Forever Reasons (10,000 Reasons Book 4)

by Cee, DW

  I couldn’t help taking glances at Xander and that woman while Alex and I swam. Not once did he part from her and come to us. Not once did he even acknowledge us. Stupidly, I hurt. I shouldn’t have, especially since I said I wanted nothing from him, but I did.

  “Alex,” her father called. “Lunch is ready.” I was sure it meant nothing, but it hurt even further that he addressed his daughter instead of me. Before I became an even bigger dolt, perhaps it was time for me to move on. Maybe I needed to find a life and just maybe, I should try dating again.

  *******

  “Dinner, Xander? I’m available any night this week. I’m only here with friends.”

  Damn woman wouldn’t leave me alone. In which language did “no” mean “possibly” to this woman? Since I ran into Nadia, I couldn’t push her away.

  “I’m here with my family, Nadia. We’re staying together the entire trip.”

  “You’re still single, aren’t you, Xander?”

  “I am...not.” Damn, I shouldn’t have hesitated.

  “There’s no ring on your finger. I’m going to assume nothing is final. We’re staying in the same villa. It would be nice to get together. We never finished our deal at the Downtown Club. You left me hanging that night. I think you owe me at least a meal.”

  Fuck. Nadia was playing hardball. “How about I give you a call when we get back to LA? This trip is about my family.”

  She watched me watch my family in the pool. Finally, she relented. “All right. You promise to call?”

  “Yeah, I’ll call.” With that, I met my daughter at the lunch table.

  “Daddy. I’m hungry.” Never was this little girl shy about letting me know how she felt. “Where’s my chicken and fries?”

  “That’s coming very soon, but in the meanwhile, I brought your piña colada smoothie.”

  She was a very happy girl once the sweet goodness went into her tummy. “Yummy!”

  “Will you share some with your mom?” Jenna asked to a head shaking an adamant no. “Come on, Alexandria. Just a sip.”

  “No. Mom. Mine.” Three words said it all.

  “Here’s our lunch. Let’s eat.” With that announcement, our daughter dug in with gusto while Jenna picked at her sandwich. “Did I order the wrong item?” I asked.

  “No. It’s fine. I’m fine.” Jenna didn’t look fine, regardless of her denial.

  “Xander?” Shit. “You’ll call as soon as you land in LA? We have unfinished business,” Nadia purred. “Who’s this?” she asked, trying to pet Alex on the head.

  Three things happened when Nadia tried to dig her claws into me. First, and most importantly, Jenna reacted. Flashes of discomfort, hurt, and anger—I would have to be a blind man not to notice her rage.

  Second, I finally believed that once the arguments were done, Jenna would be mine again. After too long of an absence, I saw passion. After the hurt, Jenna’s body vibrated anger. Nadia needed to leave now if she didn’t want her ass kicked by my girl.

  Third, in protest to Nadia’s pawing, Alex swung her body while sipping on her piña colada and spilled the smoothie all over the bottom half of Nadia’s dress. While the adult yelped, the child hollered because her smoothie was gone. The chaos that ensued was comical.

  “MY SMOOTHIE!” Our daughter threw a fit. “I want my smoothie!”

  Jenna quickly picked up the empty cup and attempted to calm our baby. I handed Nadia all the napkins on the table and chuckled an apology. Nadia, annoyed with the sticky liquid on her cover-up, left without another word.

  “MY SMOOTHIE!” The crying continued. Laughing at the situation, I kissed my daughter on her cheeks and leapt to get her another drink. Her mother distracted her by showing her the flamingo blow-up in the pool.

  While I’d found Nadia’s presence annoying and disruptive, it served a greater purpose. She showed me a side of Jenna that I didn’t know existed. What I just saw fit the bill of a jealous woman. Damn, I was pleased.

  *******

  Stupid woman not only upset me, but also my daughter. I couldn’t be happier with her absence.

  “Look, Alexandria. Daddy’s bringing another smoothie.” The smile she awarded us was radiant. I couldn’t help but be thankful that this little girl was in my life. “Should we swim some more after we eat?”

  “OK, Mom.” The whole “Mom” business cracked me up.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Alex talking like a teenager, calling me Mom.”

  “Our baby has a sense of humor.”

  “That she does.”

  I had no idea why Xander kept staring at me throughout lunch. It was to a point where I had to ask him if something was wrong. With a deep chuckle, he answered, “Nothing’s wrong.” It wasn’t until Alex and I were about to go back in the pool that Xander asked, “Will you have dinner with me tonight?”

  Taken aback, I answered, “Won’t we all have dinner together, tonight? I was told Lex is flying in today. We can go to a luau with her and our parents.”

  He shook his head and spoke with a stern face. “No. I want the two of us to have an adult meal where there are no spilled smoothies or hollering little girls.”

  I shouldn’t have said it, but I couldn’t help myself. “Then maybe you should tell your friend not to come calling while you’re with your daughter. She has an ugly effect on Alex. Your friend is probably on her crap list now.”

  Xander grinned. I didn’t like this grin. “I’ll make a reservation for seven. Dress up. I’ll take us somewhere nice.”

  “I didn’t say I’d go.”

  “You also didn’t say you wouldn’t go.” Smartass grinned again. I’d show him who’d have the last grin.

  *******

  I’d done it. I’d asked Jenna out on a date and she had no choice but to comply. It wasn’t as if she could run away.

  I walked back to the villa and asked all four grandparents to care of our daughter while I took her mother out. They were all too happy to help.

  Feeling good, I showered, dressed, and went to the gift shop to buy my girl some flowers. Patiently waiting until seven, I went back to the villa to pick up my date.

  To my surprise, there was no date. “What do you mean Jenna’s not here?”

  Mom answered, “She left a little while ago without saying much. We figured since you weren’t here, either, that you two were meeting at the restaurant.”

  Damn woman! “Did she say where she was headed?”

  All four adults answered, “No.”

  “Did she take the rental car?”

  “We don’t think so, Xander. The keys are still here.” Lena sounded worried.

  “I’ll find her.” No one believed me. “I promise to bring her back. Maybe she went out to get something?” Still, they weren’t convinced. A bold statement was necessary. “Jenna and I will be together again, though I can’t promise when.”

  Roaming the resort, I became more and more pissed with each minute that passed. I couldn’t believe she went to this length to avoid having dinner with me. Whether she didn’t want to be with me, or she was scared to be with me, I was angry at her juvenile tactics.

  “Xander.” Fucking hell. Nadia, again.

  “Hello, Nadia.”

  “You look lost. Why don’t you sit and have a drink with me?”

  What the hell. Why not? “Sure.”

  *******

  What I did was stupid, childish, and embarrassing. How would I face Xander in the morning? What about the two sets of grandparents I’d tricked into believing I was heading out to meet Xander? Oh my goodness! I was all kinds of a fool.

  After walking the never-ending beach, I headed back to apologize to the man who had asked me to dinner. I almost thought I might just tell him how I felt—the love, the fear, the angst. At this point, I’d revealed just about all of my innermost thoughts, anyhow. What did I have to lose but my heart and self-esteem? Neither was plentiful. If Xander hurt me again, I could survive, couldn’t I? Wasn’t the chance of bei
ng happy worth the gamble of being hurt? Life would be no less than perfect if I could spend it with my daughter and her father.

  Feelings be damned. I wanted to (maybe) try again. Regardless of all I’d spewed to my mother about my tender heart, deep inside, I desired to love and be loved.

  Lessons in love were hard to learn and even harder hit with a repeat offense. When I reached the villa, I saw Xander sitting with that woman enjoying his drink. The Downtown Club had followed me to Maui. What a blast from the past, unwanted and so unnecessary. I turned myself around and went back to my solitary walk. This visual would linger on my mind and in my heart for days to come.

  *******

  Damn Jenna Ashe! She stayed the hell away for most of the night, and of course she came upon me as I was sitting here “drinking” with Nadia. She showed up just in time to “catch me in the act.” To piss her off, I smiled and pretended to enjoy our conversation, though it was worse than the already low expectations. Nadia droned on and on about who the hell knew what. I tuned her out for most of my one drink. When I saw Jenna turn the other way, I stood up to leave.

  “Already? But we haven’t had dinner, yet.”

  “Let’s talk again in LA, Nadia. I’ll take you to lunch and we can finish our business.” Before she could answer, I paid for our drinks and left—still angry as hell.

  Should I follow her and explain myself or should I just go back to the villa and head straight to bed? Though I hated Jenna believing that Nadia was her substitute, I hated even more that Jenna played me for a fool tonight. I’d let her stew on Nadia for the night.

  *******

  Damn Xander Blane! I’d been walking for a good two hours before I worked up the nerve to go back to him. After thinking and debating, I told myself that I wanted another chance with him. Asshole! I hated that he made me feel this insecure and hurt.

  I was going to stay out until I knew he was asleep, but I decided to head back. I was done running. If he wanted another woman, whatever. Feeling rejected wasn’t anything new.

  “Hey, Jenna.” Lex gave me a strangled greeting and pointed silently to Xander’s bedroom.

  “Hi,” I answered softly and contemplated what to do.

  I had two choices. I could run into my bedroom and hide until tomorrow morning. Or, I could tell Xander I was done with the back and forth. Either he wanted me or he didn’t. Never again was I going to pine away for him.

  Against better judgement, I barged into his room, unannounced, and went off. This was not my brightest idea. “You ask me to dinner. I never agreed. You assumed, as always, that I would jump at the chance to go out with you. Then, you have drinks with that woman! What the hell, Xander Blane? What happened to you wanting us to get back together again? You’re such a liar! You’ve always lied to me about how you felt.” This was where things got worse. Not only did I confess every last detail of my heart, but I also sounded like a babbling idiot with tears falling and nose running. “You lied to me about your feelings for me when we were dating. You lied to me about your feelings for me when we stopped dating. Now, again, you’re lying about your feelings for me. At first you supposedly cared. Then, at the Downtown Club, you supposedly didn’t care. Once again, you care when you really don’t care. I don’t believe you, Xander Blane. I was a fool to believe you. I will never believe you again.”

  Damn. What a rant—all with the door open. I sounded like the village idiot.

  This awkward, embarrassing, hell-if-I-knew-all-I’d-just-uttered, scenario played in the worst possible way. After taking in the freak show, Xander smiled. That was all he did—smile. I didn’t know whether to kiss him or kill him for giving me his goofy-assed smile.

  *******

  If looks could kill, I’d be a dead man.

  The pissed-off, disheveled, I’m-going-to-kick-your-ass stare down had me wondering if she’d knee me in the balls if I kissed her. She looked adorable.

  Even with the possibility that producing more kids would be in jeopardy, I went ahead and grabbed my girl and mauled her mouth.

  As expected, the fighting ensued. She did her damnedest to push me away. For a woman who weighed nothing, she was strong.

  “I knew it.” I told her. “I knew you still loved me.”

  Foolishly, she answered, “I don’t still love you,” she said in the weakest whisper.

  “Jenna Ashe. Listen and listen well.” It was time I manned up. “I love you. I should’ve told you the night we made love and stopped all this nonsense in our lives. I love you,” I repeated just in case she didn’t hear me the first time, “I love our daughter, and I want us to be a true family.”

  “No you don’t.” Another whisper, but an adamant one left her gorgeous lips.

  I kissed her again, short and sweet. “I do. Speaking of I do, let’s get married. Tomorrow. I’ll make the arrangements, you buy a dress for yourself and our daughter.”

  “What?” she asked incredulously.

  “Family!” I called out to the five adults whom I knew were eavesdropping on our conversation, “Let’s get ready for a party.”

  “Hurray!” The cheers were deafening.

  “Xander!” Jenna whispered again, this time in an angry tone. “What the hell?”

  “Do you want to sleep with me tonight or wait another twenty-four hours until our wedding night?”

  She tried to run away. I wouldn’t let her. I couldn’t let her get away, again. “Come here.” Wiley woman was able to escape my hold. “I love you, Jenna Ashe. You would make me incredibly happy if you’d agree to be my wife and the mother of my children. One is definitely not enough. We need to work on making another baby immediately.”

  My girl, my soon-to-be wife, believed I had lost it.

  *******

  Marriage? More kids? Love? What the fuck was happening to me? “We can’t get married,” I sputtered those words.

  “Why not?” The nonchalance of that question galled me.

  “Why not?” I asked, flabbergasted he’d even ask. “Because we’re not meant to be married. We’re meant to live this dysfunctional relationship. As long as our daughter is happy, I’m fine. I don’t want to marry you or anyone else. I want to be happy, for a change.”

  “That’s why we’re getting married. For all the days I made you unhappy, I’ll give you a hundred thousand days of pure bliss. Think about it, Jenna. You love me. I love you. We already have a beautiful child together. What’s holding us back?”

  It sounded all so logical, but I knew it wasn’t logical. There was something very wrong with his theory. “We don’t—” Xander cut me off the moment he understood my logic.

  “We do,” was all he’d say. “Go,” he pushed me toward the door and said, “talk to the ladies and plan your shopping excursion. I need to call concierge and plan a wedding.” Were we really doing this? “Yes, we’re doing this,” Xander read my mind and answered its question.

  I walked out to five extremely excited adults. Without saying a word, I stepped into my bedroom where my daughter was sleeping away in her crib.

  “Well?” Lex, Tiffany, and Mom asked quietly. I hadn’t invited them in and I was hoping for a few moments of solitary to think about all that had been said. Xander’s profession of love hadn’t sunk in yet. I wanted to think on it, revel in it, smile about it.

  “Do we need to do this now?” I asked Lex.

  “Hell, yes. No matter what my brother says, the three of us have a wedding to put on. We can’t let Xander take care of the plans.” Lex waited for an answer. When none came, she asked, “We are having a wedding?”

  “I...don’t know.”

  “I think that’s a yes! Let’s go plan a wedding.” Lex jumped for joy and ran out the door with her mother. My mother stayed to comfort me.

  “What should I do, Mom?”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you love Xander?” My silence was my admission. “If you love him and he loves you, where’s the problem?�
�

  “You know it’s not that simple.”

  Mom asked again, “Do you want to marry Xander?”

  “Yes. No. I don’t know.”

  I guess that was enough for Mom. “Then, we have a wedding!”

  “But...”

  “No buts, Jenna. Marriage isn’t easy for anyone. We all have to work at being happy. You and Xander will be no different than the average couple. Enjoy this time, Jenna. You’re the type who will only fall in love once. You’re already in love. Revel in it.”

  I shouldn’t have, but I gave in.

  I finally gave in.

  *******

  “Daddy, what’s a wedding?”

  “It’s when your momma and I say I do.” My daughter watched and waited for another explanation. “It’s like when the prince comes and kisses Sleeping Beauty awake and they live happily ever after.” She still had no clue what the hell I was saying. “You remember in Cinderella where she wears a white dress and marries her prince?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s a wedding. Your mom will wear a wedding dress. You will wear a pretty dress. There will be lots of flowers and we’ll have a big party.”

  “Pretty dress? Party?”

  That’s all it boiled down to for this little one. “Yes. Pretty dress and a fun party, Baby. Your momma and I will soon provide a baby sister or brother for you.”

  Once again, I received the what the hell look.

  “Xander,” Lex called, “bring Alex over here. We need to go get our hair and nails done.”

  “What’s that, Daddy?”

  “Something you’re going to love, Baby. Go with Auntie Lex. She’s going to take you to a fun place.”

  “OK.”