Love Me Still

by Maya Banks

  Cael trotted toward the spacious cabin that served as his and Riyu’s quarters. He’d run along the ridge of the mountain until he’d panted for air. But still, the pain squeezing his chest wouldn’t dissipate. He could deny it all he wanted but he missed her.

  She’d betrayed them, murdered two of his pack, but he still ached for her. He longed to go back before it all had happened. To the nights she lay between him and Riyu, her silky hair splayed out over his shoulder as she slept in the shelter of his arms.

  His nose curled as he began his transformation back to human. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t rid himself of the smell of the hunters that had lingered with her scent that final day. She had reeked of them.

  As he conjured his clothing and started for the door to his cabin, the remembered scent, the foul odor, was replaced by a more familiar smell. One that he should not be smelling.

  He yanked around to stare across the snow-covered ground. In the distance he heard a yip. Niko. It couldn’t be. It simply couldn’t be. He’d disappeared the day Cael’s father had died. Believed dead at the hands of the hunters. And of his mate. Could he have escaped and only now made his way back to the pack?

  He threw back his head and uttered a harsh call to Riyu. In seconds, his brother threw open the door and ran out.

  “What is it?” he asked Cael.

  “Do you smell him?”

  Riyu sniffed cautiously at the air. His eyes widened in disbelief. “Niko?”

  Another yip rent the air and suddenly, incredulously, Niko appeared over the top of a hill. His paws dug into the snow, ice particles flying in his wake as he pulled a sled behind him.

  Cael and Riyu rushed forward to greet their pack mate, their joy at seeing him alive washing over them.

  As Niko stopped a few yards away, he shook the snow from his fur then transformed. He strode toward Cael and Riyu, his arm out to greet them.

  Cael stared at him in openmouthed wonder. He was alive. Niko grasped the arm that Cael had stuck out in stunned disbelief, as if Niko hadn’t just come back from the dead.

  “It’s good to see you, Cael,” Niko said. “Where is Heather?”

  Cael’s face hardened. “She’s not here.”

  Relief flashed in Niko’s eyes. “Good. I wouldn’t want her to see what I’ve brought you. It would upset her too badly.” He looked around. “Though I think your father would be interested in a little vengeance. Where is he?”

  Riyu stepped forward, confusion creasing his brow. “Niko, we thought you were dead. How is it you come to us alive? How is it you know nothing of our father’s death? And why would you ask us if Heather is here knowing what she did to all of us?”

  Niko’s mouth dropped open. His tall, muscular body tightened as his lips turned down into a perplexed frown. He shook his muddy blond hair as if clearing the cobwebs.

  “Magnus is dead? How did this happen? He was injured when he left Heather and me, but he should have easily survived such wounds. And why did you think me dead? Did Magnus and Heather not tell you I was hunting the hunters who ambushed us?”

  Dread tightened Cael’s abdomen. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. Nausea curled in his stomach and he rubbed at his gut to try and alleviate the discomfort.

  “Magnus died because Heather betrayed us to the hunters,” Riyu said flatly. “Father told us everything.”

  Niko went white. “He told you that Heather betrayed us to the hunters? He actually said that?”

  Cael nodded.

  “Where is Heather?” Niko demanded. Suspicion entered his eyes, and they glittered dangerously.

  “We left her behind as befitting someone who brought harm to the pack,” Riyu gritted out.

  In a flash, Niko transformed back to wolf and lunged for Riyu. Riyu had no choice but to shift as well. He’d never survive the wolf’s attack in his human form.

  Niko snarled and latched onto Riyu’s throat, and they rolled over and over in a mass of writhing fur. Cael quickly transformed and jumped in to separate the two wolves. They were of equal strength and stamina. They would kill each other before giving quarter.

  Finally, Cael managed to grab Niko by the scruff of the neck and toss him away. Cael stood between Niko and his brother and growled menacingly, a warning to both of them to back off.

  Riyu transformed first then Niko changed back to human, a dangerous scowl darkening his face.

  “You left her there in her condition?” Niko demanded. “You left her there after what she suffered?”

  Cael shook his head. He was growing more confused by the moment. He jerked his head toward the sled as a low moan rose from the bundle.

  He stalked over and yanked away the blanket to see two men lying there bound. He gave Niko a sharp look. “Who are they and why did you bring them here?”

  Niko glared at him, his shoulders heaving with anger. “They are the hunters who attacked your mate. The hunters who ambushed us and killed Magnus. I brought them here thinking you would want to exact vengeance for harming what is yours. I can see I made a mistake.”

  Riyu edged closer, giving Niko a wary look. “What are you saying, Niko? I don’t understand any of it. You act as though Heather is the victim in all of this. Our father wouldn’t lie. We saw what he saw. We forged into his mind.”

  “You saw wrong,” Niko said flatly.

  Cael and Riyu exchanged horrified looks. Niko was resolute in his defense of Heather, and he’d been there. Could their father have been wrong? Or did Niko have a reason to lie?

  “She reeked of the hunters,” Cael said darkly.

  Niko moved as though he’d attack again, and Cael growled a warning. Niko stood there flexing his hands in anger.

  “I claim the right to take her as mate,” Niko declared. “I’m going to find her, provided she’s still alive. If it means banishment from the pack, so be it. I will never forgive myself for her being turned out when she endured so much to save me and your father.”

  Cael and Riyu’s mouths dropped open.

  “Over my dead body,” Riyu bit out. “She’s our mate.”

  Niko rounded on him, a ferocious snarl working out of his mouth. “You turned your mate out. You turned your back on her when she needed you most. I assured her you would care for her, that she would be your top priority. I will never forgive myself for not carrying her all the way back to the pack, but I was fast losing the scent of the hunters. I thought she would be safe with you, so I left her and chased after the hunters. Even so it took me weeks to track them. I will revenge Heather. You don’t have to concern yourselves with the matter.”

  “Cael, Riyu, what goes on here?” their mother said behind them. “Niko? Niko!” she exclaimed with a sob. She burst past her sons and threw her arms around their pack mate.

  “We thought you dead,” she said as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Thank the gods you have returned safely to us.”

  Niko gently pulled Lorna away from him and took a step back. “I’m sorry, Lorna. I must go. I probably won’t be back. I must go find Heather and make things right.”

  Both Cael and Riyu lunged for him. Their combined strength was no match for him, but still he gave one hell of a fight. Finally, they subdued him and held him to the ground.

  Cael stood, dragging Niko up with him. He shoved him toward the cabin as Riyu and their befuddled mother followed behind.

  Once inside, he pushed Niko down onto a chair and stood in front of him. “Tell us what happened. Everything. And don’t leave one damned thing out. Especially anything having to do with my mate.”

  Niko stared angrily back at him. “You don’t deserve her.”

  Cael leaned in, getting into Niko’s face. “If you have something to tell me about Heather, say it before I tear you apart.”

  “Heather?” his mother said in a pained voice. “Cael, maybe we shouldn’t be discussing Heather. I know how hard her betrayal has been for you and Riyu.”

  Niko turned to stare at Cael’s mother. “Heather betrayed no one. I
t is your sons who have betrayed her.”

  Riyu tensed and flexed his hands into fists. “Spill whatever it is you have to say before I spill your blood.”

  “We were ambushed,” Niko said in a weary voice. “Coming back from town with the supplies. Magnus and I were pulling the sleds and Heather walked between us. I don’t know how they knew we were there but it wasn’t because Heather betrayed us.

  “I made her run and hide in the trees. I didn’t want her caught in the fight. They darted Magnus. He took about two steps and collapsed. I tried to fight them off but there were three of them and only one of me, and the drugs they used prevented me from shifting to wolf.”

  “And Heather? Where was she in all of this?” Cael demanded. He remembered the images from his father’s memories all too well.

  “She came in like an avenging angel,” Niko said in a haunted voice. “She wasn’t going to leave us to die or worse. She challenged the hunters.” He looked bleakly up at Cael. “I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. That tiny little thing stood between Magnus and the brutes who were beating on him. She dared them to do their worst, and by God, they did.”

  Cael’s legs went weak. He swayed and had to stumble back to one of the chairs before he fell.

  “What do you mean their worst?” Riyu asked hoarsely.

  Niko eyed him straight on, pain glittering brightly in his golden eyes. “The worst. And she endured it so I would have time to escape and free Magnus. She taunted them with the fact that they would die. That her pack would hunt them down and kill them. That her mates would never allow this injustice to stand. How ironic is that?” he finished bitterly.

  You will die. They will kill you.

  Cael remembered the words from his father’s visions. Could Magnus have been so heavily drugged that he imagined Heather taunting him when in fact she challenged the hunters?

  Oh God. Have mercy. He deserved none.

  A tear slipped down his cheek as Riyu and his mother sat in stunned silence.

  Niko’s voice broke into the heavy blanket of despair draped over them.

  “I managed to free myself, but it was too late to save Heather from the horrors she faced. As she knew they would, they’d turned their attention solely on her, forgetting all about me and Magnus in the interim.

  “She bought enough time that the drugs in my system wore off. I shifted and attacked. The men ran. I freed Magnus and sent him on to you to get help. I gathered Heather in my arms and carried her back. All the way I comforted her by telling her that her mates would care for her, that I would go hunt her attackers down and justice would be served. Had I known what awaited her here, I would have never let her go.”

  He raised condemning eyes to Cael, Riyu and even Lorna. “Never did I imagine my pack would turn their back on a woman who needed aid so badly. Someone we adopted as one of our own. I’m going to find her, and when I do, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to her. I’ll replace the mates who threw her away like yesterday’s trash.”

  “Oh my God,” Riyu said, agony inflected in every word. “Oh my God.”

  Lorna stood wringing her hands in front of her. “I struck her. I struck the girl who was my daughter.”

  Niko stood in disgust. He moved to the door, and Cael knew he was a second from shifting and loping into the night to find Heather.

  “Niko, wait.”

  Niko turned to stare at him.

  “You have every right to be angry. God only knows how I’ll ever forgive myself. But she’s our mate. It is Riyu and I who must set this to rights.”

  Niko’s eyes flashed angrily. “You gave up that right when you turned your back on her. You are her mate no more, no matter that she wears your mark.”

  “She is ours,” Riyu said, his voice tight with emotion. “We have wronged her more than the men who attacked her, but as the gods are my witness I will find a way to make it right. She will be avenged, and she will come back under our protection.”

  Niko stared between the two brothers as if measuring their determination. His shoulders slumped the tiniest bit in defeat. Then he raised his head in defiance.

  “You don’t know that she’ll accept you. We don’t know that she’s alive. You left her alone to fend for herself in an unforgiving terrain. I’m going with you, because if we find her, and she refuses you, I’ll do everything in my power to make her happy and protect her. Even if it means doing it from a distance. I will never allow what happened to her to happen again.”

  Cael listened to Niko’s vow and felt a surge of pride at his pack mate’s defense of Heather.

  “We welcome you on our journey, Niko. But know this. I will do everything in my power to regain Heather’s trust and her love. Even if it takes the rest of my life.”

  Chapter Three

  Heather gathered her courage and her strength as she pulled on the buckskin trousers John Quincy had made for her. They were fur-lined, a fact she appreciated as she shivered in the morning cold. Even the fire blazing in the hearth did little warm her.

  This morning she’d woken to blessed numbness. She felt odd, actually. Her face was tight and felt warm to the touch, and yet, she shivered endlessly amidst the heavy blankets of her pallet.

  But she’d lain here, moving little in the last month. Her splint had been removed for a week, so there was no excuse for her not to start getting up and around.

  A wave of dizziness assaulted her as she stood and tested shaky legs. She wavered and caught hold of a nearby chair to steady herself.

  She looked longingly out the single window of the cabin at the snow-covered landscape. It had been so long since she’d breathed fresh air.

  Without making the conscious decision to venture outside, she headed in the direction of the door. John Quincy was out checking his traps, but he’d be back soon, and it wouldn’t hurt to stretch her legs just a bit.

  At the door, she carefully pulled on her moccasins, the effort nearly exhausting her. It was odd, but she felt weaker today than in previous days. Her fingers shook as she secured the laces of her shoes.

  Using the door to help support her, she eased outside, flinching as the cold air bristled over her body. As soon as she stepped into the snow, anguish poured into her heart, overflowing and ripping through her body.

  The scenery was beautiful and horribly ugly. The last time she’d enjoyed a day such as this, a day where the sky was impossibly blue and the sun high overhead, had been a day where Cael and Riyu had played in the snow with her. Just hours before she’d gone into town with Niko and Magnus.

  Tears slipped down her cheeks, and her body rippled with chills. She limped through the snow toward the cover of trees in the distance. Old habits died hard. Cael had taught her to always seek cover. Never stand in the open.

  But she’d never see him or Riyu again. They’d left her, sure that she was the cause of their father’s death. And maybe she was. If she’d intervened sooner. If she hadn’t stood in the trees working the courage up to do the impossible. If she had just been braver and rushed to Magnus and Niko’s aid.

  But she had never betrayed them. She loved her pack. They were the only family she had.

  For the first time, she realized she had no one. No one but an old trapper who could ill afford to be responsible for a young girl who couldn’t care for herself. She had no where to go, no future to look forward to, no mates to keep her warm on the long cold nights.

  Oh, Mama, how I miss you.

  Tears gathered in her eyes. Her mother, gone so long now, still simmered in the vague memories of her childhood. If she closed her eyes and concentrated hard, she could conjure a memory from Christmas time. Her mother, decorating a small tree with homemade ornaments, her tender smile as she hugged little Heather to her bosom.

  Another full body shiver skirted up her spine until her body was covered in goose bumps. She ignored the aching cold, the ache in her body and heart, and trudged further into the trees. Ahead she could see a steep drop off. Then she r
ealized she was approaching a ridge.

  Her eyes stung as she looked out over the vast mountainous region. Hundreds of feet below a river cut a path through the land. Were her wolves out there? Did they ever think of her? Or had their love died along with their father? And their faith in her.

  A sob welled from her throat. It sounded harsh and ugly in the silence. She’d lost everything that mattered. How could she go on knowing what she’d never have again? Never hold in her arms.

  Complete and utter despair wrapped around her, tightening her chest, squeezing until she wheezed for breath. What she wouldn’t give to not feel. To be able to close her eyes and have blessed