The GP's Secret Baby Wish

by Sue MacKay

  Suddenly the room was crowded with paramedics and their equipment. Lily and Max were redundant. Outside a stretcher stood ready for loading Enid. Max said, ‘It’s hard to hand over, isn’t it? Even when the paramedics are better equipped, it goes against all I feel about helping people.’

  ‘It’s difficult,’ she agreed.

  Max looked at her. ‘I’m sorry about your friends.’

  She teared up. Slashing her hand across her face, she muttered, ‘I know people will say Enid’s in her early seventies, it was to be expected something would happen one day. But I’ve known these two over half my life and Enid still gets around, doing the garden and cooking and going to group meetings.’ Sniff. ‘Am I writing her off already?’

  A firm hand settled on her shoulder, pulled her close to that safe chest. ‘That’s no small stroke she’s suffered but, as we both know, there’s no telling for sure what’s ahead until all the tests have been completed.’

  Max was only saying what she knew, but it helped somehow. As did the warmth from his body pervading her senses and taking away the loneliness that had started coming over her. ‘Thanks.’ She wasn’t in a hurry to move away.

  One of the paramedics appeared to take the stretcher inside.

  ‘Need a hand?’ Max stepped back, leaving her chilled.

  ‘That’d be great. Two of us can carry this and someone take our gear.’

  ‘Where will you take Enid?’ Lily asked as she followed them.

  ‘North Shore General Hospital. Will someone be driving the husband down?’

  ‘I will.’ It was a no-brainer.

  Except in the end George and Cal insisted on taking him. ‘We’re his mates, we go through everything together,’ George pointed out.

  ‘I get it,’ she agreed. Who else would Archie want in this situation, except those nearest and dearest to him? ‘Keep me posted.’

  As the chopper rose from the reserve, Lily started back to the beach house. ‘I really need that coffee.’

  ‘Mind if I join you?’ Max asked.

  ‘I expected you to,’ she replied. ‘Still on for breakfast?’ Her appetite was returning. No surprise there.

  ‘You have to ask?’ He smiled.

  A smile that touched her, and had her wondering about the warmth returning throughout her. Her wariness was backing off. It wasn’t as though they’d have another fling. Definitely not. ‘That’s a yes, then.’ Her next sigh was crisper. Her body was tightening. Good looking, in great physical shape, Max had a way of looking at her that made her toes curl, but they were not getting hooked up again. He’d only hurt her in the end, and anyway she wasn’t about to change her mind and start testing the dating waters. Whatever happened, she couldn’t get involved with Max.

  CHAPTER THREE

  MAX GRIMACED. ‘MICHELLE’S doing everything possible for her injuries, and more, but the mind games aren’t helping.’

  ‘That’s to be expected,’ Lily said.

  ‘Yes, but she hasn’t got this far with her career by feeling sorry for herself.’ Lily didn’t know Michelle yet. ‘There’ve been times when she’s had to toughen up and face reality, whether it was not being chosen for the team earlier or making a mess of a game plan during a match. She works hard, has gone without a social life to be out there keeping up peak fitness levels. Her medical records show a couple of instances when she’s overdone things, but there’s no mention of feeling down.’

  ‘She might’ve kept that to herself.’ Lily looked at him with determination. ‘I’ve got an idea.’

  ‘Go on,’ he answered slowly, already with an inkling of where this was headed, and not sure if it was right for his patient. Their patient, he reminded himself.

  ‘We could suggest she comes to the camp for a day or two to help the kids find their confidence in areas they’re uncertain about. Whether it’s a different sport or a hobby they might want to learn, she could encourage them with the strength she’s used to become successful in netball.’

  ‘You think that would work when she’s feeling flat? She might pass on negative thoughts, not encouraging ones.’ As he saw Lily’s eyes light up, he shrugged, denying the laughter that wanted to escape at her persistence. That was Lily to a T. ‘That’s what you’d put to her when, in fact, you think the children might help her get her mojo back.’

  Lily smiled, and went back to flipping bacon. ‘Just a thought. Could work for everyone.’

  ‘It might.’ Max weighed the benefits and the negatives, not that he could think of anything against the idea other than Michelle getting more frustrated than ever. Except he didn’t think she would. Once she accepted what had happened and began moving forward she’d start looking around to see what her next step was. No wonder he loved his job. He helped people through bad times.

  ‘The kids are usually full of enthusiasm and when the going gets tough they either dig deep or turn for help. That’s where she could benefit them, and in turn get something back, watching kids facing long-term difficulties and not losing hope.’

  ‘We’ll both talk to her,’ Max decided. ‘You should put the proposal to her as you’re a part of the camp’s hierarchy.’ Lily started to shake her head. ‘Wait. You’re new to her medical life and she likes you so she’ll listen.’

  ‘You’re saying she wouldn’t take any notice if you outlined the idea?’ The doubt in her voice was strong. ‘Come on.’

  Lily understood him well. It was unbelievable, and wonderful. He could get too comfortable with this. ‘She’d listen, but she might also look at the idea from every way, trying to find what’s behind it, whereas coming from you it will be new and intriguing. I’ve had a lot to do with Michelle’s sports side of things in the past year and I think I understand her.’ The toaster popped and he placed the toast onto a plate on the table, put two more slices of bread in to toast. ‘Anyway, it was your idea.’

  ‘Fine. We’ll call her after breakfast and see how she reacts. You’ll be better able to read her. If you don’t mind,’ she added a little tersely.

  ‘Let’s get step one out of the way first.’ He already knew Michelle would be take on the challenge. ‘That being breakfast,’ he added, trying to put aside the irritation he felt about Lily’s way of seeing straight through him. She did it too easily. Now he had to focus on saving his heart, and while Lily wouldn’t want his, he should be safe, but every time he saw her or heard that soft lilting voice, doubt rolled over him, making him wonder if he was more than happy she was back in his life.

  How was it he could tell patients to move on to get over what’d devastated them, and not do the same for himself? Other cancer survivors said eventually a lot of the dread backed off and there’d come a time when he’d forget some of the raw fear that had smothered him. It was true to an extent, but he had a way to go.

  ‘You burning that toast?’ A sharp nudge in his side stopped his worries head on, replacing them with need for Lily and her soft, warm body.

  Banging the cancel button, he snatched the blackened slices and dumped them in a small bucket labelled chook food. ‘I’ll try again.’

  ‘Where were you?’ Lily asked.

  ‘You don’t want to know.’ Except she might. He didn’t want to tell her about his doubts and needs. Though the day would come when he would have to mention the cancer as most of the doctors at the centre knew and he’d prefer Lily to find out from him.

  He liked to underline how well he was and how lucky to be able to get on with his life. In other words, he didn’t want people feeling sorry for him. He hated it when anyone’s face filled with pity. If Lily reacted that way, he’d feel let down. Pity when they’d once taken no prisoners with each other would hurt, make him feel a little unloved, like when his mother had left him. Which was way over the top. The Lily of old would have been more likely to make a sharp retort about moving on and let the subject drop. He wasn’t sure about her now
.

  ‘Maybe I do.’ She served up the bacon and eggs.

  He should tell her, get it done with. It wasn’t a big deal. He’d been ill, had come out the other side, and was creating a lifestyle and future he was comfortable with, if he ignored his longing for love and family. If he ignored the doubts he couldn’t quite get past about the future. Sitting down at the table, he reached for the plate of bacon and eggs. Suddenly he needed to be heading to the camp, away from Lily with all the confusion she brought on, and an intense physical longing that was like an elbow in the ribs.

  ‘Right.’

  The only sound was cutlery on plates. The silence between them reminded Max of the post-fling days when they’d spoken only when necessary. But if he tried too hard to get on-side with her, he’d be letting Lily in closer than ever, and that could not happen. He was vulnerable to her. Accepting that, he’d take it on the chin and do his best to ignore the ache in his gut. As soon as he’d rinsed the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher he looked up and found Michelle’s number. ‘Ready?’

  ‘Yes.’

  They listened to the ringing and finally a subdued Michelle answered. ‘Hi, Max.’

  ‘Hello. I’ve got Lily Scott with me and we’re on speaker phone. That okay?’

  ‘I suppose.’

  Glancing at Lily, he raised one eyebrow.

  She nodded back, looking concerned but determined. ‘Michelle, I’ve got an idea to put to you.’ She wasn’t wasting any time.

  Max got in quickly, before their patient could veto things without knowing what this was about. ‘Hear Lily out before you make a decision.’

  ‘You’re sounding serious.’

  ‘We are. You need to focus on getting well, and I believe Lily’s idea will go some way to helping achieve that.’

  ‘I’m all ears.’ She sounded anything but.

  ‘Michelle, have you heard of the Let’s Have Fun camp for disabled children?’

  ‘Isn’t that where Max is working this week? He said something about being away if I needed medical attention.’

  ‘Yes. It’s situated on the Whangaparaoa Peninsula and we hold regular camps for kids from around New Zealand. A group aged between ten and fifteen moved in this morning for the coming week. They’ll play sports and do other activities to stretch their minds and build confidence.’ Lily paused, glanced at him.

  He mouthed, ‘Go on.’

  ‘I thought that since you’re free this week you might like to help out, encourage kids who are struggling. You know what to say or do, and I can’t think of a better inspiration for these children than someone who’s done so well in her sports career.’

  ‘You’re forgetting I can’t move without crutches and that I’m no longer going to England with the netball team.’

  ‘Not at all. Those are the reasons I believe you’re in a strong position to show that accidents happen and yet you still get up and keep on moving.’

  Silence.

  Max held his breath. He wanted to add his bit, throw in some encouragement, but Lily had it under control.

  Lily stared at the phone as though willing Michelle to give the right answer, her fingers crossed on both hands.

  Finally the sound of a long indrawn breath reached them. ‘Max? What do you think?’

  Lily fixed her eyes on him, daring him to let Michelle off the hook.

  ‘It’s an opportunity to help these kids.’ Might as well push all the buttons. ‘Is there someone who could drive you out here? You can stay a day or all week. Your call.’

  ‘Mum would give me a lift, if I wanted to come.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t you?’ Lily asked.

  Straight for the jugular. Max smiled. There was no backing down when Lily wanted something badly enough. Could she ever be that determined about him? What did she think about him these days?

  ‘I’m not sure I have anything to offer those kids. They’re far more used to their situations than I’ll ever be,’ Michelle came back sharply.

  ‘Maybe, but there’re times when they’re overwhelmed and need encouragement, and to get that from someone who’s working on getting through her own change of circumstances has to be of benefit.’ Lily drew a breath. ‘My niece has spina bifida and I’ve watched her achieve so much. She’s confident and hates the word “can’t” but still has moments of a complete lack of self-reliance.’

  Don’t we all? Max wondered. His illness had chipped away at his confidence for the future, even when the facts said he was probably better off than others already. The five-year sign-off couldn’t come soon enough and yet would he ever be able to let go the fear of cancer returning? Or was this how he’d always be, overreacting to stomach cramps or a headache? ‘Give the idea some serious thought, Michelle. I’ll call you back later this morning.’

  Lily glared at him. That was not how she wanted to approach this. But Michelle always thought things through before acting, never jumped in without looking.

  ‘I’ll be there tomorrow morning, bright and early. If I decide to stay over, is there a room I can have?’

  Lily gaped at him, shaking her head. Then she relaxed, smiled softly as though he’d given her a present, and answered Michelle. ‘The camp’s full as some parents are staying too, but we’ll find you somewhere to doss down.’

  ‘I’ve brought the camp up on screen. It looks amazing. Are you staying there, Lily?’

  ‘I’m staying a kilometre away, and will be dropping in often. My niece’s attending and I like spending time with her.’

  ‘Cool. Then I guess I’ll see you both tomorrow. Bye.’

  Max and Lily stared at each other. ‘Did that really happen?’ he asked.

  Lily burst out laughing. ‘I think so.’ She pumped her fist, then high-fived him. Even briefly her hand felt good against his. ‘I can’t quite believe it. Thought we’d lost her when you told her to think about it.’ Lily crossed to fill the kettle. ‘Another coffee?’

  He’d love one. And to spend more time with Lily. Especially when she was smiling. Those smiles touched a place inside he’d kept isolated for a long time. Since the day his mother and sister had left. Dangerous. Tempting. Frightening. He stood. ‘No, thanks. I’ll get along to the camp and make myself known. Hopefully no one will need my medical skills, and require only encouragement and gentle coaxing to push themselves.’

  Her smile vanished. ‘No problem.’

  There was. He stood slowly, reluctant to leave. But his heart was expanding, warming him, softening his ability to remain solitary. His fingers itched with need for her. His foot rose. He shoved it down hard on the tiles. He might feel like getting that close, but there was a lot to consider. Glancing across to the doorway, he had to trust his feet to get him out of there without upsetting Lily. Or himself. Pulling on his don’t-mess-with-me face when he was in a right state internally, he said, ‘Let me know when you hear how Enid is, will you?’

  ‘Of course.’ Lily nodded. ‘I’ll see you later at the camp.’

  Outside goose-bumps rose on his arms as the chilly air struck his feverish skin. Time to get on with what he’d come up here to do, and that wasn’t falling for Lily.

  * * *

  ‘Enid had a stroke.’ Archie sounded defeated.

  ‘We thought that would be the diagnosis,’ Lily said. ‘I’m really sorry, Archie.’ Enid was in for a long recuperation, but at least she had that chance. It wouldn’t be easy at her age. Enid had often said she never wanted to be reliant on other people for any reason and now she was.

  ‘The doctors say she’ll be able to move and talk again, but it’ll take time.’

  ‘These things do. She’s going to rely on you a lot.’

  ‘I’ll be everything I can for her.’

  ‘I know you will. Everyone will be there for you both as well.’ Lily chatted until Archie said he had to get back to his wife. ‘Ta
lk again.’

  Finishing the call, she looked around for something to do that didn’t involve a chainsaw because since Max had left so abruptly she had the urge to wreck something. It’d been as though he’d suddenly had enough of her and wanted to get away. He needn’t worry. She wouldn’t be hanging around the camp, trying to catch his attention. She would see how the kids were faring, and help out when they were playing team games, not follow him around like a besotted puppy, watching his expressions, wondering how being a sports doctor fitted his ambitions better than being a top-notch surgeon.

  Max might have walked out of here, but his scent was in the air, his presence lightening an already sunny room. No wonder her body heated and tightened. Being near him, hearing his voice and making him laugh was starting to drive her crazy with longing. So much for being wary of romance. Except she had to keep caution in place. Aaron had left her. Leo had left her. She wasn’t good at relationships.

  But why was she thinking about Max when their history wasn’t great? Why did she even feel like she wanted to be with him? Because she couldn’t help herself. On impulse, she checked her file on the week’s camp crew, found Max’s number and put it in her contacts, then tapped the screen, humming as she waited for him to answer. ‘Hi, I’ve been talking to Archie. Enid did have a stroke.’ She gave him the scant details. ‘It’s going to be a trying time for them.’

  ‘What about family? Will they be around to help?’

  ‘Their son and daughter live on the peninsula. They’re a close family.’

  ‘That’s a plus.’ He paused, and she waited for him to hang up. Instead he said, ‘I’ve already met most of the kids, including Josie. Talk about looking like you. There’s a fire in her belly to get on with anything that comes her way, isn’t there?’ Admiration lightened his voice.

  ‘She’s a toughie.’ Her stomach softened. Max was unlike the men she’d previously fallen for. Stronger, more reliable, with a knack of making her feel special. Could he be the father for her baby? Gah. Where had that come from? They didn’t know each other well enough to be thinking that. She shivered. Getting way ahead of yourself, Lily.