“The house has a back patio perfect for Robin to enjoy the breeze. He can have his old man accidents without causing damage. Live out the rest of his life in comfort.”
“Are you talking about the dog or me?” Cobain asks.
Laughing, I relish how he teases me. “Where is Robin?”
“In our room, waiting for me to fuck you.”
“He growls when you come.”
Cobain allows a smile. “He thinks I’m angry, so he should be angry.”
“He doesn’t make any noises when I come.”
“You sound as if you’re ready to sneeze.”
Laughing again, I nuzzle his chest with my lips. “If you don’t want to work in Playa Cielo, I’ll support us.”
“Funny.”
“I have money saved up. I also enjoy teaching tourists how to snorkel and surf. Real estate is easy money too, so you’ll never need to worry.”
“I’m not talking to anyone.”
“No, of course not.”
Cobain’s hands slide down my shoulders, making their way to my behind. When the lights flicker from a powerful wind gust, he grips my hips and waits to see if the house will lose power.
Leaning into his embrace, I picture Cobain holding me this way when we’re safe in Playa Cielo. Then my mind cruelly flashes to the image of our convoy being ambushed. First, I worried about losing my brother, Sunny, and Anika. Next, I stressed over losing Cobain. Now, my parents could be lost. There’s a limit to what I’m capable of suffering.
“I wish my parents hadn’t come,” I whisper to Cobain. “Now, I need to worry about them on the final leg of this never-ending trip.”
Cobain doesn’t like discussing emotions. He looks over my head at the wall, lined with weapons. I think he might not say anything to reassure me. Then his gaze finds mine.
“Four capable mercs are better than three. Your mother can hide with Sunny and the kid. Kai and your father can take the pacesetter vehicle. You’ll remain with me in the trail vehicle, and we’ll allow a decent gap between each SUV. If someone attacks, we’ll be ready.”
“What if they use an IED or rocket launcher and destroy our vehicles?” I ask, affording far more professionalism to the people we’re facing. “Everyone I love could be gone in an instant.”
“You’re psyching yourself up for disaster. What good does that do?”
“Don’t you worry?”
“No,” he lies. “I never think of the worst-case scenario.”
I try to be strong, but picturing my mother in this dangerous country again causes me tremendous guilt. I should have known Papa would come. Why didn’t I make it clear for him not to travel here?
But there’s no way to redo the past. If there were, I would fix the pain my parents went through long before I was even born. I’d erase the suffering a lonely, love-starved Cobain felt as a child. I would destroy that cult long before Sunny’s stupid father brought her there. I’d make everything better if I had the power.
Since I don’t, I decide to imagine us arriving in Nicaragua and beginning a new life with our new family. Mama will settle down. Papa will learn to care for Sunny, Anika, and even Cobain. Kai will finally have what he’s been missing. Sunny can find her confidence. Anika will grow up healthy and happy. And Cobain will never be alone again. Even the dog can have a better life.
This ideal is what I choose to believe in as I sneak with Cobain to our room, where he struggles to get comfortable on a bed too small for his frame.
As soon as we’re in Playa Cielo, I swear I’m buying this man a mattress suited for a king.
≫SEVEN SPENT SHELLS≪
SUNNY
The powerful storm wakes me up frequently during the night. Each time, I remind myself we’re in a new room in a new place, but Kai and Anika are with me. I also think of Jake and Mia. Meeting them makes their life in Nicaragua feel more possible.
I wake in the morning to the sound of Anika giggling. My eyes open to find Kai making faces at her. When he notices I’m awake, he gestures toward me, and Anika turns over. She thinks I might be upset, but I stick out my tongue, and she giggles again.
Soon, we’re out of bed and ready for breakfast. Outside remains dark and stormy, but we find everyone relaxed in the main room. Mia jumps up from the chair she shares with Jake and runs to Kai.
“I forgot your hair was blond,” she says, throwing her arms around him and giving him a tight hug. “You look so different.”
“Did you sleep well?” he asks while she leans down to smile at Anika.
Nervous now, I wait for Mia to acknowledge me. She finally looks in my eyes and just turns off her face. I don’t know what her blank expression means. Am I supposed to do something?
“Mama, you’re scaring Sunny,” Kai whispers.
Mia smiles suddenly. “Me?” she asks and laughs. Turning to Jake, she says, “I’m scary.”
Her husband chuckles. “Terrifying.”
Mia turns back to me and caresses my shoulder like she did Kai’s. “I’m not scary. Don’t be afraid.”
“I won’t be.”
Blinking rapidly, Mia inhales sharply. “I remember about your mama now.”
I turn to mush when she gives me a hug. She’s warm like Kai, and her arms around me feel like home. I forgot how much I missed a mama’s hug.
The day gets better with a delicious breakfast of scrambled eggs and French toast. Cobain cooks so much food so easily. At the homestead, the women cooked big pots of boring stuff. They hated cooking too, or maybe they had to pretend to hate it. No one smiled there. When Cobain cooks, though, he hums to songs I don’t know and seems relaxed.
At breakfast, Neri mentions the house has an indoor hot tub. “It’s like a pool,” she explains when I just stare at her. “Anika loves the water, and she can splash around. Then she’ll be worn out and ready for a nap during our babysitting duty.”
I don’t understand that last part until Kai leans over to explain how his mom and sister plan to watch Anika in the afternoon during her nap. He and I can be alone.
I try not to show how excited I am. These other people are smart enough to know what “alone” means. Well, maybe Mia doesn’t pick up on the sex part. She isn’t really paying attention to what anyone’s saying. Her focus is on being silly with Anika by making her toys talk to each other. My baby watches Mia like she’s magic.
Jake stands through breakfast, watching over us. He does the same thing when we’re in the hot tub. I don’t know why he’s on edge. I think it has something to do with Cobain. Or he’s nervous about someone attacking the house. Just like at the homestead, I’m confused about a lot of what’s happening.
I’m also a little unsure about the hot tub. It’s like a big bath, but we don’t get naked in it. Carrying Anika, I climb inside the hot tub. As soon as her toes touch the water, she leaps out of my arms and goes headfirst into the bubbles. Kai manages to keep her from landing against the bottom of the tub.
Anika coughs up water, startled by how her excitement went wrong so quickly.
“You need to be careful,” Kai coos, holding her while she finishes coughing up water. “We’ll need to watch you very carefully when we get home.”
“Home?” she asks, worried.
“Beach home.”
Smiling now, Anika eyes the water bubbling around her. “Play?”
Kai shows her where to stand so she won’t fall under the water. Once she understands, Anika walks in a circle around the outer seating. She sometimes stops to splash and use words that don’t mean what she thinks they do. Then she returns to climbing over us as she circles the hot tub.
Through it all, I admire Kai across from me. His facial hair is thicker today. I shiver at the memory of how it felt against my skin when he kissed my throat at breakfast. I find myself licking my lips at the thought of tasting his sweaty skin.
Kai catches my lusty gaze. I can’t imagine him lusting over me. I wear what he tells me to wear without wondering if he’ll find me
attractive. I know most of the clothes don’t fit right. Neri’s swimsuit is baggy on me because her breasts are bigger. Though I never worry about it, maybe I should.
Then Kai exhales in a particularly naughty way, and I know he’s thinking I look sexy. His body wants my body. Who cares if my swimsuit fits right?
Anika talks most of the time she plays in the hot tub. We turn off the bubbles to keep from getting overheated, but she keeps playing. She tells Kai about Duck doing something. I think maybe she’s talking about Mia playing with the doll. I just nod whenever she looks at me, but I don’t understand most of her words.
Jake doesn’t speak for the entire time we’re in the hot tub. He only grunts when Kai talks to him. He’s wearing that mean expression on his face, and I’m afraid to look at him. Except once or twice, I notice him smile when Anika gets excited. She’ll hold onto the sides and jump in the water, squealing with joy.
Anika would remain in the water for the rest of the day if Kai didn’t talk her into having lunch. He promises we’ll play more later.
“We’ll get you lots of pool toys,” he promises as we dry off and get changed.
“What if she jumps in?” I ask, not knowing how the pool at his house works.
“There’s a gate around it from when I was a kid. My parents put security on everything,” he says and then smiles. “They’re paranoid.”
Nodding, I keep thinking about what happens when Anika takes her nap. I’m so excited that I can barely eat lunch. If Cobain’s delicious meat and rice didn’t smell so good, I’d skip the meal.
Kai suggests we watch a movie after lunch. I catch on to his plan. Anika can fall asleep in the room with Neri and Mia. Then she won’t notice my absence. Well, that’s the plan. I’m absolutely certain Anika won’t fall asleep at all, and I’ll sit around full of lust all afternoon.
Of course, I’m wrong. Anika loves naps, and she played a lot today. With her stomach full and surrounded by safe people, she dozes off on the couch. Her little head rests on a pillow next to my thigh.
Though I’m afraid to stand up, she doesn’t stir at all when I do. Neri waves dramatically for us to run for it. Kai just smiles and casually takes my hand before we walk out of the room.
“Neri will text me if Anika wakes up,” he promises and shuts the bedroom door.
Staring too intensely at him, I announce, “I’m not afraid.”
“It’s okay if you are,” he whispers in his hypnotic voice that sends waves of comfort through me. “You might cry. Your body might tense up and cause pain. Nothing you feel is wrong, okay?”
Even before he tugs off his long-sleeved shirt, I struggle to hear his words over my racing heart. Then I think of touching his hot skin, and I’m dumbstruck by lust. Kai caresses my cheek and asks if I understand. Once I nod, he continues, “This is our first time together, but it won’t be our last. It doesn’t have to be perfect because it’s only the beginning.”
I bite at my lower lip and reach for his chest. The feel of his hot skin against my fingertips steals my breath. I’m completely here with Kai. Nothing else matters. I only see him.
My fingers caress his jaw as his lips find mine. I brush away his blond hair from his eyes. His hands slide off my shirt. I don’t feel shame at revealing my breasts to him in this well-lit room. I’m far too curious about Kai’s body to worry about mine.
The sun-bleached blond hairs scattered across his tanned, hard chest. The way his nipples feel against my fingers. The hard bulge he frees from his pants.
As soon as he kneels down to lick my nipple, I run my fingers through his thick hair. I’m so lustful that his breath alone makes me quiver.
When his finger dips inside me, he must find me wet. I felt between my legs after I orgasm the other night. I wanted to know what my body did when it felt good. Then I watched him stroke his penis. No, his cock. Kai taught me the words, and cock is the naughtier one.
Now my fingers caress his hard flesh the way he did. On the bed with our naked bodies hot to the touch, I spread my thighs, wanting him to touch me while I stroke him. I moan quietly when he licks at my nipples. Then louder when he sucks harder at them.
Kai kneels over me, an angel offering sin to a fallen woman. That’s what the cult would claim we’re doing.
Well, I can’t imagine a single thing wrong with such an idea. Only this angel’s delicious brand of sin can fix what they destroyed in me.
I reach down to feel where his finger moves inside me. My flesh is so hot, much like his cock that I hold in my hand.
“I want you wet,” he murmurs and then sucks at my bottom lip.
Kai’s gaze holds mine. I don’t know what he sees, but he gently slides my hand off his cock and rests it on my breast.
“Touch your nipple,” he says, wearing a lust-filled smile as his finger leaves my body.
I can’t help looking down at where his cock teases my wet part. Squirming, I want so much to have an orgasm.
Achingly slow, his cock enters my body.
“Breathe,” he says in his wonderfully relaxed voice.
Exhaling, I lick my lips and hold his gaze. I want Kai to know I’m not afraid. My body has never felt as alive as it does right now.
I want to watch his muscles flex as he moves slowly in and out of my body. Each time, his cock goes a little deeper inside, and I groan with approval. I’d love to admire the way his shoulders look as they hold him over me or how his stomach clenches when he thrusts. But I can’t take my eyes off his angelic face. He’s so gorgeous that he belongs on the TV. Except he’s real and inside my body and watching me as if he finds me just as beautiful as I do him.
“I love you,” I gasp as that heat builds between my legs, reaching into my stomach and squeezing my heart.
Kai's expression is too much. He looks at me as if I’m more valuable than anything in the entire world. I see me through his eyes. For the first time since I was a kid, I don’t hate myself. I see my beauty and strength. I watch myself orgasm and believe my pleasure is a gift. Through his eyes, I see a woman reborn.
I’m grateful for the kiss Kai offers after my moans quiet. He wants to reassure me but also himself. Kai loves me so much that my pain and fear belong to him too. I don’t know how the world works, but I know I’m blessed to have someone care for me like he does.
I promise myself I will work every day to show Kai how much he means to me. I’ll learn to be good in bed and make him orgasm. I’ll talk more. Smile lots. I’ll be the best I can be, so Kai will always feel the way he makes me feel.
When he orgasms, I laugh joyfully. My body made him feel this way. No shepherd could find pleasure like he does. I’m not just a thing. He’s not using me. This is more than I ever could have imagined.
And it’s just the first taste of a lifetime of pleasure we’ll share.
COBAIN
While Neri babysits a sleeping child and Kai fucks his woman, I decide to check on the dogs in the back. A few hours back, the winds died down, but the rain hasn’t let up yet. The weather app claims tomorrow will be clear, but today looks like shit.
Not knowing the last time that the animals ate, I decide to get soaked by feeding them. To ensure this experience is extra fucking unpleasant, Jake chooses to assist me. I don’t waste time trying to talk him out of it.
We locate heavy jackets in a closet at the back of the house and stomp through the flooded yard to where the dogs huddle inside their high-end enclosure. They bark at us until we dump a pile of cooked meat through the railing into their bowls. I add the rice leftovers from lunch too. I figure the heavy foods will help them deal with the cold.
Despite the boots and jackets, Jake and I are soaked by the time we get back inside.
“The Company will send new people to take over,” I mumble when Jake just frowns at me. “The dogs will be fine.”
“I don’t fucking care.”
“Well, I do.”
“Stop dating my daughter.”
Sharing his scowl, I sta
nd eye-to-eye with Neri’s raging father. “Never.”
“Then marry her when we get home.”
“No.”
Unsure now, he sizes me up. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“A week ago, I was alone. Now I have Neri and the rest of you. I’ll do shit when I’m ready to do shit.”
Jake gives me a look I’m accustomed to from other men. Basically, I’m a dangerous weirdo they ought to put down.
“What do you want from Neri?” he finally asks.
“Everything,” I say and then add with less vigor. “Or whatever she’ll offer. I haven’t decided how greedy I’ll be.”
“And what do you offer her?”
“Whatever I’m capable of.”
“What if she wants children? Are you capable of being a father?”
“Why not? You did it.”
Jake moves aggressively toward me, but I don’t back up. If he wants to hit me, I guess I have to let the middle-aged fucker have his fun. Neri is too much of a fan of her father for me to knock him on his ass.
When I don’t flinch, Jake just grumbles under his breath. “I raised two happy children.”
“I’d applaud, but you’d probably assume I was mocking you.”
“Killing you would solve a lot of problems.”
I recall Neri’s words from yesterday. She’ll never look at her father the same way if he murders me. That was a big statement from a daddy’s girl. If I was prone to believe women, her words might be enough to prove she actually loves me.
“What type of man do you want for Neri?” I ask while tugging off my soaked boots. “How about a common businessman who might rat out your family’s secrets if things go wrong with Neri?”
Jake rolls his eyes. “I’d kill him before he snitched.”
“And if he’s the father of your grandchildren? Then they grow up and think you’re the asshole who stole away their daddy.”
“What makes you believe I won’t kill you at some point?” he asks, unsettled at someone he loves thinking poorly of him.
Shellshock (Spent Shells, #2) Page 14
