by Hannah Gray
“Sweet boy, I will always be with you, I promise. I know I’m leaving, but I will always be right here.” She puts her hand on my heart. “You are my sunshine, Trent.”
Mommy always says I am her sunshine, and I always say she is mine. Daddy is more like a dark storm, but Mommy can even bring him out of the shadows sometimes.
“Mommy, you’re my sunshine. If you go to heaven, who will be my sunshine then?”
She wipes her own tears away. Her lips are so dry and cracked, and yet she still looks so beautiful.
She presses her forehead to mine. “You listen to me, Trent. Mommy can always be your sunshine. When you’re sad, think of a happy memory of you and me. Don’t let the dark overcome you, baby. You need to see the good in things. I know you’ll be sad, and you’ll miss Mommy. That’s okay. But Mommy doesn’t want you to be sad forever. And, Trent, you will find sunshine again here on this earth, I promise. And when you do, it’ll probably catch you off guard, but you’ll just know right away. This sunshine might put up a fight, it might be stubborn, but you have to fight for it, dear boy. You need that sunshine in your life again.”
Mommy’s eyes shut. I know she is tired. She gets really tired after a little while of talking.
She opens them back up a little and whispers, “Sweetie, I know Daddy has sometimes been hard on you these past few years. I wish that he were softer, kinder, more patient. But I pray that Daddy will find his way to be a better dad to you once I am gone. Grammy and Papa are only forty-five minutes away, and I know they will watch out for you for me.”
Mom’s nurse and Grammy come into the room.
I hear the nurse say to Mommy, “I’ll get you something for the pain, Grace.”
She puts something into the bag above Mommy’s bed, and Mommy gets sleepy.
“I love you, Trent. See the good in the world, baby. Find your sunshine.”
Cameran
The corners of his mouth turn up in a small smile. “She told me to find my sunshine. And when I saw you. I just knew. I knew you were it.”
Tears pour out of my eyes, but I don’t stop them. No, these tears are good ones.
“I don’t ever want to imagine my world without you in it. I want to know if you would make me the luckiest guy in the world and be my wife. Cameran Steele, will you marry me?”
Tears flow down my cheeks. “Yes! Yes! Of course I will.” I drag his face to mine, kissing his lips. “I love you so much. So goddamn much.”
He wipes my tears with his thumb. “I love you, Sunshine. I can’t wait to call you my wife.”
forty-nine
Trent
Three Years Later
“You’re doing so good, babe. You’re almost there.” I try to hide the wince on my face as she squeezes my hand while pushing through a contraction.
Her beautiful angel face takes the form of something resembling Satan as she screams at me, “Unless you grow a vagina and have a fucking baby coming out of it, do not tell me it is close again, Trent. Or so help me God, I will chop your nuts off while you’re asleep—ahh! Ow! Motherfucker, that hurts.”
The nurse gives me a side-glance and hides her chuckle. My wife, who never really swears, has dropped probably fifty F-bombs these past three hours. I’m not sure whether to answer her or if that will get me in trouble, so I just continue to allow her to use my hand as a stress ball. Although, as an NFL quarterback, I am really beginning to question if that’s a good idea. I mean, who knew my wife had that kind of grip? I wonder if she’ll notice if I just—
“Trent! Don’t you dare pull your hand away! Why the fuck would you—oh my God, here comes another ooonnne—arrrghhh.”
Leaning down, I kiss her forehead, really taking one for the team because she might actually rip my nuts off. “Good job, baby. I love you. You’re doing great.”
The midwife looks up from my wife’s gown. “Okay, Mama, we need a few more big pushes! We are almost there!”
The next contraction hits, and she does as the midwife said. It happens so fast.
The midwife grabs the little bundle and places it on Cameran’s chest. “Congratulations, Mama! It’s a girl!”
I wanted to find out what we were having, but Cam was on the fence. But as much as she hates surprises, she must have almost changed her mind twenty times.
I look down at the two most beautiful girls I have ever seen. Cameran stares at this brand-new baby—my baby.
Holy shit, I’m a dad. I am somebody’s dad.
I can say, this takes the cake of the best day of my life. Second, of course, being when I married her mom a year ago. We had a small ceremony in the field in front of our house, our new house overlooking Sunshine Cove. It was perfect.
She smiles down at our creation. “Welcome to the world, Gracelynn Kade. You are so loved already.” She looks up at me.
“Gracelynn?” I say with tears in my own eyes.
She nods and smiles up at me. “Grace and Lynn for her two grandmothers that I know would have given anything to meet her.”
She never mentioned naming the baby after our moms, but I love it. I have seen plenty of pictures of Lynn and heard plenty of stories to know the apple didn’t fall far from the tree with Cameran. Her mom sounded like a saint. My dad might be better now, but there was a big chunk of my life where he wasn’t. Looking at this bundle of pure perfection wrapped in her mother’s arms, I know I won’t repeat that cycle. I will be here for her, no matter what. And her mom too.
I look at my wife in awe. For Christ’s sake, she just brought my daughter into the world. She continues to amaze me with her resilience and how strong she is. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly love her more, I’m proved wrong once again. I never knew a love like this existed until I met her and our new baby girl. All those years in agony, being separated from her, it was all worth it to make it to this moment. Even if, at the time, I didn’t understand why we couldn’t just be together, it was what she needed. And if it means I get one hundred percent of her now, well, I think I’m a damn lucky man.
Pressing a kiss to her forehead, I say, “I love you so much, baby. You did so good.”
She watches our baby. Nothing but pure love on her face. “She’s perfect, isn’t she, Trent?”
“Yeah, baby, she is. She’s amazing. Just like her mommy.”
I think about my life, and I can’t believe how full it is. I have more than I ever imagined I would. Things I never thought I’d need in life quickly became my purpose for living. Cameran has made me a better man than even I knew I could be. I know sweet Gracelynn will do the same.
To think, it all started with my mom telling me to find my sunshine. And that’s exactly what I did.
acknowledgments
What a wild ride writing this book has been. As a first-time author, I feel so blessed and humbled to have this experience to connect with readers and make this dream of mine come true. Without the help of a certain group of people behind me, I never could have done this.
Tatum Hanscome, for beta-reading my baby for me and for giving me the confidence that it was ready for the rest of the world. And for all of your emotional support throughout the process.
A.E Woodward, for beta-reading and editing this when it was in its roughest stages. Thank you for being so patient with me and for holding my hand throughout this entire process.
Jovana Shirley at Unforeseen Editing, for being the most incredible, patient, talented editor that I could have asked for. You made this process much less daunting for me. I can’t wait to continue working with you.
My daughters, Charlotte and Carter. You two give me the inspiration to reach for the stars and chase my dreams. Working on this while hearing your giggles in the background as you played or your soft snores while you slept while I worked made it that much more special.
My husband, the funniest man I have ever known. When I second-guessed myself, you pushed me to step out of my comfort zone and believe in my work. Thank you for loving me throughout everything. You
are my rock.
My mom and dad, for your never-ending and unconditional love and support. In your eyes, there’s nothing I can’t accomplish. I love and cherish you both more than you know.
The rest of my friends and family—you know who you are. Thank you for believing in me and for all of the encouragement. So much love to all of you.
Autumn Gantz with Wordsmith Publicity. You, my friend, have been a godsend. You have made everything easier on me so that I can focus on writing and my family. I’m so, so, so incredibly happy to have found you.
To everyone who has read this book. You guys are incredible. You all rock.
about the author
Hannah Gray spends her days in vacationland, living in a small, quaint town on the coast of Maine. She is an avid reader of contemporary romance and is always in competition with herself to read more books every year.
During the day, she loves on her two perfect-to-her daughters and tries to be the best mom she can be. But once she tucks them in at night—okay, scratch that. Once they fall asleep next to her in her bed—because their bedrooms apparently have monsters in them—she dives into her own fantasy world, staying awake well into the late-night hours, typing away stories about her characters. As much as she loves being a wife and mom—and she certainly does love it—reading and writing are her outlet, giving her a place to travel far away while still physically being with her family.
She married her better half in 2013, and he’s been putting up with her craziness every day since. As her anchor, he’s her one constant in this insane, forever-changing world.
