Lost in Laredo

by Vivi Holt

  Tom’s voice grew serious. “We were very sorry to hear about Maria and Consuela, but we’re glad you’ve come home to us, your other family, to share your grief and celebrate the end of our time apart. Cheers!” Everyone raised their glasses and a chorus of cheers went up around the table.

  Antonio took a deep breath, his throat seizing. He coughed to clear it. “Gracias, boss. I am glad to be home.”

  “That’s our man!” cried Dan, with a laugh. “Few words, but always the best of ‘em.”

  Everyone laughed and shouted at that.

  After Tom said the blessing, Antonio surveyed the bounty of food in front of them, his mouth watering in anticipation: roast beef and gravy, roasted potatoes, green beans, honeyed carrots, fresh-baked biscuits and cornbread, turnips and turnip greens, and a thick slab of butter to spread over it all. He reached for the nearest dish, piled his plate high with food and grinned across the table at Lotte and Aurora, who were doing the same. Aurora’s eyes were round as saucers, and he chuckled to himself at the sight.

  He watched Lotte slice off a piece of roast beef and ladle gravy over the top, and his heart swelled in his chest. She’d bathed and combed her hair back and dressed in a blue gown he hadn’t seen before – likely borrowed from Genny. It brought out the deep hue of her eyes and contrasted with her blonde curls as they bounced softly around her face. She was truly beautiful.

  He only wished he could be the man she needed. He’d marry her tomorrow if he thought he could make her happy. But after losing a family, and being who he was – quiet and reclusive – could she be content married to a man like him?

  He frowned and focused on the food, cutting open a potato and loading it up with butter and cream. He scooped a forkful into his mouth, closed his eyes and moaned in delight.

  “Good, huh?” asked Tom with a grin.

  Antonio nodded enthusiastically. “Si, bueno.”

  “So what are you gonna do with all those longhorns?” asked Tom. “And where’d they come from?”

  Antonio sighed and set his fork down. “We joined a small cattle drive going through Indian Territory. I will have to tell you the whole story another time, but in the end the owner died and asked me to take care of his herd.”

  Tom rubbed his beard and frowned. “Sounds like quite a story – can’t wait to hear it.”

  “I thought we could add the longhorns to the herd here. Either that or …”

  “Or you could get your own place,” interrupted Tom with a grin.

  “Perhaps,” replied Antonio, frowning.

  “You should, Antonio. You’re a better cowhand than any of us.”

  “Hey, speak for yourself!” objected Coop with a chuckle.

  Tom grinned. “And these are your cattle. You should brand them and keep them, and if you want your own place you should get it. If you don’t want that, you’re welcome to stay here – as I told you before, there’s a job waitin’ for you. But I’m happy to let you go if that’s what you want.”

  “Just don’t go too far away,” quipped Genny.

  Antonio smiled and shook his head. “No, not too far.”

  Lotte stared at him in curiosity. She still didn’t know about the deed Clive Buckland had given him. He could tell she was wondering what was going through his mind, but he didn’t want to talk to her about it just yet – not until he looked into it a little more. He didn’t want to get her hopes up.

  The rest of the group fell into easy conversation, discussing what had been happening on the ranch while he was gone, and Antonio listened as he ate. As the evening waned, his stomach swelled with good food and his heart with love as the realization settled in his heart – he was home.

  15

  Antonio’s eyes opened to a thick silence, punctuated only by Cookie’s snoring. He’d missed that sound. He grinned and sat up, setting his feet on the ground. He’d slept like a man passed out and his back, stiff from months lying on the ground, felt supple and strong. He stood with a yawn and a stretch.

  Lotte and Aurora had slept at the ranch house and likely were enjoying far more luxury than he was. But he didn’t care for luxury – he loved the bunkhouse and sharing it with the rest of the crew. They’d gone to bed late last night after sitting up for hours playing cards and talking over his journey.

  Outside, he stopped and stared in wonder at the gloomy sky. Small snowflakes drifted down soundlessly, coating the ground in a fine layer of white, and the air bit through his coat as though it was nothing. He hurried back inside for gloves and a scarf, then headed out to do his chores.

  He trotted down to the barn, hurried to Hans’ stall and checked on him. Hans was still asleep in the straw and Antonio chuckled quietly to himself. The horse had worked hard for many long months and was no doubt enjoying the soft hay beneath him after a big meal of oats and lucerne. Elmo was in much the same state.

  Finally Antonio poked his head into Adelita’s stall. She was plumper and had a few more gray hairs around her nose and whiskers than when he’d last seen her. She nickered softly to him and he offered her a piece of carrot. She gobbled it down and stepped closer. He went into her stall and rubbed her neck and ran his hand over her face. “Hi there, girl. How are you? Do you remember me?” She pushed against him with her head and he laughed softly. “I guess so.”

  “She pined for you, you know.” Thomas’ voice echoed in the barn.

  Antonio climbed back under the rope and smiled at his boss. “She did? Well, at least someone missed me.”

  Tom gently punched Antonio in the arm. “We all did. Speakin’ of which, what’s the situation with you and Lotte?”

  Antonio’s cheeks burned. “What do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean. Why haven’t you married that woman? You’ve obviously been on the trail together for months.”

  Antonio took a slow breath. “Yes. Well, I remember another man who did the same …”

  Tom laughed and crossed his arms. “Yes, but I thought perhaps you’d learn from my mistakes.”

  “I do not know. We have not spoken about it. We have both been mourning. We were thrown together and took care of each other in hard times.”

  “And you clearly love her.”

  Antonio winced. “Is it so obvious?”

  Tom nodded. “Yep.”

  “But I cannot give her what she needs. I am not the man I was – losing Maria and Consuela destroyed me. I do not think I can be a husband again, not the way she would need me to be. And she deserves the best.”

  Tom patted him on the arm. “What if you are the best for her? She might be just the woman for you, and you could be the very man she needs.”

  Antonio rubbed his mouth. “I do not know if she loves me that way. I mean, she cares about me – we have been through much together. But love … I do not know.”

  Tom huffed. “Do you really think she would’ve followed you all the way here if she didn’t love you?”

  Antonio’s heart pounded. Perhaps Tom was right. “Do you really think so?”

  Tom slapped him on the back. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you know even less about women than I do.”

  Antonio chuckled. “But I have not really said goodbye to Maria and Consuela. There was no funeral, no wake. They died so long ago and I did not even know. Just thinking about them all alone like that …” His voice broke and he fell silent.

  Tom inhaled slowly. “I know that must be so hard. But there’s nothin’ stoppin’ us, you know. We could have a wake for them now, give you a chance to say goodbye. What do you think?”

  Antonio couldn’t speak and his eyes smarted. All he could do was nod.

  Rev. Langston, dressed all in black, held the Bible high in his hands and cleared his throat. He was in the ranch house sitting room with everyone from Paradise Valley who could make it through the snow standing before him. “Beloved friends, we gather here to remember Maria and Consuela Sanchez, Gust, Annika and Marcus Velden, and Mario and Angela Rossi. Let us pray …”

/>   Antonio lowered his head to his chest and shut his eyes as the reverend prayed. He’d wanted a Catholic priest to hold the memorial service, but the priest in Bozeman was away and there wasn’t another one within riding distance. Rev. Langston, a traveling preacher, was a regular visitor at Paradise Ranch, so he’d followed Genny’s suggestion and asked him to oversee the wake. Not caring much about who was from what denomination, the preacher happily agreed.

  Antonio fingered the silver necklace in his waistcoat pocket, his throat burning. As the reverend said ‘amen,’ he felt someone bump his arm. He looked over to see Lotte and Aurora standing close, so close that Lotte’s arm rubbed against his. She’d been so understanding about his need for a wake, and had even asked if the preacher might say a word or two to honor her own lost family. When he heard that, he agreed, and suggested they should honor Aurora’s parents as well. She’d kissed him on the lips quickly, her eyes moist.

  Now she took his hand and squeezed it. He returned the gesture, then listened as the reverend spoke about the loved ones lost and those grieving them.

  After Langston finished, Dusty and Jane came to the front. Dusty raised his fiddle to his chin and began to play a mournful hymn that Antonio wasn’t familiar with, as Jane sang along. The melody tugged at his heart and made his eyes fill with tears. He glanced at Lotte and saw she was crying, and Aurora’s eyes were mournful as well. He was glad she was finally getting the chance to grieve her parents. They’d all lost their families, and perhaps together they could put the past behind them and move on.

  Finally the service drew to a close and everyone in the room moved forward, one by one, to offer condolences to the trio. They stood side by side, receiving the guests and their sweet words as moisture gleamed on their cheeks.

  “I’m so sorry for your loss,” murmured Mary Drotherton, her black bonnet bobbing as she bowed her head.

  “Thank you,” replied Lotte, shaking Mary’s hand.

  Genny’s voice cut through the crowd’s low whispering. “There’s food in the dining room when you’re ready.” A few at a time, they wandered that way.

  Antonio followed, his throat still tight. The amount of food made his eyes widen in surprise, and he was touched by the way everyone had embraced his request for a wake, even going to so much trouble to cook a delicious meal – sweet potato soufflé, roast beef, mashed potatoes with cream, gravy, cornbread, stuffing, fresh baked bread, hare with hash, pumpkin pies, huckleberry pies and more. He fetched a plate and began piling food onto it, his mouth watering.

  By the time he’d finished his meal, his grief had sunk into the pit of his stomach, and he grimaced. Lotte was at his side in moments. “Are you feeling all right, Antonio?”

  He blanched. “I should not have eaten so much.”

  “Never mind. When everyone leaves you can lie down. You will feel better in no time.”

  He nodded, then took her hands in his. “Thank you for doing this. I know you worked hard to make it happen. And I know it does not make much sense to do it so long after we lost them all, but …”

  “It made perfect sense,” she said simply, shrugging her shoulders. “We needed it.”

  “Si, we did. I did.”

  “I know.”

  “Me too,” Aurora said, linking one arm through his and the other through Lotte’s. “Thank you for letting me be part of it. And thank you … for everything.”

  Lotte smiled and kissed Aurora on the forehead. “We are glad you are here.”

  A new lump grew in Antonio’s throat. He patted Aurora’s arm. “Si, very glad, chica.”

  Her cheeks flushed and she smiled through a glimmer of tears. And the grief wound tight in Antonio’s stomach uncurled itself and melted away.

  Dan poked his head in the bunkhouse door. “Hey, Antonio, you headin’ into Bozeman this mornin’?”

  Antonio nodded.

  “Mind if I tag along part of the way?”

  “No, I do not mind. Where are you going?”

  Dan’s cheeks flushed pink. “I’m, uh, callin’ on a woman who lives just this side of the river. She lost her husband a while back and she’s on her own, so I like to check on her when I can.”

  “I will be leaving just after breakfast.”

  “Perfect – I should be done with chores by then.”

  “I will see you later.” Antonio tugged on his coat and threw on his hat. When he sat down outside to pull his boots on over his woolen socks he stopped a moment to stare out across the valley with a grin lighting up his face. It felt good to be back, and not much had changed in the time he was gone. Now that the wake was over, it was time to find out whatever he could about that deed. He hoped he’d find the answers he needed in Bozeman.

  Lotte slid the flatiron over a skirt and set it back on top of the stove.

  “That looks good,” said Genevieve as she walked into the kitchen.

  “It has been so long since I had a crease-free gown,” mused Lotte with a sad smile.

  “Well, you’ll look beautiful. Did you sleep well?”

  “Like a baby,” replied Lotte. She’d dreamed of sleeping on a mattress for months, and once she’d finally found one, she’d barely moved the entire night.

  “I heard Antonio left early for Bozeman,” said Genevieve, beginning to knead a lump of dough on a flour-coated board.

  “Yes. He said he has some business to attend to, though I do not know what.”

  “I have an idea,” replied Genevieve. “Rev. Langston returned to Bozeman directly after the wake. Perhaps he’s gone to see him.”

  “Why would he want to see the reverend?” Lotte frowned and held her dress up to the light from the window to study it for any wrinkles.

  “Perhaps he means to ask him back to Paradise Ranch for a wedding.” Genevieve arched an eyebrow and giggled.

  Lotte gaped. “Do you really think so?”

  “I don’t know, but it’s possible, isn’t it?”

  Lotte shook her head. “He has not spoken to me of marriage.”

  “Well, it can’t be far from his thoughts. He did bring you all this way.” Genevieve piled the dough into a pan, set it to rise on the windowsill and dusted her hands on her apron.

  “Perhaps. I wonder if he ever intends to remarry.”

  Genevieve washed her hands in a washbowl, then carried the bowl to the back door. “Trust me, when a man spends so much time with a woman as beautiful and sweet as you are, he’s thinking of marriage.” She chuckled and opened the door to toss the water outside.

  Lotte considered Genny’s words. Could that be Antonio’s mission? Perhaps that was why he was being so secretive about what he intended to do in Bozeman.

  When Antonio returned alone to Paradise Ranch several days later, Lotte was in the coop feeding the chickens. She looked out the door and saw him striding up the hill, his spurs ringing on the hard frozen snow. “Antonio!” she cried. She ducked out of the coop, set down her basket and ran to greet him, throwing her arms around his neck.

  He kissed her hard and laughed against her lips. “You almost knocked me down.”

  Her legs quaked at his embrace, and she was surprised by the depth of her feelings for him. She glanced shyly at the ground, then her gaze snuck up to meet his. Dark eyes studied her, as though seeing her for the first time. She twirled a lock of her hair around a finger, feeling like a schoolgirl. “What have you been doing these past few days?”

  He grinned. “I have good news.”

  “Oh?”

  “Do you remember when you left me with Clive right before he died?”

  She nodded, brow furrowed in confusion.

  “He gave me this.” Antonio handed her a creased and stained piece of paper.

  She unfolded it. “What is it?”

  “A deed to his homestead in Montana – right here in this valley, about five miles from here. He wanted me to have it, to take the longhorns and settle on his land with them. He did not want the cowpunchers to get it.”

  She gaspe
d.

  “I was in town, finding out what I could about it. I filled out all the papers to transfer it to my name. So it is done – the land is mine. If it is all right with Thomas, I will winter here and take the longhorns over there as soon as the snow melts.”

  “That is wonderful news, Antonio.”

  He stared at her, the corner of his mouth twitching. “But …”

  “But nothing. I am very happy for you.”

  “For us, you mean?”

  She frowned. “Well, I suppose – though I do not know where I fit in this.”

  He laughed, pulled her to his chest, wrapped his arms around her, then kissed the tip of her nose. “You fit right here, mi amor. I would not want to do any of this without you. The ranch, the longhorns – it would mean nothing without you there with me. I want us to make a home, to build a life together. Do you want that too?”

  She nodded, her throat choked with emotion. “Yes, it is. I have wanted that for a long time, but I never really knew how you felt about me, our future … everything.”

  “Oh, mi amor …” He smiled and kissed her gently, his lips warm against hers. When he pulled away, it was to hold her tight against his chest. “Mi amor, I love you. I thought you knew.”

  She shook her head and a sobbed escaped.

  “Well, I do. I love you. You are everything to me. I do not want to live one more day without you. Will you be my wife?”

  She sniffled against his sleeve, her eyes overflowing. “What about Aurora? Can she come with us?”

  He laughed and kissed the top of her head. “Of course. We are a family, the three of us. So … will you marry me, Lotte Velden?”

  She laughed through the tears and hiccupped. “Yes, mijn lieveling. I will marry you.”

  He kissed her then, and she couldn’t think, couldn’t doubt any longer. All she knew was that she loved him and he loved her and they would be together the rest of their lives. And nothing else mattered.