Handing him a cup of coffee, I know I need to finish the story.
“Daniel, I need to tell you some other things too. Things that are very painful for me, but you have a right to know. I think it will help you realize how wrong you are.”
I feel as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest. Nicole had cancer. The thought of her going through the devastating treatments makes me wish I had been there with her. I would’ve held and comforted her when she was sick.
“Daniel, I know you said that it didn’t matter to you, and I believe that you mean that right now. But I have to tell you what happened to me two years ago.”
God, how much worse can this be for her?
“Two years ago, I got engaged to my boyfriend, Jay. We were so much in love, or so I thought.”
Shit, why is my stomach in knots? If this fucker hurt her, I’ll destroy him.
“Jay knew that I couldn’t have kids. He always said that same thing that you did. Ya know, it didn’t matter to him. We could adopt, right?”
I’m not liking where this is going.
Nicole takes a deep breath and continues. “A few months before the wedding, he admitted that he had cheated on me. He actually got her pregnant.”
Nicole starts to laugh. “Can you fucking believe it? He told me that he got drunk one night. A woman came on to him, he fucked her, and she got pregnant. I mean, who gets pregnant that fast?”
My first instinct is to stop her from explaining. I can see the hurt in her eyes. Letting her continue, it becomes apparent this asshole didn’t love her at all.
She continues explaining what happened. “It’s as if the world had it out for me. Of course, that’s not even the best part. Turns out the woman didn’t want children, so he had the nerve to ask me if I would help him raise the baby with him. So you see, it did matter to him. It always matters. I really can’t even be mad about the baby. He is innocent in this. When I told Jay I couldn’t do it, not because of the baby, but because of the mistrust, we broke up.”
Moving in as close as I can, I wrap her into my arms. “Nicole. I really don’t even know where to begin.”
“Daniel, I don’t want your pity or anything. Please don’t feel sorry for me. The cancer diagnosis was terrible. Thinking my life was going to end before it really began, I did some soul searching. I found out that the only things that really matter are those that you love and those who love you back. Unfortunately, I believed that included Jay, when it didn’t.”
Blowing out a deep breath, I stand and pace the floor. Nicole watches me as if she expects me to break down. Not wanting her to think that I pity her, I instead turn my attention to the future.
Looking at her, I try to assess what she’s told me. “So, the first and most important thing is that you are cancer-free. The second blessing, in my opinion, is that you are no longer engaged to a fucking dickhead. The third miracle is that you are in my life, as well as Lucy’s. My little girl is crazy about you, and so am I.”
“Daniel, it's not that simple. Don’t you get it? I can’t have children. Yes, I am eternally thankful that I’m cancer-free, as well as away from Jay. But when I look into the future, I see a very lonely life. I love children, Daniel. It’s why I became a teacher.”
Pulling her from the sofa, I kiss her as if my life depends on her kissing me back. Nicole responds, but I can tell this kiss is different. It’s as if she is kissing me goodbye.
When Nicole steps back from our kiss, I can see that she is struggling with what to do about us. Taking only a second to think, I make her decision for her.
“Come back and sit next to me,” I say, leading her by the hand.
“I need to say some things to you, and I hope you’ll let me get them out before you say anything, OK?”
Nicole nods, but I can tell she’s not quite convinced she won’t speak up.
“I want you to realize, Nicole, that the fact that you can’t physically have children has no bearing on how I feel about you, and it never will. I’m not, Jay. I know you and I are very attracted to each other. I want nothing more than to have a serious relationship with you if you’ll have me.”
Nicole starts to answer, but I place my finger on her lip. “I’m also aware that the attraction comes at a cost to you with your job. The last thing I want to do is make you feel guilty about seeing me. As much as I think it’s going to kill me, I want us to wait until Lucy is out of your class. I want us to still be friends and hang out, but I can see how much the physical relationship is putting you in an impossible situation.”
Putting her needs ahead of mine is what’s important. I hold my breath, waiting for her reaction. I hope she doesn’t think that I’m doing this because of what she told me. Thank god I don’t have to wait long.
Nicole looks at me intently, then reaches for my hand. “Thank you, Daniel. I know it’s not really what either of us wants. And I think it may just kill me too. Knowing that you and I will be in each other’s lives for the next seven months while not being able to kiss and touch each other will be torture for me.”
Suddenly, it hits me. “Seven months? Lucy doesn’t graduate kindergarten for seven months?” I question louder than I meant too.
Nicole laughs a full-bellied laugh. It’s nice to hear because of the seriousness of what she’s told me today.
“Yes, Daniel. She graduates the end of May,” she says with a smile. “Better mark it on your calendar. I know I will.”
It’s been one month since Daniel and I decided to keep our hands off each other. To say it’s been difficult is an understatement. I know we said we wouldn’t touch each other, but Daniel found a loophole. We don’t touch each other, but we do video chat.
When I say we video chat, I mean we do it without our clothes on.
The first time Daniel suggested it, I told him no way. But the more I thought about it and him, well, let’s just say, yeah, I needed it.
Our little virtual sex sessions were becoming a nightly occurrence. I had to slow things down a bit because my self-gratifier was going through batteries every other day. I think the lady at the check-out was getting jealous.
* * *
Today in class, we are making turkeys for Thanksgiving. The kids are going a little crazy waiting for break to start next week, and I can’t say that I blame them.
I’ve been invited to Thanksgiving dinner with Emily and Mac. Daniel has Lucy for the next two weeks. Apparently, Serena and her boyfriend are headed to Hawaii for the holiday. I’m glad because it gives me the chance to spend the day with them.
Walking around the room, I notice Lucy isn’t working on her turkey. Bending down to talk to her, I notice her cheeks are bright red. “Hey Lucy, do you feel OK?”
Lucy shakes her head. “I’m hot and tired, Miss Russell.” Feeling her head, she is on fire.
“OK, sweetheart, why don’t we go down to the nurse’s office and call your daddy?”
I motion to my co-teacher to let her know to take over.
Picking Lucy up, she lays her head on my shoulder, and my heart melts. She is such a sweet kid, I feel bad that she’s sick.
I carry her down the hall to the nurse’s office, where she takes Lucy’s temperature. Shit. It’s 102.1. I quickly call Daniel and let him know what’s going on. Thankfully, he’s not out in the boat today.
Daniel shows up at school within twenty minutes to pick up Lucy. Seeing his concern for his daughter makes my heart full.
I know I can’t go with him to take her to the doctor, but I asked that he call me right away. Thank god it’s near the end of the day so I don’t have to worry all day.
I’m home ten minutes when Daniel texts me. Chicken pox. I feel so bad for Lucy. The doctor said she should feel better in a couple weeks, but the next week or so will be hell with the rash.
Giving Daniel some time to get Lucy settled, I grill myself a steak for dinner. My sister calls me while I eat. I update her on what’s been going on with Daniel. She updates me on her trial. It’
s been delayed a month since one of the key witnesses had emergency surgery. She’s pissed because she just wants the trial over with. The guy she’s defending has been charged with rape and murder. Alex really believes in his innocence, or she wouldn’t have taken the case.
Hanging up with Alex, I call Daniel.
My poor daughter is so sick. I feel helpless, but I’m doing the best I can. Thankfully, both Chrissy and I had the chicken pox when we were kids. She got it first and gave it to me.
Lucy asked to sleep in my room tonight, and there was no way that I was going to deny her. After giving her some chicken noodle soup and some medicine, she fell fast asleep.
As I’m cleaning up the kitchen, my phone rings. Seeing Nicole’s name, I smile.
“Hi, Nicole.”
“Hey, how’s Lucy?”
“She’s sleeping now, but her temp was still up. I made her eat some soup, gave her some medicine, and put her in my bed.”
“How are you doing, Daniel? Do you need anything?”
“Chrissy came over and helped. She cooked me dinner while I took care of Lucy, so I’m good.”
She goes quiet. “Everything OK with you, Nicole?”
“Yeah, I’m OK,” she says, but I hear her blow out a sigh.
“OK, what’s going on? You went quiet on me all of a sudden.”
“I guess I just wish I was able to be there to help you. I know we made a choice, but it’s frustrating knowing I can’t be there for you two.”
“Well, it’s early, you know. You could come over and keep me company.”
“Daniel, that probably isn’t a good idea.”
“Yeah, I guess you are right. We’ve made it a whole month without touching each other. Only six more months to go.”
“We probably shouldn’t have our video chat date tonight with Lucy there.”
“That would be awkward.”
“OK, well, I hope she gets through the rash OK. If you want, I can bring some things from school for her to work on when she’s feeling up to it.”
“That’d be great. I know once she is feeling better, she’ll be bored.”
Nicole and I talk for a few more minutes, not wanting to hang up. When we do, I feel a sense of loss. It doesn’t last too long, because I hear my sweet daughter calling for me.
* * *
It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and since Lucy is sick, we are staying home tomorrow. Lucy’s fever is gone, but her rash has taken over her body. I’ve been applying calamine lotion to her spots. It seems to help for a while.
Nicole is going to make us dinner tomorrow and bring it over. She was supposed to call today but hasn’t yet, and it’s almost eight o’clock in the evening.
Wondering if she’s OK, I call her. She doesn’t answer, which is strange. Maybe she can’t talk wherever she is, so I text her instead.
Me: Hey, haven’t heard from you all day. Everything OK?
Nicole: sik
Me: what?
Nicole: sick
Oh shit, she’s sick. Fuck, she couldn’t have caught the chicken pox. She said she had it as a kid but it was a mild case.
I need to go check on her, so I call my sister to come and sit with Lucy.
Thirty minutes later, I’m on Nicole’s front porch. I know where she keeps her key, but I call her first; no answer. I knock on the door, and she still doesn’t answer. I hope she isn’t pissed when I barge in, but I need to make sure she’s OK.
Opening the door with the spare key, I scan the kitchen. Not finding her there, I step into the living room. I’m relieved when I see her on the sofa.
“Hey there,” I say as I rush to her side.
She’s shivering under a blanket.
“I’m sick,” she says with a small smile.
Kneeling down next to her, I can see that she is sweating. “I see that, sweetheart. Have you taken your temperature?”
“One-oh-one-point-six last time I checked.”
“OK, have you taken any medicine?”
I can see her struggling to answer, but she does. “I took some ibuprofen thirty minutes ago. I think I may have the chicken pox again. I called my doctor, and he said that it’s uncommon but not impossible, especially since I had a mild case as a kid.”
“Have you eaten anything today?”
“No. I don’t have the energy to make anything. It’s all I can do to make it to the bathroom.”
“Well, I’m not leaving you here by yourself. You are coming to my house so I can take care of you and Lucy.”
Nicole shakes her head no, just as I suspected she would.
“Daniel, I don’t want to be a burden to you. You go home and take care of Lucy. I’ll be OK.”
“No can-do, sweetheart. I’m going to go pack you a bag with some clothes for the next few days. I’ll pack your toothbrush and stuff, and then you are coming home with me. That’s the end of the conversation. No negotiations.”
Nicole looks shocked but relieved.
“Thank you, Daniel.”
Nodding, I head off to her bedroom to quickly pack. Wanting her to be comfortable, I pack some yoga pants and T-shirts. Going through her underwear drawer, I stop to admire the lacy thongs that she has. Moving on, I pack her comfy cotton ones, remembering that she’s sick.
Her bathroom is pretty organized, so it doesn’t take me long to find the essentials that she’ll need.
When I walk back out into the living room, she’s fast asleep. I decide to take her stuff out to the car first, then I’ll come get her.
Just as I’m about to go out the door, I hear her cat. Shit. I guess I need to pack up the cat too. Looking around, I find a carrier, food, and litter box in the laundry room.
Christ. I can’t believe I’m moving the freaking cat into my apartment. Of course, Lucy will be thrilled.
I think Nicole told me the cat’s name is Checkers. Calling him over to me, he rubs up against my leg. I guess that’s a good sign. After loading him and his stuff into the car, I attempt to wake Nicole up.
She’s too groggy to walk, so I gather her into my arms, taking her out to the car, maneuvering around the door, and the seat belt doesn’t even wake her. At least she’s stopped shivering, so I’m hoping her fever has broken a bit.
It’s only an eight-minute drive to my house. I call Chrissy to see if she will change Lucy’s bedding. I’m going to put Nicole in there tonight. Of course, I’d much rather have her in my bed, but I can’t. This is just a friend taking care of a friend. If I keep saying it, maybe I’ll start to believe it.
Nicole stirs in the seat next to me. “Daniel, thank you for taking care of me,” she says in a groggy voice. I must be a bastard, because even when she’s sick, my dick jumps as she says my name.
I reach over to rub her head. “’You are welcome, but I do feel a little selfish.”
“Why do you feel selfish? I feel guilty that you have to spend your time taking care of me.”
“It’s a little selfish because I will have you in my apartment for a few days. I’m a lucky man.”
“Oh god, Daniel. How can you even think that way right now? I look like shit.”
“You are gorgeous no matter if you’re sick or not. I’m just glad that I can take care of my girls.” Shit. “Well, you know what I mean.”
Nicole tries to smile, but I can tell she doesn’t feel so good. “I know what you mean. But I do like it when you call me your girl, even if we are just friends.”
“We are only just friends for six months,” I say with a wink.
Checkers the cat decides now is a time to make his presence known.
Nicole tries to turn to look in the back seat but really doesn’t have the strength. “Daniel, I can’t believe you brought Checkers with us. That was so nice of you,” she says as she closes her eyes.
“Actually that was another selfish move on my part. I figured you’d stay longer if you weren’t so worried about him. I also thought maybe Checkers might make Lucy feel better too.”
I look over at Nicole, and she seems to be passed out. Pulling into my driveway, I try to be quiet so she doesn’t wake.
Chrissy must hear the car because she comes out to help. “Lucy is watching TV on the couch. I tried to get her to stay in your bed, but she insisted.”
“It’s fine. She’s going to find out that Nicole is here. I’m just going to have to explain that she’s very sick, too, and friends take care of friends when one of them is sick.”
“Yeah, sure. Friends. Friends with benefits, maybe.”
“Zip it, Chrissy. Can you please take her bag and her cat into the house? I’ll bring her in and get her settled, then come out for the rest.”
“Yes, dear brother,” she says while she grabs Checkers, as well as the bag of clothes.
Gingerly, I unbuckle Nicole’s seat belt. She stirs a bit but settles in when I lift her into my arms. I don’t get three steps from the car when she says something that stops me dead in my tracks.
“I love you, Daniel.”
God, everything feels so surreal. I hope this isn’t a dream, because Daniel is carrying me to his apartment. Feeling like I’m going to pass out from exhaustion, I want to thank Daniel for what he’s doing for me.
Just as I fade to black, I hear myself thank him. At least that’s what I think I said.
It’s a struggle to open my eyes. I think I hear Lucy call my name. Trying to make out the words, Daniel says something about friends, Miss Russell is very sick like her, take care of both of you. He also says something about her room. I’m going to sleep in her room.
Lucy says something about Daniel making sure that he leaves her night light on for me so I don’t get scared. Gosh, she is the sweetest.
Crap. I didn’t even think about where I’d sleep. At this point, I don’t even care how this looks. We are just friends. We aren’t doing anything wrong.
Enlightened Hearts: Mastered Hearts Series Book Two Page 11
