Just Like Heaven

by T L Bradford

  Our food comes, and we chat lightly about all the things we’ve done over the past few days and how much we’ll regret having to leave in the morning. Once we pay for the meal, we decide to walk along the beach which runs along the front of the restaurant. We do a lazy stroll down the beach pathway and come to a seawall where we stop and look at the amazing sunset in front of us.

  “What was the most memorable part of our trip for you?” I ask him.

  “It’s got to be nearly falling to my death on the Puu O Kila Lookout. Not likely to forget that one anytime soon,” he muses. Concern clouds my expression again, which he sees. “Don’t even think about it, okay. I’m fine. It was just an accident. See the scar isn’t even that big.” He shows me the long mark on his skin from where he slid down the side of the cliff.

  It’s healing, okay, but I feel terrible. It should never have happened in the first place. I grab his arm to take a closer look. I feel him staring at me as I observe his injury. I move my hand down his arm and place his hand down on the seawall. Then I cover my hand over his and keep it there. After about a minute, I intertwine our fingers, and we are holding hands on the seawall while watching the sunset. I don’t think I have ever experienced pure bliss before, but I’m sure this is it.

  When we get back to the room, we say little, caught up in our tiny world of happiness, not wanting to break the aura surrounding us. We watch a Netflix movie on Josh’s iPad, so he comes over to my bed so we can both view the screen. We keep casting glances at each other to see who will be first to initiate a move. It’s me, and I move back to allow Josh to put his head on my chest. He picks up on what I want and moves back into my chest. We fit together perfectly. It’s like being at home. I run my fingers through his thick mass of wavy hair. I see him slowly close his eyes as I do so. I continue to massage his scalp and play with his hair through the entire movie.

  When it is over, he closes the top and turns his face up to mine. His eyes are bright and hopeful. He is so lovely to me at that moment. I want it to last forever. This can only happen if I begin tearing down the wall.

  “Tobias used to beat me mercilessly every day I lived in that house in Virginia.” His happy expression drops on a dime. He sits up and puts his left hand on my chest over my heart.

  “Did your mother ever know?”

  “No, I never told her. I couldn’t do that to her. She would think it was all her fault for not having tried harder get custody.”

  “Have you ever told this to anyone before?” His eyes are wide and caring.

  “No.”

  Josh grabs me behind my neck and pulls me to his chest this time. I cry. I cry hard, for new and old. I cry for the life I missed, I cry for the time stolen from my mother, and I cry because I have someone here who gives a damn.

  Before we leave on our flight, we see Scott and Brian at the airport. They are also on their way home. I apologize for my behavior, and they both shrug it off and say that’s what the experience was for, to find your true self. Before we part, Brian takes me aside and whispers in my ear. “I was you once. A love like this comes once in a lifetime if you’re that lucky. Don’t waste your chance. You never know how long you have.” Then he pats me on the back and walks away.

  Chapter 25

  Josh

  After Noah’s confession, we talked for a long while and agreed to keep separate our professional and personal lives. Noah has things to work through, and I can respect that. We will continue to be there for each other and talk things through, but we need the distance to see clearly. We both need time to process.

  On our return, we are greeted warmly by the cast and crew. I’ve missed them on our hiatus. We’ve become our own little family. Everyone is anxious to get back to work. There is a rumor of pivotal changes coming to the show.

  Our upcoming script has our characters, Jace and Max, going through serious emotional turmoil during their breakup. It’s an excellent script, one that Noah and I are excited to dig into. The atmosphere on set is night and day after our therapy.

  Steph and Genie are happy we are on better terms and willing to work together again. Our recent experience proves excellent fuel for our performances. Having just been through similar experiences as our characters, Noah and I throw ourselves into the script and give a knockout performance. It’s the best work either of us has ever done.

  News makes it to the upper brass of the intensely dramatic shoot. Next thing I know, Noah and I are getting called into the Producers’ office. Steph and Genie are beaming when we walk in. They tell us how pleased they are with the dailies. Then Genie asks how we are doing personally, to which we reply the break did us good and now we’re ready to get back to work.

  “That is excellent! Just what I wanted to hear,” says Steph.

  In their typical two-headed fashion, Genie speaks next. “We had our meeting with the top brass this morning. If you boys are ready, they want to move to the next phase of Jace and Max’s relationship.” She surveys us for a reaction.

  I feel compelled to say something since there is nothing but dead air. “Okay, sure, no problem. I think we can handle it.”

  She looks over at Noah to confirm. He nods his head slowly. I get the feeling he knows something that I’m not catching. “Okay, then over the next couple of weeks, we are going to have Jace and Max reconcile.”

  “Great!” I say. Noah is still not enthusiastic. I seem to be the only one in the room still not getting it. “Wait, isn’t this a good thing?”

  Noah looks away to the window and rolls his eyes. Then Genie breaks it down for me.

  “Yes, Jace and Max will be getting back together…and…they will make love for the first time.” She says, a big, nervous grin on her face.

  “Ahh,” I say, unprepared for how to reply.

  “Now Captain Obvious gets it,” Noah says.

  Traxxx is hot tonight. Everyone is here. We haven’t been able to get together for weeks now, so everybody is letting off steam and catching up.

  “Let me be the first to congratulate our favorite Americana couple #JAX! They are reunited, and it feels so good!” says Olive.

  “Here, here!” says Ash.

  “Thanks, guys, I’m so touched,” I say.

  “This calls for another round for the table. Drinks are on Noah!” Olive declares.

  We are in our usual back booth by the pool tables. This time Gemma has joined and is sitting next to Ash, which is unusual as she normally sits by Noah. I can tell Noah picks up on this change because he is quieter than usual. Before the night is over, I’m going to talk with Ash and have him come clean with Noah about him dating Gemma.

  It’s very loud, so Noah leans over to me and asks in my ear, “So, uh, have you heard anything about Gemma seeing anybody?” I didn’t want to be put in this situation. I’m terrible at lying. I try to act like I can’t hear him because of the noise. Luckily, we are interrupted by a new face at the table. She looks vaguely familiar. Maybe she was on one of those Disney/Nickelodeon teen programs growing up? Whatever, she’s hot now.

  “Hi,” she says to me as she leans over the table, putting her goods on full display for me.

  “Hi.” I’m still not used to women being so forward with me.

  “Josh Hill, right?” She has a knowing smile. She is gorgeous with long, sleek dark brown hair. What can I say, I’ve got a type and apparently its dark hair?

  “The one and only,” I say, a little cockily. Alright, so maybe I can kind of see what Noah is always talking about regarding my swagger.

  “My jam is playing. Wanna dance?” She’s eyeing me up like a tasty delicacy. Never one to refuse a pretty lady, I give her one of my winning smiles and scoot over so I can get up to dance with her. Since we are in a booth, Noah is on the end, blocking me in. He makes no move to get up and move so I can get out. He’s looking out at the dance floor pretending he didn’t hear what just went down.

  “Hey man, can you move so I can get up?” I shout over the music. He still doesn’t m
ove, acting oblivious.

  “Noah, man, can you move?” I say with more force. He casually glances back at me as if it’s the first time he’s seeing me. I gesture with my hands for him at her and the shooing motion. He takes his sweet time getting up and letting me out, only giving me the slightest room to wiggle by him. I don’t know what his problem is tonight, but this was his idea. He must live with the fact that I am a free agent.

  Disney girl and I go out to the dance floor. We maneuver into the middle, and she moves up close on me and pushes her goods against my chest. She’s drunk, and I don’t care. She starts playing with her hair and rubbing her hands down my body. Unable to resist, I snap my eyes back over to our booth and see Noah glaring fixedly at me.

  I’m not trying to make him jealous or anything, but I do want to have a good time. I put my hands on her back and allow her to continue caressing my abs. The tribal beat of the music is making everyone gyrate and grind. Disney girl turns around and puts her ass right up on my junk and begins twerking. I look over at the booth again, and Noah is still there, only now he looks livid. He’d better be careful, or someone may get the wrong idea.

  She reaches back and feels up my butt while she continues to grind on me. The shots I had from earlier are starting to kick in. I’m enjoying the feel of her on me. I put my hands on her hips and start pulling her back into me. It’s about 100 degrees on the floor, and people are sweating and sliding all over each other. She pushes further back on me, and I move forward, closing my eyes and starting to thrust.

  Sweat is pouring from me. Through the heady haze, I open my eyes and notice Noah is no longer in the booth.

  I start feeling a little guilty, even though I have no reason to. The song is ending, and Disney girl is up for another song. I make an excuse, saying I need to use the restroom, then walk her off the dancefloor. She looks confused and goes back to her gaggle of girlfriends.

  I go back to the booth, and only Gemma and Ash are there. I ask where Noah went.

  Gemma has a troubled look on her face and says she thinks he got up and either left or maybe went to the bathroom. She noted that he looked upset. I swarm my way through the people and search for Noah. Eventually, I find him on the second floor of the place, leaning over the balcony looking down at the partiers.

  I sidle up right next to him and lean over the balcony taking the same position as him. He knows I’m there, but he’s not saying a word to me. “What’s going on with you tonight?” I ask.

  “Nothin’,” he drawls.

  “You sure about that? You seem upset.”

  “I told you, there’s nothing wrong.”

  “I know we talked about this already, but if this situation is making you uncomfortable, we could—”

  “Damn it, I said it’s okay, can we just drop it?” He bites at me.

  “Fine,” I say, tersely. “But if you’re going to act like this every time we go out, this going to be a problem.”

  “It’s not going to be a problem.” He relaxes his stance. Together we look out over the crowd. I turn and look at his profile; he looks great tonight.

  “It’s your call, you know.”

  The corner of his mouth turns up in a small smile. “Yeah, I know.” He sighs audibly. Then out of the blue, he asks, “Do you think something is going on with Ash and Gemma?”

  I lie. “Nope, no idea.”

  The next day I grab Ash and have our sit-down chat. “Man, you’ve got to tell Noah, he started asking me questions about you guys yesterday.”

  “I’m getting around to it; don’t worry.” He’s nonchalant about it.

  “Uh, yeah, I do worry about it. You’re putting me in a weird situation here. I’m a bad liar, okay. You do not want me to keep this secret.”

  “If it’s eating your conscience up that much, why don’t you just go on ahead and tell him then.”

  “Oh, no, you are not getting me to do your dirty work.”

  “Calm down, okay; I got it handled.”

  “Ash I—” but the conversation stops when Noah appears suddenly as if by David Copperfield magic.

  “Hey, what’s up, guys?” He looks suspicious.

  “Nothing man,” Ash says.

  “Sounded like a pretty heated discussion to me.”

  “Oh, well we were just talking about the uh…”

  “Lakers!” Ash and I both say at the same time. Sweet! We look at each other and do the dude-bro thing, nodding our heads.

  “Right, anyway, Josh, Marty needs us down on Set B so we can discuss direction.”

  “Okay, sure! I say, too quickly and turn to walk away. As I’m doing so, I look back at Ash and give him the stink eye.

  It’s only Marty, Noah and I on the set as he gives us direction on how he wants to shoot the love scene. This is nothing new to Noah, given he’s been in relationships on the show already, but for me, this is a whole new world. My stomach is tensing and tightening from the nervousness I’m experiencing.

  There are so many technical considerations to contend with that I understand why other actors have always said there is nothing less sexy than shooting a love scene. The scene will take place in Jace’s room, so that is where we are now. Marty has me lie back on the bed and tells Noah where to place his hands on me. It is tastefully written but also does not hold back on what people want to see. Who knew simulating intercourse could be so exhausting? We’re trying to hold it together, but it’s late in the afternoon, and we are both a little punchy and feeling silly. We’re trying not to laugh and be professional, but not doing a great job.

  Marty says he understands; it’s just the body’s way of dealing with stress. He knows we’ll be serious when the time comes. We find out we’ll be wearing privacy patches, and that makes us laugh even harder. We start touching and rubbing on each other as written. It’s a little awkward and stilted, but this is only because I know this is not normally how we are together. It’s clear we’ve got the basics down and are unable to be serious, so he lets us go.

  Back in the dressing room, we talk about how strange and unnatural it felt. I suggest we run through the scene again and try to make it work this time. He gives me side-eye like I’m trying to pull a fast one on him. He’s in a good mood though and seems game to try. I’ve noticed that Noah is a fierce competitor and is incapable of turning down a challenge. I can work with that.

  “Alright, let’s do this,” he says. He has a quirky look on his face that I can’t quite make out.

  I walk over to the door and make sure to lock it. Then I walk back over to Noah. I start my lines, and he follows suit. We play out the scene as written in the script, only in our dressing room. We morph into Jace and Max with Noah and Josh nowhere to be found. The scene picks up right where Jace and Max reconcile. In a turn of events, Jace is the one initiating contact with Max.

  Jace touches Max’s arm, feeling his way down then takes his hand and leads him toward the bedroom. Max follows readily. Jace places his hand on Max’s chest and covers his heart. Max grabs hold of Jace’s hand and caresses it. Then Jace places his hands on the wall behind Max’s head and moves in for a deep scorching kiss. Max puts his hands on Jace’s hips, encouraging him forward. Jace kisses down Max’s jawline, then neck, slowly suckling on the soft skin. Max winces a little at the slight pinch Jace makes at his throat. Jace removes Max’s shirt, then his own. Jace then directs Max over to his bed and pushes him backward. (Since we don’t have a bed, Noah pushes me onto the couch.)

  Jace leans over Max and kisses him ferociously again then moves his hands down to his belt buckle. He pulls the pants down and abandons them on the side of the bed, leaving Max clad only in his boxer briefs. Jace begins kissing Max’s abdomen, moving down his happy trail only to stop right above the brief elastic. He looks up at Max with a lusty look in his eyes. Max sits up and begins unbuttoning Jace’s jeans. When they are off, Jace lays across Max and strokes his body from top to bottom, touching and prodding. Jace coaxes Max’s mouth open again and tastes his sweet
breath.

  Tongues battle and reach a fever-pitched frenzy.

  It becomes too much, and Noah and I have trouble sticking to the direction in the script. We are now pawing at each other, trying to touch as much skin as we can. Noah growls and yanks himself up off me. He swings his legs around the side of the couch and yells “Fuck!” then lowers his head and pulls at the hair on the sides of his head.

  “Noah—” I start, and move to put my hand on his shoulder, but he’s already up and pacing the room.

  “This can’t happen,” is all he says, more to himself than me.

  “This is happening. It’s been happening.”

  He gets quiet, then stops pacing. “You don’t get it! This will cause so much trouble.” He looks nervous now like someone is out to get him. I’m bothered by his words.

  “Trouble, what do you mean?” I ask, shaking my head in confusion.

  He ignores my words. “I need to control it, contain it… then it’s not real. It’s not real.” He’s looking around the room frantically. He starts pacing again. I can’t believe it, after what just happened, he’s trying to convince himself he’s not into me.

  I sit up completely on the couch and throw the grenade I’ve been keeping in my back pocket. “Oh, it’s real Noah. It’s been real since that day by the waterfall.” He stops pacing again and looks at me now in confusion. “As real as that erection you had going back to shore.” His face blanches white. “Yeah, Noah, I saw it. Trust me, there was no confusion.”

  Chapter 26

  Noah

  I’m at a restaurant having lunch with Gemma and getting caught up. I’m stressed out because Josh and I tape our segment today. Gemma’s been trying to get me to relax, but it seems nearly impossible. After my encounter with Josh a few days ago, I have been on edge. I didn’t expect things to go that far, and by the time I pulled myself together, the damage had already been done. He caught me off guard with his comment about the waterfalls. He’d seen me. I had no comeback for that.