Just Like Heaven

by T L Bradford

  “I’m on it.”

  Steph and Genie have ordered a closed set for today, and I could not thank them enough. I’m nervous as hell and feel like I’m already pitting out my shirt. I’m shooting that scene with Noah today, and I feel like I’m about ready to lose my lunch. He’s not on set yet, and I’m sitting with Genie next to me continually bouncing my leg up and down. She notices and puts her hand on my thigh. Then in a soft voice says, “Relax.” I look at her and smile. I didn’t think it would affect me this much.

  After a few minutes, Noah walks in. He just came from hair and makeup. He looks…amazing. He is wearing dark slacks, a grey/silver button up dress shirt and a gleaming silver chain around his neck. His usually wavy dark hair has been tamed and parted on the side. He is tan, trim and utterly handsome — my breath hitches.

  What the hell is happening to me? Oh, Jesus Christ, I was checking him out! I need to get my head straight. Wait, poor choice of words. I need to get my head right. If I was nervous before, I’m close to losing it now.

  Noah walks over with Marty to talk to Genie and me. We are supposed to go over how the scene will play out. They want to make sure that we are comfortable with the movements and hand placements. Noah doesn’t say anything but looks over to me through his long, lush lashes while they are talking. He doesn’t break eye contact. I can’t tell what he is thinking. His face is impassive.

  We set up the scene and get ready to shoot. I’m not feeling confident for some reason, seeing him has somehow thrown me off, and I can’t get back into the groove. My performance is lacking, I know. It’s coming off as stilted, and I can see it in their faces. Luckily, Noah is not faring much better. It’s like we’re just meeting for the first time on the set.

  We attempt the kiss scene but before we can even begin, Marty, our Director yells cut and takes us aside. He asks us what is making us uncomfortable and what they can do to make the scene work. I’m at a loss. Marty says that we are missing our connection and need to focus on that. So, we go back to set and try again.

  I am finding it hard to make eye contact with Noah, which is contributing to our connection issue. I’m feeling unnerved but mostly confused by some intense conflicting emotions right now. My head is turned around and making it difficult for me to separate my emotional response from reality. The second take is no good. I see concern written across their faces now and I’m starting to panic. I don’t think I can do this.

  Marty tells us to take a break, and we will reconvene in 30 minutes. He walks over to Steph and Genie, and no doubt tells them his concerns. As they talk, Noah and I awkwardly stand around trying not to look at each other. We are sinking and sinking fast, and we both know it.

  After about 5 minutes, Steph and Genie tell us to go up to their office. This is not looking good. Noah and I follow behind them like two kids getting sent to the Principals office. We sit down at the wide glass table, Noah and I on one side and Steph and Genie on the other. There is disappointment in their expressions, and I feel like I’ve let the whole team down.

  Steph begins. “So, guys. What’s going on in there today?”

  We turn around to look at each other, then seeing neither one of us has an answer, both swing our heads back and look down at the table.

  Steph goes into a short speech about how he knows it’s an unconventional situation that we are placed in, but how we need to be professional first and get over our hang-ups. There is too much riding on the line. I know he’s right, but it doesn’t make it any easier to hear. I honestly thought I was going to be able to handle this curveball, but it was more difficult than I imagined.

  “We chose you both for this storyline because we saw the potential in both of you. We still see it. We just need to convince the two of you.” At that, he turns around and picks up a small flash drive. He plugs it into his laptop, hits play and turns the screen around. What plays is our chemistry test. It is the first time I have ever seen it. It’s funny, although it has only been a few weeks since it was filmed, it seems like a lifetime ago. We have emotional baggage now that was not tainted by that performance. We needed to get back to that place.

  I look closely at us on the screen. I pay attention to the way we move around each other, almost circling predatorily. It’s a game we’re playing. The difference between then and now is that the game was fun.

  Sitting here, I feel completely apart from those two characters. I am simply watching a dance, a beautiful mating dance. Give and take. I realize that no matter who the players are in the game, the outcome is still the same. Love wins.

  We go back to the set and set up for the reshoot. Before we begin taping, I walk over to Noah, who is sitting off stage by himself. I sit down next to him, careful to make my movements subtle and quiet. He is sitting forward with his elbows on his knees, wringing his hands then holding his pulse. He’s just as panicked as I am. Somehow that makes me feel better. Without a single word to him, I grab his right hand and remove it from his pulse. Then moving in close, I replace my thumb for his on his left wrist pulse point. I feel his heartbeat. He looks up at me, and I give him one of my half grins and begin slowly massaging his wrist. He looks down to where my hand is, and I see his face relax slowly. This continues for about a minute, us staring at each other and me massaging him when I hear a stagehand call us back to set and we make our way over.

  The mood is different now. Noah and I are in sync. We play the scene, and it flows smoothly. When it comes time for Max to kiss Jace, I feel my confidence coming back. Without thinking, I go for it. I grab Noah behind his neck and draw myself up to meet his face. Being so close, I can smell his cologne; it’s a warm, clean, almost salty smell that energizes my senses. Everything comes alive for me at that moment. He is cleanly shaven, so I brush my cheek against his and close my eyes feeling the smooth, cool contact. Then I pull my head back slightly and look into those eyes that are now dark silver pools. I’m lost in those eyes for several seconds then I’m drawn to another sensation. It is the heat radiating from his body. I want to feel it. I need to feel it. I pull closer and focus my attention on his lips now warm and firm and ready to be taken.

  His lips appear swollen now with the influx of heat we are generating. Then, ever so softly, I place my lips on his. It begins soft and tender, me exploring the edges of his mouth, different from a woman’s in that it is rougher and stronger, but still familiar. I use my tongue to play with his upper lip and coax him to open. He does, and I let my tongue slip inside and explore the dips and valleys there. I open my eyes for a split second; in time to see his eyes roll back slightly in his head. It makes me feel good. Real good to know that I can elicit that type of response from him.

  Noah then surprises me by taking up the reins and moving his hands to my hips. He begins moving me back toward the set wall. I feel my back hit the wall, and Noah grips my hips tighter. This isn’t in the script. At that moment, he breaks the kiss and looks so deep into my eyes that I am almost fearful.

  I’m curious about what he will do next. He drops his hands from my hips, runs them over the outside of my arms that are still around his neck. Then he lifts them and pins them over my head against the wall. He uses one hand to hold them there and takes my mouth again; this time, it is in a desperate frenzy. I do nothing to stop him and let him ravage my mouth. His tongue goes deep to the back of my mouth and does a gentle massage against my own. I am captive in his hold. Not that I want to leave because this feels fantastic. He kisses along my jawline, and I roll my head back and forth to allow him access. Then he kisses the tender skin on the nape of my neck and suckles hard, leaving what I’m sure will be a mark. And for some reason that gives me a small thrill.

  I hear him breathing hard now, and I see him struggling to bring himself back to the present. He grabs the back of my neck with one hand and tilts my forehead against his. His head bows with his eyes closed. I pant out shallow breaths with my lips parted. Then he gently caresses the soft dimple behind my neck, and I’m undone. I moan out lo
ud. We stay like that for I don’t know how long until Marty yells, “Cut!”

  Chapter 14

  Noah

  “I don’t even smoke, but somebody better give me a cigarette STAT!” says Genie. Then I hear the hoots and hollers of the few members of the set crew. I’m in a daze feeling like I just woke up from a dream. Then I look down at Josh and see he is about as out of sorts as I am. I let go of him, but slowly because he appears to need support to stand up.

  “That was…intense,” I say.

  “Um…yeah.” This is about all he can say.

  Marty tells us we did a phenomenal job. It will need to be edited for obvious reasons, but it was a success. “Now that you guys have popped your cherries, it should be easier from here on out.”

  That was an interesting turn of phrase.

  I lost control back there. What the hell must he think of me? It was not even scripted. Something in me took over, and I was powerless to stop it. Oh, this is so not good. I go back to the room to decompress. I grab a water bottle out of the mini-fridge. My mouth is dry, and I feel a little dizzy, kind of like having sunstroke.

  I sit down on the couch when I hear the door handle jiggle. Josh enters, and I am filled with guilt and embarrassment. I try not to make eye contact and attempt to start cleaning up the room, though there is nothing to clean. I get up and start moving things around for a distraction.

  “Hey, I thought you had left already.” Why didn’t I leave? Just a few minutes earlier and I could have avoided this exchange. I thought he had left already.

  “I was actually on my way out.” I look around desperately for my keys, a hat a bag anything.

  To break the obvious tension, Josh makes a joke. “I can honestly say that was the best male kiss I have ever had.” He grins broadly and goes to the fridge to get water. “I think we will live to see another day on the show.”

  “I know I went off script there; I wanted to apologize…”

  In too flippant an attitude he says, “It’s no big deal man. We’re just doing our job. They liked it, and that’s all that matters, right?”

  “Right.”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “We just have to bro it out.” And with that, he gives me a fist bump signifying everything is still cool.

  On my drive home, I am distracted by thoughts of the shoot, Josh, and my reaction. It starts dawning on me why they cast Josh. Steph and Genie must have seen it in me. It was buried deep. So deep I thought no one, even myself would ever find it. If they could see it, who else could?

  I pull into the driveway and see Mrs. Jennings working away on her lawn as usual. I go over and chat with her. “Noah! It’s so good to see you, sweetie. I haven’t seen you around much lately?”

  “Sorry about that, I’ve meant to come by. Things on set have gotten a lot more active, so I’ve been keeping later hours.”

  “I know, they have your character back in play now. I’m so happy for you, dear.” Geez, it occurs to me that I’ll need to explain to my 80 something-year-old neighbor that her favorite TV character is going to be playing for a different team. “Come on inside; I have something for you.”

  “I hope it’s what I think it is.”

  “You bet your ass.” She winks at me. I follow her in and on the kitchen table, I see a freshly baked peach cobbler. It is buttery brown and looks like perfection.

  “If I didn’t know any better, I would think this was an attempt to get some inside info out of me.”

  “Oh, honey, you know me better than that. I would never do such a thing.” Then her eyes twinkle, and she bats her lashes. “A la mode?”

  What can I say? The woman knows my weakness. “What other way is there?”

  We chat for a while about her grandchildren, her upcoming hip surgery, and her scheming children who are trying to steal her belongings before she’s even dead. I tell her some of my bad date stories, which always give her a laugh and about my new workload.

  “So, you have a new character on the show, huh? Max is his name, right?”

  “Yes, that’s right.” I look down at my pie and stuff my mouth full of cobbler.

  “Looks like your characters are going to be friends.”

  “Maybe.”

  She ends the grandmotherly routine. “Drop the act, boy. This show is an extension of my life. These characters are better than my own family, so tell me.”

  “Tell you what?” I ask innocently.

  “Is Max Jace’s new boyfriend?” Shit! What am I supposed to say to that! It’s impossible for me to lie to her. She can see right through me.

  So instead, I say, “I plead the fifth.”

  “I never took civics boy, give up the goods. I need this news like I need that new hip.”

  “It’s something new they’re trying.”

  “I knew it!” She pounds her fist on the table before I can even finish.

  “How could you possibly know that? The episodes that have aired don’t even give any of that away.”

  “I can see it, plain as day. You forget I’ve been looking at my stories for over 60 years. I’m an expert in these matters.”

  “And it doesn’t freak you out? You know that Jace is gay?”

  “Sweetie Jace is still Jace; why wouldn’t I love him now?” She looks at me with her twinkling blue eyes and reaches for my hand and pats it. If only everyone thought that way.

  A little while later, I make my way home. I feed Lola who is looking none too pleased that her feeding schedule has been put into disarray these past few weeks. I skip the run because it’s getting late and opt instead for a shower. The water feels great running down my back and coasting over my skin. I grab the washcloth and squeeze my bath soap into the towel. I try to let my thoughts drift away. But instead, they drift back to Josh.

  I see him pushed back against the wall. My fingers are pinning him in place. I soap up the cloth and run it over my neck. I smell his woodsy, spicy scent, and I’m drawn into him. I kiss him so deeply I nearly lose air, afraid to release his mouth. I rub the cloth over my abs. I kiss over his face and neck, biting softly into his flesh. I move the towel lower to my cock. I feel him wince as I bite, then he shivers as if liking it. I begin to massage my dick with the towel, moving in a slow, steady rhythm. He trembles under my touch. I’m doing this to him, and he is helpless. His head rolls from side to side, and his breathing is erratic. I feel a burning sensation in my lower back and balls. I’m about to cum. I press into him and touch his sensitive spot, and he lets out a moan. I lose it. I lose control and have my release against the shower wall.

  I’m in serious trouble.

  Chapter 15

  Josh

  575. That’s the number that does me in. 575 is keeping me from moving out and moving on. The realtor called me back with bad news. I didn’t get the apartment because my credit score was too low. If I can’t even get that place, what are my chances of being able to move into anywhere? I’m on the set when she texts me the bad news. The irony is not lost on me. I have a part on a popular TV show with money to put down as a deposit, but still can’t qualify me for the lease. You have got to be kidding me.

  Pissed and disappointed, I go outside to get some air. This was my new start, but it feels like the same old crap. I go sit by the picnic table and put my head in my hands. Seems like my life these past six years has been one step forward and two steps back.

  I coasted through high school and was able to get a football scholarship. I’d always done very well in school despite people who didn’t know me well thinking I was a dumb jock. I graduated with a 3.9 GPA, but of course, I kept that on the down low. Creative writing and literature were my best subjects. I could just as easily have gotten an academic scholarship, but football gave me the full free ride; plus, the bonus of tons of girls. Not long after I started on the football team at Lincoln High School, I started dating Harmony.

  I was a tight end for the Buffaloes, and when recruiters came knocking, I got my chance. I love football don’t get me wron
g, but for me, it wasn’t the end all be all of my existence, unlike some of my other teammates. I had my pick of colleges and ultimately ended up at the University of Colorado. For two years, I played tight end, breaking records left and right. Then I broke something else. I shattered my knee my junior year.

  After that, all bets were off. I was dropped from the team, lost my scholarship, and lost my girl all within two months. I fell into such a state of depression; I never thought I would see my way out. If it weren’t for the support of my family, I would have fallen into a hole I may never have climbed out of.

  Being laid up in bed for a couple of months will teach you to find new ways to entertain yourself. Because let me tell you, even masturbation gets old and starts to chafe after a while. I couldn’t do much else, and my mind was rotting from watching too much trash TV. For me, my saving grace was writing. First, I began writing fan fiction for a few of my favorite shows, then original short stories to pass the time. Eventually, I upped my game and began watching classic film school movies. I was inspired to start my first screenplay.

  I went through 2 years of intense physical therapy. At times I thought it would break me, but I persevered. By my senior year of college, I joined drama and got my first taste of the stage. After that, it became my life. I ended up changing my major from Business to the Dramatic Arts, but with no full-ride scholarship, the cost was steep. By the time I graduated, I was already deep in debt from school and medical bills. I ended up needing four more knee surgeries and countless hours of therapy.

  There is a reason for the term starving artist, and I was living it. Eventually, I linked up with my agent Lisa, and she found me some modeling work, but she insisted that if I wanted to make a career, I would need to be in LA. Having nothing to lose, I packed my bags, gassed up my piece of crap car, and traveled cross country from Denver to go there. My dreams were dashed when decent parts were hard to come by. I was robbing Peter to pay Paul to cover my credit card payments, which by this point became my primary financing. My parents have four kids and a fixed income, so hitting them up for a loan was out of the question.