by T L Bradford
“Yes.”
“Okay, second, not to be indelicate, but are you considering being the receiver of this new experience?”
“Possibly…we haven’t talked about that, but I think we both would compromise on that point.”
“So, you would like to be prepared for any possible scenario. Correct?”
“Pretty much.”
“Okay. Here’s what you need to do…” he chuckles.
To show our support for the LGBTQ community, Noah and I attend a PRIDE function on behalf of the studio. It turns out to be a lot of fun. There are booths around with information about safe sex, performances from prominent entertainers, rides and games for families with kids. I’m glad we went.
We get recognized right away when we arrive. There is a panel discussion for us to attend. We are supposed to do a Q&A for the show. As always, we are asked about our orientation, and we give the stock standard “straight” response, but now it feels phony. The people here have been great to us, and now we are disingenuous. We are going against everything this festival stands for which is to be out and proud.
“After that panel, I feel we set the movement back by 50 years,” I say to Noah disheartened.
Noah looks miffed after my statement. Before my eyes, I see his attitude change. Us staying in the closet was one of our compromises for being together. At first, it seemed like a situation I could handle, but over time, I’ve developed serious feelings for Noah that have become harder to hide. So much so, that I don’t even want to hide them anymore. I’ll admit that I’m not ready to publicly come out either, but I’m hoping we will be able to be together in public someday soon.
“Josh, I know where you’re going with this. Look, I’m just not ready to be public yet.”
“I know, and I’m not rushing you. All I want is some assurance that one day we will be able to at least hold hands without needing to hide behind a bush or something. It’s a little demeaning to tell you the truth.”
“It’s not fair to you, and I’m not happy about it. Your reality, even with your family’s acceptance, is a lot different from mine. It won’t go down so easily.”
With his words, I recall how tough he had it growing up with his abusive father. He looks down at the ground in shame, and I put my forehead to his to make him feel better when I feel him stiffen and jerk away.
“Not here,” he hisses low and sharp.
I immediately back away from him, giving him space, then I look around to see if anyone saw us. It doesn’t look like it. We are just two more among a sea of couples.
He realizes his harsh tone toward me. “I’m sorry,” he says quickly, trying to recover. “I just…reacted, it’s easy for us to be so casual now, we have to be careful.”
Taken aback by his rejection, I don’t approach him the rest of the day. We finish our panels. I don’t think the audience caught that anything was amiss between us, but I am fuming inside. Noah keeps trying to lock eyes with me, but I refuse.
When we get in his Jeep to go back home, he doesn’t start it up right away. “I fucked up. I know. I’m sorry.”
“Jesus Noah, if I can barely touch you at a gay pride event, then when will it ever be appropriate?” I say.
“I just…wasn’t prepared.” I’m looking out the front window, but I see him turn those steely silver-green eyes to me. He grabs my hand and rubs it in his palm. “It won’t happen again.” Damn it. I feel like I’m going to cry. I won’t let him see me do it.
He grabs my chin and pulls it around to make me face him. I feel tears begin to well behind my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. Then he kisses me gently. After a moment, I kiss him back.
Friday after taping, our Young Americans gang decides to go out clubbing. There is a new LA hotspot called Dante’s Inferno that we were given exclusive passes to attend. There’s been some tension around the set, so the timing is right to blow off a little steam. Gemma and Ash have been arguing lately over the Noah issue, so they are barely talking. Noah and I are still raw over the Pride incident, and Sarita has been extra bitchy lately, but then, that’s nothing new, I guess.
The club’s theme is Hades. Two giant flames greet you as you walk through the entrance. There are two levels to the club. The main club floor itself has holographic hellscape imagery. The upper rafters go all the way around the very large dance floor. There are chairs and tables for the observers and from what I can see, lots of overtly raunchy behavior.
The club is packed, and everyone on the floor is already writhing and grinding on each other. Our group enters, and we show our passes. I receive several inviting glances from both females and males, along with one solid grope on our way to sit down. Noah observes this happening and is not having it. He pulls me close, occasionally putting his hand on my hip, warding off everyone — what a hypocrite.
“Woo-hoo! Party time!” Olive exclaims. She’s dressed in a tight, champagne colored, off the shoulder glittery club dress.
“Should we put down plastic? I don’t want to get pregnant from sitting on these booth seats. Who the hell knows what people have gotten up to here?” Sarita says.
She looks so sexy tonight. She has on a red form-fitting wrap-around dress. Her hair is down and center-parted with a barely there wave. She’s sporting smoky dark eyes and crimson, luscious lips. To top it off, she has on red high heel stilettos that make her calves pop. She’s been catching me sneaking glances at her. Damn, looking at her now, if I had seen her first, I may question if Noah and I would have ever gotten together. It’s just a passing thought, but still, she has me smitten.
We make our way over to a side booth that has been reserved for our group. We slide into the booth, Ash, Gemma, Chloe, Sarita, me, and Noah on the other end. He is sitting very close to me in a protective manner that is already pissing me off. He’s been trying to make it up to me ever since he screwed up, by being overly attentive. Leisurely, he places his arm along the back of the booth headrest, behind my head. I’m sure he’s all up on me because wants to mark his territory. We’ll see about that. He doesn’t get to unilaterally decide when we can engage in public.
“What do you guys want to drink?” Ash asks over the thumping drive of the club music. “I’ll go get it.” Noah and I pre-gamed before we got here, probably drinking more than we should have. Noah started before me. He is already less steady than he should be. As I said, it’s been a tough week.
Gemma says a Lemon Drop; Olive wants a Long Island Iced Tea, Sarita says she wants a whiskey neat. That’s my girl — no fruity shit for her. I’ve come to appreciate her no-nonsense, in your face approach to life over time.
“What about you, Josh?” I open my mouth to say my order when Noah pipes in for me.
“Don’t worry, he’s on my tab, I know what he likes,” he says with a salacious grin, then he stands and squeezes the back of my neck as he goes to get our drinks. I am mortified. He just emasculated me in front of the whole group. Everyone turns around to look, trying to figure out what the actual fuck just happened. I want to shrink back into the seat and hide.
“Uh…okay,” says Ash. He quickly grabs his wallet and goes to the bar. Now it’s just me sitting there with the girls. Yep, I’m just one of the girls sitting here, waiting for my man to bring me a drink. Isn’t that special? Oh, hellz, no! Noah is not making me into his bitch.
The vibe is really weird. I’m grateful for Olive clearing the air. “Come on, let’s go dance,” Olive says to Gemma, who is looking anything but ready to party.
“I don’t know, Olive; I’m just not feeling up to it,” Gemma grouses.
“You can’t sit here and mope all night. What’s up with you guys; did something happen?”
“Sorry I’m a Debbie Downer, but no, nothing new, Ash still won’t come clean to Noah about us, and I’m fed up. Noah’s my best friend; I won’t lie to him anymore. I gave Ash an ultimatum. We tell Noah, or we reevaluate this relationship. I’m tired of sneaking around and lying to everybody. Why should I be made to fe
el like his dirty little secret?” In my head, I realize Gemma, and I have more in common than I thought.
“All the more reason to get up and shake your booty, show him who’s in control. You don’t need him to be happy, you can do fine on your own,” Olive says in her great wisdom.
Groaning and rolling her eyes exaggeratedly, Gemma gives in and slides over to go dance with Olive. And then there were two.
“She’s an annoying little shit, but seriously, I don’t know what we’d do without her,” Sarita remarks about Olive.
“They say there’s always one in every group.”
“Right? And if you don’t know who it is, chances are it’s you.”
“Never were truer words spoken,” I give my first smile of the evening.
“Outside of the dance floor orgies, and what I’m sure are blood sacrifices in the balcony, this is an okay place,” Sarita utters, smirking.
“My thoughts exactly.” We sip our drinks. “You look astounding tonight by the way.”
“Ah, so he notices.”
“Oh, I noticed.”
“I was beginning to think nothing short of setting my hair on fire would get your attention.”
“Sweetheart, there’s never a person who doesn’t know when you’re in the room.” I’m enjoying our flirty banter. She smiles over the rim of her drink.
“Well, I was going to ask you to dance, but now I don’t know if I need to get clearance through Noah.” She sips her drink. She just issued a challenge. Any other time I would not bait the chase, but I’m feeling brave and drunk.
“Noah has nothing to do with this.”
“Just the words I wanted to hear,” and with that, she puts down her drink and slides out of the booth. I follow, hot on her heels to get to the dance floor. The temperature out there is scorching compared to where we were. I make space for us on the floor, and Sarita moves up close to me.
“I can’t tell what to make of you,” she says to me, putting her arms up around my neck and sliding her body along mine.
“I’m no secret.”
“But I think you are Joshua Hill.” She uses my formal name.
“It’s funny because I would say the same thing about you, Sarita Chan.”
“Why so?” she inquires.
“You never let anyone get close to you, so, we never know the real Sarita.”
“There’s never been anyone interested in getting to know the real me.”
“You’re wrong.” I’m playing a dangerous game.
“Are you saying you’d be a taker?”
“I’m not saying no.”
Sarita licks her lips and begins to sway to the music close to me. She has smooth predatory movements. She is flawless, in fact, she’s so cool, there’s not a bead of sweat on her in this firepit. I’ve always found Sarita attractive, but tonight she flipped a switch in me, one that has been dormant for a while.
Sarita moves her hands up and down my chest and stares directly in my eyes. I’m feeling the driving rhythm of the music. She is in time, with every beat, every pulse. She’s beautiful and willing. I place my hands around her taut waist and move her closer to my body. She takes the cue and molds her breasts into my chest. She’s so soft and supple. I feel for her perfectly rounded ass and move her closer to my heat. Then over her shoulder, I see a shadow approaching. The shadow takes her from behind and places hands on her waist. Then the hands feel up her torso. She leans back into the shape, tossing back her head, letting the hands roam her tight body.
A thin slash of disco lights reveals his face and all I can see are a pair of the brightest silver-green eyes staring back at me. He leans over Sarita, and her expression drinks him in. He kisses down her jawline to her swan-like neck, never breaking eye contact with me. Her eyes flutter closed as he moves his hands over her small breasts, and he thrusts his hips into her rear. She moans softly. Together the three of us sway to the tribal dance music. When I push, he gives, and vice versa. We are virtually fucking her on the dance floor.
Fully supporting her with my weight, she grinds on my leg. I feel her hot core dampen my pant leg. He boldly dips his hand under her hem, and sight unseen rubs his finger over her most sensitive spot. Sarita shudders and comes undone. He sends me a drunken kinky smile. With her body still trembling against me, he takes the same finger and touches it to my lips. Then he kisses me. I go hard in an instant. My body is a traitor.
Breathless and feeling dizzy, I pull back. Noah is still locked on my gaze. He says to me, “No matter what you do, or who you’re with, you will always be mine.” Drunk Noah is dangerous. Drunk Noah is downright savage. Recovering, Sarita finally opens her eyes. Flustered, she says she needs to cool down. Looking between us both, she then walks off into the crowd.
I say to Noah, “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“It needed to be done.” Wanting to get control of my mind and my body, I walk off the floor, not sure where I am going. I head toward the bathrooms. My erection is straining the seams of my pants. I need a quick release. This is not the ideal location, but I doubt anyone in this place would bat an eye.
I nearly make it to the bathroom door before someone grabs my elbow. It’s Noah, he tugs my arm with one hand and uses the other to open another door in the hallway. It turns out to be a maintenance closet. He pulls me inside, latches the door, and looks me over with his steely gaze. He is on me like a lion on a gazelle, groping, licking and touching everywhere. I’m so wound up from earlier that I am helpless to stop him.
He bangs my head on the door, oblivious to how much force he is using. Noah tears at my belt buckle and rips my pants down, then my boxers. With no finesse at all, he grabs my cock and begins blowing me hard. In moments, I’m quivering and shaking, needing him to take me in his mouth. I grab hold of his dark hair and fist my hand in it. I’m practically yanking his head up and down by the roots to get him to take me deeper. I hear him gag a little and let out a small laugh at his discomfort. It doesn’t deter him. He keeps on, and soon I am at his mercy again. I feel the burning in my balls and know I am about to blow. I hear someone scream, “Noah!” Then I realize it’s me. I am spilling into his mouth with abandon. He takes it — every drop.
Appalled at my weakness, I pull my clothes up as quickly as I can. I reach for the door handle, and Noah stops me, putting his hand over mine on the knob. He stands directly behind me. I believe he smells me. I’ve noticed he likes to do that. He mutters the word “babe,” and I almost break, but instead, I clear my head, turn the knob, and leave.
Unfortunately, he has the keys, so I am forced to go back to the table and wait for him. Sarita is not there, but Olive is by herself.
“Where did everyone go?” I question.
“Seriously, I was about to ask you that. You all ditched me. That’s what happened,” she pouts.
“I thought Gemma was with you?”
“Ash came over, and they started arguing. I haven’t seen them since. Sarita took off somewhere; I have no idea. Where were you?”
I blanch for a second, then make up an excuse. “I was looking for Noah.”
“Of course.” She gives me a suspicious glare. Then Noah walks up to the booth. “Speak of the devil.”
Ignoring her, Noah says to me, “Let’s go.”
In a glib tone, I respond, “I’m not ready to go yet.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “I think you are.”
Who the fuck does he think he is? “I’ll catch a ride with Olive.”
He knows Olive and Sarita came together, so I know he’s not happy about that.
“Josh, just get in the damn car!”
“Uh…no, I don’t think so.” Olive’s eyes jump back and forth between us like some sad ass Wimbledon tournament. I hate that she has to see our gay drama play out like this. “Quit treating me like I’m a child!”
“Stop acting like one!”
We’re making a scene, and people are starting to turn around to find out what the commotion is about. To minim
ize the damage, I relent, step out of the booth and stand up to Noah.
“Give me the keys!” I hiss at him.
“No way, you’ll take off and leave me here.”
“You’re drunk, and we don’t need this drama right now.” I’m looking around and see all the eyes on us. I lower my voice so only he can hear. “Do you want this? Do you want our dirty laundry out here for everyone to see? Because I can make that happen.” I make a direct threat.
He challenges me with his stare, then he straightens up, pulls his keys from his pocket, and hands them over to me. I snatch them away, give him a menacing look and turn to Olive.
“I’m sorry, Olive, this isn’t going to work tonight. I have to get him home.” Noah is scowling at me. He looks ready to rip my head off.
“No problem, go take care of your issues.”
As we turn to leave Dante’s, I feel Noah’s glare burning into my back. I cannot believe his attitude tonight. I’ve never seen him so out of control. I mean, this is Noah! Uptight, no-nonsense, stick up his posterior, Noah. Who the hell is this guy? It’s so out of character for him to be this cruel and aggressive even if he is drunk. It worries me. Maybe the fruit doesn’t fall too far from the tree?
It’s a full moon on a warm night, a perfect setting for chaos. I stalk quickly across the parking lot, trying to get to the Jeep. Noah jogs to keep up. The cooler air will hopefully sober him up some. Before I can get in, he grabs my shoulder and turns me around, ready to rage no doubt, when I notice his attention on me has been replaced by something over my shoulder.
In the far dark corner of the parking lot are Gemma and Ash, and they are passionately kissing. All expression leaves Noah’s face. He drops his hand from my shoulder. Slowly the blank look turns to absolute fury. Forgetting me, he takes off for the embracing couple. Ash sees Noah coming too late and takes the brunt of Noah’s fist, right in his nose. The blood sprays from his nose and down the front of his shirt, as well as staining Gemma’s dress.
Ash crumbles to the ground in a heap. Noah is about to lay him out again when I catch his arm and prevent him from doing any further harm to Ash. He looks violent enough to kill the poor guy. Gemma is screaming at Noah to stop and saying she’s sorry, but Noah has gone deaf and blind to all logic. He is intent on getting to Ash again. I have to restrain him to get him back to the Jeep. He takes a quick swing at me as well. Luckily, I’m faster, and his aim is off because of his drunken state.
