Reckoning

by R. S. Broadhead

  “I’ll see you guys later. Thanks for gettin’ me out the house and taking my mind off of things for a while. It helped. Get Reese home before she gets sick or somethin’,” Shayla said as she climbed out when we pulled up to her loft.

  “Will do. I’ll even tuck her in if she wants me to,” he replied. I said nothing. I heard the door shut and felt the truck start to back out. Sim turned the radio up a little bit as he made the drive back out to the training camp.

  I must have dozed off because the sound of his door slamming jerked me awake. The back door opened. “Ready to get out of those wet clothes?”

  “You have no idea.” He helped me to my room, allowing me to huddle under his arm.

  “Well, I guess this is goodnight,” he said as we reached my door. He fidgeted, looking down at the keys in his hand. Truthfully, I didn’t want to be alone right now. I didn’t want to think about whatever fate was about to throw my way.

  “Sim …” I started.

  “Yeah?” he asked, a little too excitedly.

  “Will you hang out with me for a while in my room? I just don’t wanna be by myself.”

  “Absolutely! I mean … I don’t wanna get you in trouble or anything though.”

  “Well, like you said, if he was a true boyfriend he’d be here right now, but you see he isn’t. He hasn’t even bothered to call and check on me tonight.” Hot tears wanted to spring up. Sim gently put his hand on my cheek.

  “Hey, don’t worry about him. We’ll have fun tonight. You won’t even think about what’s-his-face. Let me go grab some sleep pants because I’m sure you don’t want me to get in there and get naked. Or do you?”

  I scrunched up my face and shook my head. He looked disappointed, but didn’t say anything. “I’ll be back in a few.” I opened my door and flicked on the light. After I changed clothes, I attempted to untangle my hair. I felt gross from the creek water, but I was too exhausted to make a trip to the shower. That could wait until morning. Sim would just have to deal with it if I smelled. There was a quiet tap at the door, and Sim popped his head in. “Damn. I was hoping to catch you gettin’ dressed.”

  “You’re a little late for that. What do you wanna do?” I asked as I placed my brush back on the dresser. There wasn’t much we could do in here. Play some cards or something, that was about it.

  “Don’t really matter to me,” he replied. He yawned loudly and stretched out across my bed. “What do you wanna do, Reese Salt? I’m up for anything you wanna do.” I thought for a second and an idea came to mind.

  “I want you to tell me a story.”

  He tilted his head at me. “A story? What kind of story?”

  “I don’t know. Anything. And play with my hair while you do it.” I walked over and joined him on the bed, curling in next to him, and putting my head on his lap. He ran his fingers over my hair, twisting it around. “I used to make Shayla do this when I was goin’ to sleep.”

  “You better know I like you a lot to do this shit. Let’s see … there once was a boy that thought his life was workin’ out just the way he wanted. He had the friends, the popularity, and a girlfriend that he loved more than anything. He didn’t know that their love was just a show. She broke his heart and didn’t think twice about what she’d done. The boy thought his world was over, but he had no idea it was just beginning.

  “She walked into his life one night; he was tryin’ to drink the sorrows away. She was perfect. Like an angel that had dropped straight down from heaven just for him. Of course, he didn’t ever think she’d go for him. He was just an ol’ country boy from Wagarville. But when she looked at him, her smile, everything about her … it made him forget everything he’d known. He wanted nothin’ else but her. At the same time this scared him shitless. He’d just had his heart broken, so what if she decided she didn’t want him anymore like the girl before? He did the stupidest thing possible. He broke her heart, and to make it worse, he never actually told her how much she meant to him.

  “He watched her walked out of his life and into the arms of someone else. It was like a knife twisting into his heart every time this other guy made her laugh. He was supposed to be the one that made her laugh. Laugh, every day for the rest of her life. So one night when the two of them found themselves alone, without anyone else’s nosey asses bothering them, he got the courage to tell her how he felt. At first, she was hesitant because of this other guy she’d been seein’, but she came back into his life. The day she did, he was complete. They lived their lives loving each other like it was their last.”

  My mouth dried up. I bit my lip trying to get my nerves under control. “Reese? Are you asleep?”

  “No.” I rolled up to look at him. I was surprised to see his eyes filled with tears, although he was fighting hard to keep them from spilling over.

  “I need to tell you somethin’,” he said, looking down.

  “Sim, I don’t know if this is the right time.”

  “No, Reese. Please … I need to tell you now while I have the courage, before I talk myself out of it again.” I nodded. “Every mornin’ I wake up, I think about you. I wonder what you’re doin’, if your happy, anything really. Every now and then, if I’m lucky, I’ll have dreams that you’re beside me in the bed, but when I wake up you’re never there. I want you to be there. You belong there with me. I miss everything about you … about us. Laying on the hood of my truck watching the sun come up, singing Bennie and the Jets at the top of our lungs after we’ve had a couple of beers on those dirt roads, slow dancing with you under an absolutely perfect Alabama night sky while the fire flies float around us. The smell of your hair as it brushes against my nose when I hug you, the sound of your laugh, even the little snort you do when you get really wound up. Your taste, the way you look at me with those blue eyes, your perfect smile, it’s enough to make me weak in the knees. Even though I’ve known you all this time, you still make me just as nervous as I was that first night. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but at the same time you’re my biggest regret. The regret because I had to be the one that screwed everything up with us and pushed you away. I knew you were the one after the night I met you.

  “I tried to make everything so prefect for you, so you would fall for me just as much as I had for you. I never wanted to rush anything with you. When we slept together that night, I knew you felt the same way for me. I thought I never wanted anything more. I got to thinkin’ about how I let my trust go once before, and I did the most horrible thing to you by lettin’ you go. I don’t know if you could ever completely forgive me for that, but I’d like to have that chance. I’d make it up to you every day for the rest of our lives. I’d write you a love song and sing it to you every mornin’ when you wake up, or watch as much Golden Girls as you wanted. I know you love that show. Please, Reese … let me have the chance. I love you.”

  I couldn’t breathe. The words I had waited so long to hear from him, and now here he was, broken in front of me, pouring his heart out. But as I sat and digested the words I had just heard, I knew my feelings had changed. I wasn’t the same girl that was totally head over heels for Sim Baker years ago. Things happened to make me grow from that, and I found someone that fit with this new Reese. I didn’t want these words from Sim anymore, and I really wished he’d never spoke them out loud.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you love me too. That it isn’t too late for us.” I raked my fingers through my hair and bit my lower lip until I could taste blood.

  “I do love you, but I’m sorry, it’s too late. I’m in love with someone else. Besides, Sim, I’ve changed. I’m not that same girl.” He looked like I had just ripped his heart out of his chest, held it in front of him, and laughed.

  “Don’t give me that bullshit. You might have some badass fighting skills now, and be able to go toe-to-toe with some weird ass junk, but deep down you’re still that same girl I fell in love with. You still have all the same doubts about yourself, questioning whethe
r or not you can do somethin’ or if you’re good enough. You still bite your lip when you get nervous!” he exclaimed, pointing at my mouth. I stopped and licked the wound, avoiding his gaze. “I know you have him. I kinda had the assumption this was a lost cause when I decided to confess tonight, but hell, it was worth a shot. I’ll be waitin’ on you to realize we belong together. One day you’ll see it, but until then I’m still goin’ to be your friend. He just better get his act together before he loses you too.”

  “Let’s not talk about him, okay?” I lay back down on Sim’s lap and covered up with the comforter, feeling warm and cozy against him. His fingers ran through my hair once again as I drifted off.

  I was happy in my dream. I’d never been told I was needed in an upcoming apocalyptic battle and I was married. I watched as two blond children ran and played in my yard. Sim Baker slid his arms around me, wrapping me in a loving embrace as he smiled at our kids.

  “Don’t ever wake up from this,” he whispered in my ear. I turned and looked at him in confusion.

  “What the fuck!” Steele’s voice broke into my peaceful dreams as I awoke sometime later to find his angry gray eyes staring at Sim and me in my bed.

  HE THREW A BOUQUET of orange roses across the room. They hit the wall and sent petals everywhere. Before I could react he had Sim by his flannel sleep shirt, yanking him out of the bed.

  “It’s not what you think, Ollie! We have all our clothes on, and he was sleeping under a different cover, does that seriously look like we’ve been doin’ somethin’ in here?” I screamed.

  He didn’t want to hear me, he couldn’t. He was somewhere else. Sim bashed against the same wall the flowers hit. “Please, Ollie, look at me and listen! We went to check on Shayla last night and got in late. We fell asleep in here, but nothin’ happened.” His respirations were heavy, no doubt due to adrenaline.

  “I came in here to tell you I was sorry for the way I’ve been pushing you away.”

  Sim stood and readjusted his shirt.

  “Dude, you can’t be actin’ like that. I know I can’t whoop your ass, but I’ll damn sure try for her.”

  I stilled at that. Ollie’s jaw locked, and he looked down at the ground.

  “You think he needs to protect you instead of me?” I wanted to melt into my bed, be anywhere but here. “I think that answers my question on who you really wanna be with.” He walked over to the bed and kneeled. When he finally looked up at me, tears were streaming down his face. “Do you want Sim instead of me, Reese? It’s a simple question.” My head was spinning. This was it. It was time to do what I had been pushing off. Steele had given me the perfect excuse to leave and him not follow. “Please … just say somethin’.” He buried his face in my lap and wrapped his arms around me. I couldn’t stand to see him like this and not comfort him. I focused on protecting him. I might be dangerous, and until I learned the truth, Steele didn’t need to be around me.

  “I don’t want you, Oliver,” I told him. The words hurt so much. It was the worst lie I’d ever told anyone. His sobs became quiet.

  “What the hell, Reese? Dude, she does …” Sim tried to say, but Ollie held up his hand silencing him.

  “You’ve done enough. This is between me and her. Can you give us a minute without you bein’ in here.” Sim gave me a confused look before leaving the room.

  “Thank you, Reese.” I tilted my head at him as I swiped tears off my cheek.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I thought this world was full of nothin’ but cruel, nasty things. You showed me different. You changed my mind on how I look at things now. That’s somethin’ that never would’ve happened if I wouldn’t have met you. I knew you and Sim had a history, and it was gonna be hard for me to win you over from those memories, but I wanted to try.” I cradled his face in my hands.

  “Ollie … you’ll make someone so happy one day. Please don’t give up on finding that person. I’m just not for you.” He shook his head and moved my hands away from him.

  “You two were meant to be together. I know how he feels about you. He loves you. He always has and always will. It’s so hard to let you go, but I have to.” His lip quivered slightly as he ran a hand across my cheek and stood. It was hard for me to breathe. I couldn’t believe this was how we would end. It had to be this way for now. Maybe one day, if he’d have me back, that would change.

  I desperately tried to pull him to me, but he fought my arms away and gently pushed me back on the bed. I wanted to touch him one more time. Before I could get to him again, he walked out the door and left me sitting there alone. I rocked back and forth, wailing as the tears burned my eyes. This was it for me. How could I ever love someone again? The one man I wanted just walked out of my life. Oliver Steele was the one I wanted. I crawled out of bed over to the flowers. I found a note in the middle of the mess.

  Reese, I should have never pushed you away, no matter what’s going on. You’re the melody that keeps me going. Please forgive me. I miss us.

  His note made the hurt even worse. My soul shattered while what was left of my heart broke. Nothing had ever hurt that bad. I pushed myself off the floor and looked around my room. I needed to get out of here before I changed my mind and ran after him. I threw open the closet door and grabbed my suitcases off the top shelf and slung them onto the bed. I went to the drawers and tossed everything into the bag. The quicker this was done the better. Somehow I managed to get the bulging bags zipped shut. I slipped on some shoes and rolled the bags down the hall toward the elevator.

  “Reese, why did you say that? Where are you goin’?” Sim yelled down the hall.

  “It’s over. I’m leavin’. Tell them or not, I really don’t care anymore.” I hated to be so harsh, but I needed to make sure no one came after me. The elevator doors slid open, and he stepped in the middle so they couldn’t close.

  “You’re just leavin’? What am I supposed to do here without you?” I rolled my eyes at him. I didn’t want to take my hurt out on him.

  “Stay here, Sim. You’ll be fine!” I screamed at him and shoved him out of the way. The elevator doors closed in his face. I leaned against the back wall and let out an exasperated sigh.

  Once I had all of my bags loaded into the car and started the way out of the training camp, I realized I had no idea where I was going. Anywhere I went would put people I loved in danger. I needed to stand on my own. This was my turning point. I needed to embrace the next stage of my life. The best thing to do was find a place so I wouldn’t be around others. Something small would fit perfectly … like an apartment. I circled around Jackson for hours until I found a brick apartment complex on the edge of town.

  “Can I help you?” a middle aged woman asked. Her brown hair was pulled into a sloppy ponytail that ran to the middle of her back. The clothes she wore looked like they had been in her closet since the 80’s.

  “Umm … yeah. I wanted to look at an apartment. I’m interested in gettin’ one.”

  “Is everything okay?” she asked, eyeing my face and scratches. Then I realized what she was staring at. I probably had last night’s makeup running down my face. I rubbed across it, trying to wipe it off. “Sorry. It’s been a rough mornin’.” She handed me a napkin from a nearby table.

  “Not a problem, honey. There’s a bathroom right through there if you wanna clean up with the mirror.”

  I went to the bathroom and found a horrible image in the mirror. No wonder she looked at me like I was crazy. I ran water over the napkin she had given me and used it to wipe the streaks of black off my cheeks. My eyes were red and botchy, but there wasn’t anything I could do about that. I came back out after I tried to repair myself.

  “Much better!” she exclaimed when she saw me. “Now, let’s go look at an apartment, shall we?” She led me around to a nearby “show” apartment they had set up with mock furniture and decorations. It was large and spacious with old dark wood floors running throughout, cream-colored walls, and an absolute perfect place for me to st
art a new chapter in my life.

  “I’ll take it.” After I signed my life away for a one bedroom, one bath apartment, she gave me the key to my new home. I carried my bags around and opened the door to an empty space. What was I doing? I was completely alone now. It was overwhelming to take in. I dropped the bags and dialed Fuzz.

  “Reese! What the hell happened?” he answered. A lump formed in my throat, hearing his voice made me want to go back.

  “I need to talk to you. Can you come to Sutton Place Apartments? My new apartment number is 3812.” I didn’t get the chance to tell him about my experience the night before.

  “An apartment? I don’t like this. You should be here. It’s safer.”

  “Please just come. I’ll explain everything to you.” My voice cracked at the end. I hoped he didn’t notice.

  “It will be a little later tonight when I can make it. I’m tied up with some other things now.”

  “That’s fine. I need to go get somethin’ to sleep on. The wood floor doesn’t look too comfortable.” We hung up as I snatched my purse from the floor. After I bought an inflatable mattress with money from my savings, I stopped by the power company to turn on the electricity. The rest of the day crept by, like it was in slow motion. It was well after dark when I finally got the mattress blown up. I jumped in the shower since Fuzz seemed to be a no show.

  Once out, I found the mattress half deflated. It had a hole in it. Great! I couldn’t take it anymore. I dropped to my knees and cried. I pulled my comforter over and wrapped my body. It was a hard cry that I needed.