My old centurion, still clothed in the same armour I sent him to his death in, lifted his head. His eyes held hatred for me, and he slowly lifted his finger and pointed it at me …
‘No!’ I screamed in panic as I sat up in bed, covered in sweat, heart racing.
Soft cool hands stretched around me. ‘Shush, my love.’
I swung my legs out of the bed and sat on the edge of it, my head in my hands. I tried to regain my breath, but my heart was still racing wildly.
Numeria said sleepily, ‘Come back to bed, my love. It was just a bad dream.’
I took a deep breath. ‘How can it be my fault?’
She turned and said something sleepily, but she was already falling back to sleep.
My breathing was still quick and I was covered in sweat. I looked at the now sleeping Numeria and whispered, ‘I can’t let this go.’
Chapter Nine
I lay back in my bed and tried to go back to sleep. My mind was awhirl as thoughts turned around in my head, thinking through what I’d just seen. The fact that the shade of Decius was visiting my dreams again was important, I was sure. I’d not seen him since before the Teutoburg, and I quailed at the significance of that. I stared up at the dark ceiling and very slowly the rudiments of a plan began to form in my head, although it wasn’t one I liked. It wasn’t one I liked one bit.
The long night dragged on, with Numeria sleeping softly beside me, but my stomach was turning in knots as my mind raced with the consequences of following through with where my mind was taking me.
I eventually slipped out of bed, being careful not to wake Numeria, picked up a tunic and walked out to the atrium that lay outside my bedroom. A lamp burned here throughout the night, illuminating the small pool and the statue of Apollo at its centre. I lit a smaller lamp from it, which I found in one of the wall alcoves, and carried that through my home. I slipped past my dining room and the room next to it that I’d taken to using as a small study. Then I passed a rarely used reception room that Badriyah and Silo had been decorating with paintings of small birds. I smiled as I saw them, lifting my lamp to illuminate the pictures of goldfinches that flew across the murals, beautifully painted in bright colours. I knew the work to be mainly Badriyah’s, but she’d let Silo fill in a few of the birds’ feathers so he could take credit for the work too. She had high hopes of him one day being a proficient painter, although I was guessing it would be a long time until he reached Badriyah’s level, judging by her neatly drawn birds that seemed to move in the lamplight as I illuminated them on passing. I left the murals behind and walked into the small storeroom that Patrellis used to keep old odds and ends. In there, I found the chest I was looking for, a large chest bound with strips of bronze. I kneeled and lifted the lid and moved aside the heavy cloak that covered the large bronze breastplate and steel helmet I’d hidden there. Underneath it was the thick leather kilt, and right at the bottom was what I’d been looking for: a sheathed gladius.
I lifted it up in trembling hands and turned it over in front of me. The sheath was my own, but it was a good match for the blade, made of soft camel leather from Syria and decorated with fine silverwork along it edges and around the rim. The guard and handle of the gladius were also enamelled with silver, and I drew the perfectly balanced hard steel blade and checked that it was still sharp along its edges. It was, the fine Spanish steel keeping its edge as if it had been sharpened yesterday. I ran my thumb along it and then turned it round to see the letters embossed on the pommel of the beautifully crafted weapon: P.Q.V.
Publius Quinctilius Varus, former Governor of Germany and one-time commander of the entire Roman army in Germany. I’d taken the blade from his cadaver as I’d escaped from the forests of Germany alongside Marcus. It was the same blade that Varus had used to end his own life when he realised the ruin he’d brought us too. I’d kept it to remind me of all the men that had died in that terrible battle, so that I never forgot the sacrifice they’d made. But since I’d returned to Rome, it had lain here in this box, discarded and forgotten. I turned it around in my hands, remembering Varus kneeling and plunging it into his own heart.
‘There you are! I thought you’d run off into the night,’ said Numeria from the doorway to the small room.
I jumped in shock and nearly dropped the blade. ‘Numeria, sorry, you startled me.’
Numeria sighed. ‘Gaius, what are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night.’
I looked down at the gladius. ‘I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.’
Numeria kneeled down behind me. ‘Why have you taken that out?’
I shrugged. ‘Guilt, I guess. Guilt that I’ve left it here for so long.’
Numeria sighed. ‘What is it, Gaius? I know something is bothering you.’
I felt a lump form in my throat.
‘Shhhush … Gaius, don’t get upset. Tell me what it is?’
‘You know I love you, don’t you?’
She wrapped her warm arms around me from behind. ‘Don’t be silly, of course I do, but I can see you’re troubled by something.’
I didn’t know how to start. It sounded ridiculous when spoken out loud. ‘It’s nothing. Please go back to sleep. I’ll be fine.’
She stroked my back. ‘I’m not going anywhere, Gaius. Please tell me what it is?’
I took hold of her hand and held onto it, but I still didn’t turn to face her. ‘Do you remember me telling you about the centurion named Decius?’
She gripped me more tightly. ‘Yes, of course. He died at Western-Gate Pass.’
I nodded. ‘He died, but he came back to visit me in my dreams. I think he was trying to warn me of Julius’ betrayal – but I never saw it. Maybe if I’d listened to him …’
Numeria hushed me. ‘Stop that, stop that now. You can’t blame yourself for what happened at the Teutoburg. I won’t allow it. You know it wasn’t your fault.’
I shrugged. ‘It is unlikely I could have persuaded Varus to act any differently, even had I heeded the warnings, but maybe if I’d just tried …’
She kissed my brow. ‘You are too good a man to waste your life thinking on ifs and maybes. It was a tragedy what happened there, but it was not your fault. You’re just finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that you survived whilst so many others died.’
I nodded. ‘I think you’re right, Numeria, but it’s hard not to think back and wish I’d acted differently and seen through Julius’ treachery. Maybe Decius’ shade truly was visiting me and trying to warn me what was about to happen. Decius’ visits stopped after the battle.’
She stroked my back. ‘Possibly part of your subconscious realised that something was amiss with Julius, but you couldn’t possibly have guessed what he planned – no one could have.’
I turned to her then. ‘Yes, but now Decius is back. He visited my dreams this night – surely I can’t ignore his warning this time?’
I felt her stiffen. ‘Tell me what you dreamt.’
I told her of the strange landscape, the countless dead, the unknown town covered in flames. ‘When I reached the town’s centre, in their Forum, Decius was waiting for me.’ I paused to try and compose myself, as I felt tears in my eyes. ‘He was surrounded by the dead, he …’ I choked on the words, finding it hard to continue.
Numeria ran her fingers through my hair. ‘Go on …’
I stiffened my resolve. ‘He raised a finger and pointed at me. I looked into his eyes, dark with accusation and anger. Then I knew. I knew that I was responsible for those deaths, that I was to blame for what had befallen that town.’
Numeria stroked my arms. ‘But how can it have been your fault? You didn’t even know the town?’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t pretend to understand it, but I knew it with a certainty. That town was destroyed because of me.’
Numeria shook her head and smiled sadly. ‘Come on, Gaius, you’ve never been a religious man, believing in omens and the like. Who’s to say that these dreams are anything mor
e than your mind recalling your experiences in the Teutoburg? I know how troubled your sleep has been since then. I witness the horrors you go through each night in your sleep and it breaks my heart.’
I took hold of her hand in mine and squeezed it gently. ‘No, that’s not it. This dream was different. I think it was foretelling the future, not looking back on the past.’
Numeria rolled her eyes. ‘Gaius, you spent the evening discussing Germany with Augustus, Livia and Germanicus. Don’t you think that has had some influence on your dreams tonight?’
I hedged. ‘It might have.’
She smiled then. ‘Well there you go. Your mind has just been stirred up by speaking to the most powerful people in the land. It was bound to have an effect. That is why Decius has returned to your dreams now.’
I looked into her pale brown eyes that I loved so much. ‘Or Decius returned now because I’ve been given an opportunity to stop what I saw?’
Numeria pulled her hand away, stood up and folded her arms under her breasts. ‘I can see where this is heading. You’ve been given the opportunity to head back to Germany and you’re trying to rationalise a reason for going. Well, I won’t have it, Gaius!’
She turned away from me so I wouldn’t see the tears springing from her eyes. I stood up behind her and put my arms around her. ‘No, Numeria, I don’t think I’m being asked to return to Germany. What would be the point? The border is secured by Tiberius, and he is ten times the general I could ever be. The frontier is locked up so tightly that any incursion by Julius is impossible. What’s more, Augustus has no plans to retake Germany as yet, so there would be nothing for me to do there.’
Numeria turned around and threw herself into my arms. ‘Oh thank the gods. I had a terrible feeling that this was going to lead back there.’
I held her tightly. ‘No, I don’t want to go to Germany. I want to leave for Spain.’
‘What!’ She pushed me away in anger. ‘Spain!’
I swallowed hard. ‘Let me explain. Germanicus said …’
She walked out of the small room. ‘I knew that man had put ideas in your head. I don’t want to hear any more of this.’
I picked up the small lamp and followed her into the room of murals. ‘This isn’t Germanicus’ idea. Please hear me out.’
She stopped walking, but anger still touched her voice. ‘What earthly reason could there be for going to Spain?’
‘Julius’ brother is there. Flavus is there.’
She shook her head, turning around. ‘Julius’ brother? I think I only met him once. He was just a boy, younger than Silo when I met him.’
I remembered. Flavus had joined his brother Julius at my father’s estate that last hot summer before Julius had left to join the army in Syria. Numeria had joined us one particularly hot day and we’d paddled in the fountains in the large garden to keep ourselves cool. It was one of the happiest times in my life. ‘He’s now twenty two, a centurion serving in the legions in Spain.’
She looked at me then, confusion clear in her eyes. ‘But what does that have to do with you?’
I cleared my throat. ‘What if Julius has brought Flavus into his game, included his brother in his plans? Even now, Flavus could be sowing insurrection in one of Rome’s most important provinces. Augustus’ eyes are understandably on Germany right now. Could the rest of his empire also be in peril?’
Numeria shook her head vigorously. ‘Surely not. What would even make you think such a thing?’
I looked at her earnestly. ‘Because it is just what Julius would do. What makes Julius such a terrible adversary for Rome is his ability to think on such a large scale. Only he could have persuaded the German tribes to put away their tribal differences and act together to defeat Varus. Look at his plans to make a treaty with Maroboduus of the Marcomanni and gift them Gaul – who else would even conceive that? His position in Germany is always going to be precarious as long as he is fighting Rome alone. If he can sow discord in other provinces, his position is secured. Why not Spain, where the gold mines provide so much of Rome’s wealth?’
Numeria stared at the floor. ‘But Spain has been at peace for the last thirty years. Augustus himself ended the wars there.’
I raised my eyebrows. ‘Yes, there has been thirty years of peace, but the wars there had been continuous for the two hundred years that preceded that. I don’t have much knowledge of the three Spanish provinces. But I know that bandits still trouble the region in the mountains there, and many of the tribes still operate independently, beholden to Rome in name only. Where better to stir up a rebellion? Is Julius’ brother there by accident or design? Could Julius have arranged the appointment there for Flavus? He was well enough placed to do it.’
Numeria still held her ground. ‘But Flavus could have been completely oblivious to his brother’s plans. You can’t know he is a traitor too?’
I folded my arms. ‘Well, I know Julius was in correspondence with Flavus because he told me. Don’t you think he might have mentioned that he planned to murder twenty thousand Romans?’
Numeria looked up to the ceiling in exasperation. ‘But surely Augustus and Livia are aware of Flavus. Can’t they deal with him?’
‘Oh they are aware, alright. But I know what their solution will be. They’ll just send an assassin and kill him.’
She looked at me sharply. ‘Truly?’
I nodded. ‘Without a shadow of a doubt. But that may not be a sensible response. If Flavus is truly a traitor, we’ll never learn how far his treachery spreads. He may have already sown the seeds of rebellion. Killing him tells us nothing.’
She looked at me carefully. ‘And you wish his death?’
I paused, swallowed hard, knowing the importance of this response. ‘Only if he is as guilty as his brother. I need to see for myself before I condemn him. I still remember the young boy who followed Julius and me around. I used to feel he was an extension of my own family. I owe it to him to at least hear him out.’
Numeria sat down heavily on one of the divans in the room. ‘Do you think it likely that he is innocent?’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t be sure. I haven’t seen him for thirteen or fourteen years. I’ve never known the man, just the boy. But Flavus used to idolise his elder brother. So there is a good chance that he is guilty.’
She looked up at me from the divan. ‘You never saw the truth in Julius, what makes you so sure that you’ll be able to divine the truth from his brother?’
‘Because this time I have had the mists of treachery taken from my gaze. This time I won’t let past affection distract me from the truth. I have to at least try, Numeria. I’m sorry.’
Numeria nodded. ‘I understand. I don’t like it, but it wouldn’t sit easily on me to do nothing. I still remember that young boy with bright blonde hair and big blue eyes splashing in the water. Stupid to remember him as such, but that is the only memory I have of him.’
I looked down at the gladius in my hand. ‘Let’s hope that memory hasn’t been poisoned by Julius too.’
She stared at the floor. ‘But if you discover he had nothing to do with his brother’s plans, how can you help him?’
I gave a long sigh. ‘Maybe I can’t. But I’m the only hope he has.’
She said quietly, ‘And the only way we’ll ever know for sure.’
I nodded. ‘Exactly.’
She looked at me keenly and said, ‘Now tell me your plan?’
Chapter Ten
To be honest, there hadn’t been much to my original plan, other than to travel to Spain, locate Flavus and ascertain his guilt or innocence. Augustus had told Germanicus he needed to send someone else to Spain, so why not ask for it to be me? Germanicus seemed to respect me, even if his adoptive grandfather was less sure. It looked to be an obvious opening – if I could travel in an official capacity, my chances of locating Flavus were greatly enhanced and the connections and authority it would lend me represented my only realistic chance of getting to the truth of the matter. Howev
er, after spending a good portion of the night discussing it with Numeria, I’d come to realise that I’d need a far more convincing argument than one that relied on old acquaintances reminiscing about their school days.
So now I was back in the imperial palace on the Palatine, waiting in one of the palace’s many reception rooms for an audience with both Germanicus and, the gods help me, Livia as well. There had at least been one small mercy: Augustus wasn’t present in the palace today. He’d been called to the Senate on business. I’d wanted to run through my idea with Germanicus alone, but Numeria had insisted that any plan needed to involve Augustus and Livia. She’d pointed out that if Augustus was already considering sending orders for Flavus’ death, what would be the point in me going over to Spain? Chances are the orders would reach there before I did, and even if they didn’t, would my presence make any difference? Unlikely. No, I needed to offer them something better so they’d call off their dogs and send me instead.
I looked out of the balcony that overlooked the Circus Maximus whilst I waited. It was too early for a race to be taking place, but members of the Blues team had evidently been given permission to practice today, as one of their chariots was busily making circuits around the great oblong ring. The circus sand sprayed in great plumes each time the chariot raced around the tight corners at each end, as the charioteer whipped his four horses to ever faster speeds. Normally, I’d be pleased to be given such a great view of the spectacle, but my mind was still turning over the arguments I’d practised with Numeria that morning. I was dressed in my full armour, polished to a sheen by Patrellis, who we assigned to the task as soon as he’d risen. I needed to show them how serious I was, and nothing did that better than a full tribune’s armour, with crested and plumed helmet under my arm, bronze breastplate gleaming, and a gladius by my side.
A young female slave, pretty and with a fresh open face and plain white tunic, came over to me. She gave me a polite smile. ‘The Lady Livia and Germanicus will see you now, if you’d like to follow me?’
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