by Alex Miska
“David, I don’t care what your sister thinks of me. You might care what your family thinks of you, though. I mean, stealing your sister’s boyfriend and turning him gay might have repercussions. I can explain that I’m bisexual, but I don’t know how much that will help. A lot of people see things in black and white, so they’ll just assume you turned me. But I’m more than happy to see what happens if this is something you want to try.”
“Which part?” Julian chirped from a few tables away, while keeping his eyes fixed to the task at hand.
“Yeah, um… It might be better if you clarified what you’re agreeing to,” David said.
I reached out and touched the back of his hand. “All of it. It’ll be fun.”
“And pretending we’re a couple? Maybe even…”
“That would… definitely be fun,” I told him. Holy crap, could that be fun. “So how far have you thought this through? Actually, do you want to grab dinner? There are some really great places nearby and it’s always nice not to eat alone. Unless you have plans?” Please, don’t have plans.
“No. I mean, yes. I mean, I was planning to eat leftover Chinese food and try not to die of embarrassment while I replay this in my head. Dinner’s a great idea.” He grinned and those dimples totally did me in.
Julian magically appeared by the table with little bags so we could take home the dream bars we’d barely touched. Something occurred to me and I said, “David, if you change your mind, I bet Julian would be up for a little adventure.”
“Oh no, it sounds like you two will have plenty of adventure on your own,” Julian said, mischief in his eyes. “Now go get dinner and try not to choke him to death. Well, unless he likes that. Do you?”
I smacked Julian lightly on the arm, and he rolled his eyes before handing me a couple of flyers. “Hunter, if you get a chance, could you put these up in your university’s LGBT center? Or post on their forum or whatever it is that place has? We need to hire a couple of part-timers fast and if only LGBT people wind up applying… well, that’s just the luck of the draw.”
“Let’s do that first, since we just had a snack,” David suggested. “Maybe we can get the shocking discussions out of the way before I put anything in my mouth.”
I snickered, but Julian was the one to say, “That’s what he said.”
When we got outside, David actually agreed to get into my car. With me.
“Are you sure?” I asked hesitantly. My car was practically falling apart and, given his expensive suits, it was an easy bet that his would be more comfortable.
“Are you planning on attacking me or leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere?” he asked, smiling. Oh man, that smile. No, I hadn’t planned on attacking him but… it sounded like fun. “I think if you spend time with Julian and are stopping by the LGBT center to put up flyers and are willing to do all this with me, I’m safe.”
“Oh! Oh God. Yes, you’re safe with me. I’m not exactly someone who could gay bash, considering… who I am.” I waggled my brows and bit my lip suggestively, trying to make a joke out of my sexuality. It was always a touchy subject for me, and somewhere in all that out-loud-thinking I must have said I was bisexual, so it wasn’t exactly necessary to repeat. For the most part, only people who’d seen me with a guy knew I was attracted to both men and women. Even then, I constantly got the are-you-gay-again, make-up-your-mind crap from heterosexuals and gays alike. Since I rarely found it necessary to announce my sexuality, I probably should clarify David’s public status. “Are you completely out? I mean, you just moved to our little suburb of New York, you’ve got a new job, making new friends… That’s a lot of coming out to do all over again. If that makes any sense.”
“Yeah. I mean, it’s been weird. But I wanted to start fresh, be open. I know jobs are scarce right now, but I could always move if I absolutely have to. So far…” David looked off into the distance and I let him gather his thoughts. “So far, nearly everyone at work has been cool. It’s a very liberal company.”
“Now, this probably won’t come as a surprise, but I have absolutely no idea what you do,” I admitted. I summoned my best Tonya impression and, twirling my finger in my hair, said, “Uhh… It has something to do with cartoons or commercials? I don’t know but I think there’s a tiger?”
“Close,” David said as soon as he stopped laughing and said, “It’s a lot more boring than that, though. I work in marketing. It’s a big agency but I’m not exactly high on the totem pole, and there aren’t any tigers. And… you’re a student, but my sister couldn’t really tell me anything about what you were studying. Just that you played with robots and were too old for school.”
“Yup. That sounds like her,” I said. I wondered again what I’d seen in Tonya, other than the fact that she was pretty and she needed me. I liked being needed. “I go to school part-time, getting my Master’s in Biomedical Engineering. The degree kind of explains itself but…”
“But not with her.”
“Don’t get me wrong, your sister’s not stupid, she just… didn’t care. It wasn’t anything flashy.”
“Are there flashy degrees?” he asked, chuckling. “Like, an MBA?”
“I don’t know. I guess so. Medical school, law school, or…” It hit me. The coolest science degree I’d ever heard of. “Julian, in there? His Master’s is in cyber-security and he’s got a job lined up with the government. He comes across like a flake sometimes, but… don’t judge a book by its cover.”
“That is so cool!” David said. “Oh my god, tomorrow I’m going to talk his ear off. If that’s okay. I know you work there and you might not want me just dropping by all the time, because you’re not really my boyfriend and this whole deal is probably making you super uncomfortable.”
I reached out and put a hand on his knee. Well, I missed his knee and grabbed his thigh, but it was intended for reassurance not groping so I left it there. “Come by anytime. Really. It’s my behavior that had me embarrassed and hiding. That morning I didn’t say hello, I totally forgot you were coming, I had no idea what my girlfriend’s brother even looked like, and that argument…”
“Clearly you had good reason to jump to conclusions, and you looked like you’d had better days,” he said as kindly as anyone could tell someone they had looked like death warmed over.
“I’d pulled an all-nighter for a final that day.” I said, wrinkling my nose at the memory of the exhausted mess I’d been. Talking with David was surprisingly comfortable. I realized my hand was on his thigh and I figured, why not, and squeezed it. He had really great thighs. “I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. This is… really nice.”
“I understand completely,” he told me.
“Anyway, it sounds like this fake-boyfriend thing could be really fun,” I said, determined to change the subject. “I guess we should set ground rules, but you can always let me know if you want to adjust things based on, you know, family reactions and your comfort level. And if you want me to leave at some point…”
“I wouldn’t ask you to leave. I’d leave with you. And that wouldn’t exactly be easy to do… The wedding’s all the way in Newport, Rhode Island.”
That wasn’t close but, even in traffic, Newport was only a three-hour drive away. If we shared the driving, it wouldn’t be bad at all. Of course, he might want to drink. “Would you want to stay overnight? We’d probably have to get one bedroom. Do you think anyone would notice how many beds are in there? Let’s err on the side of caution and get one bed and I promise I’ll do my best not to molest you in the middle of the night.”
“Actually,” he said cautiously, “that isn’t a bad idea. If you don’t mind and can miss work and school and…”
“The fall semester barely started, they’re hiring two newbies who will probably be in training by the weekend, and I never take time off. It’ll be fine.” I wondered what other surprises he had up his sleeve, and couldn’t wait to find out.
When we reached my school
’s rec center, David got out of the car right along with me. I told him I’d only be a minute, but he said, “It would be nice to meet some new people. Bars aren’t exactly a place to go to seek friendships.”
“Actually,” I said, “there’s a great gay sports bar in the city. If you’re into sports.”
“Are you into sports?” he asked.
“Nah,” I said, shaking my head. Then a brilliant idea popped into my head and I suggested, “How about we test this out and introduce ourselves as a couple?”
He shrugged, so I took his hand in mine. The center wasn’t huge or flashy, just some old couches, a meeting room, and the opportunity to be ourselves. As soon as we walked inside, a voice called, “Hunter!”
“Sean!” I yelled back as he ran up to give me a hug. As far as I knew, Sean was still looking for an LGBT-friendly place to work. “Are you still looking for a job?”
Sean’s snort of disgust said it all. “Nothing’s changed since yesterday.”
“How are you at baking? Can you follow a recipe? Oh, or help with decorating cakes?”
“At your bakery?” he asked, wary. I handed him a Moore Delicious flyer. Being a pre-T trans man could be difficult. Add in his shyness and… well, this could be perfect for him.
“Yes. My boss just came out and his brother’s very out and, you know, I work there… He’s trying to make the world a friendlier place. It’s in a really safe area. They need two part-timers, so if you know anyone who’s interested…” Honestly, everyone would probably be interested if they heard about it. Jobs were scarce these days. “At least apply, okay?”
Sean shrugged. “Why not?”
David spoke up then. “I just met everyone and it’s pretty much the friendliest place on Earth. But they’re a little nosy.”
“David, this is my best friend Sean,” I said, realizing I was being rude, and wrapped my arm around David’s waist and leaned against him. “Sean, this is my new boyfriend, David Kimball. Yes, Tonya’s brother David. It turns out he’s as nice as he is handsome.”
“The N.K.A…” he breathed, hopefully too quietly for David to hear. Of course, he knew all about the incident, the Naked Kitchen Adonis’ recent visits to Moore Delicious, and my mild crush. My friend looked back and forth between us, and I could see the wheels turning. He narrowed his eyes, “What are you up to? Hunter, I leave you alone for twelve hours…”
“David’s recruited me to be his boyfriend at a family wedding this weekend,” I explained.
“Oh, what a hardship. It’s nice to meet you, David,” Sean murmured and shook David’s outstretched hand. “Considering your track record with women, Hunter, it’s about time you got yourself a boyfriend. But Tonya never had reason to think you like guys… How do you think she’s going to take it?”
“Does it matter? It’s his plan. She’ll take it exactly as it’s intended. We’ll just have to be very convincing.”
“P.D.D.H.?” Sean was obviously thinking this all the way through.
“Probably,” I said.
“P.D.D.H.?” David asked.
Generally speaking I hated public displays of affection or, as Sean and I preferred to call it…
“Public Displays of Dry-Humping,” I explained. “As Sean said, it really won’t be a hardship.”
David snickered at my pun, but narrowed his eyes at me, “You’re really sure you don’t mind, Hunter?”
“Me? No,” I told him. “I think it’ll be kind of fun.”
“Hunter is a great guy,” Sean added. “You couldn’t have chosen a better man to stand by your side.”
Dinner went well. I brought him to my favorite barbeque joint. It was just a little hole-in-the-wall but he definitely appreciated it, if the mess we both made of ourselves was any indication. As first dates went (if you could call it a first date), it was refreshingly comfortable. We laughed our butts off cooking up a solid story of how our relationship had blossomed, complete with details we already bickered over and embarrassing mishaps. Conversation never faltered and I both hated the fact that I’d met Tonya first and mentally thanked her for introducing us.
On our way back to my car, I realized that, even though I had his number and he’d be coming by the bakery tomorrow, this would be my last chance to be alone with David for a while. So I pulled him into an alley and backed him up against a wall. Taking each of his hands with each of my own, I held them lightly above his head.
There was something about that first moment, when a guy realizes our relative positions and what I intend to do…
David’s eyes darkened and his tongue darted out to lick his lips. Breathlessly, he asked, “W- what are you…”
“I’m going to kiss you now,” I told him, then teased, “you know, for practice. We need to make sure we’re believable.”
I nipped his lower lip. When he didn’t protest or tug at my hands, when he seemed to hold his breath in anticipation and his back arched slightly so our hands weren’t the only parts of our bodies making contact… I closed my lips over his, my tongue demanding entrance.
He tasted of barbeque and beer and dear god, he smelled amazing. Hot, spicy, male. I groaned against his lips. But I made an executive decision not to take that extra half-step forward so I could grind my hips against his as I was dying to do. I didn’t want to push him. After all, I wasn’t even sure he was into me as a person… he probably just thought this would be a mutually vengeful arrangement. He was so damn nice and I wanted to fuck him through the mattress just as much as I wanted to cuddle with him and talk about our favorite science fiction. I wanted him, not just his body. At least I’d have him all weekend long.
So no, I couldn’t make this weird tonight.
With great reluctance, I pulled back from the kiss, breathless and aching. “What do you think? Believable?”
“Yeah… you’re very… believable… Yeah.” His dazed expression told me everything I needed to know; he’d felt it too.
He was silent on the drive back to Moore Delicious and I began to worry that maybe I’d read things wrong. Before he could leave my car, I put my hand on his shoulder. “Was that okay, that I kissed you? Because if it wasn’t…”
“No, that was… completely okay. More than okay. I just… didn’t expect it. At all.”
“I did agree to every part of this plan,” I said, trying not to laugh or smirk or jump over the center console and do all kinds of filthy things to his person.
“No, no. I get that. Umm… yeah, I was definitely there for that.” He looked at me quizzically, as if trying to solve a puzzle. “So you were okay with that? I mean, do you still want to go to the wedding? Because you don’t have to.”
“I’ll certainly enjoy it, but this is your family. You’re the one who’s going to have to put up with them after all this. It’s your call,” I assured him. Although, to be honest, he didn’t seem any less uncertain.
“Okay,” he said. “Well, you have my number, so…”
“And you have mine. Will you still be coming by the bakery tomorrow? You don’t have to, I was just thinking… Whatever, I know it’s out of your way. And I’ll see you this weekend, unless you have second thoughts.”
He blinked at me. “Ummm… I- I’ll see you tomorrow. But you can text me before then if… I don’t know.”
“Alright. If ‘I don’t know’ happens, I’ll definitely text you because who knows how I’ll react to it.” That kiss really seemed to have knocked the poor guy for a loop. He climbed out of my car, shaking his head, and walked to his own. He managed to get his key into the lock and sat down. I wasn’t sure why, but I just wanted to make sure his car started. What if he needed a jump? What if his tire was flat? What if he’d never driven a car before and had no idea how to call roadside assistance?
Oh, man. I was a goner.
Hunter was a mystery wrapped in a crêpe slathered with Nutella.
Dammit. I had to get that dream out of my head. That delicious, steamy, biz
arre dream in which Hunter burst into our hotel room bathroom and had his wicked way with me… while my cousin gave sex advice, handed us whipped cream and Nutella, and slapped my sister repeatedly until the bitch stopped shrieking about ‘homo-sex.’ And yes, despite our audience, Hunter did amazing things to my body that I wasn’t sure were physically possible and I woke up sticky and ashamed.
Actually, that wasn’t true. I was ashamed about two minutes later once I got my breathing under control, arrested my mental replay, and remembered that, despite his unusual behavior and obvious comfort around members of the LGBT community, Hunter was straight and looking forward to getting back at my sister. He was just one in a long line of men who’d put up with my extremely high-maintenance, self-absorbed sister just because she was gorgeous and undeniably female. And he hadn’t ended things until she’d cheated on him repeatedly.
When I’d first met him, I was struck by the fact that he wasn’t her usual type. She tended to go for the not-too-bright, but undeniably handsome, jocks. You know, the guys who were the star quarterback of the football team in high school and college and joined a frat and then went into sales. Then again, he wasn’t really my type either. I was more into the billionaire businessman type, with the power suits and authoritative asshole exterior and zero free time. Basically, we went for romance novel tropes that didn’t actually have a heart of gold under the asshole exterior. They were just asshole-coated assholes dipped in assholishness.
But after a significant amount of daydreaming about the man, I couldn’t deny that Hunter was everybody’s type. Corded muscle but not too muscular. Thick, shoulder-length hair that anyone would kill for. Smart but not superior. A sweet guy next door with a slight bad-boy, rock-and-roll edge. I bet he had a well-worn leather jacket that was waiting in his closet for cooler weather and a tattoo hidden under that Moore Delicious t-shirt. And holy fuck, I couldn’t walk into the bakery with a hard-on.
Think about boring-as-fuck, oh-shit-we’re-going-into-extra-innings baseball. You know, Hunter would look so good in a baseball uniform with those tight pants… Dammit. Unsexier thoughts.
