My Whole World

by Davidson King

  “I can try. I…”

  “No, Toby. You will do! You’re a fucking manager there, just ask! You’ll have to know anyway. Don’t be a fucking pussy.”

  “Yeah, okay, sure.”

  “Good. Now…” He grinned maniacally. “Did your sister like the wine Atlas gave her?”

  How’d he know about that? “I…she hasn’t tried it yet. How’d you…”

  “I told you, her shadow is a cunt hair away from her. I say the word, and she’s but a fond memory for you to remember and suffocate on the guilt of how you made her death happen.”

  How did this become my life? “Can I go work now?”

  “Yeah, fuck off.”

  The bar was beginning to fill with the usual scumbags and delinquents. I knew if Vick really wanted to be successful, he’d need to change his clientele. The people who went to Joker’s Sin didn’t want to be groped by greasy drunks.

  “Hey.” Shane sidled up next to me, a bottle of gin in his hand. “After work I want to talk to you, ’kay?” There were too many ears around us, and judging by the expression on Shane’s face, he knew something.

  “Yeah.”

  The night was its usual—drunk, loud, and touchy. Vick’s wasn’t a gay bar, yet I got a lot of sexual offers all night long from men. By the time our shift ended, I was eager to leave and talk to Shane. We were a few blocks from Vick’s when he spoke.

  “Sandy who works the docks, know him?” I nodded. “Yeah, he said when he got in this morning, the place was swarming with cops.” Shane kept looking behind us as we walked, and it was making me paranoid. “So, yeah, you know Chester, the guy who comes to Vick’s a lot?”

  “Yeah, he started a fight at Joker’s Sin the other night.” And I told Vick about it.

  “Well, Sandy said they found Chester beaten to death and strung up on one of the shipping crates.”

  Holy shit. “I told Vick…”

  “Toby, listen to me.” We stopped walking, and Shane turned me to face him. “You got a job at Joker’s Sin. I know Vick isn’t letting you be there out of the kindness of his heart, but use it. Men like Atlas, like Ciro, they’re men people listen to. They can protect you, keep you safe. Don’t look back, Toby.”

  The intensity in Shane’s eyes made it hard to breathe. “Vick won’t let me, Shane.”

  “He won’t hurt you if he knows Atlas is watching you…”

  “He’s threatening Poppy. If I go to the cops or tell Atlas, he said he’ll kill her. Shane, I don’t know what I can do.”

  After a beat, we started walking again. “I’ll keep my ears and eyes open at Vick’s, see if I can find out who he’s using to watch her. If we can get them away from her, maybe it’s enough for us to hide her and then figure it all out.”

  “What’s all this ‘we,’ Shane? He’ll kill you.”

  The bus stop where Shane and I would split up was a block away. “Ever get tired of the shit, Toby? Tired of the heavy hands and puppet strings?” Shane took a breath and smiled. “Put a good word in for me with Atlas, and maybe after all this is over, if we’re still breathing, I can work for someone who I wouldn’t mind tugging me along.”

  “Okay, yeah.”

  Shane’s bus pulled into the station, and I watched until he was inside and it was driving away. I decided to walk home; it was a nice night anyway.

  I’d just turned the corner to my street when I collided with a wall—no not a wall, a body.

  “Shit, I’m sorry.” I knew that voice, and when I looked up into honey-brown eyes, I smiled like a dork.

  “Atlas?”

  “Toby, hey, what are you doing, taking a stroll at night?” He chuckled.

  “No, walking home after work. It’s a nice night, and my friend takes the bus. I walked him.” Why was I rambling? “Aren’t you supposed to be at Joker’s Sin?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I had a meeting actually, a dinner meeting that ran late, and was just on my way back.”

  “Ah, okay. Well, I won’t keep you. Have a good night, Atlas.” I went to move around him, but he blocked my steps.

  “I’ve got time, want to grab a coffee?” He pointed his thumb to the right, where the café bookstore, Quirks and Perks, was still open.

  “Oh yeah, that would be nice. Are you sure?”

  “Wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.”

  We walked over, and my heart flipped when he held the door open for me. Such a simple gesture that he probably did for everyone but there were so few kindnesses in the world these days, I took what I could.

  “Thanks.”

  We each ordered a regular coffee, and I followed Atlas to a booth.

  “How was work tonight?” he asked as he blew on his coffee before taking a tentative sip.

  “Fine, the usual.”

  “And tell me, what’s the usual? I’ve never been inside Vick’s Tricks.”

  Part of me wanted to tell Atlas it wasn’t so bad just so he wouldn’t feel bad for me or that I wouldn’t be embarrassed for admitting I worked in that cesspool, but I was doing enough lying these days.

  “It’s pretty terrible. Too many handsy drunks and no one policing any of it. I’ll be glad when I’m completely out of there.”

  Atlas hummed as he took another sip of his coffee. “I’ve seen so many places come and go in Haven Hart, I’m shocked Vick’s is still up.”

  I heard that a lot. I had a feeling Vick supplied the cops with extra funds to turn a blind eye, but I didn’t voice that.

  “My friend Shane is there; hopefully he’ll find a job after I’m gone. I hate leaving him there. We watch out for each other.” I was so focused on the amazing coffee I had, I didn’t realize Atlas was staring at me until I looked up. “What?”

  “You talk like you work in a war zone. Why do you have to have each other’s backs at work? Sure, I will protect my men every day of the week, but there’s never a danger that their lives are in trouble. Is that what it’s like there?”

  Shit. Fuck. I didn’t want Atlas getting involved in it. “No, it’s fine. Don’t worry. I wouldn’t stay in a place that was a risk to my life. I swear.”

  Great, more lies. I was getting way too good at them now.

  “You can talk to me anytime, Toby, about anything. If you need help or—”

  “No, I’m good. Honest.” Atlas gave a curt nod, and I knew he didn’t believe me, but I couldn’t risk it all.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Atlas

  After coffee, I asked if Toby wanted to come with me to Joker’s Sin. When he readily agreed with a smile, I was glad my place brought him as much joy as it brought me. I realized I really wanted him to always feel that way about the club.

  There was still a small line even though closing time was in an hour. Everyone was calling my name, and I smiled and said hello, but I wanted to get inside. Ciro moved, and Toby and I entered the club. Ledger had the place bopping, and the stage was filled with writhing bodies. It was electric when I walked the floor. People respected my space but as I drifted through, fingers and hands glided over my arms, back, and occasionally my ass, I absorbed it all. I never minded; it connected us. Joker’s Sin was spiritual for me.

  “Busy for a Tuesday,” Toby said over the music. I nodded and gestured for him to follow me.

  “Hey, Toby,” Max slid me over a glass of water. “Want a drink?”

  “Oh, no thanks. I have to get home soon, just wanted to see what a Tuesday looked like.”

  Max didn’t say anything more as he moved on to the next person waiting for a beverage. I took the moment, with Toby’s gaze roaming over the place, to watch him. He was a beautiful man—troubled, fragile, yet strong. I could see there was a storm raging behind those inquisitive eyes. I didn’t know what exactly it was about Toby that pulled me closer to him, but I understood his search. The secrets that swirled through his head, the desperate need to find purity in the dankness that slithered through the streets of Haven Hart.

  Building Joker’s Sin, creating my mecca, bec
ame a beacon for so many, and I found myself hoping Toby felt peace here too.

  Toby turned and when our eyes met, there was a crackle in the air. I breathed in the ozone and swam in the intoxicating moment.

  “Dance with me, Toby.” I put my glass down, took his hand, and didn’t give him a chance to think about it.

  I crushed his body close to mine, and we melded together. Forward, shuffle, spin, we were in sync. Fuck. I’d never felt such a connection when I danced with someone as I did with Toby. Every inch of his body fit mine. His smell, his breath…fucking magic.

  Right there on the floor, with everyone watching, our bodies turned sinful. I lifted him up, and Toby wrapped his legs around my waist. His head flew back, and though I couldn’t hear it, I felt his laughter, his freedom. We spun, his arms around my neck. The music was our pulse, we were the flow, and damn, I didn’t want this song to ever end.

  When the song did end, I carried Toby to a stool and gently placed him down. Leaning in so our faces were inches apart, I breathed him in.

  “You’re addictive, Toby,” I whispered.

  “Me?” He blinked, his expression disbelieving.

  “Mmm.” Tenderly I kissed his cheek before standing. “Thanks for the dance; that’ll keep me warm for a while.”

  Toby opened and closed his mouth a few times. Poor guy, did no one ever tell him how stunning he was?

  “Get home, safe, Toby. See you tomorrow.” It took everything for me to walk away from him but if I didn’t, there’d be a positively indecent show right there on the bar.

  I heard Max shout last call just as I got into my office and closed the door. I didn’t stop. I went right to the bathroom; I needed a shower…a cold one.

  Ledger and I had decided that since this was Toby’s first night working, we’d make sure everyone here knew it. It was gonna be a party. Long after I got home the night before, I sat in bed, thinking about the man who’d crashed into my life. I’d never found myself wanting to be around someone like this. Not since him. Not since Joker. It terrified me, but I believed I could be in Toby’s orbit without landing. He was searching for something, and I felt like this place could give him what he was looking for.

  “I have a great idea,” Max said as Ledger and I were talking over some ideas for the night. Toby would be here in half an hour, so we had to hurry.

  “What?”

  “The water. We can do something with it and make it a show.”

  Ledger chuckled. “No time to make something to secure the place for water on the stage tonight, Max.”

  He waved Ledger off. “No shit, numbnuts. I’m thinking Wet Wednesday. You usually do it once a month, and you’re due, no? You’ve slacked the last few. Let’s use it.”

  It wasn’t a bad idea. “I like it. The point of the wet part of it is to get people soaked. It’s sexy.”

  “I’ll call my friend and see if he can make some shit to have it fall like rain on the stage.” Ledger gestured to where the stage lights were.

  “I need to make sure it’s legal. Shit, not sure we can get it approved and stuff on time.” Ledger, Max, and I were squinting at the ceiling, and that was how Toby found us.

  “Is there something up there?”

  Toby stood there, wearing dark pants and a hot-pink shirt. His makeup was perfect. He was one hell of a sexy sight.

  “We’re trying to see if we can make it rain in here for a Wet Wednesday.” I smiled and when he returned one, it felt like sunshine.

  “You’ll figure it out.” He was so confident, I knew there was no way I wouldn’t make it happen.

  “I’ll make some calls,” Ledger said and walked off the stage.

  “Ready for your first night?” I hopped off the stage, onto the bar, and onto the floor, standing directly in front of him.

  “I’m scared, but excited.”

  “Good.”

  We weren’t opening for a few hours, so I made sure Toby understood certain codes we had, things to watch for. An hour prior to opening, I had pizza delivered and we all chowed down. Ciro, Ledger, Max, and I always took the time before opening to unwind. Toby was our fourth floor manager in a short time, and I hoped he’d stay with us for a while. He really fit well with my little group.

  The rest of security, servers, and bar staff arrived, and I made sure everyone was acquainted with Toby. He received a nice greeting from my staff, and they took their places. It was time. I loved the buzz leading up to the start of the night.

  Toby got right to work. He was speaking to servers and bar staff while the place filled up. He had a very nonthreatening demeanor, and he got positive responses from people.

  “You gonna watch him all night?” Max asked as I leaned against the bar.

  “I might.”

  “If you fuck him, I will give you so much shit.”

  I jerked my head so fast, I almost whipped Max in the face with one of my braids. “Excuse me?”

  “Oh, come on. You give me so much of your own shit when I do it…”

  “Difference is, I’m never unclear with people. I explain how it is. And if I choose to sleep with Toby, that’s not your business.”

  Max put his hands up. “Chill. I meant nothing by it. I like Toby. Kid’s been through shit…maybe still going through it. Even I wouldn’t touch him.”

  I hated how right Max was, but that didn’t stop my body from coming alive when Toby was near.

  “You have a customer.” I pointed at the two guys winking at me, Max went to work, and I watched Toby until it became busy enough to get the party started.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Toby

  For a good part of the night, I felt intimidated. So many people were moving around, laughing, drinking. Every sound of glass hitting glass made me think there was a brawl happening like at Vick’s. But it was cheers—people clinking glasses together to toast something. While at Vick’s, hand jobs at the booths were a regular thing, no more than kissing and some dance-humping was happening here. I saw a security guy stop what could’ve been an R-rated make-out session, but for the most part it was tame.

  I’d walked the floor and kept things running as smooth as I could for a good few hours. Atlas wasn’t hovering, but he checked on me periodically. I realized it had been a while since we spoke when I heard his booming voice coming from the stage.

  “Good evening, everyone.”

  As usual, the place erupted in shouts, clapping, and Atlas’s name echoing through the room.

  “It’s a special night tonight, and before you all go wondering how it is you have no idea what I’m talking about, I will say it wasn’t on the website.”

  Atlas hadn’t spoken to me about anything special happening tonight, and I realized maybe I was supposed to take the initiative to find these things out.

  “It’s special because Joker’s Sin has become complete. We have added to our ranks.”

  Oh, shit. It hit me like a ton of bricks—I was going to be embarrassed a million times over.

  “We have a new manager among us. He will be making sure things on the floor run smoothly, and he’s not an unfamiliar face. You all may even remember him from a certain dance competition.”

  At that moment, people who were around me started looking, and some patted me on the back.

  “Toby, where are you?” Atlas asked, and the people started to part. Traitors. “There you are, spotlight please?” Ledger did his thing, and suddenly a bright light was on me. “Come on up here.”

  I knew, deep, deep—like so deep in my soul—that working here, I should be prepared to stand on the stage. But I’d hoped I’d be warned in advance. Atlas and I were going to have to make time for a little talk about this.

  Like a man headed for a gauntlet, I made my way onto the stage, unknowing what Atlas had in mind. When I passed DJ Edge, he winked and silently chuckled. I didn’t think this was going to be embarrassing, and in no way did I feel I was being set up. But that didn’t stop the raging butterflies as I got closer to Atlas�
�or maybe it was just being close to Atlas.

  “There’s the man of the hour.” Atlas wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “I stole this lovely man from Vick’s Tricks.” Atlas said it conspiratorially, and the crowd all oooohed at the same time. “I dunno, folks, I’m not sure I’d’ve just let him go.”

  My eyes darted up to meet Atlas’s. They twinkled with joy, sure, but there was a heated spark to them and… No, I’m imagining things.

  “Here at Joker’s Sin we like to welcome new family with a lot of flair…” The lights began to circulate all over the room, practically turning the entire place into a light show. “A lot of shine…” Glittery confetti started falling from above, making me giggle. “And of course, a show.”

  At that, the beginning notes of “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I began and men, clad in white suits with words written all over them, started a choreographed dance. It was incredible. Atlas joined them as if he was born to know their routine. I’m sure I should’ve felt like an idiot just standing there, but I was so lost in the entertainers. As they moved, I read some of the black words on their clothes: dance, love, accept, move, breathe, embrace. It was so incredible.

  I couldn’t help but absorb the whole scene before me. I swayed, unable not to feel possessed by the throb of the music. Atlas was amazing as he slid across the stage, landing right in front of me.

  “Welcome home, Toby.” He spoke into the mic, and the whole place shouted, “Welcome home, Toby.” I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed and felt so free.

  “Details,” Poppy said the second I entered our apartment. “How was your first day?”

  “Shit, Poppy, it’s almost three in the morning, why are you still up?” She’d never been up when I came home from Vick’s. It was as if she didn’t want to know about anything that happened there.

  For the next twenty minutes or so, I sat in our too-small living room and told her all about the fanfare and happenings of my first night. She stopped me every few minutes to ask a question, and I admitted to never being as happy with my life as I was when I was working there.