Old Wounds

by Ren Hamilton

  Juris lowered his eyes. “And Agent Litner isn’t going to just forget it. People died.”

  “We’ve killed people before.”

  “And he hasn’t forgotten that either,” Juris said. “Agent Litner is not your friend. He needs you right now, like you need him. He hasn’t suddenly started seeing things our way.”

  “No. I guess not,” Shep said. “And he’s way too attached to Wesley.”

  “Because Wesley’s victim-boy. Litner thrives on that. Loves to save people.”

  Shep chuckled. “That he does. And I’m sure he loves that Wes defied me.”

  Juris smirked. “It’s still weird hearing you say his name.”

  “It’s weird for me too. But I’ve got bigger problems now than holding grudges against people who’ve wronged me.”

  Juris went quiet.

  Shep studied him. “I asked you this the other day. Now I’m going to ask you again, Juris. Do you have something you want to tell me?”

  Juris kept his eyes down. Then he nodded.

  “Well, go on, then.”

  He looked up. “You already know. Don’t you?”

  “I know what?”

  “That I slept with Robin.”

  “And there it is.” Shep grinned. “Finally. You didn’t have to keep it from me.”

  “I didn’t want to hurt you, as hypocritical as that sounds.”

  “I’m hurt that you lied, and hid it, and deceived me. But you were so guilty I almost felt bad for you. As for the act itself, I can’t really get angry about it. I was awful to her, no matter what she did to me. She’s human. She thought she was doing the right thing helping Litner. I let my hurt turn to rage, and I couldn’t see straight. I practically pushed her into your arms.”

  Juris stared at him. “But you didn’t push me into hers. I was weak. I’m sorry.”

  Shep stroked one of Juris’s platinum curls. “As for you, well, you’re still pretty new to this world. To that body. I remember what it was like, first discovering sex. It’s intoxicating. Addictive. The closest thing to The Light in this world.”

  Juris nodded. “Yes.”

  “And,” he said, “I certainly understand Robin’s allure. She’s hard to resist. Trust me, I tried for years.”

  Juris shook his head. “What do you mean? You two were together.”

  “Together,” Shep said. “But I never let it be exclusive. She was only a kid when I met her. Used to follow me around, staring at me. Writing my name on her schoolbooks for Christ sakes. When she became a woman, we started dating. She’s Joey’s cousin, she was always around, hard to avoid. I kept her at a distance because I knew it could never be real. I was planning the hoax and the crop, and what could I give her? Was I going to marry her? I couldn’t give her kids, couldn’t tell her who I really was. I thought if I treated her bad, ignored her for long periods of time, she’d just find someone else. But then I’d see her, and I’d find myself...we’d just start back up again.”

  “I understand.” Juris sighed. “She hates me.”

  Shep shook his head. “I doubt that very much. I don’t have enough fingers to count the times she’s told me she hated me over the years. But Juris, you can’t be with her. You know that.”

  “I know.”

  “And not because of me. It’s not fair to her. I fucked her life up. If you continue with her, you will too.”

  “I know. I already ended it.” He bowed his head. “It…hurts.”

  Shep took his hands. “The pain will pass.”

  Juris met his eyes. “It doesn’t feel like it will.”

  “But it will.”

  Juris looked up at the ceiling. “What are we going to do about Wesley?”

  Shep drummed his knees with his fingers. “Well. He asked how he could prove to me that he didn’t want to hurt anyone. I say we give him the chance.”

  “How?”

  “I have an idea. It’s not a good idea, but it’s something. Look, I give Joey a hard time, but he’s gotten really good at controlling his energy.”

  “He has,” Juris said. “Last week he shattered an apple atop a long-stemmed glass vase. Not a mark on the vase.”

  “Ah.” Shep grinned. “Destroy the apple, save the vase. I made that test up for you, when you were new. Remember?”

  “Ha, yeah. I also remember getting it backwards a lot. Destroyed the vase and saved the damn apple.”

  Shep winced. “What if we asked Joey to help train Wesley? To control his energy.”

  Juris laughed. “You’re kidding. One of them would be dead inside a minute.”

  Shep raised a finger. “Not if we play it right. You could supervise. Let’s face it, we’re in the shit right now, we’ve all got a bullseye on our heads, including Joey. And that,” he pointed to the wall, “is un-fucking-believable. It breaks my heart to say it, but Litner may be right. Allisto may be too far gone to save, and he may try to kill us all. He may even succeed.”

  Juris scowled. “So you want to potentially use Wesley as a weapon.”

  “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Either way, this is my mess. I need to help Wes control this thing at the very least. I can’t make him an enemy, that’s too dangerous now. Can’t kill him because...well, I just can’t. Not after spending all this time with him again. Too many old feelings. It would destroy me to hurt him. We’re going to have to take him in for a while.”

  “Oh, Shepherd.” Juris shook his head. “I don’t know. Joey will be beyond hurt. You really want to do that to him? He’s been a mess lately as it is.”

  “We can’t live in fear of Joey’s tantrums, he gets away with too much. If I leave Wesley to himself, then tell Joey what happened, he’ll sneak out some time when we’re not looking and start a telekinetic wrestling match. We need to be able to watch them both. If I tell Joey that it’s me asking for his help training Wesley, and that he’s there for our protection, what can he say?”

  “I can think of a few choice words. Besides, Wesley will never go with you, your declarations of undying love aside. He won’t fight alongside us. He’s too sensitive and skittish, and I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure he still hates you.”

  “Sure, but he wants to prove he’s in control, he just said so. And he was learning to fight for himself, why do you think he did this?” He looked at the glittering wall again. “If you’ve got a better idea, I’m all ears.”

  Juris looked at the basement stairs, then up at the ceiling. “I could supervise their training. Tell Joey we need to beef his strengths up too, due to the current threat. That way I can watch them both and make sure nothing bad happens.”

  Shep stood. “We’ll talk to Wesley now. Honestly, he feels so bad about hurting Joey, I don’t think he’ll put up much argument. We’ll leave him here tonight, let him watch his movies and bitch about us with Obrien and Litner. Then tomorrow, we come get him. After we have a chance to talk to Joey. Tonight, we lock down tight and stay indoors.” He reached for Juris and pulled him up. “Ready?”

  Juris’s brows pinched. “Obrien looked at me funny the last time he was here. I think he knows about me and Robin.”

  “Obrien stole Robin out from under me earlier this year. Let him eat his heart out. Come on.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The three looked up when Juris and Shep entered the living room. Litner and Wesley sat on the couch, Patrick in a chair next to them. Stopping before the couch, Shep said, “We need to talk to Wesley for a minute.”

  “So talk to him,” Litner said. “I’m hardly going to let you take him off into a room alone; you just mentioned killing him ten minutes ago.”

  Shep glanced at Patrick. “This is a delicate situation. I’d rather not involve anyone else.”

  Patrick snorted. “Oh come on, Shep. I watched you pull your brother Klee through a rock wall the night he was born. You’re really worried about giving me any more sensitive information? Litner already told me what happened, anyway.” Patrick frowned at Juris, whose eyes were on
him. “And what the hell are you looking at?”

  Juris looked away, rubbing his chin.

  Shep dragged a chair over and sat in front of Wesley. “You said you don’t want to hurt anyone, and that you’re scared. I want to help you.”

  Wesley crossed his arms, as though trying to shield himself. “How?”

  “When Joey’s abilities first surfaced, they were erratic too. But with Juris’s help, he’s learned to control them. With precision. What you did today is dangerous.”

  “I know,” he said. “I’ll apologize to Joey if you think that’s wise.”

  Juris let out an involuntary snicker, and Shep shot him a look.

  “Sorry,” Juris said. “Just picturing Joey’s reaction when Wesley knocks on his door with flowers and a bottle of rum.”

  “Apologizing won’t do anything but piss Joey off.” Shep turned to Wesley. “We’d like to come by tomorrow and pick you up. For a short time, we want you to come stay with us, and let Juris and Joey help instruct you.”

  “With Allisto on your trail?” Litner said. “Don’t you think that’s dangerous?”

  “What makes you think Allisto won’t come after Wes again once his little blood mask wears off? Wes will be a target for Allisto even if he goes back to New Hampshire. However you slice it, Wes is part of this. He’s in danger just like we are. And for the same reason. His blood. He’ll be safer with us until we can find a way to heal Allisto’s mind or…contain the threat.”

  “Joey would agree to this?” Wesley said. “Even after what I did?”

  “I’ll see to it.”

  Wesley nodded. “All right. I’ll do it.”

  “You don’t have to,” Litner said.

  “Yes, he does!” Shep said. “You’re the one that wanted him to defend himself. Let us teach him to do that properly. And crawl out of his butt for a minute, Litner, he can make his own decisions.”

  “I don’t trust you,” Litner said. “You can claim to love someone and still harm them, that’s just who you are, Shep. I watched you try to shoot Wesley once.”

  Patrick snorted. “Yeah. I kind of remember that too. Got the scar to prove it.”

  “People,” Shep said. “I don’t think you’re understanding the gravity of what happened here. What Wesley did, reaching out and causing physical harm to someone from so far away? Even I can’t do that.”

  Patrick looked at Wesley. “Shit.” He looked at Shep. “Really?”

  “Do you see my dilemma? This is my own blood-tampering run amuck.” Shep pointed at Wesley. “He’s your friend, I get that. But I made him this way. This is my responsibility. We need to make sure he has a handle on it. What if he has a bad dream about one of you and kills you in your sleep?”

  Patrick scoffed. “Us? We’re not the ones Wesley hates. It’s you who should be worried.”

  “And I am, Obrien. I was making a fucking point,” Shep said. “Stop trying to be clever, you’re still really, really bad at it.”

  “Fuck off, Shep,” Patrick said. “I’m so tired of you insinuating I’m the stupid one when it’s you who’s breaking all your toys and putting everyone in danger because you accidentally turned a human being into a bomb. Everything you touch turns to shit because you’re careless and reckless and impulsive and never think about anyone but yourself. You simply being in this world makes everyone unsafe, yet you want us to all feel bad for you because you’ve lost control of the situation and now your own brother wants to kill you. Well I don’t feel bad for you. I feel bad for everyone else whose life is in disarray because you do what you want, when you want, regardless of the consequences. Fuck off, Shep. Just fuck all the way off.”

  “Wow.” Shep’s brows shot up. “Tell me how you really feel, Obrien.”

  “Well someone has to! I’m tired of everyone playing along like maybe Shep’s not so bad because he helped destroy the assassin. Which you only did because it was a threat to you.” Patrick pointed at Shep. “You want to help? Then help Wesley find a way to deal with all the shit you did to him since he was a little kid, you fucking psycho. Help him because of that, not because suddenly he’s dangerous to your precious Joey.”

  Shep rolled his eyes. “You can stop pretending you’re defending Wes. It’s pretty obvious you’re projecting your own shit, Obrien. You’re still hurt about what I did to you.”

  Patrick stood. “No. You’re wrong. What you did to me was unforgivable, but at least I was an adult when you started manipulating me, not a ten-year-old orphan. Help Wesley because you spent years taking advantage of and abusing a child. It’s the least you could fucking do.”

  The room fell silent. Wesley shifted awkwardly on the couch, looking at the floor. Eyes on Patrick, Shep’s lips parted like he might respond, but then he turned and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

  “Well,” Litner said. “That was…honest.”

  “Someone had to say it,” Patrick said.

  Juris sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “My brother already has the task of going home and fighting with Joey all night to convince him to do this thing with Wesley. You did not have to wind him up like that.”

  “You’re the last person whose opinion I want,” Patrick said.

  Juris looked away from Patrick and pointed to Wesley. “Will you come with us tomorrow?”

  “I will. Shepherd is right,” Wesley said. “I’m scared to death of myself right now. Everything you just said is true, Patrick, but it doesn’t change the current situation. I want to do this. I need to figure out how to control it.”

  Litner shook his head. “Me and my big ideas. I should never have pushed you into trying it.”

  “You don’t know it wouldn’t have happened anyway,” Juris said. “Some other time, when he was threatened or upset.”

  Shep returned, opening the door roughly and storming back into the living room. All eyes were on him as he approached. His cheeks were flushed, but he appeared to have calmed himself. He blinked slowly, taking a deep breath. “Okay, look. I’m the bad guy in all your eyes, I get it. But we’re not here to put the past on trial,” he said. “We’re here to solve the immediate problems affecting us all. I’m sorry that my brother Allisto is a threat to everyone but he is. I’m sorry I fucked Wesley up to this degree, but here we are. All I can do is try my best to fix things. Starting with helping Wes get control of his power. If any of you has a better idea, now’s the time.”

  After a long silence, Litner said, “All right. If you can promise Wesley will be safe in your home. With Joey.”

  “You have my word,” Shep said. “I’ll handle it.”

  “It’s okay, I can get through this,” Wesley said, reaching over and placing a hand on Litner’s arm. “I’ll think of Biscuit.”

  Litner chuckled.

  Shep cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t want to know what that means. We’ll be back in the morning. Let’s go, Juris.”

  As they walked past the couch, Patrick’s narrowed eyes followed Juris. Juris pushed ahead but Shep paused, looking Patrick. Patrick shrugged. “What?”

  “Keep your stinking eyes off my brother,” Shep said. “You are in no position to pass judgment on bro code regarding ex-girlfriends.”

  With that he followed Juris out the door, slamming it behind him.

  Patrick looked at Wesley. “Holy shit. He knows!”

  “I guess so,” Wesley said. “Wow.”

  “Knows what?” Litner asked.

  Wesley snickered. “Um, that Robin slept with Juris.”

  “What?” Litner looked at Patrick, then at Wesley, who nodded. “Damn. Just when I thought nothing could surprise me anymore.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Allisto jerked awake, head bumping the tree trunk he leaned against. He’d been dreaming of the void. It happened each time his body tried to sleep, so he’d been fighting it. He coughed, then spat on the ground, like he could purge the slithering darkness from his new body. He may be flesh now, but still felt the void coilin
g inside him, the maddening nothingness waiting to pounce and sicken him the moment he lost consciousness.

  Sleep. He’d forgotten about sleep. But as the dark sky paled to a deep, royal blue, and the first morning birds began to chirp in the trees, Allisto already felt it trying to take him down again, insisting he hadn’t gotten enough of it. When he was a being of flesh the first time around, he hadn’t needed to sleep every night, could go a few days without. But that was after he’d grown accustomed to it. After he’d had time to recover. But there was no recovery this time, only chaos and running and survival. There was no Shep tucking him into bed and tending him after his painful birth into this world. No, this time Shep was hunting him.

  Allisto had spent his recovery time stealing clothing, food, and cash from around the city. A set of wings and his extraordinary strength made the thieving easy, but now his body was worn and sore, and he shivered beneath an oak tree in the park, despite the extra-large coat wrapped around him. Damn Shep and his penchant for cold places.

  But this wouldn’t do. There were people in the park, strange shuffling dirty people, smelling of alcohol and tobacco and unbearable body odor. This was not the life he’d grown accustomed to when he was here before. While he’d hated most of his time in the flesh, at least Shep had made it comfortable, luxuriant even, with their big houses, soft furniture, and bubbling bathtubs. He longed for such comforts now, especially a hot bath to soothe his chilled, throbbing limbs.

  Moving by force of sheer will, he climbed to his feet. The memory of walking had come back quickly, and though his legs still felt unsteady, he was able to move at a reasonable pace without falling down. He wandered until he found one of the hotels he’d passed earlier, making sure it wasn’t the one whose vending machine he’d ripped apart to get at the cash and chocolate bars.

  Once inside the lobby, he paid cash for a room from a talkative young man who felt it necessary to tell Allisto how boring it was working the night shift. He’d tried to make him fill out a form, but Allisto couldn’t seem to get the small pencil to cooperate with his fingers, so he’d said he was ill and would fill it out later. Once given his key, he stumbled onto an elevator, and found his room on the third floor.