The moment I spotted Nicole, she took my breath away. She’s wearing jeans that hug her curves perfectly. I know she’s wearing an off the shoulder top just to drive me crazy. I mean, I did tell her that her shoulders were very sexy after all.
The relief on her face once Lucy runs off is priceless. Moving in close to her, I whisper in her ear, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Nicole shakes her head but refuses to look at me. “What’s the matter, sweetheart? Cat got your tongue?”
I can see Nicole swallow hard. I know I’m getting to her. “Meet me in the kitchen so we can talk about it.”
“OK,” she responds in a quiet voice.
With Nicole hot on my trail, I quickly move into the kitchen, walking past Mac. He smirks and shakes his head. I shrug my shoulders because once again I can’t keep away from her.
Thank god we are alone, because I need to kiss her right away. Leaning her up against the counter, I make my move. My lips reach hers in a fevered pace. She responds with just as much passion. “I’ve been waiting too long to do that,” I tell her.
“Me too,” she answers with a breathless voice.
“I’ve missed you. I’ve missed having you in my bed, Nicole. I don’t think I can wait much longer.”
“Me too,” she says again.
This time, Nicole takes charge and kisses me as if her life depends on it. Our tongues tangle, meeting each other. Moving my hands to her bare shoulders, the loud sound of the patio door closing makes us jump apart. No one ever walks in, but it was enough for us to realize we are playing with fire here.
Nicole and I spend the next few hours staring at each other from a distance. Chrissy laughs and tells me to grow a pair. Emily tells me that I should just go take Nicole upstairs to the guest bedroom. Jesus, I wonder what they’ve been telling Nicole.
After lunch and some serious piñata swinging, Lucy is ready for a nap. As we make our rounds to say goodbye, she makes a beeline straight for Miss Russell.
Rubbing her eyes, she tells Nicole that she’s glad that she’s friends with me. This means that Nicole can come to her birthday party. Nicole tries to be noncommittal but can’t help but smile.
As I say goodbye to Nicole, it’s like something has shifted between us. The seriousness of the position we are in seeps in. We aren’t hiding from our parents. We are hiding from my little girl, and that is a guilt that won’t go away.
* * *
It’s been two days since Shane’s birthday party, and luckily, Lucy hasn’t inquired about my friendship with Miss Russell. Needing to shower after a long day at work, I’m a little pissed when my doorbell rings. I’m not expecting anyone. Hoping by chance that it’s Nicole, I’m sadly disappointed when I find Serena on my doorstep.
“We need to talk,” she says as she barrels past me.
“You can’t just barge into my home, Serena. Those days are long gone. Say what you need to say, and then get out.”
“Wow, you are making what I have to say that much easier. Lucy tells me she saw you kissing her teacher at Shane’s birthday party.”
Fuck my life.
It’s been a few days since I’ve seen Daniel. Sure we’ve texted, even video chatted, but I miss his touch. I guess it’s a good thing that the Ice Cream Social is coming up in two weeks, so that gives us the opportunity to be in the same room. We can’t touch each other or anything, but I just want to see him.
In the meantime, I have a doctor’s appointment today so I can make sure that my cancer hasn’t returned. I haven’t had any symptoms, but I get checked every six months just to be sure. This will be the first time I’ve been to my new doctor since I moved from New York to Florida.
Heading into my appointment, I see my doctor, Dr. Stenson, is on the third floor. When I get to the receptionist desk, I can’t help but feel as if I’m being watched. It’s a weird sensation. Looking around, I don’t see anyone but the nice young girl helping me.
“Have a seat, Miss Russell. Dr. Stenson will be with you shortly.”
Waiting about ten minutes, my name is called. The exam room is a regular set up. I’ve done this so many times, I know the routine. Dr. Stenson doesn’t have much of a bedside manner, but he’s thorough. The blood work won’t take but a few days, but he reassures me that everything looked good.
Heading out to get a slice of key lime pie, I hear a text come through.
Daniel: Would it be OK if I stopped by in an hour?
Hmm, that’s odd. I want to see him, but we don’t usually get together during the week.
Me: Yes. I’ll be home soon. Just stopping to get a piece of key lime pie. Want one?
Daniel: No thanks, I’m good.
Rushing to the bakery, I get home with ten minutes to spare before Daniel shows up. When I open the door, I can tell something is wrong.
“What’s wrong, Daniel? Is Lucy OK?”
“Lucy’s fine. Let’s sit down on the sofa, Nicole.”
“Daniel, you’re scaring me. Whatever it is, tell me.”
“OK, don’t freak out, but Lucy saw us kissing at Shane’s party.”
“Oh my god, Daniel. How can I not freak out? What did she say to you?”
Daniel looks down at the floor. This can’t be good.
“Daniel, what did she say?”
“Lucy didn’t say anything to me. It was Serena.”
“No, please tell me you’re kidding, Daniel. Please tell me that your ex-wife doesn’t know about us.”
“Let’s sit down.” Daniel takes me by the hand and leads me to the sofa.
“Apparently, Lucy was coloring at the table while talking to Serena about the party. She said that she made some new friends. At that point, she talked about how me and her teacher are friends. Then she asked Serena if it’s OK if she kisses her friends, like Daddy kissed his. Well, you can imagine that Serena grilled Lucy about what she saw.”
Getting up from the sofa, I rush into the kitchen. Holding on to the sink, I have to get my bearings. Daniel comes up behind me.
“Nicole, this isn’t as bad as you think. I spoke with Serena, and she agreed not to say anything.”
Turning to face him. “Do you believe her, Daniel?”
He pulls me close to him. “For now, yes. We need to be more careful, though.”
Unwrapping myself from his arms, I sit at the table.
“I don’t know how we can keep doing this.”
Daniel moves in front of me and gets down on his knees. “If you don’t want to do this anymore, I’ll understand. I won’t like it, but I’ll understand.”
I can tell he’s waiting for my response, but I just can’t decide right now. My mind is racing in a million different directions. “Daniel, I think I need some time to think. I can’t do that when you are here with me. Being in the same room with you clouds my judgement.”
He smiles but concedes. When he kisses me goodbye, it feels like it’s for good. That feeling alone devastates me.
Walking out Nicole’s door takes all my strength. I haven’t known her for long, but she has moved deep inside my heart. Now that heart is aching.
Backing away from this, whatever this is, is the only thing I can do. Nicole and her sanity mean more to me than my happiness. God, when I say it like that to myself, it sounds as if I love her.
I shake my head, knowing that I can’t love Nicole yet. We aren’t even technically dating. I mean, we are sneaking around but not really dating. Now I’m afraid it’s over before it even had a chance to begin.
I’m thankful that the rest of the week is booked up with fishing charters; maybe it’ll help keep my mind off this impossible situation.
* * *
I haven’t texted Nicole the last two weeks. She hasn’t reached out to me either. Tomorrow will be interesting because it’s Lucy’s ice cream social. Apparently, Miss Russell is scooping out the black cherry ice cream. Did I happen to mention that’s my favorite flavor? OK, it isn’t, really, but it will be tomorrow.
Lucy is pretty excited for th
e event at school. During her preschool year, they didn’t do too much in the way of social events. She’s eager to show off her school, and I’m eager to see her teacher.
I’m nervous to see Daniel. I’m sure he’ll be here with Lucy, and that also means that Serena will probably be here as well. How the hell did I get myself involved in such a convoluted situation? I’m not saying Daniel isn’t worth it, because he is. Lucy will be the one in the middle, and that, I can’t let happen.
I signed up to scoop the black cherry ice cream. Putting on my apron, I’m reminded of the lasagna dinner that went haywire. It seems as though Daniel and I can’t get the traction to get going.
As I warm up my ice cream scooper, I hear Lucy’s voice. I guess it’s showtime.
Looking up, I see that she has arrived with her mother and they are making their way right over to me. Just my fucking luck.
“Miss Russell,” Lucy calls out as she is running to me. She really is the cutest. Her blonde curls are bouncing everywhere.
“Hi Lucy, are you ready for some ice cream?” I ask, trying not to make eye contact with her evil mother.
“What kind do you have again?” she asks. Sensing Serena’s eyes on me, I remind myself to play nice in front of Lucy.
“I’m scooping Black Cherry. Do you like Black Cherry?” I already know the answer by the way she scrunches up her nose. “Perhaps you’d rather have the chocolate that Mr. Williams has over there.” I point over to the gym teacher with my scooper.
Inwardly, I scream for Lucy to move to Mr. Williams’s line to get Serena out of mine.
“Yes, that’s my favorite.” She does a little fist pump in the air. Turning to her mother, she asks, “Can we go get some chocolate, Mommy?”
Bending down to Lucy’s eye level, she says, “I’m going to get some Black Cherry. Why don’t you run over to Mr. Williams, and I’ll be right there.”
“OK, Mommy,” she says as she runs off.
Shit. I hate confrontation, especially at work. I will myself to bite my tongue if Serena starts something. Turning on my fake smile, I ask her how many scoops she’d like.
“Look, Nicole. I don’t want any ice cream. What’d I’d like is for you to stay away from my husband.”
“You mean your ex-husband?”
“Whatever. He’s still the father of my child, and he’ll always be,” she says with a certain in your face manner.
Suddenly, my stomach is in my throat because I know that I’ll never be able to say that.
“I’m not going to say anything about what Lucy saw. But if you don’t stay away from Daniel, I’ll tell him all about how you can’t ever have children. Do you think he’d want any sort of future with you if he knew?”
It’s as if the room starts to spin out of control. How does she know about my infertility? Just as I feel as though my legs are going to give out, I hear Daniel yell Serena’s name.
What the hell? Did I hear Serena correctly? Nicole can’t have children?
I grab Serena by the arm. In a low growl, I admonish her. “What the hell is your problem? Leave Nicole alone and get the fuck out of here before you make a spectacle of yourself. And by the way, I’m taking Lucy home with me tonight.”
I’m so engrossed in my anger toward my ex-wife, I don’t even realize that Nicole ran out. Once Serena knows that she got what she wanted, she gives me her gotcha smirk and leaves.
Looking around, I see Lucy getting some ice cream. I also scan the crowd for Nicole, but I don’t see her. Finding Lucy’s other teacher, I ask her if she can hang out with Lucy for a few minutes. I need to go find Nicole.
Walking through the halls of the elementary school, I look through open classroom doors. I don’t see her anywhere, but I’m pretty sure that she wouldn’t just leave the event without telling anyone.
My heart rate quickens with each passing second I can’t find her. I want her to know that it doesn’t matter to me if she can’t have kids. And how the fuck did Serena find that out?
Fuck. Stopping in my tracks, I can’t believe it. Serena works for her boyfriend, who just happens to be a doctor. Goddamn it. Is Nicole a patient of his? Did Serena see her at the office?
Feeling hopeless that I won’t find Nicole, I hear crying coming from the ladies room. Shit, that must be her. I can’t just barge in there, so I knock on the door. “Nicole, is that you?”
“Please just leave me alone, Daniel. I’ve been humiliated enough tonight,” she says between sobs. What kind of man would I be if I just walked away, as she asked? I can’t do it.
I open the door slowly and see her sitting in a chair located in the corner of the sink area.
She doesn’t look up at me, but she lets me know exactly what she thinks. “I’m so embarrassed. I can’t go back in there and face everyone. Hell, I can’t even look at you.”
My heart breaks looking at the pain she’s in. Kneeling in front of her, I wipe the tears from her cheeks with my thumbs. I’d give anything to take back what just happened, but I can’t. But I can make damn sure Serena leaves her the fuck alone.
“Hey, can you look at me, sweetheart?”
Nicole slowly looks at me. Fuck me. There is so much pain in her eyes. It goes beyond what happened tonight. “Daniel, how did Serena know my medical history?”
“Well, I’m going to have to ask you some personal questions so we can figure it out, OK?”
Nicole nods, but I still feel as if I’m prying into her life, and I have no right to.
“OK, have you gone to see a Dr. Stenson since you’ve been here?”
“Yes, I just went the other day. Why?"
This is difficult to tell her, but she needs to know.
“That’s the guy who slept with my wife when we were married.”
“You mean he told her about me? About my condition?”
“I’m not sure, but there’s something else. Serena works for him. She may have seen you at your appointment.”
“Oh god, Daniel.” She sobs as she puts her face in her hands. I pull her close to me so she can cry in my arms. If I thought I hated Serena for what she did to me, I hate her even more for doing this to Nicole.
Rocking her in my arms, I let her cry without trying to stop her.
A minute later, it’s as if someone flipped a switch. She abruptly stands up and turns away from me. “Daniel, thank you for being here, but I need to be alone for a while.” Fearing that I’ll make matters worse at this point, I tell her OK and leave the bathroom. The minute the door closes, I can hear her start crying again.
I don’t know how I’m going to fix this, or if I even can, but I’m sure going to try.
Curling up on the couch, I can’t help but wonder who I pissed off in my previous life. Even a boilermaker hasn’t soothed my anxiety. My head is pounding. I tried to call Alex, but she didn’t answer. It’s a Friday night, so she’s probably out with some guy.
Why does that make me think of Daniel? I can’t even process everything that happened tonight. I know I owe him an explanation, but where do I even start? My cancer? Jay dumping me? No children? I keep playing the same loop in my mind.
I appreciate how Daniel tried to comfort me, but I did what I always do when I’m hurt. I run. Glancing at my phone, I see it’s ten o’clock. It’s so early, but I’m whipped. As I move to get off the couch, my doorbell rings. Who the hell could that be?
Looking out the curtain, I see Daniel’s car in my driveway. Crap. I know I need to face him, but I don’t know if I can do it tonight.
Daniel knocks again. “Nicole, I saw you look out the window. Can I just come in for a few minutes? I want to make sure you’re OK.”
Blowing out a sigh, I unlock the door. Damn. The sight of Daniel never ceases to amaze me.
“Hi,” he says. Looking at him, I can tell that he is in turmoil too.
“Hi,” I say back, not knowing where to start.
Daniel grabs my hand and pulls it to his lips. Gently, he kisses my knuckles, making me squirm where I
stand, but I need to take control before things get out of hand.
“Daniel, you have a right to know what is going on with me, so please come in. Do you want some coffee?” I ask as I head into my kitchen.
Daniel nods, following me. He sits at the table while I set up the coffeemaker.
“Nicole, I want to say something before you begin, OK?”
Sitting down next to him, I nod for him to continue.
“What Serena said tonight, ya know, about you not being able to have children? You don’t have to tell me if it’s true or not. But I want you to know if it is, it doesn’t matter to me.”
“It will always matter, Daniel.”
Taking in a deep breath, I try to fill him in on my condition. “When I was younger, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer.”
I can see Daniel’s face fall, but I continue before he can say anything. “We didn’t catch it until it was at Stage III. I went through chemo and radiation, and both seemed to help at first. A year later, the cancer returned, so I decided to have surgery to remove my uterus, cervix, and ovaries.”
“Jesus, Nicole. I’m so sorry. How are you now? I mean with the cancer?”
“I’ve been cancer-free for seven years now,” I say with a smile. “I’m one of the lucky ones.”
Daniel pulls his chair closer to mine. Taking my face in my hands, he makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world.
“Nicole, I’m sorry that Serena found out. Believe me when I tell you that she will not be sharing that information with anyone.”
“Did you talk to her?”
“Yes. After you left, I dropped Lucy off at my sister’s apartment. I confronted Serena, telling her that if you wanted to go to the medical board and file a complaint, I’d help you. What she did, Nicole, is a violation of your privacy.”
“I just want it to go away,” I say, standing to get our coffee.
“Listen. I meant what I said when I told you it doesn’t matter to me if you can’t have children. I know we aren’t in a serious relationship and things are a little crazy, but it will never matter to me.”
Enlightened Hearts: Mastered Hearts Series Book Two Page 10
