in a navy, sequinned, open-back halter-necked gown. We’re picture perfect. His sister, Jenn, has already told me three times how beautiful I look. Henry likes the color of my dress.

  Jenn aims the camera at us. We stand tall, his arm placed in the exact location on my lower back that it always goes. I lean in but not too much. We need to be properly spaced for the picture to come out just right. And if it doesn’t come out just right, I know we’ll need to take it again.

  The picture is to his liking, and we’re ready to take off for a night of forced smiles and business talk. I’m bored already and unsure how I’m going to survive the night. It’s strange, I used to look forward to nights like this. I’m not sure w
hat happened?

  Jenn hands Henry her phone. “Take a picture of me and Sasha,” she asks her brother.

  She stands next to me and leans all the way in, our cheeks almost touching.

  “Straighten up,” Henry instructs.

  “No,” she replies. Defiant, immature, perfectly imperfect.

  He walks over with a grumble and tries to physically reposition her for the photo. She huffs but stands up taller, distancing herself from me. I’m not sure why this picture needs to be perfect too. But Henry controls everything, and everything is always perfect in our world. I like controlled and perfect. Or at least I used to.

  “Okay, much better.” He eyes the two of us on the small screen. “Ready? One, two....”

  On three Jenn throws her arm around my shoulder and crushes me in, our cheeks smushed together, her tongue sticking out, and her left hand giving Henry the middle finger.

  Henry shakes his head and sighs before handing her back her phone. “Lovely picture, sis,” he says before walking off to grab our coats.

  Jenn pulls up the picture and laughs. She shows it to me. I can’t help but laugh too.

  “Send it to me,” I whisper before Henry returns.

  In the car, the incoming text of our picture on my phone generates the largest smile across my face. It’s so big and so firmly planted that it gets me through the entire tedious evening with a genuine smile instead of the forced one I usually wear.

  These changes in me... I think I’m starting to understand.

  “If I ever have a girl one day, I think I like the name Kendall.” Jenn changes positions on the bed, sitting up with her legs crossed.

  “You want to have kids one day?” The declaration throws me. It shouldn’t, but it does. Kids, marriage, the happily ever after. I want all those things too, with her, but right now we can’t even go to her apartment.

  “Of course. Don’t you?” Her head jerks back. She turns, looking at me with wide eyes. “I want us to have at least two.”

  “Two secret children?” I ask, and she blanches. “Will we need to take them to a pediatrician an hour away and send them off to boarding school where no one but us will know about them?”