The London of Us

by Clare Lydon

  My clit sprang to life as I thought back to Wednesday, back to that kiss. On Primrose Hill with London watching on.

  Now, it was the London of us.

  Jess arriving at our table interrupted the conversation.

  “Hello, some of my favourite women. How are we today?”

  I grinned up at her. “Couldn’t be better. And the smell coming from your kitchen is only making me happier.” The air in the café was filled with the scent of butter and lemon, telling me this morning had been a mammoth cake-baking session for Jess.

  Since coming over to this area more often, I loved coming into Porter’s whenever I could: as well as the stellar food, Jess and her team were brilliantly welcoming, and I’d felt at home from the start.

  “I’ve just baked a chocolate Swiss roll with vanilla cream, my new fetish, and a lemon drizzle cake. So if any of that takes your fancy, let me know. In the meantime, the usual coffee?” she asked me.

  I nodded. “The larger and blacker, the better, thanks.”

  Jess turned, then turned back almost immediately. “I almost forgot to say — Lucy and I have set a date for our wedding.” She looked so thrilled and flushed with love, it was beguiling.

  “That’s brilliant news, congrats!” Tanya got up and gave Jess a hug. “When’s the big day?”

  “This time next year. It’s going to be six years since we officially started seeing each other then, so we decided to be sentimental.”

  “I’m so happy for you.” Tanya was beaming, and I wondered how long it would be before she announced her plans, too. “Meg will be pleased — she was worried you’d set the date sooner, and then she might not be able to come. But by that time, the baby should be big enough to be left, right?”

  Jess’s best friend Kate was married to Meg, Tanya’s ex — but they were all still good friends. I loved Meg dearly — truth be told, I was heartbroken when she and Tanya split up, because Meg had been a big part of my life. Plus, she ran a florist called Fabulous Flowers, so their house had always been covered with gorgeous blooms. I was thrilled when she and Tanya got over their differences, and Meg was finally allowed back in our lives. She was currently eight months pregnant with her first child, and I couldn’t wait to meet the heir to the Fabulous Flowers fortune.

  Jess grinned. “Well she’s the size of a gigantic house, so I hope it’ll be out by then — she’s due in a few weeks, it’s getting exciting.” She paused. “Although I’m leaving the ‘having kids’ part to her — Lucy and I have got enough on our plate with Spinach.”

  I grinned as I recalled Jess’s tenacious French Bulldog.

  Tanya waited for Jess to leave, before pulling in her chair and fixing me with her smile. “So,” she said, splaying her hands like she was opening a book. “Tell me about Wednesday. I want to know all the tiny details, however small.”

  I shuddered: damn my body. “We just went on one of our usual dinner dates at a cool new restaurant. We do it every month and have been for the past nine months, and you’ve never been this interested before.”

  “I know you do, but I don’t think you’ve had one since (a), you decided you might like a slice of Rachel; and (b), since you told Rachel this and she dumped her very short-lived girlfriend like a hot brick.” Tanya poked her tongue into her cheek. “And don’t tell me you just talked about how good the food was, because I won’t believe you.” She sat forward, her gaze drilling into me. “Do you even remember what the food was?”

  I harrumphed like a teenager. “Yes! The chef did amazing things with asparagus.”

  Tanya erupted in laughter. “Now I really don’t believe you.” She put a hand under her chin. “And did you taste anything else other than the food?”

  What colour were my cheeks now? I didn’t want to look in a mirror any time soon.

  “We kissed, okay?” I said, a little too loudly, just as Jess was arriving back at our table with coffee.

  I looked up, guilt written all over my face. If she’d heard, she said nothing, instead putting the coffees down and hurrying back to serve another customer. I guessed she was used to overhearing things she shouldn’t and being discreet. It was all part of running a café.

  “And? You’re always telling me to open up, so shouldn’t you take your own advice?”

  I narrowed my eyes at her, but knew she was right. Why was I being so defensive?

  My body heated up all over again just thinking about it. “It was incredible. It’s like the whole world just made a lot more sense, you know?”

  Tanya’s face softened. “I do know,” she said, sitting back with a smile. “And you’re feeling okay about it?”

  I nodded. “I’m feeling just wonderful about it.” I’d never spoken truer words. When I thought about Rachel’s kiss, it still tasted sweeter than any of the aromas coming from Jess’s kitchen.

  Tanya gave me a grin. “Welcome to the club.”

  “I’m not a fully paid-up member yet.”

  “Yet,” Tanya replied. “But you do know what it’s like to kiss another woman now.”

  I beamed at her. “I certainly do.”

  It had been beyond anything I’d imagined, and adrenaline still coursed through my veins when I thought about it. Rachel’s kiss made me want to dance, to sing, to pump my fist into the air.

  “And how did you leave it?” she asked. “Declarations of love, marriage proposals?”

  “Both of those,” I said, giving her a playful slap. “We’re seeing each other to shoot at yours in precisely,” I checked my phone, “two hours. Which is why I thought I’d meet you first, fill you in somewhere that wasn’t your flat. Just in case Jake shows up, or Rachel, even worse.”

  “Even worse?”

  “Because I get anxious around her. Because it all means so much.”

  “You’re scared.”

  “Petrified. But also beyond excited. Does that make sense?” I hoped it did, because the other option was that I was going mad.

  “Perfectly — it’s normal. You’re losing your virginity all over again, things are going to be weird.”

  A shiver ran through me, from my scalp to my toes. “Losing my virginity and my sanity.”

  “Why do you think there are so many crazy lesbians out there?”

  I gave her a look.

  “So today might be the day?”

  “Maybe,” I said, desire flushing through me. “I don’t want to overthink it.” Because I’d been doing that all week. “But when she kissed me, I wanted to quote poetry afterwards.”

  “That sounds like it was some kiss.”

  My mind swam. “You have no idea.” I paused. “But what if she wants to take it slow? I don’t want to be pushy. I mean, I can’t really afford to be pushy, can I? I’m not the proper lesbian.”

  Tanya let out a howl of laughter. “She won’t want to take it slow, trust me. Plus, I think you might be more ready than you think. You can’t have been around me this long without picking up some tips, right?”

  My mind scrambled thinking about it all again. “Remember that barbecue you had ages ago, when you’d just starting going out with Meg? It was completely full of lesbians, bar me and my then boyfriend?”

  “Zach?”

  “That’s the one.”

  Tanya shook her head. “But go on, what about it?”

  “I remember back then, all this chat going on about women. I remember wondering if I’d ever truly know what you were all going on about.”

  “And soon you will.” Tanya paused. “You think you’ve been thinking about it all these years and never acknowledged it?”

  I screwed up my face: it was a question I’d been asking myself, and I still didn’t have a satisfactory answer. “I don’t know,” I said. “I mean, it’s crossed my mind before, but I think that’s normal, isn’t it? And then, being a lesbian or bi isn’t such a big deal these days. At least, that’s what I thought when it wasn’t about to happen to me.”

  “And now the rules have changed?”

&
nbsp; My skin tingled at the memory of Rachel’s touch. Soon, I’d know what it felt like all over my body. “Totally,” I said, my voice gravelly, my insides churning anew. I blew out a slow breath. “Now I’m trying not to think too far into the future, because what it holds is everything I want and everything I’m terrified of.”

  Tanya reached over and squeezed my hand. “It’s not that scary, trust me.” She swept some hair out of her eyes. “And just do whatever comes naturally, okay? I’m sure you’ve got this, though, you don’t need me to tell you anything. You’ve always been better at relationships than me, I doubt anything’s changed just because you’re with a woman now.”

  I covered her hand with mine. “You’re not so bad these days yourself.”

  She smiled at that. “I have my moments.” A pause. “But if it does go well and tonight you’re breaking out the Cuban cigars, does that mean I need to have another queer barbecue to celebrate?”

  I shook my head with gusto, waving my hands. “No barbecues, no celebrations. I’m taking this one step at a time, okay?”

  Tanya grinned. “I’ll wait for your signal to buy the steaks and get Delilah a new rainbow unicorn outfit.” She paused. “You’re still on for staying over tonight and looking after my little doggie?”

  I nodded, patting my overnight bag at my feet. “All ready to smother her with affection while you’re dancing to bad wedding music in Wales.”

  “Good to hear,” Tanya said. “And just so you know, I put fresh sheets on your bed, just in case things get a little heated after the shoot. Feel free to make them dirty.” She gave me an exaggerated wink.

  “Are you trying to make my head explode?”

  The grin Tanya gave me this time was the width of London Bridge.

  Chapter 21

  Rachel turned up first, and gave me a hesitant hug. “It’s good to see you,” she said, her eyes sparkling, but I could feel a barrier between us and I understood. Jake was due any minute, and his addition to the mix was anything but normal.

  However, there was no time to analyse, as Rachel got busy getting her ingredients ready and running over her script, giving me key points to seize on as normal. It was very much business as usual, unless you were inside my mind, or, I suspected, Rachel’s.

  Ten minutes later, Jake bustled in, more stubble than normal on his face, and he looked tired and grumpy — not like Jake at all. He set up the camera with minimal chat, and within ten minutes we were shooting, Rachel cooking up a Mexican feast of tacos and home-made guacamole with charred corn, with me tasting all her cooking and declaring it divine.

  A bit like her.

  Presenting the show was surprisingly normal, given the circumstances. We were professional when it came to the show, although every time our eyes met, my heart threatened to collapse. But giving anything away on camera wasn’t optimal — not with Jake behind it and an army of commenters poised on the other side of the screen.

  My feelings for Rachel were very much my own, and I wanted to keep them that way for as long as possible.

  “And that’s a wrap,” Jake said, giving us a thumbs-up from behind the camera. “You two were really on form today — there was a real connection, even more than normal.” He crossed his arms over his chest, giving us a look. “Who knows why? But just wait till the fans get a look at this — they’re going to want even more from you, just a warning!”

  I didn’t even dare look at Rachel as I knew what her face would be doing: the same as mine, freezing in case we betrayed any hint of what had changed.

  Jake’s phone buzzed and he picked it up, frowning at the screen as he answered. “Hiya.” He paused, heading towards the front door. “Just gotta take this, back in a minute.”

  The door slammed shut and both of us exhaled, dropping our heads in unison.

  “Well, that was the longest half hour of my life.” Rachel clutched the edge of Tanya’s wide central kitchen island, before giving me a pained smile. “How was it for you?”

  “Strangely normal, so long as I didn’t focus on my ex behind the camera,” I replied, grabbing the empty ingredients bowls and taking them to the sink where Rachel was running water and beginning to clear up.

  But when I stood beside her, my heart caught in my throat as she turned, her gaze searing my skin.

  “Where did you come from and why can I think of nothing else but you?”

  Had someone actually said those words to me?

  “I’d like to say somewhere exotic, but I’d be lying,” I said with a slow smile. “And if it makes you feel any better, I haven’t thought of much else but you since Wednesday, either. You or that kiss.”

  We were back together at the island now, where the filming had taken place, where we’d been standing for the past hour.

  But now, without Jake or the cameras rolling, the air had become thicker, more charged.

  I went to pick up a pan from the hob, and Rachel did the same. When our fingers touched, I stilled — as did she.

  When I looked into her eyes, I knew this was another place that would now be etched onto my memory, just like Primrose Hill.

  In an instant her lips were on mine, devouring me hungrily before my brain had a chance to process what was going on.

  There was a guttural moan and then Rachel pressed against me, making every part of me swoon.

  Fuck me, the woman could kiss.

  I clung to her body, my fingers skating across her ribs and up to her breasts, my whole being screaming “yes, yes, yes!”

  If our last kiss had lit up the runway, this one was landing my emotions expertly. With every press of her lips to mine, I knew I was going to be freer, lighter, more myself than I’d ever been before.

  And that thought, along with Rachel’s moan as I slipped my tongue between her willing lips, made my breath catch, wondering if this had been me all along and if it had, why had I been hiding? And why was I still hiding?

  Both our breathing was scattered as we pulled apart, Rachel’s eyes scanning mine, her hand around my waist, her other on my breast. As she moved her thumb over my left nipple it stood to attention, as did my clit, but Rachel never took her eyes off me, and I didn’t look away either.

  I didn’t dare.

  “I want you so badly,” she said, running her tongue along her bottom lip, which made my heart suck in a breath.

  “I know.” I leaned back in to kiss her, a fire so hot inside me I felt like I needed to be hosed down.

  If the YouTube fans could see this, the comments would explode.

  Just as my lips connected with Rachel’s again, there was a knock at the door and we jumped apart so fast, my arm knocked one of the pans from the hob. The crash it made as it landed on the floor broke the moment spectacularly.

  Rachel bent to pick it up, as I steadied myself, before walking down the hallway and opening the door to Jake.

  He smiled shyly, racing past me clutching his phone.

  “Great work today, ladies,” he said, unscrewing the camera from the tripod, before frowning. He stopped, shook his head, pressed something and tutted.

  “Everything okay?” A strange lump of fear gurgled in the pit of my stomach.

  He looked up, detaching the camera, nodding. “Yeah, fine. Just I forgot to turn off the camera after we stopped, so it looks like it’s been filming this whole time. So I hope you weren’t badmouthing me when I was out of the room, because if you were, I’m going to hear it later when I do the edit.”

  The ball of fear in my stomach steamrollered down an imaginary hill and landed at my feet, weighing me down with its ferocity.

  Jake had filmed us kissing? Holy fucking hell.

  I looked over at Rachel, who was standing as still as a statue, her eyes giving nothing away.

  My throat went dry and I couldn’t get any words out; I just stared at Jake.

  Maybe he wouldn’t watch till the kiss.

  Maybe he’d get bored of us chatting and washing up in the beginning.

  But hang on, what
had we been chatting about?

  I closed my eyes because I knew.

  We’d been chatting about kissing.

  And then we’d kissed.

  Oh. My. Fucking. God.

  “The look on your faces tells me I should stop the editing when the show’s done — don’t worry ladies, I promise I won’t listen to whatever it is you were talking about.” He paused, staring at me with a flicker of something in his eyes.

  I ran up to him. “Look, I don’t mind doing this edit.” Could he see the fear in my eyes? He knew me, after all. “I know we’ve been alternating, but I’m happy to do this one. You’ve probably got a ton of clients to see.”

  I couldn’t let him take this, it couldn’t come out this way.

  But Jake had already packed up the camera and was putting the canvas bag on his back. “No problem, it’s my turn. Besides, you did all the editing in the beginning, and you trained me for a reason.” He put his hand on my arm, fixing me with his kind eyes. “It’s time I did one solo. You can trust me. I know you’re the video expert, but any issues, I’ll give you a call.”

  I didn’t want him to call me after he’d watched it, I knew how that call would go. “No, really, I mean it—”

  “—So do I,” he replied, stressing every word. “How am I going to learn unless I do it? You told me yourself, the best way to learn was just to practise, and I need the practice. I promise, I’ll call you if there are any issues, okay?”

  What could I do, apart from rugby-tackle him to the ground and prize the camera out of his bag?

  I seriously considered rugby tackling him.

  “Anyway, I should get going. You still at your parents?”

  I nodded, my eyes glued to his bag, the future bombshell.

  A buzzing began in my brain. Maybe I could distract him and then prize it from his buffed shoulder?

  Instead, I said: “Yes, but I’m staying here today — Tanya and Sophie are away for the weekend so I’m on Delilah duty.”

  Dread knitted itself into every muscle in my body, but I was standing stock still, grinding my teeth together.