by Hannah Gray
“He got the help he needed, and in turn, that made him want to step up and be a father and not a dictator. Anyway, it’s been really good. He married Carla a year ago. She’s great. She’s really helped him to be a better man.”
Tucking her legs under her, she smiles softly. “That’s so good to hear, Trent. I’m so happy for you.”
“You know …” I stop before the words come out. There’s no point in rehashing the past.
“I know, what?”
I shake my head. “Never mind. It was stupid.”
“Just tell me, Trent. We might as well get it all out.”
What the hell? What do I have to lose?
“I never slept with Layla. She really did break into the locker room, and I kicked her out.”
She averts her gaze from mine. Just barely nodding her head, she answers softly, “I know. Anna cleared that up a long time ago.”
“How long ago?” I answer sharply.
“A few weeks after it happened. She went to Layla herself with the dirt she had on her and made her confess.”
“Wow, so you knew this whole time, and you still pulled this shit?” I signal between us. “And there I was, thinking I’d lost you because of Layla being a psychotic bitch, when all along, you just didn’t want me.”
She flinches. “It wasn’t like that, Trent. Not even a little.”
For years now, I have had a hatred so deep in my gut toward Layla for believing she ruined my shot with the one person I loved most, and this whole time, Cam knew the truth. The air grows thicker, and I can feel my temper rising.
I push to my feet. As I do, Cameran pushes to hers too.
“I have to go. I can’t do this right now.”
Hurt covers her face. “I’m sorry. I just needed time; that’s all.”
I pull open the door and talk over my shoulder, “I didn’t need time to know I wanted you, Cameran. I didn’t need to take two years to figure it out. All this time, you knew I wasn’t a big pile of shit, and yet you never reached out to let me know.”
Before she can say anything else, I close the door. Taking a page out of her book, I walk away.
forty-seven
Cameran
It’s been four days since Trent stormed out of my apartment after hearing my confession. That’s four whole days of checking my phone during breaks, creeping his social media, and typing out countless messages to him before erasing them. No words seemed significant enough. I’ve come to the conclusion I just need to be honest with Trent. I need to be the one to make the move this time. That, I know. He’s always chosen me. Now, it’s time for me to choose him back. So, I need to put my big-girl panties on and find him.
Walking out of the school to head home, I pull out my phone, ready to call in reinforcements. I hit the Call button and wait patiently for the one who can hopefully help my ass through this all.
“Cammy! What the hell is up, sister?”
I smile at Mason’s kind words. He and I have kept in touch these past few years. Though he would never tell me any details about Trent’s life and none of mine to Trent.
“Just got out of school. How are you?”
“Doing pretty good. Bet you’re excited to get a break from those little shits this weekend.”
I laugh. Mason has told me numerous times that he doesn’t understand how I can possibly teach kindergarteners.
He always says, “They are snot-nosed, whiny brats who repeat the same thing twenty times until you answer them.”
“No way. I love my little shits. Wouldn’t trade them for the world.” I’m not lying either.
I absolutely adore my students. They are so innocent, brutally honest, imaginative beyond belief, and it’s so refreshing.
“You’re a damn saint, Cameran Steele.”
“I don’t know about that. But listen … I need a favor.”
“Talk to me, baby. You know Mason’s always here to help.”
“Okay, as long as you promise to never refer to yourself in the third person, Mase.”
He huffs out a breath. “Fine, whatever.”
“All right, so … I’m sure you’ve heard, but Trent and I had a little reunion on Monday.”
“I might have heard something along those lines,” he speaks, trying to sound sneaky.
“Well, it didn’t go well. It went terrible actually. I told him that I’ve always known he didn’t sleep with Layla, and … well, he kind of flipped out and left.”
“Yeah, I know, Cam. It really fucked with him that you never reached out to let him know you knew he wouldn’t do something like that. He’s always wondered why you thought so little of him that you’d believe he’d do that to you. Fast-forward two and a half years, and you never even believed it. He’s just confused on why you left. I think he believes it wasn’t real to you. Though you know how proud he is, so he won’t say any of that to me. But it’s not hard to read between the lines.”
I press my back against my car and gaze up at the sky. “I know. I screwed up. But I want to make it right.”
I can practically hear his grin through the phone. “I know he’s training at Gillette right now. He gets out at five thirty. Let me call around. I bet I can get you in.”
Thanking Mason as many times as I can fit in before he hangs up on me, I jump in the car. When I check the time, it reads four. It’s about an hour ride to Gillette from here, giving me plenty of time to get there. I’m not sure what I’m going to say for him to forgive me, but I need to figure it out. I’m taking this sign the universe has put in my lap, and I’m not letting it pass me by.
Look out, Trent. I’m coming for you.
My palms sweat, and my knees shake as I climb out of my car. He should be getting out anytime now. Mason pulled some strings with some of the guys and is going to have him meet me in the middle of the field. I’m not sure what Mason told him to get him there, but honestly, I don’t care as long as he’s there.
This is the first time I’ve ever been to Gillette Stadium. I have to say, it’s impressive. One side is a whole entire mall consisting of shops and restaurants and even a salon.
A security guard is waiting outside of the entrance. “Ms. Steele?”
I nod. “Yes, that’s me.”
His face stays stoic. “All right, right this way.” He leads me out onto the field. “Mr. King said to wait there for Mr. Kade.”
I smile through my nerves. “Thank you.” Then, I force my legs to push forward despite their protests.
A few minutes later, I see someone opening a door. I squint and see from the way they are moving, it’s definitely Trent. I see him put a hand over his eyes to shade them from the sun as he tries to figure out what the hell is going on. I lace my fingers together to calm my nerves. When he finally reaches me, I take him in. His hair is wet from his shower, and he’s wearing low-riding sweatpants and a Pats shirt. My mouth salivates. It’s been a long two and a half years since I’ve seen any action at all, let alone from Trent Kade.
Nodding his chin up, he narrows his eyes. Not giving me that panty-melting grin he usually does. “What are you doing here, Cameran?”
I shrug and attempt a small smile. “I wanted to talk.”
“They made phones for that,” he answers wryly.
Nodding, I take a few steps toward him. “I know. But what I need to say can’t be said over the phone. I needed to say it in person, and I couldn’t wait any longer.”
Eyeing me carefully, he moves his arm out, signaling me. “Go ahead. The floor’s all yours.”
He’s bitter. Understandably so. But that’s why I’m here. I owe him an explanation. I just pray that after he hears me out, he’ll let me in again. I need him. I feel awful that it took me this long to realize that, but I’m a better person now. I’m not the same girl I was two years ago, and that’s a good thing.
“Trent, when we met, you immediately felt like home to me.” I take a deep breath and roll my shoulders back.
I got this. I can do this. This m
an deserves every ounce of truth squeezed from my soul.
“I knew I loved you the night I confessed everything about my life to you. Something inside of me just knew. But before that, I had known I was going to fall for you because the second I looked into your eyes that first night, I felt a sense of being home.”
He stands like a statue, hanging on my every word.
“You already knew I had a rough few years before meeting you. They were horrific and damaging, but I have come to realize that they also shaped me into the person I am today. But at that point in time when we met, I didn’t realize that yet. To me, my life was just sad and in shambles, and I was unable to deal with any kind of feelings in a healthy way. I couldn’t trust, I had no self-esteem, and I was constantly self-sabotaging.”
I walk closer and take his hands. Reluctantly, he allows me to.
“You saw me as the sunshine when I felt like the darkest place anyone could ever find. You looked at me as if I lit up your world when, really, you were the light, Trent, and I was weighing you down. I wanted to see myself as the person that you saw me as. I wanted to find that girl you claimed had saved you. I couldn’t be your sunshine if I didn’t identify it for myself.”
I release his hands and wipe my eyes off. “It was never about love, Trent. Because I know inside that I have loved you long before our years. It was about finding myself again so that I could be what you deserved. I have belonged to you since the moment you saved me at that party. Our souls belong to one another.”
“Did you find yourself?” he questions. Clearly not knowing where this is going.
I know I’ve run so many times that, in his eyes, I’m a wild card. Trusting me no longer comes easy. Not that I can blame him.
I nod. “I did. I am so much better now than I was two years ago. I’m so sorry that I had to leave you, but I wasn’t ready for you then.”
His gaze holds mine. “And now?”
I take another step toward him and wrap my arms around his waist. “And now, I know I’m more than ready. I don’t want to spend another moment finding myself without you being next to me. I hope you can forgive me.”
He tilts his head down and looks into my eyes for a few moments, and I stand up on my tippy-toes, hoping he takes my hint. He chuckles and presses his lips to mine. And when he does, I remember how much I missed his lips. Our mouths slowly move together as we take our time and savor this moment.
He pulls back and looks at me. “So, what now? How do I know you’re not going to run again when things get tough? Because they will, Cam. Sometimes, life is hard. How do I know you’re going to stay?”
I shake my head. “I guess you’ll just have to trust me. I know it won’t always be easy, but I am always going to be here, with you. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you, if you’ll let me.”
He looks down for a moment and then glances back up. Finally, he gives me the smallest smile. “Well, all right then.”
I look up at him again. “Trent?”
“Yeah, Sunshine?”
“Kiss me?” I question.
He pulls me toward him again, and his hands cup my cheeks. “Always,” he says before pressing his mouth to mine.
It’s an odd feeling when you have half of what you need but lack the other, and vice versa. Two years ago, I had an amazing man, but I didn’t have myself. Then, I found myself but had lost my soul mate. So, when both things click together, making someone complete? Yeah, it’s a pretty incredible feeling.
That’s the thing though. Sometimes, love comes at the perfect time. But not always. Sometimes, it couldn’t come at a worse time. I took my fate into my own hands, and thank God, it’s paid off. I will never be perfect. Hell, I’ll always have my demons. But I know now that I can give this man what he deserves. And that’s what I hope to do for the rest of my life.
forty-eight
Cameran
Six Months Later
I look around the property on the ocean that Trent insisted we come to. We’ve been staying between both of our places the past six months, and I know he’s itching to have a house of our own.
Pulling my hat down lower on my head and tucking my hands into my pockets, I fight shivering, knowing Trent will likely rip his jacket off and wrap it around me. It’s November now, and as always in New England, it’s chilly. There’s a coating of snow on the ground from last night. My boots crunch on top of it, and it’s somehow comforting.
“So, what do you think?” Trent questions and throws an arm around my waist.
I look around the huge field that overlooks the ocean. “It’s beautiful.”
It really is beautiful. I can see a house with lots of windows in the front to get the perfect view of the water.
“So, would you want to live here?” he says.
“I mean, maybe. But this must cost a fortune. Plus, do we need this much room?” I look around the seemingly never-ending field.
On the way here, Trent informed me that this property comes with one hundred acres. That seems excessive. I know he’s a big time NFL player now, but I still can’t help myself but to think of the cost of things.
“Babe, think of the long driveway we could have. Our kids would have plenty of space to play out here.” He motions to the enormous area.
“Kids?” I tease.
He scoops me up and presses his forehead to mine. “Oh yeah, lots of kids.”
I shrug. “Okay. I mean, if you want.”
He looks a little guilty all of a sudden.
“Trent?” I ask.
“So, I, uh, might have already bought it. Please don’t freak out.”
“Trent!” I shove at his chest, and he gently sets me down. “What do you mean, you already bought it?”
“I’m sorry. It was impulsive. I came out here a few days ago when you couldn’t. I had every intention of waiting for you to make a decision with me, but then the realtor told me the name of the cove. I guess I just couldn’t not buy it.”
Putting a hand on my hip, I try to appear annoyed. “And the name is?”
His face lights up. “Sunshine Cove. Seriously, Cam, what are the chances? It’s halfway between your job and mine, and it’s perfect for us.” When I don’t answer right away, he tilts my chin up, so I’m looking at him. “It’s probably not too late to back out. He had a lot of others interested in buying it, so I can tell him I changed my mind.”
He means it too. And the thing is, he’d never hold it over my head that I made it so he didn’t get his dream land. But the truth is, I love this land too. It feels like home.
Shaking my head, I look at him and smile. “I think it’s perfect.”
Relief washes over his face. “You do? Are you sure?”
I nod. “I’m sure.”
“Good. Because I took that as a sign … from my mom.”
“Oh yeah?” I ask, confused.
Before I can register what’s going on, he’s on one knee. His beautiful green eyes looking up at me, his perfect lips parting, he takes a deep breath and releases it.
“Sunshine, from the first time I saw you, I knew my life would never be the same. You woke me up after years of sleepwalking. You made me feel things I had never felt and never knew I was capable of feeling. More importantly, you made me want to be a better man. You are the reason I am a better man.” He pauses. “The first time we met, you drew me in. I couldn’t walk away from that day forward. But seeing you also made me think of my mom.”
I wait for him to continue. Not wanting to interrupt.
“I was only eight when she passed away. I can remember some things, but others are a bit foggy in my memory. The first time I saw you though, I remembered her telling me something.”
“What was it?” I ask softly.
A faraway look fills his eyes, and I know he must be traveling back to the memory.
Trent
Eight Years Old
Mommy looks so sad. Even though Mommy is smiling, I can tell her tears aren’t happy tears.
She’s been feeling sick for a while now. Ever since my seventh birthday. Then, she started going to the hospital every few days. Whatever those doctors did made all of her hair fall out. Mommy had the most beautiful golden-colored hair before that. It looked like the sunshine. That’s why the sun always makes me happy. It reminds me of Mommy.
Mommy never gets mad and yells at me if I don’t understand sports yet. Or if I want to play with my friends instead of watch football.
“Trent.”
Mommy’s voice makes me sad. It sounds like it’s hurting her to talk to me. I wonder if I’m making her sad or if it’s the stuff that is in her body. She tells me it’s called cancer.
I climb up on the bed, careful not to touch her. I know her body hurts.
“Trent, honey, it’s okay. Please lie with me.”
I’m kind of nervous, but I don’t want to make Mommy sadder, so I lie down next to her and tuck my head under her arm. She strokes my hair. I look up at her eyes and can see the big circles under them. She looks so skinny now. I know Mommy isn’t all right. I just wish I could fix her.
“Sweet boy, I love you more than anything in the world. You know that, right?”
I nod my head and look away from her. Mommy is making me sad, and I need to be a strong man for her right now. I can’t cry.
“You know if Mommy had the choice, she would never leave you, right? You know I would stay with you forever if I could.” I hear her voice cracking, and I know she’s crying.
I can’t look at her. I hate seeing Mommy sad.
“Mommy wants to stay here with you, baby, but I can’t.”
That causes me to look up. I know she doesn’t feel well, but I didn’t know she was leaving.
“Why, Mommy?”
She wipes her eyes and coughs a few times. “Oh, sweet boy, Mommy is really sick. The doctors have tried to make me better, but my body is shutting down. Mommy is in so much pain.”
The tears start to fall from my eyes. Mommy brushes them away and kisses the top of my head.
