by Sue MacKay
‘Sore?’ Max asked.
She hadn’t seen or sensed him coming into her space. Slipping, Lily. Though it meant she’d managed to get him out of her mind, however briefly. ‘Overworked.’
His smile let him straight back under her guard. If only she had led him down to her bedroom. She jerked. Stop it, Lily. This is not the time to be reminiscing about last night. She’d spent the last hour or more ignoring all the hot, exciting sensations Max had woken in her last night. Hell, any time he came near every one of those sensations filled her.
Was she falling for him? She tensed.
‘Relax. I’ll get you some food.’
Closing her eyes, she drew a calming breath. Was she? Could she? He never left her mind, turned her on with a glance. She felt at ease with him, wanted more time together. But she was afraid to try again, doubted it’d work out this time any better than the previous two times. If she was starting to get serious about Max she was setting her heart up to be hurt again. Anyway, Max was against getting entangled with anyone or having a family. Surely, deep down, he must want to grab life and run with it? Did he need someone to grab his hand and show him the way? If so, was she ready for that?
‘Dr Max, Ollie’s had an accident.’ Josie was shoving her way through people to get to him. ‘Come quick.’ She spun around. ‘Auntie Lily, you come, too.’
Leaping to her feet, Lily banged her mug down and joined Josie as she raced alongside Max. ‘What’s happened?’
‘We were chasing the soccer ball and he got caught in a hole and went down. I think he’s twisted his knee.’ Tears streaked down Josie’s cheeks. ‘He’s hurting a lot. He says he’s all right. Like I believe him.’
Lily reached for her hand. ‘Max will take good care of him.’
‘What about you, Auntie Lily? You’re the best.’
Max tapped Josie on the arm. ‘Thanks, pal.’
‘She is,’ Josie protested. ‘When I knocked myself out on the hay bailer, Lily wouldn’t let anyone move me until she’d put something round my neck. Then she got me to hospital real fast.’
Lily hugged her as they raced over the lawn towards a group of teenagers. ‘Max is very good, too. And he’s the camp doctor, not me. I promise Ollie’s in good hands.’ So was she while she sorted herself out. If she committed to Max, fell in love with him, it would be for ever. If he returned that love, she’d be safe. It was a big if, though. He was so doubtful about his future. And to be fair, she wasn’t one hundred percent certain of her own, was still wary of handing over her heart only have it squashed again.
‘Okay, clear a space, guys,’ Max said as he pushed through the onlookers and knelt down. ‘Ollie, I hear you put your foot in a hole while running after the ball.’
Ollie groaned. ‘It was a rabbit burrow. I heard a pop as I fell. My knee looks odd.’
‘It hurts?’
‘Yeah, some. My foot’s swelling. The shoe’s too tight.’
Max said, ‘I’ll remove it.’ As he was doing that, he was appraising the knee in front of him. ‘You’ve sprained your knee. What I’m not sure about is if there’s a torn ligament or not. That popping sound suggests there might be.’
It was good how Max was being up front with him, not treating him like a child, which was a tendency with some people when with the physically disabled.
‘Josie? You up for bringing me water and food when I need it? And fetching my phone or a jacket?’ Ollie teased.
Josie bit her lip, looking worried. Then she giggled. ‘Absolutely not. Then you’d be wanting me to wipe your...’ She broke off, looking embarrassed when she glanced at Max.
‘Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with his arms.’ Max grinned. ‘Okay, Ollie, first we need to get you inside and raid the freezer for ice to pack around your knee. Then I’ll phone for an MRI appointment, which might be a couple of days away. In the meantime you should try walking normally, though not too often straight up.’
‘So nothing too bad going on?’
‘It’ll be painful for a while, but more a nuisance than anything.’ Max stood up. ‘As long as common sense prevails and you don’t decide to go for a run.’
‘When I need your advice I’ll have to crawl to you.’
Lily smiled. The young man had strength and a sense of humour. Josie had done all right first time round. Glancing at her niece, her smile increased. Yes, Josie was smitten. Her eyes were full of love and her face lit up with a full-on smile. She might be lucky and, like her parents, have found her life partner at an early age. No one could predict how these things worked out, especially not her aunt.
Lily’s gaze tracked to Max who, with the help of other boys, was getting Ollie up onto his good foot. Max had been straightforward about the injury, hadn’t downplayed it, or built it up to reinforce the need to be careful. Ollie could make his own decisions, to a point.
There was a squeezing in her chest. Max was coming up trumps from every angle, making it impossible to deny the burgeoning hope in her heart that she could try for a relationship again. Not only have a baby, but a man in her life. Ducking her head, she wiped her cheek. Could she be so lucky? Max and their baby? Her chest sank as her stomach tightened in on itself.
Could her dreams come true? Why not? Let go, and see what happens. Her heart softened as her gaze followed him up the lawn with the boys. Okay, yes, she was falling for him. Wait. Wasn’t this a similar feeling to that she’d known when she and Leo had been starting out? It was nothing like it. That time there hadn’t been a sense of coming home, of having found exactly what she wanted, required, loved.
Turning to stare out over the grassed field to the quiet sea, Lily contemplated her feelings for Max. Letting him down wasn’t an option. The first flush of love in both her previous relationships had come with an easy acceptance of everything about the men, no deep thought had gone into it. It had felt right so she’d gone along with the excitement and love. With Max there was history, not all good, but it showed him to be rock solid when it came to giving his all to any person or project he undertook. That gave her confidence he wouldn’t change his mind and want out of a relationship, if he ever got over his fears enough to let love reign his heart.
‘Auntie Lily, what are you doing? We’re going inside.’
‘Ollie doesn’t need me. Max knows what he’s doing so I’m going for a walk.’ Wrapping her arms around Josie’s thin frame, she kissed the top of her head. ‘Go spend time with Ollie. He’s being brave but he needs you.’
‘You like him?’
‘Of course I do.’
‘Cool. See you later.’ Josie was gone, bounding inside as though afraid of missing a minute with Ollie.
Lily walked to the beach and headed in the direction of the house. The fresh, cool air was good on her face, the increasing silence just what her frazzled mind needed.
Max.
He’d sneaked into her mind, body, everywhere, when she had least expected him. She had to decide whether to get over him for ever or take a chance. She had no idea if he’d join her in that risk, but if she did lay her heart on the line, it would be with everything she had. And it felt as if her heart had already made up its mind.
* * *
‘There you go,’ Max said as he wound the ice bag around his young patient’s knee. ‘Now, what I said about this not being a major injury is true—to a point. You can wreck it further if you get too exuberant physically. A little often is the way to go.’
‘I hear you, Doc.’
‘I’ll make sure he behaves,’ Josie added, sitting as close to Ollie as possible without being on top of him. ‘Auntie Lily’s gone for a walk along the beach. That way...’ She pointed a thumb in the direction of the beach house. ‘She wasn’t looking happy. I think you should see what’s wrong,’ she said with a cheeky smile.
Little minx. ‘I’ve got a physio session with some of your pals sho
rtly, so I’ll be hanging around here.’ What was wrong with Lily? She’d seemed to have got over last night’s black moment. Had he said something else to upset her? Nothing came to mind. As far as he knew, they were getting along just fine. More than fine if their intense conversations last night were anything to go by, if the way he couldn’t stop thinking about her and them being together a lot more was an indicator. ‘I’ll leave you two to fill in the rest of the day and see what’s happening in the hall.’
First, he’d get some fresh air. Glancing at his watch, he saw he had fifteen minutes to spare so headed down to the beach and began striding out in the opposite direction from the beach house.
Lily. She was so sexy she blew his mind away. He got lost in her just being in the same room. His heart had taken hours to calm after she’d said no to a kiss. Then her revelation about wanting to have a child on her own had been a gut-buster. It underlined her determination not to get involved with another man, yet there was passion oozing out of her when they were together. It wasn’t any of his business she was thinking about getting pregnant. He couldn’t do that for her.
Pain ripped out of his mouth, roared through the air.
No, he couldn’t. Yet he had to. Or take a chance, ask her to take a chance.
An image of them lying naked on his bed three years ago, their bodies intertwined after making love, slammed him. What was it about Lily that these images came as quickly as a blink? With a reaction in his groin that needing satisfying. He couldn’t get enough of her body, her sexiness, the gentle touches she gave him, the kisses filled with longing and more. Sharing and caring. And more. Something he refused to identify because then he’d have to face up to facts and he just wasn’t ready for that.
Was he ready to give up? Not kiss Lily again? Not to hold her in his arms and soak up the heat she gave him; heat that overtook the cold that had sat in his heart from the day he’d decided never to look for love? Not to sit together over a coffee or a wine while talking about anything and everything? Sharing their hearts? Their dreams?
Max kicked a convenient pebble down to the water. No, damn it, he didn’t want to give that up any more. Especially as she’d shared something so personal and dear as wanting to have a baby. He kicked another, larger pebble and grimaced at the sharp pain in his toes.
Lily, Lily, Lily. You always did my head in. Only this time it’s for different reasons. You’re softer, funnier, more accepting, more compelling. I like you. I love...
Max swore. Wrong. Wrong. Another stone splashed into the sea. They were getting along just fine as they were. Leave it at that. Don’t bring in the heavy emotions. Don’t bring in the baby idea. That would only lead to trouble.
* * *
On Thursday, Max’s last night before he headed back to the city, Lily placed plates in the oven to warm for dinner, though so far he was a no-show. Not even a text to say he was running late as he had last night. Something must’ve happened to one of the children. They were all getting a little too exuberant as the week passed.
After pouring a small glass of wine, she added wood to the fire, and sank onto the couch with her legs tucked under her. Tomorrow was Friday. Come Monday she’d be ensconced in the Remuera Medical Hub, getting on with her career where Max would be part of the scene. How much importance had he put on what she’d said about having a baby? He’d better not think she’d been hinting for his involvement.
A shudder ran the length of her spine. She wanted a baby so much, but over the past days the need had begun taking second place to wanting to be with Max. It was still hard to believe she’d pulled away from kissing him. Especially when she’d wanted to so badly. Longed for his kisses, dreamed of them. To have given in would have been to hand herself over to him and trust he wouldn’t hurt her when he’d said he wasn’t getting into a relationship.
She had to concentrate on having a child, not on losing her heart to a man. She’d love her baby completely and utterly. No doubts whatsoever. Just because there wouldn’t be a real, live father on the scene it didn’t mean her child would go without love from the males in her family. Try keeping her brothers out of the picture. Impossible. They’d be backed up by their own children too. She sighed. She’d gone through this time after time and always came up with the same certainty. It was fine to have a child as a solo parent. She would be a good mother.
But there was Max. She felt connected to him in a genuine caring and sharing way. There was love there too, though she wasn’t admitting how involved her heart was. It was taking over from the ticking biological clock urging her to become a mother. As if she’d come full circle and wanted the man, the romance and then a child would follow from shared love.
Damn, this was difficult. What to do? Max had become important to her future, her plans, herself. She wanted to be the same for him. He had hurdles to overcome if there was ever going to be a happy outcome for him. She wanted that to be with her.
Follow your heart. It was already involved with Max so had little to lose. Lily drained her glass. So much for a small drink. She needed more. Where was he anyway? Dinner would be ruined soon. Opening the oven, she lifted out the plates and a dish of thick creamy sauce and set them on a board. She wasn’t waiting any longer.
‘That smells delicious.’
She spun around. ‘I didn’t hear you come in.’ How long had he been here? Thud, thud inside her chest. How could she have missed him? Whenever she was near Max her pulse had a way of speeding up. Not tonight apparently. Though it was making up for lost time now.
‘I drove up about twenty minutes ago and got waylaid by George wanting to talk about Archie and how he’s really in the doldrums about Enid. Thinks it’s his fault she’s not coming right as he was over here instead of at home.’
‘Nothing unusual in that. But I can understand his point. Enid’s everything to him, and he’ll be lost if she doesn’t make it home again.’ It was good George had talked to Max. Especially when those men were so stubborn about talking about anything personal.
‘I gathered that.’ Max opened the fridge to retrieve the wine bottle they hadn’t finished on Monday night. ‘Top up?’
‘A small one.’ Now Max was here she’d take it quietly. Spilling her mind was not happening. Since it was the last night he’d be sharing the house she wanted to make the most of it. Who could have known that they would share such intimacy? Not only the physical kind, not the kisses that’d turn her into a riot of heat and need and hope. But talking about hopes and dreams and what had gone wrong in their pasts. She should follow her heart. Get to know everything about him. And if it didn’t work out? At least she’d have tried. If it didn’t work out, then it didn’t. The hurt would be great either way.
Just don’t rush Max.
‘What’s for dinner?’ Max asked, then shook his head, looking surprised.
‘What?’
‘I sound as though this is normal, coming in and asking what we’re going to eat.’ His lips pressed together as though he needed to stop any more words spilling out. The surprise was being replaced by bewilderment. The wine splashed down the side of the glass he was filling.
By the look on his face, he’d made a blunder and was appalled to have voiced it. That hurt. But this was never going to be easy. Reaching for the glass he handed her, she took a deep sip. Max hadn’t meant it to sound like that; it had been a casual reference to sharing the house this week. ‘Spaghetti bolognese. Hope you don’t mind pasta.’
‘When it smells as good as what I’m getting whiffs of, I’ll eat anything.’ Relief was replacing all the other emotions in his face.
And pouring through her veins. They were getting along far better than she’d ever imagined, and it was good. Better than good. Regardless of the future, colleagues, friends—lovers?—regardless of her indecisions, right now it felt great to be spending an evening with Max, enjoying a wine and meal together. That’s what she’d run with
and to hell with all those other ideas about love. They could take a hike and leave her to enjoy the night.
* * *
Max leaned a hip against the bench to watch Lily talking with Josie on the phone. There was such love in her face as she spoke to her niece. Her child was going to be very lucky to have Lily as her mother. He couldn’t explain why he thought the baby would be a girl. ‘She’ just kept coming up whenever he thought about the staggering idea Lily had shared.
He was still absorbing the facts. The more he thought about it the more he believed it was a great idea. Another idea had begun lurking at the back of his skull. But he refused to put it into words, even to himself. Then it would be real, and scary.
She held him in her hand, even if she didn’t know it. He wanted to cherish her, show her not all men were like those two who’d broken her heart. Unless... No. Don’t even think about it. But... Don’t. He could always change his mind about becoming a father. About being a husband to the most wonderful woman he’d known.
Lily wants to do it alone because she no longer trusts her heart to any man.
Would he be prepared to help her achieve her dream? What about the ramifications? It wasn’t in him to stand back and take no part in his child’s life. Lily would do a wonderful job, but it wasn’t happening. Wasn’t his future planned to be without a child? Without a wife? To become a respected GP and a part of the community—on his own? He had friends to spend time with, could avoid worrying about hurting those nearest and dearest.
That was it, then. No sperm donation. No getting further involved with Lily. His gut ached. Just like that, he could walk away.
He swore. So much for not voicing the idea.
Lily’s head shot up and surprised eyes lit on him.
He must have sworn aloud. Gulping the wine, he muttered, ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.’ It showed how much she got to him. Come on. If the idea of donating his sperm was alive and bashing around in his skull then she’d not only got to him, Lily had stormed him body and soul and he was in deep trouble.
