by Sue MacKay
His gut churned. It was one hell of a pickle. One not so easy to walk away from as others he’d faced. Except the cancer. That had been a game-changer. Now Lily had him in a vice and, yes, this was about the future, the only difference being he held the cards, could choose the outcome. He could squash these heart-warming emotions sucking the pain and loneliness out of him, or he could let go and make the most of Lily and all she had to offer. If she was at all interested in him. His pulse slowed. Was she?
On Tuesday night she’d pulled back from kissing him, yet she’d wanted to as badly as he’d wanted to kiss her. Did she or didn’t she want another fling with him? Or was something deeper and more meaningful on her mind? Damn all these questions. They spoiled the moment, were wrecking his last evening with Lily.
Even while she was talking to Josie he was happy to be in her company. It showed how lonely he must have been before this week. And, no, he wasn’t getting close to Lily just because he needed someone to spend time with. If that was all, he had mates to talk to. Admit it. Again. Lily was special, and it was getting harder by the day to pretend he wanted to walk away.
They’d got close fast. Heat regularly zapped between them. So did laughter and enjoyment of the everyday things. He could feel a new life opening up before him, a wonderful, happy, exciting one. It made him want to make love and give her pleasure, to share her bed, and hold her afterwards as she fell asleep, to wake by her side in the morning. There was more substance to that than just having a great time and saying thanks and goodbye.
So he didn’t just want a fling, then. He could no longer imagine walking away from Lily. She held him in her hand, even if she didn’t know it. He wanted to cherish her, show her not all men were like those two who’d broken her heart.
‘I think Josie’s in love.’ Lily tossed her phone on the couch and unwound that long slim body to stand up.
‘Definitely. So’s Ollie. Has he talked to you yet about their...’ he flicked his fingers in the air ‘...“friendship”?’
‘Only to say he hoped I was okay with him spending time with Josie.’ Her lips tipped up into a smile. ‘I didn’t come down like the ogre aunt. Told him it was fine with me.’
‘But watch out for her father as his chainsaw is larger than yours.’
‘Something like that.’ She laughed.
He loved it when she laughed. A deep-bellied sound that slammed into his gut and sent his pulse rate skyward. As did many things about Lily. Things that had him crossing the room to take her face in his hands and lean in for a kiss. A kiss for everything she gave him, for taking away some of his hurt.
A kiss that soon deepened, heated, and became so much more.
A kiss that led to another and another.
A kiss that Lily finally pulled back from, a wobbly smile on her swollen lips. ‘Max,’ she whispered, laying her hand on his cheek.
Okay, he got it. They had to stop. Frustrating, yet not. She was putting her own needs out there, and strange but he didn’t mind. Oh, sure, his body was screaming out for hers, but it was wonderful sharing those kisses without follow-through. As though it was a part of getting to know her better, and understanding her needs. He wound his arms around her and held her close, listening to her even breathing. He wanted to hold her tighter than ever before, to pull her into himself, be one with her, to become a part of her life, make it their life.
A chill covered his hot skin, cooling him fast.
Wrong, Max. You can’t do this. What if you get sick again? You’ll hurt Lily. And leave that child she wants so badly without a father.
It wasn’t going to have a father if Lily did it her way. But if he were the DNA donor it would, which meant he’d be setting them all up for heartbreak. He couldn’t be the means to making Lily achieve her dream. He longed to give his heart and soul to any child of his that came into the world. And to the mother of that child. There was only one woman he wanted for that role. He wanted to be the man Lily chose to father her child.
‘I have to pinch myself to believe we’re together again, and that it’s so good,’ Lily said quietly.
The chill became colder. He knew what she meant. He’d gone too far. Already he was in deep water and needed to get out fast. What he longed for and what he accepted as possible were at opposite ends of the spectrum. He could not hurt Lily. It might already be too late for himself. ‘I shouldn’t have kissed you, Lily.’
Leaning back in his arms, she stared up at him. ‘Maybe, but I’m glad you did.’
‘We can’t carry on further.’
She tensed, stepped out of his arms. ‘Did I say we would?’
They had to stop. Impossible. Which said he was already screwed. ‘I don’t know what you think. Hell, I don’t know what I think any more.’ If he leaned forward he could touch her soft skin, but he refrained, understanding the need for the barrier, if not happy with it. He was supposed to be glad she’d stepped away. He wasn’t. Damn, his head was all over the place. ‘If I’m honest, I’m not sure where we’re headed.’
Silence fell between them.
Then she rocked his boat. ‘I know I’m not ready to stop spending time with you. I’d like to get to closer to you. I stopped kissing you because I was about to drag you down to my bedroom and I suddenly got cold feet. But they’re warming up fast.’ Lily had always spoken her mind. Too bluntly sometimes, but he couldn’t fault her.
He shouldn’t be surprised, yet he was. Probably because he didn’t want to believe she might’ve learned to like him more than they’d once have imagined. ‘I’m not so certain about that. I still have things to consider, like my future.’ Starting tonight. If this was how Lily felt—not factoring in his own needs—then it was definitely time to quit whatever they had going on. He wanted her. If only he had a crystal ball and knew he wouldn’t get sick again. But no one knew that.
‘You think?’
Here we go. This was more like the woman he’d once known. ‘I told you I’m not getting into a full-time relationship. What if this turns into something deeper? I don’t want to hurt you, so I’m calling it quits as of now. I’m sorry I kissed you.’ Pain gripped him. His heart was pounding so hard his ribs felt like they were breaking. If only he could take back those words and reach over and haul Lily into his arms, never to let her go. From the moment he’d uttered them he’d known he did not want to finish anything with her. He wanted a future together, no matter what happened. He flung his arms wide, palms up and shrugged. ‘I am so, so sorry, Lily.’ If he didn’t get out of there right now he might never find the strength to go.
CHAPTER EIGHT
MONDAY MORNING AND the sun was shining. No sign of the clouds that had delivered rain throughout the night. The road and paths sparkled, as though they’d had a thorough wash with bubble-bath liquid.
Lily parked at the rear of the medical hub and pushed open the door before she got too comfortable in her maudlin bubble. The three days since she and Max had discussed—disagreed about—how far they were going with getting to know each other had been long and tedious. Chainsawing more trees into firewood hadn’t lightened her mood. Neither had Ollie and Josie when they’d stayed over with her in the house, separate bedrooms, funny and sweet as they were.
Those kisses had whacked her around the ears, made her realise she’d fallen for Max and was ready to take a chance with her heart. They’d scared her senseless so she’d stopped in the middle of a soul-warming kiss and said no more. By the time she’d regained her senses and was ready to apologise, Max had changed his mind about caring—for ever. What a mess she’d made of it all. And now she had to start over. She wasn’t letting him get away without a fight.
Max had a way about him that spoke of honesty and kindness and love. She knew he didn’t want to hurt her. She also understood the two men who had broken her heart had never held her heart as carefully as Max would if he loved her. And on that she was prepared
to take the risk of loving him.
Grabbing her bag off the back seat, Lily locked the car and headed inside. Was Max already here? She needed to get her A-game face in place. Letting him see how devastated she was over what he’d believed were the final words on the subject wasn’t an option.
Deep, toe-curling laughter came from the staff meeting room. She had her answer. Her tongue cleaved to the roof of her mouth. Pulling back her shoulders wasn’t improving her mood. Max was irresistible. Driving back into the city late last night, she’d headed towards his place to have it out with him, only to turn around at the corner of his street and head home, where she’d realised she’d been scared and that she should have carried on to his house. Well, she’d try again. There was no point arguing. He’d made his mind up. He hadn’t changed as much as she’d first thought. That stubbornness had been there in the determined way he’d turned from her and headed for the door and the bedroom next to hers. He believed he would hurt her.
Newsflash, Max, you’re already doing that. And I’m not giving up on you.
Yes, she’d gone and fallen for the one man she’d never have believed possible. If he thought he was walking away without a fight, then she had news for him. She’d show him he could live a happy life free of worrying about the pain he might cause her and any children they might have. Of course she’d have a fight on her hands. This was Max. He was worth fighting for, and she was damned if she wasn’t going to give it everything she had. It would take time, but she had plenty of that.
Dropping her bag on her new desk, she paused to look around. The walls were bare now that Sarah had removed her diplomas and photos of family, but that wouldn’t last. There was a box in the boot of Lily’s car filled with her versions of the same things. Warmth finally filled her. She’d made it. Today the next phase of her career was beginning, with Max in the same space. One step towards a joint future achieved without trying. She’d give it a tick for positivity.
In the staffroom she poured a coffee and looked around to say hello to those who’d already arrived. Her gaze immediately landed on Max, looking good in light grey dress trousers and a white shirt. ‘You’re looking posh.’ She grinned, aiming for positivity from the start.
He smiled as he came across. ‘Ready to get stuck in?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘You stay on at the beach house over the weekend?’
‘I did. Josie and Ollie stayed Friday night and my brother picked them up on Saturday. He gave Ollie a thorough once-over.’
‘How’d that go?’ Max sipped coffee and her stomach tightened as she watched those lips she knew so well.
Lips. Kisses. Trails over her feverish skin. Ragged sigh. Slowly, remember, or Max would be bolting for his office and only coming out when he knew she’d left for the day. ‘Ollie won the first round just by being himself and not trying too hard to impress.’
‘Go, him,’ said Max.
‘What did you do over the weekend?’
‘My sister and her husband were in town for a rock concert so I caught up with them yesterday before they flew back to Dunedin. It was good to see Karen. It’s been nearly a year since the last time.’ His face had softened and there was a rare relaxation about him. ‘She’s pregnant for the second time, and absolutely glowing.’
‘You miss her?’
He nodded. ‘I do. We’ve always got on, despite the rift between our parents, but it wasn’t until I spent time having treatment down there that we became close. She was there for me every single day.’ He blinked rapidly. ‘I can never repay her for that.’
‘You shouldn’t have to. You’d do the same for her. For anyone you care about.’
‘True, but I’m the older brother. I’m there for her, not the other way round.’
‘Excuse me, you’re talking to me, the woman with two older, bossy brothers who know how to deal with just about everything, and I’d be there for them any time they needed me, whether they liked it or not.’ Her voice rose on the final words, and her throat tightened. Sounded as though she was no different from Max’s sister. That had to be a positive for her.
Max locked his steady eyes on her probably less steady ones. ‘Easy. I hear you.’ Then he smiled again. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t introduce you and Karen. There’ll be no hope for me even if I only wanted an extra piece of cake.’
The tension that had been building backed off. ‘Sounds fine to me.’ Looking around, she gasped. The room had filled up. ‘I’m getting a refill and taking a seat.’ First meeting, first day.
‘Lily,’ Max called quietly. ‘Karen will be in town again next month for a work conference. I’ll introduce you to her.’
He what? She’d thought they weren’t spending time together away from here. Lily coughed, banged her mug on the counter harder than intended, nodding slowly. ‘Done.’ Maybe she wasn’t the only one wanting to make a go of their relationship. Or was he making up for his abrupt departure from the house on Friday morning? Been doing some soul-searching? About them, him, or what he’d said? He’d been heading out the front door with his bag when she’d gone out to make a coffee at six, unable to sleep and needing caffeine to get her out of the fog her head had been in after a sleepless night.
‘See you Monday.’
He’d closed the door behind that delectable derriere, leaving her heart mashing and her head spinning. It had taken a whole plunger of coffee to get her anywhere near capable of thinking about the day ahead. Then it had taken some more and toast before she’d allowed herself to pick up the chainsaw and head across to George’s yard and the tree trunks he’d towed there from along the beach over the past couple of days. Hours of heavy work had finally worn her out enough to fall into her chair and eat a proper meal.
She’d sat up with the kids until finally she’d been unable to keep her eyes open and had hit her bed to sleep until dawn, when shrieking gulls had woken her to a blinding headache. She’d woken with Max in her head, denying they had a future, and her telling him he was wrong. She’d also recalled Josie and Ollie on the couch, sitting close together, holding hands, and guilt had struck for not making sure they behaved.
When Josie had sauntered out of her room as far as her crutches would allow and sat at the kitchen bench with a grin on her face, Lily had felt she’d let the aunt side of things down, until Josie had laughed and said, ‘Relax, Lily. Nothing happened. Apart from my first kiss.’ Her cheeks had turned crimson, and her mouth had crinkled up into a soppy smile. ‘It was nice. He’s cute.’
Lily had put her hands over her ears and laughed. ‘Stop. I don’t want to know.’ Thank goodness nothing too intimate had gone down. Josie might have fibbed, but she was absolutely hopeless at hiding lies, especially from Lily.
And now this morning Max was friendly and back to their new normal.
She’d run with that. Sitting on the closest vacant chair, she joined in the chatter until Devlin got the meeting underway and she began to learn how this medical centre went about its daily business. Max was a part of this, and for now that was enough. Then she took another look. Under the overhead light, shadows below his eyes had become apparent. Lack of sleep, too?
* * *
‘How long have you had this sore throat?’ Lily asked fifteen-year-old Courtenay Griffith.
‘All weekend, and some days before that,’ muttered the girl dressed in the uniform from the local high school.
‘Are you sure?’ Lily asked as she put the thermometer in Courtenay’s ear. ‘Your throat’s raw. What about coughing?’
‘No, but my neck hurts, gets stiff sometimes.’
‘Your temperature’s raised.’ Lily clicked the end piece off the thermometer into the hazard bin. ‘I’m going to check your neck and throat.’ Swelling around Courtenay’s neck backed up her diagnosis, along with the high temperature.
‘What’s wrong with me?’
‘I’d say you�
�ve got glandular fever.’
‘Isn’t that called the kissing disease?’
‘That is the fastest way to transmit it, yes.’ Lily smiled as she locked eyes on her patient. ‘Have you been kissing anyone?’
‘My boyfriend. But that was last weekend. I was too tired to see him this weekend.’
‘Has he got a sore throat?’
‘He did, then he got better so it can’t be what you’re saying.’
Lily sat at her desk and began typing notes into the computer. ‘Yes, it can. You probably need to tell him so he can see his doctor.’ Filling in a lab form on screen, she pressed ‘print’, signed the page and handed it to Courtenay. ‘I want you to have a blood test to confirm this is glandular fever. In the meantime, no more kissing. You’ll need to stay home from school for a couple of weeks. Keep indoors, keep warm and get lots of sleep. Drink plenty of water. I’ll give you a prescription for antibiotics and pain relief.’
Loud voices came through the door.
Courtenay jerked her head around. ‘That sounds like Mum. What’s wrong?’
Lily rushed to open the door, and cries filled the room.
‘Someone look at Tommy. He’s going blue. Hurry,’ a woman holding a small child screamed.
Lily rushed to her side, took the lifeless boy from her arms. ‘Follow me.’ She headed back into her room, the woman right on her heels. ‘Tell me what happened,’ she demanded as she sat the lad on the bed. His chest moved slowly, his lips were blue. How long had he been unconscious? Tipping his head back to open his throat, she reached for his wrist. Pulse too slow.
‘I don’t know,’ the boy’s mother wailed.
‘Mum, what’s wrong with Tommy?’ Courtenay cried.
‘Colleen, take a deep breath and tell us what Tommy was doing when this happened.’ Max had arrived.
