Mary Magdalene and the Escapee

by Nelson Lynch

said the space was created at the moment of the big bang. A colossal idea that shook the pillars of the academic community.”

  “No, no, no you imbecile. That can't be true. If there was a big bang, there had to be space to hold this thing before it exploded.” I kept my voice calm and cool. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the young woman emerge from the ladies room.

  “Stephen Hawkings' book is excellent. You really should read it.”

  “I told you before that Hawkins is an idiot and you're no better.” The young woman was smiling and walking toward me. Well, well. I have better things to do than argue with this stupid woman. I spoke to the young woman. “Why don't we go to my room. I have some genuine moon rocks to show you.” The babbling died out and everyone looked toward the door. The author had arrived.

  She was a little dark woman with a definite air of intelligent madness. The young woman disappeared from my mind. I sat in the front row, directly across from her desk and a pile of books. The owner introduced her as Dr. Rachel Truthteller. Her doctorate was in Biblical Archeology from the University of Katmandu. She began describing her trials and tribulations she had searching for Noah's Ark in the Four Corners area. I leaned back admiring her body language more than her message. Then she said something that caused me to sit up straight and pay attention. She said Mary Magdalene had visited the Xindhi Tribe in the year 45AD. She was getting better looking all the time. Mary Magdalene had shown the Indians where Noah's Ark had landed.

  Some idiot in the back row had a question. He couldn't wait. “Isn't that a little far-fetched? The Bible says that Noah's Ark is on Mt Ararat. I heard that is in Turkey.”

  I was going to escort the heckler to the street with my foot up his rear-end. But before I could even get to my feet, Dr. Truthteller spoke softly.

  “I don't think the Bible mentions Turkey. Remember it rained for forty days and forty nights. Then it took a few more days for Noah to find land. He had sailed completely across the Atlantic Ocean.”

  The heckler was persistent. “Where did the Ark land? Pike's Peak?” He started laughing and grinning at the sparse audience.

  I could barely constrain myself. I wanted the thrash him and throw him out in the street. But Dr. Truthteller was extremely polite.

  “No. If you check your geography book you will see that Pike's Peak is not in the four Corners area.” She waved her hand in dismissal. “Now what was I talking about?”

  I waved my hand like a first grade pupil. “You were talking about Mary Magdalene appearing to the Indians in 45AD.” I hesitated just the briefest moment. “I think some people believe Jesus appeared to the Navajos after he was resurrected.” Her eyes locked on mine and she smiled widely. A gold eye tooth glittered. I was mesmerized.

  “Yes, Mary Magdalene appeared a few years after Jesus to a different tribe in an area a few hundred miles away. The Xindhi people showed me pictographs of her preaching to the Indians. Three of the rock paintings showed a large ship with animals marching down a ramp, two by two.” She had me. I was hooked.

  “The Indians were going to take me to view the ship on a Sunday, but the weather changed. A violent snow storm hit the mountains. We had to leave for the lower valleys.” She looked at me. “I am returning very soon to find Noah's Ark. I'll take thousands of photos and bring back some of the actual wood of the Ark.” She stepped closer, her gold tooth gleaming. “I need volunteers for the expedition of a lifetime. This is no search for gold or silver, only the search for truth. It will be like the Knights of the Round Table searching for the Holy Grail.”

  My legs were trembling, my mouth was dry. This would be the greatest expedition since Stanley found Livingston. I was on the very verge of waving my hand like a madman. The heckler spoke.

  “This has got to be a rip-off. Whoever heard of Jesus visiting the Navajos and Mary what-her-name going to another Indian tribe.” He giggled and slapped his leg. “What planet are you from anyway?”

  I couldn't sit still and let this redneck slander this woman. I jumped to my feet and picked up my chair. “Out! Don't stay another second!” I waved the folding chair in his direction. “The rest of us want to hear what the lovely lady has to say.”

  The heckler looked at me and then Dr. Truthteller. He grinned and started backing toward the exit. “What lovely lady? Both of you must have forgot to take your medications this morning.”

  I raised the chair to throw but someone was holding it back. I glanced back and saw Dr. Truthteller holding one leg. She was beautiful standing behind me with one hand on the chair leg and her other hand pointed at the man. “Out Philistine, before I let Samson slay you with the jaw bone of an ass.” She had me, lock, stock and barrel.

  The heckler walked quickly to the door and turned around. “I didn't want your trashy book anyhow. I hope you get lost in the Grand Canyon and the coyotes gnaw on your bones.”

  I gave him the one finger salute as he slammed the door. I quickly sat as Dr. Truthteller went behind her table and resumed her book signing talk. I hung on to every word. Noah's Ark and Mary Magdalene were out in the South West over nineteen hundred years ago. There could be artifacts from the Ark. Pieces of wood that Noah had lovingly carved with his own hands five or six thousand years ago. My mind was on fire. I had to go. But my finances were exceedingly slim.

  The van driver looked out the window. “I saw an ad about a 'book signing' at the local theater in the newspaper. He just might be there. He loves to read and talk about books. It's a few blocks this way. Let's go there right now.”

  She finished her talk. Five people crowded around her small table and thumbed through her journal. In a few minutes she had sold five books and the room was empty except for the two of us.

  I walked slowly forward. I leaned forward and placed both hand on her table. My heart was pounding. What would I do if she refused to take me? I bolstered my courage. “I want to volunteer. To search for the Ark has been my life's ambition. To also find evidence of Mary Magdalene out West would be gilding the lily.” I couldn't stop. I had to tell her. “But I'm dead-flat broke. I'll wash dishes or do anything.” She began putting her remaining books in a tote bag. Was she going to ignore me?

  “No money, huh. But I need a helper. My last helper left me around Kansas City.” She shoved the remaining three books in the tote bag. “Can you drive a truck? Do you have a current driver's license?”

  I nodded my head frantically. Was she actually going to take me to the Four Corners? “Yes, I can drive and I have a valid driver's license.” My hands were shaking with excitement and expectations.

  “Any goodbyes to be said? Any Wife and kids out there waiting for you to come home?”

  I was shaking my head a mile a minute. “No, no. I am free as a bird. I am ready to go. I want to see the Grand Canyon and climb the rock face searching for pictographs of Mary Magdalene.” She smiled at me. Her golden tooth blinded me for a second. She pointed at the tote bag.

  “OK, you're hired. Let's hit the road. We have about 2000 mile to go. Noah and Mary are waiting for us.”

  My head was above cloud nine. I was going with this beautiful intelligent woman to search for biblical artifacts. I grabbed the tote and followed her out the back door to a traveling bus. She gave me the key and away we went. Four Corners, here we come.

  I adjusted the large side mirror. Two men in white coats were entering the theater. I grinned widely and accelerated.

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