Shellshock (Spent Shells, #2)

by Hunter, Bijou

  “Are you signaling me for help?” he finally asks over the radio.

  Neri laughs harder and replies, “No, we’re sending you happy thoughts.”

  Cobain says something in Spanish that makes even Kai laugh. He shakes his head and smiles at me.

  “He’s just grumpy that he can’t be in our car where it’s fun.”

  Anika waves again at Cobain. She just waves and waves until he finally waves back. Then he grumbles, “Leave me alone,” over the radio.

  Everyone laughs, even Anika, who doesn’t understand what’s funny. She’s just happy now, having forgotten about the angry dog and the long drive ahead.

  I’m relaxed too. Kai helped me focus on positive things. No more thoughts about the Children of the Black Sun attacking Cobain’s safe house. Or the man shot through the door this morning.

  And I certainly won’t worry about flying in an airplane or meeting his family in Nicaragua. Those things don’t seem real, and I no longer believe they’ll happen.

  Tonight’s drive is something I can control, and I want to make the most of the time we have left.

  Everyone in the SUV is in a good mood. Cobain even passes us at one point and lifts his middle finger to Neri. She instantly laughs at his behavior.

  For the first hour, we listen to music, and Kai encourages Anika to move to the beat. I know he wants to distract her from the seatbelt. He’s really smart about helping people think about the important stuff.

  Before the sun goes down, we play a game where we take turns pointing and naming things outside. Anika doesn’t know the name for a lot of things, but she still points at them, and Kai tells her what they’re called.

  Until the sun goes down, our trip feels like a vacation. Then we need to stop at a gas station, and I notice how Kai and Neri grow quieter. Cobain radios that he’ll hold back to keep an eye on the locals’ reaction to us.

  Anika wants to sleep because it’s dark. I still carry her inside the store to use the bathroom since we’ll be on the road all night. Using her words, she wants me to understand how she doesn’t want to leave her bag in the Suburban.

  “Take bag?” she asks.

  “It’ll be safer in the car. We don’t want to lose your toys.”

  Anika surprises me by nodding. She used to seem confused about what we needed to do. Of course, we never told her anything at the homestead. I didn’t even know what was happening a lot of the time. Everyone at the homestead just said no and expected us to behave.

  Kai remains with the SUV, filling it with gas while Neri guides us to the bathroom. She checks a message from Cobain and frowns.

  “We have eyes on us,” she whispers to me. “When we’re back in the car, slide to the floor until we know we’re clear.”

  I feel myself panicking at the memory of the shepherds’ attack on Cobain’s safe house. Then I think of Kai. Earlier, I reached into the front seat so I could touch his now blond waves. The smile he gave me was so beautiful and caused heat to rush over my body that I still feel.

  Centered again, I hold Anika against me and prepare for our walk to the SUV. I shouldn’t act nervous. I’m a tourist like the ones who stopped by the vegetable stall. They didn’t keep their heads down and weren’t afraid of eye contact.

  Neri walks next to me. She stands tall and even smiles at the man at the counter. Tired, Anika hides her face against me. With her short haircut and yellow shirt, she could be a boy. I hope we look like normal people so we can have one more day with Kai before the end comes.

  Outside, he wears a ball cap over his blond hair. While he wants to be less noticeable, he’s just so handsome that I can’t imagine anyone might ignore him.

  Once Anika and I climb in the back seat, we slide to the floor, where I keep her distracted by practicing our ABCs. She likes the song because she heard Kai sing it, and he makes everything better.

  Cobain radios to say he didn’t notice anyone following us when we left. We pull over on the side of the road and wait for him to fill his tank. Once he’s safely behind us again, he warns, “The locals might have signaled someone. Keep your eyes peeled.”

  After we drive for a short time, Kai says we can get up. Anika immediately asks, “Bed?”

  “Might as well sleep,” Kai says. “The road is quiet. We’re at least a half hour from any towns. If trouble strikes, you can get down. Until then, go ahead and rest.”

  His words are so calm that I forget how there’s a bounty on our lives. Feeding off his serene tone, I organize the pillows and blankets, so that I can lean against the door with Anika on top of me. I watch the ocean video long after Anika sleeps. Soon, I feel myself dozing too.

  Before I sleep, I reach around the headrest and caress the nape of Kai’s neck. He turns enough to kiss my fingers. I imagine a smile on his perfect face. With my baby in my arms and this wonderful man's breath on my skin, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at peace.

  COBAIN

  I didn’t sleep for shit on that recliner. I miss my old beat-up mattress back at my safe house. Robin is also pissed about the change in location. He eventually crawls into the back seat and sleeps.

  “Asshole,” I growl once he abandons me.

  Neri ought to be in my car. I saw the way the men at the gas station were eyeing her. Perverted freaks. I nearly took my rifle and ended the fucker leering near a blue truck. The men didn’t pay attention to Sunny. Though attractive, she wears baggy, ill-fitting sweatpants and an oversized shirt. Plus, she has the kid. Nothing sexy for the perverts to peep at. Neri, though, wears painted-on faded blue jeans.

  Revving the Yukon’s engine, I speed up nearly to the Suburban. I’m ready to get them to pull over and force her into my vehicle.

  I take a few deep breaths to regain control. We could be driving into an ambush, but my brain is on Neri’s curvy ass.

  An hour of quiet—and solid boredom—in my SUV finally calms me down. My edge returns, and I study every car in front of or behind us. There’s no one following from the gas station. Ahead of us is only the dark highway.

  Our destination is four hours away. With five hotels, a Walmart, and plenty of restaurants, the exit is public enough for no one to notice us or launch a full-stage attack. I’m comfortable with the destination for the day, even if we’re taking a long fucking detour to reach it.

  After midnight, I radio Kai to warn that we’re approaching an outpost belonging to an especially violent separatist militia. Though such a small group—with only a dozen men and half as many women—aren’t likely to attack, we should still be on alert.

  “Neri’s wearing her night vision gear,” he replies.

  My dick instantly twitches at the thought of her in those silly goggles. The woman can’t be unsexy.

  The last few hours of the drive are tough. Bored and tired, I keep thinking about Neri. A safe memory is her naked under me back at my safe house. It’s tough to doze off when I’m sporting an erection.

  Then my head veers into dangerous territory with the image of Neri in a swimsuit on a Nicaraguan beach. Next, I think of her doing normal shit back home like surfing or shopping with her mother. When I picture her in that world, I get edgy. I don’t belong in that life, but I’m unwilling to let her go.

  Maybe I’ve felt this way for other women. Did I ever love Priscilla? It’s possible I’ve been alone for so long that I can’t remember feeling such a need for any other woman. Or Neri might be special.

  Not that it matters now. Even if my house still existed, returning to my old life isn’t an option. My daily routine kept me alive as I waited to die. Then, Neri showed up and bewitched me.

  Without a routine and Neri, I have nothing. My only choice is to help her return to Nicaragua, even if I lose her in the end. I’ve always been good at forcing myself to take ugly measures to achieve something necessary. I did it for my mother and then for Priscilla. Now I’ll do it for Neri James.

  ≫FIVE SPENT SHELLS≪

  KAI

  Neri wants to check in at
the hotel, claiming she’ll draw less attention. My sister greatly underestimates how much she stands out in this small-town atmosphere. Choosing not to argue with her, I’m tired after driving most of the night.

  Around one this morning, Anika started crying. She never calmed down completely and eventually threw up her dinner. At four a.m., she began begging for a bed. “Mama, bed?” she must have asked a hundred times.

  My heart hurts when Anika cries. She’s so confused about her life now. I took her away from a bad place, but she hasn’t settled into a new one. She was just getting used to Cobain’s safe house when we left. Last night, she didn’t sleep well. Tonight, she clearly can’t wrap her little mind around why she’s sleeping in the car.

  By the time we pull up to the entrance of the hotel and Neri climbs out to get us a room, I’m in a terrible mood and desperate to get my girls out of this damn vehicle.

  Driving through dangerous territory in the dark prevented me from checking on them. Now that I can, I find Sunny cradling her daughter and staring exhausted at the top of Anika’s head.

  “I love you,” I say, gaining her attention. “We’re one day farther away from the compound and the Children of the Black Sun.”

  Sunny surprises me by offering an easy smile. “You look tired.”

  I reach over the seat and run my fingers along her cheek. Then I do the same to Anika when the child looks at me.

  “Bed, Kai?” she whimpers before remembering the word I taught her yesterday, “Please.”

  “Soon, Ani. Neri is getting our key. Then we’ll sleep.”

  The child shudders, so disoriented that she doesn’t even clutch her toys. She only wants her mother, who she holds in a death grip.

  Once Neri returns with the key, I pull the SUV around back. A few minutes later, Cobain parks nearby and carries Robin to a grassy patch. After the dog does his business, we head inside the building.

  At five in the morning, no one is in the parking lot or hallways. The next twenty minutes pass with a flurry of activity. Sunny cleans up Anika in the bathroom. Neri and I drag in supplies from the SUV. Cobain feeds the dog and fills a bowl of water in the bathroom. Neri also messages our parents to let them know we’re safe at our new location.

  Finally, Anika gets her wish and cuddles in bed with Sunny on one side and me on the other. Neri crawls in the second bed and pats for Cobain to join her. I’m glad he won’t be sitting up in a chair all night. We need real rest before we take on the next part of our trip. The safe house awaiting us could very likely be enemy territory.

  But for the next seven hours, the room is quiet. Just after dawn, Robin gets up and sniffs everything. Without opening my eyes, I hear the dog moving around the room. He laps up water and likely lifts his leg somewhere. Still, for an animal unaccustomed to travel, he’s doing well.

  The hotel is quiet all morning. Twice, Anika sits up and looks around. When she finds me watching her, the child smiles and returns her head to the pillow. I poke Duck in her arms and smile. Anika grins and wiggles her back against Sunny’s tummy for reassurance. Then she’s asleep again.

  Checkout is around noon, but Neri booked the room for two days to ensure no one bothered us.

  For the first time since we realized the Children of the Black Sun planned to attack Cobain’s safe house, I feel genuinely calm. The sensation won’t last, of course. There are many more steps between us and my home.

  Yet the six of us together in this single room offers a sense of peace.

  Even if it’s only the quiet before the storm.

  SUNNY

  Anika wakes me up by kissing my nose. I open my eyes to find a child that I feel as if I barely know. Last night, she was the same anxious, confused daughter I lived with back at the homestead. Anika didn’t understand the world, and I could only silently soothe her. Today, she’s the newer Anika that Kai created.

  Kai kisses her head before leaning over and kissing mine. I can’t imagine waking up to a better sight than them both smiling.

  I sit up to find Neri disappearing into the bathroom, and Cobain still in the other bed. Robin lifts his head when we start moving around, but he doesn’t get up. I don’t think he’s ready to start his day.

  “I’ll go pick up lunch,” Neri announces after Anika and I finish in the bathroom.

  Cobain stops pretending to be asleep and throws the blanket off him. “No. I’ll go.”

  “You stand out,” Neri says and strokes his long black hair. “No one looks like you in the entire world.”

  Kai frowns at his sister’s reaction to a sleepy Cobain. The siblings’ relationship is very curious to me. I was an only child and was never close to any of the kids at the homestead. Are Kai and Neri normal for siblings?

  I wonder again if Anika will ever have a brother or sister. The idea of another child instantly unsettles me. I remind myself Kai would be my baby’s father, and he’s so smart about everything. With him, another child might not feel like a punishment.

  Kai wraps his arms around me and kisses my cheek. “Do you know how to swim?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  Rather than becoming annoyed by my non-answer, he smiles and sneaks another kiss. “After lunch, we should check out the indoor pool. Anika might enjoy playing before we get back in the car.”

  “She can’t swim.”

  Kai’s smile widens. “We’ll stay on the shallow end and help her learn.”

  I stare into his golden-brown eyes and nod because I’m once again amazed by how this man is real.

  “I’ll get the fucking food,” Cobain growls at Neri.

  “You can come with me.”

  “Or,” Kai says, interrupting their bickering, “we could order something and have it delivered. That way, no one needs to leave the hotel.”

  Neri smiles at her brother and then winks at Cobain. “You should have thought of that.”

  “I did.”

  Laughing at his expression, Neri begins searching for restaurants while Cobain stomps to the bathroom.

  “Are you hungry?” Kai asks Anika, who shakes her head. “Want a cracker?” he asks, and she immediately nods. “What do you say?”

  “Please,” Anika giggles because she sees what I do when Kai smiles.

  While Neri figures out what to order, Kai and Anika play on the bed. He holds her hands and encourages her to jump. Despite worrying they’re breaking the rules, I say nothing.

  Cobain checks the security cameras and looks outside. “When are we leaving?”

  “Tomorrow,” Neri announces.

  Kai frowns at his sister but keeps hold of Anika’s hands. “What?”

  “Papa doesn’t trust the people at the safe house, so he’s sending an ally to meet us. But his friend won’t arrive until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest. Since we’re less than a day out from the safe house, we can’t leave today.”

  “Or we can skip the safe house,” Cobain mutters while digging through our food supplies for something to feed Robin.

  “Papa says no.”

  “I don’t take orders from your father.”

  “Then you’ll need to go alone,” Neri says and flashes him a smile. “Because I do take orders from my father.”

  Kai says nothing about the disagreement. I assume he’ll do what his father wants too. He respects his parents, and they love him. I try to remember how my mother was with me. Those memories feel as if they happened to someone else.

  Struggling to imagine my life before my mom died, I think we lived in a little house with no backyard. We also had a front porch where Mom kept her plants. What happened to them after she died, and we moved away?

  Two hours later, as the five of us walk to the swimming pool, sorrow over my mother clings to me. I wear one of Neri’s suits while Anika goes in her underwear and shirt. I’m afraid of her reaction to the water. Depressed and nervous, I don’t even admire Kai in his swim trunks. Cobain follows, fully dressed and disinterested in the pool.

  Before they enter the wa
ter, Neri warns Kai how that swimming in the chlorine might turn their hair green.

  “Excellent,” he says and takes Anika from me. “I love to swim. Do you want to play?”

  My baby looks at the pool and then at me. Her lower lip thrusts out, and I know she’ll cry. She’s scared until Neri dives in the water nearby. Suddenly curious, Anika watches Neri swim to the deep end and then back.

  Taking advantage of her attention being elsewhere, Kai walks down the pool steps. When Anika notices her legs are wet, she smiles. Wanting to be like Neri, she nearly dives headfirst in the water.

  “Whoa,” Kai says, grinning at her enthusiasm. “I have to hold you.”

  Anika shocks me by not crying or wanting my comfort. She loves the water. My baby splashes and kicks her legs, squealing with delight.

  Yet I can’t feel her joy. I can only wonder if my mom held me when I first learned to swim. I barely remember her face now. It’s all gone. I let her memories fade. At the homestead, I was told to forget my old life. Eventually, I did, and I’ll never get those memories back.

  That’s why I cry despite my baby’s joy. To survive, I erased parts of me that are gone forever. What was my mother really like? Everything about her slipped away years ago, and nothing will change that fact.

  KAI

  Growing up around water, I learned when I was young how I could never tame the ocean. However, I could learn to move with it. My mood remains as fluid as the sea, adjusting to a million little things but never stopping.

  In contrast, Cobain is a rock. He forces the water to move around him, but he also can’t adjust. He’s always uncomfortable in new situations. When problems arise, he only knows a few ways to fix them. And shooting Sunny to end her tears isn’t an option.

  I hear him mutter angrily when she begins to cry. He can’t cope with the change in mood. He’s stubborn, demanding the world accommodate him.

  Sunny is neither the ocean or a rock. She is more like a feather, carried in whatever direction the breeze takes her. She can’t control her destination any more than she can choose her starting point.