Just Like Heaven

by T L Bradford

  “You need to wipe that drool from the corner of your mouth,” Chloe says, slyly coming up behind me. Shit! I didn’t realize I had been gaping so openly at Noah. I need to rein it in.

  “Can’t help it. I’m transfixed.”

  “I don’t blame you. He’s like ten times hotter in person. Oh, damn! How did he do that? Ooh, that is one flexible man.” She walks away backward, eyeballing him.

  When the pop gun is fired, Noah takes off like a shot. Assuming he doesn’t get lost on the route, we’ve got this one in the bag. And sure enough, Noah makes it back in first place. I run up to him and get a giant sweaty hug when he crosses the finish line. Shit, even his sweat smells good.

  It’s been a long day, and everyone tries to decompress. We’re not doing too bad, ending the day near the top of the pack. All I want to do is shower and spend some time with Noah. I get my wish when I tap on his door.

  “Hey. Mind if I come in?” I ask.

  “No, as a matter of fact, I was about to go over to your room. You saved me a trip.”

  I look around quickly, then close the door behind me. Noah is laid out on his back on my bed, propping himself up on his elbows. Unsure of where to sit in the room, I opt to stretch out next to him. He has on a pair of low-slung sweatpants that are exposing his lower belly. I can see the tiny dark-haired happy trail that travels from his navel to his waistband. I want to run my finger over it.

  “We make a pretty good team. Your family is savage.”

  “I knew we would.” I did a little prep work before I came in here making sure to have a close shave, breath mints, loose clothing and some subtle cologne in case, well, who knows what happens. I scoot up on the bed lying on my back, then put one arm behind my head.

  I see his breathing change pace. We stare at each other for what seems like forever. I think about what he’s fighting inside that won’t let him touch me. It must have a pretty powerful hold on him if the struggle in his eyes is any indication.

  “May I see your writings?”

  I sit up and go to the closet and pull out a box on the top shelf in the back. It has all the writings I had done in my youth and the screenplays I had written while laid up in the hospital. I’ve only shown a few of them to Chloe, but that’s about it.

  I sit the file box down on the end of the bed and remove the top. Noah checks with me to make sure it’s okay to take them out, and I nod my head. The rarely seen dimple appears, and he happily digs through the boxes. He takes a handful of scripts and writings out and leans back on the bed, gathering a pillow beneath his head to read them. Then he indicates with a tilt of his head that he wants me to put my head on the other side of the pillow next to his. I do as he wants. As he starts reading, I turn to my side, facing him, then casually lay my arm across his stomach as he reads. He doesn’t move away. I slowly close my eyes and eventually drift off to sleep across him.

  I wake up warm. Then I realize why. I’m wrapped up in Noah’s arms, and he is clutching me tightly. I fell asleep in his room all night. His forehead is pressed close to mine. Not wanting to lose his grip around me, I tilt my head up very slightly. It’s enough to wake him. We say nothing. Just stare into the depths of each other’s eyes. Noah’s hand comes up and begins stroking my hair away from my eyes and feathering it into waves. He is fixated on my face and handling me so gently.

  “Breakfast is ready! Come on down if you want to eat!” We hear my mother’s voice from downstairs bellow. Noah doesn’t move, and neither do I for a minute. Then we both get up and dress to go downstairs.

  It turns out we both suck hard at puzzles. Chloe and Archer end up acing that race. Uncle Pete and Uncle Jonathan win second place. Auntie Rose and Auntie Tina take third.

  Next up, the compliment battle, a new event to the Hill Olympics. It takes nerves of steel to compliment another person in rap battle fashion profusely. All that is required is a card table and your wits. A playlist of 80s era training montage music is used as background music to enhance the mood. It is epic. And we epically fail.

  Deservedly, Xander and Zach win that round, with Ryan and Jett coming in a close second and third place goes to cousin Shirley and oddly enough Grandma Hope who has quite a mouth on her since the stroke.

  The endurance challenge is a game which on the surface appears simple, but underneath is a snarling beast. Each team must hold an awkward position together. Your place depends on how long you can hold out. The team that holds out the longest without falling on each other wins first place.

  Chloe and I usually do well in this competition, and now I know why. She is light and flexible. And Noah, though flexible, is not light by any means. Also, he is so tempting to touch in our intimate position. On any given occasion, he makes me weak in the knees. Today is no exception and could not be worse timing. We come crashing down less than a minute after starting.

  We fail to place in this round. Suzy and Grandma Betty take first. As she walks by, I hear Suzy say, “Suck it, Josh!” Oh, it’s on Suzy, it’s on!

  We have plenty more challenges throughout the day, but the last challenge is, without a doubt, my favorite, trivia. I live and die for completely arbitrary knowledge.

  We’re up against tough competition here with so many older people, but my depth of knowledge for the mundane is freaking extraordinary.

  I kid you not, Noah and I own their asses after this challenge. Left and right, we answer questions from pop culture, history, literature, science, sports, music and movies. When we are done dominating, we hear chants of #JAX! #JAX! #JAX! It’s music to my ears. I jump up and plant an overly dramatic kiss on Noah’s cheek. Everyone cheers and laughs.

  We race back up to win overall third place. Suck it indeed Suzy.

  With the competition over, Noah and I finally have some alone time in the living room late that night. My brothers went out with friends, Chloe is with Archer, her new buddy, and my parents went to bed. It’s just us by the fireplace talking about our nutso day.

  “Next year I’m hiding Grandma Betty’s hypertension medication,” I joke.

  “I don’t know; she’s feisty. She may bare-knuckle fist fight you for that medal.”

  “I know right!?!” I chuckle.

  “Josh, I want to thank you for inviting me to your home. I’ve had a great time. I love your family.” This touches me, but it also burns a small hole in my heart that he can say that about my family, but not about me.

  “There’s no one else I’d rather have here.” It’s quiet for a few minutes. The only sounds are the crackling and popping from the fire.

  “Have you ever brought someone home like this to meet your family before?” He seems very shy right now.

  “No.”

  The dimple returns to his cheek, this time I reach out and touch the side of his face, rubbing my thumb slowly over the smooth groove.

  “I know we didn’t talk about getting each other presents, and it’s not much, but I have something small I wanted to give to you,” he says. Noah reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box wrapped in silver foil paper with a red bow.

  I’m amazed he thought of me and for the life of me cannot imagine what he would have given. He’s holding his breath, so I open the gift right away. Inside is a key.

  “I’ve been thinking, it’s silly right, that we’re keeping two different places when we spend most of our time together anyway when you could just move in with me.” He’s fixated on my face again like he was earlier in my room. “You don’t need to answer right this minute, just think about it, okay?”

  “Okay, I will.” His face relaxes, and he puts his arm around the back of the couch behind my head. I lean into him and stare at the fire imagining what living with Noah could be like.

  Christmas morning is here, and we are all downstairs in the living room tearing through our gifts. I got a one-year pre-paid gas card from Mom and Dad, a ball cap from Zach, a spa day treatment from Chloe, and a hair highlighting kit from Xander. The best gift, though, is the one sitting
on my bedside table in a little silver box.

  Noah and I pass shy glances at each other all morning and whenever possible, stop and touch each other gently on the arm or lower back, away from everyone’s eyes.

  As is our tradition, we ski on Christmas Day. The eight of us, including Archer, pile into my parents Toyota Sienna Minivan and head to the Copper Mountain Ski Resort. Falling into the old patterns of our youth, I take my usual spot in the far back seat of the van. Archer takes the seat next to me. As Noah enters, he tells Archer he thinks his ski bag may be left outside of the van. When he gets up, Noah takes the seat beside me.

  “I didn’t see a bag out there,” Archer says as he gets back into the van.

  “Oh, sorry; I guess someone put it inside.” He looks over at me and grins wide. He can be a sneaky bastard when he wants to.

  Noah has never been skiing and is getting that nervous look on his face. He is looking up at the mountain through the side window and turning pale. I sneakily feel for his wrist where his pulse is going crazy. I hold his hand under the blankets in the back seat until he calms down.

  It’s busy up on the mountain with families streaming out of the parking lot. While everyone else goes ahead and gets their lift tickets, Noah and I hang behind. Archer offers to stay behind with us, but I can see the annoyance in Noah’s body language. I tell Archer to go on without us, and that I wanted to give Noah some quick tips on how to ski safely for a first timer. I also don’t want to have him embarrassed on the ski lift, as I know he’s not fond of heights or small spaces.

  When there is a break in the people traffic, we jump on the lift and are on our way. Noah is breathing through his nose and counting to calm himself. He won’t look down, but that is okay because at least he made it onto the lift. Baby steps. We go to the bunny slope where a ski instructor is showing a group of kids how to “pizza” and “french-fry” their skis to slow down and gain speed.

  Noah is so far out of his element on skis its laughable. Luckily, he’s not offended by me laughing my ass off at him falling, tripping and running into everything around him. He gets himself into the most awkward position imaginable and cannot turn his skis around to get up. I go over to help him, and in the process, I fall over on him too, getting our skis caught up together like in some tragic game of Twister.

  When we stop squirming and tangling, I look down at Noah’s laughing eyes and see what should have been obvious all along. I love him. I love him with all my heart and soul. I love him with every breath in my body. I love him for all that he is and all that I am. I love him to hell and back again.

  Xander and Zach have all but kidnapped Noah and are laughing and joking with him a couple of seats up from where Chloe and I are sitting in the back. With my thoughts weighing heavy on my mind as we drive back, I am unusually quiet. Chloe picks up on it and moves in beside me to ask what’s going on. I tell her I’m okay; I just needed some time to think.

  Very quietly, she asks me, “Are there any new developments to tell me about?”

  “No, I’m afraid not.” I don’t know if I should tell her about the gift or not before Noah and I have talked about it.

  “Something must have happened, ever since he’s been here you guys have been on complete cuteness overload. I can barely handle it.”

  “Sorry. Do you think anyone can tell?”

  “Oh, I think everyone can tell.”

  “Chloe, he gave me a present last night.” I’m whispering as softly as I can.

  “Oh my god! What was it?”

  “A key to his house. He wants me to move in with him.”

  “Did you accept!?!” Her eyes open wide.

  “He said he wanted me to think about it before I gave him an answer.”

  “Boy! What the heck are you waiting for?” she whispers.

  “I don’t even know how he feels about me. Maybe he wants a roommate? He didn’t say anything about us having a relationship or me being his boyfriend.”

  “The only way you’re ever going to know is to tell him how you feel about him. Enough with this will they, won’t they crap I’m so over it, and you should be too.”

  “You’re right. I know it.” I look up and see Noah playing with my brothers. Everything is so natural. He fits in perfectly. That’s what scares me the most. Now that I know what we could have, how could I bear to lose this?

  “I’m going to tell him. Tonight.”

  I’m on eggshells with Noah when we get back to the house. I’m so nervous about what I’m going to do; I can’t even look him in the eyes. Xander and Zach are still holding him hostage away from me, playing video games in the living room. I was never very good at them, but Noah’s awesome at them. They all seem oblivious to me, so I go hang out in the kitchen where Archer is talking with Chloe.

  They have been very buddy, buddy these past few days and I wonder if they’ve been talking about me to each other. This is practically confirmed when Chloe shoots Archer a telling look, then excuses herself with some lame comment about having to do something upstairs. I think she wants me to have bonding time with Archer to talk about my situation, and he’d be the best to empathize.

  “Hey, man, I’m tired out from today. Your family knows how to rock the holidays. No, joke.”

  “We don’t play around,” I chuckle. “I’m really glad you could be here with us, man; it’s been a blast. We’ve got to get you out to LA when you get a chance.”

  “You can bet on it. So, I’m guessing you are not a gamer?” He indicates the ruckus in the living room.

  “I play a little, but I’m more a Donkey Kong, Pac-Mac, Centipede type of gamer.”

  “I see, a real OG, then?” He laughs. He has a great hearty laugh. I hope he finds his “One” someday soon.

  “Something like that.”

  “Noah’s getting along great with your brothers.”

  “I’m pretty sure if they could trade me in for Noah, they would.” I’m only half-joking.

  “Yeah, I remember they used to pull some crazy stuff on you back in the day. Fire crotch. That was classic. You must have been glad when they stopped with the pranks.”

  “What do you mean? They just pulled a glitter bomb prank on me two days ago! I’m still trying to get that shit out of my hair.”

  “I guess some things never change.” He’s chuckling. “Still though, deep down, they’re good guys.”

  “Maybe deep, deep, deep, deep down, they’re marginally okay at best.”

  “Nah, man, their good guys.” He sounds wistful.

  “What do you mean?” I ask, curious.

  “I didn’t mention this before, but…remember before when I told you after I came out, all my friends split on me? But I did have a few supporters who stood up for me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “They were Xander and Zach.”

  “No, shit!”

  “Hand to heaven. They were there for me every step of the way, and they kicked anyone’s ass who talked trash about me. So, you see, they care, they have a funny way of showing it.”

  “Wow, mind blown. Thanks, Archer, I had no idea.”

  Noah raises his head and catches my eye from the living room. He has an odd look on his face that I can’t quite make out. Then he turns back to his game, furrowing his brow. I’ve been a little weird around him this afternoon, so I’m hoping he does not think it’s because I intend to turn down his offer to move in with him.

  “Do they know? About you and Noah?”

  “Yeah, they were cool with it. Cooler than I thought they would be. I guess I know why now.”

  “If I may ask, you guys seemed to be joined at the hip today, and it’s obvious to anyone who has eyes that you guys have…a thing. Have you both talked about it yet?”

  “I was going to tell him tonight how I feel if I can ever get my brothers away from him. I’m so scared, though. If I tell him and he rejects me again, I can’t go back to being just friends with him. I can’t.”

  “I would say, the way he’s be
en protecting you from me all day and the look on his face right now from seeing us talking in here, this is not going to be a problem.”

  “He’s jealous?”

  “Uh…yeah. Watch this.” Then he tilts his head down over to me and starts saying gibberish into my ear, touches my arm, then laughs in his hearty chuckle. Noah sees and jumps up from the couch then comes into the kitchen to seemingly open the fridge door and root around for a drink, even though he already has a full one right next to him. He leaves without saying anything to either of us.

  “I will henceforth refer to you as my gay Yoda. Teach me your ways.”

  “Teach you, Josh, I will,” he says in his best Yoda voice.

  “First question, how do I break him away from Xander and Zach?”

  “Let me and Chloe work on that. You relax.” He gives me a wink, then he finishes his beer and takes the back way out of the kitchen.

  I go back into the living room and take the empty spot next to Noah on the couch. He doesn’t stop playing, but I see him look over at me out of the corner of his eye. It gives me great pleasure that he is unable to concentrate and keeps making mistakes in their game. Zach calls him out on it since I guess Noah is on his strike force, or whatever.

  About five minutes later, Chloe comes down and plops herself on the couch between my brothers.

  “I’m jonesing for a late-night snack. It can only be satisfied by going to Waffle House; you dufuses wanna come with? Archer is driving.”

  “We are in the middle of a very intense combat campaign. Go away,” Zach says, dismissively staring at the TV screen.

  “I’m paying,” she says.

  “You see if you want him to pay attention, you have to lead with that statement,” Xander says.

  “We only have two more levels, and we reach their base camp,” Zach says, still unconvinced and playing intensely.