Just Like Heaven

by T L Bradford

  When we pull into the driveway, I see his parent’s rental car. I go inside briefly to meet them properly and talk. There had not been much time in the hospital, given the circumstances.

  Throughout the living room there are flower bouquets, balloons, get well soon cards and a small cake in the living room. Noah is pleased to see the outpouring of love for him. His parents invite me to stay, but I want to give them their time together, so I make a swift departure back to the guest house.

  I look around the place, trying to think of where I should start packing. Each corner has a memory. It’s going to be hard to up and leave it all. But my time here is overdue. I’m still not exactly sure why I haven’t left yet. I can make excuses, like not having enough time or money. If I really wanted to, I could have been out of here a while ago. Sarita’s offer gave me the perfect catalyst to move on and move out.

  I start with the kitchen. I never really used it that much, anyway. Noah and I usually made meals over at the big house. It doesn’t take long since I don’t have that many items. I throw a few knickknacks into a box before I grow bored. I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV. Pretty Woman is on. I love that movie, but I can’t handle watching it right now. I flip around some more until I give up and look around the house to see what else I can pack up that I don’t need in the next couple of weeks.

  I’m so restless, I wind up going back to Noah’s to see if he needs anything. As I arrive, his parents are about to leave. I say goodbye and watch them drive off in the rental.

  “What were you planning to do for dinner?” I ask Noah.

  “I figured I’d go pick something up. It’s a little tough to chop things up in this sling.”

  “You can’t drive with that thing on.”

  “Oh yeah, well, then I’ll get delivery.”

  “Why don’t you tell me what you want, and I can go pick something up for you?”

  “Thai.”

  “It is Monday, isn’t it?” I remember our tradition.

  “Yeah, I’ve been craving it ever since I didn’t get to finish mine the night of the accident.”

  “You know what, Thai sounds good. Mind if I get in on that action too?”

  “Be my guest.”

  “Give me 15 minutes, and I’ll be back with it.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  It takes 30 minutes, but soon I’m back at Noah’s with our usual orders. We sit at the kitchen island and eat it up like there’s no tomorrow.

  “I feel like I haven’t eaten in days. Oh, wait; I haven’t,” he says.

  “I’m guessing red Jell-O isn’t your jam then?”

  “Not so much.”

  “I’ve missed their takeout food so much.”

  “Do you not get takeout from there anymore?”

  “I haven’t been, no, Sarita knows some awesome Asian dishes, so she usually cooks it up for me,” I say without thinking and curse myself for my mistake.

  Without missing a beat, Noah says, “Sarita’s a pretty good cook, huh?”

  “Yeah, she is.”

  “That’s good, at least you’ll be taken care of when you move. I was worried you’d starve to death if it were left up to you.”

  “Give me some credit; I picked up a lot of pointers from you. I was getting pretty good at a few dishes before—” then I cut off, cursing myself again.

  “Yeah, you were a good sous chef,” he compliments me.

  We finish up our food and then, since it’s still a little early, watch a Netflix movie. It’s awkward at first. We’re both too polite, but after a while, we settle into our typical roles with Noah critiquing the acting and cinematography and me catching all the plot holes. Things feel almost normal until the front door buzzes.

  Noah says he’s not expecting anyone. He’s comfortably seated, so I get up to see who it is. Checking the security camera, I see it’s Kai. He has something in his hands, so I assume he came to bring Noah some food. It looks like a homemade casserole. I’m a little impressed that he thought enough to do that for him, knowing he couldn’t cook for himself.

  I go to the front door and open it for him. Guess he doesn’t have the keys yet. I don’t know why that makes my heart do a happy skip. “Hey, Kai.” He looks just as surprised to see me as I do to see him. “Come on in, Noah’s in the living room.”

  “Josh, good to see you, man. I brought some lasagna, figured he could feed off it for a couple of days at least.”

  “Thanks, I’ll go put it in the fridge. He’s just watching a movie. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.” Kai walks into the living room, and I hear him greet Noah. I put the lasagna in the fridge. Damn it smells good. Man, he was even a better cook than me. No wonder Noah chose him.

  I head back into the living room and let Noah know I’m going back to the guesthouse and to call if he needs anything. Again, I see that look of disappointment cross his face. Kai’s here, so shouldn’t he be glad for some alone time with him? “Um…okay. Thanks for everything today. I really appreciate the help.”

  “No problem.” And with that, I make my escape from the house. I have a flutter in my chest that makes me feel unbalanced. I hate that seeing them together still brings up this reaction in me. I should be over it by now, but tonight brought a lot of those old feelings back to the surface. I’m hyperventilating by the time I reach the guesthouse. I close the door behind me like the devil is on my heels and lean my back against it. I try to sort out my head and rub the heels of my palms over my eyes.

  Sarita. I need to call Sarita and get back on track. I text her but don’t see the chat bubble in return. I remember she said she had something to do this evening. Feeling a little lost and not wanting to think about anything, I call it an early night and take a shower, then plan to go to sleep. I’m about to turn out the side lamp when I hear my phone vibrate. It’ll be nice to hear from Sarita since I haven’t talked to her all day. But the text isn’t from her. It’s from Noah.

  So sorry to bother you, you’re probably already in bed, I forgot I need to take this sling off to change. I can’t figure out how they’ve got me wrapped up in this thing. Little help?–Noah

  No problem. I’ll be right there. - Josh

  I grab my sweatpants and T-shirt and make my way back across the garden to Noah’s.

  I let myself in without knocking. He’s not in the living room, so it takes me a minute to locate him. When I find him; he is in the bedroom. He has his shirt half on his head and half off, still wrapped around the sling. I have no idea what he thought he was going to do or how he was going to get it off around the sling, but his plan clearly failed.

  “Jesus Noah, what would you have done if I didn’t see the text before I went to sleep?”

  “Wake up with one hell of a crick in my neck, I guess.” The site of him in the compromising position is so humorous I am tempted to take a picture with my phone.

  “Josh, don’t you dare take a picture of me!” I hear his disembodied voice come from under the shirt. How does he know me so well?

  “But I could sell this to the tabloids and make serious coin. I could even buy myself a sweet ride!”

  “Just get over here and help me, man! I’ve already lost all feeling on my left side.”

  I can’t help myself. I’m laughing my ass off while trying to get him untangled from the giant mess he made. “How the hell did you do this? I can’t Noah, I just can’t,” I’m holding my stomach because I’m laughing so hard it’s painful.

  “I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “It’s exactly for reasons like this, that you need to bother me. By the way, where’s Kai, why didn’t he help you with this?” I ask when I’m finally able to catch my breath.

  “He left a while ago. He just came by to drop off the food.”

  “Oh,” is all I can muster.

  After a few more minutes and many pained gasps from Noah, I am able to undo the sling and get the twisted shirt off from over his head. Noah sits in front of me, bare-chested and bre
athing heavy from his exertions. My heart flutters again, as it did earlier today. I’m staring, he catches me, so I deliberately turn my head and ask him if he needs anything else.

  “No, I think I’m okay. Thank you.” I feel his intense gaze on me while I try to find a distraction in the room at which to look. It’s no use; my eyes are drawn back to his. He leans forward a little bringing his thighs closer together and swallows a lump in his throat. I feel heat trickle across my lower-body. This can’t be happening. No, I won’t let it.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I’m shaking as I leave the room.

  “I have some boxes in the back of my car. We can start loading this weekend unless you have something else going on?” Sarita asks me.

  “Sure, whatever.” I sound noncommittal. She looks a little frustrated by my flippant attitude.

  “Ash and Gemma said they were free to help, that’s the only reason I mentioned it. I want to make sure you’re up to doing this. I don’t want to tell them, yes if you can’t do it.”

  “I can Gemma, but Noah’s only got one more week in the sling. Can we delay it for another week? By then, he will have full mobility and can get around on his own.”

  “That’s why I was asking you. It’s fine, but it looked like he was getting along okay yesterday, even in the sling. Does he really need you there being his nursemaid day and night now?”

  “I’m nobody’s nurse. He needs some help is all. If it happened to you, I’d do the same thing.” She rolls her eyes and gives me a look like she doesn’t believe that may be true, then walks back out of the room.

  Things have been a little tense between us since the accident. I’ve been staying over at the guesthouse to help take care of Noah. I originally didn’t think I’d be around this long, assuming Kai would pick up the reins. As it turns out, he’s been around but hasn’t been staying at the house. I’ve been handling Noah’s personal errands and making sure he gets his meds and food. He was left with a severe concussion, which makes it difficult for him to be awake for long periods of time. He’s been suffering dizziness, crippling migraines, and blurred vision.

  When he stands for long periods or tries to drive, he has serious nausea issues. It’s improved, but not enough that I feel comfortable to leave. What if he gets dizzy, falls down the stairs and hurts himself?

  Sarita seems to think that he’s milking the attention, but I don’t think it’s true. I’ve caught him off balance at times when he had no idea that I was watching him.

  She misses me. I get that. I have to do the right thing. I have to go smooth things over with her.

  She’s in the kitchen washing dishes, but I can tell she’s got something on her mind. I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her tiny waist as she washes out her coffee cup. “Sweetie, what’s bugging you? It’s only a week; then, I’m all yours okay?”

  “Are you, Josh?”

  “What do you mean by that?” I feel my back stiffening.

  “I don’t know; you’ve been…different with me.”

  “Nothing has changed, okay?” I squeeze her tight and put my lips down to her ear. “I want you. I want you right now.” I kiss a path down her neck and feel her push back into me. She’s wearing a red flared skirt which makes it easy for me to slide my hand in quickly to her wet heat.

  In between pants, she says, “Don’t think that this is always going to work with me. It won’t.”

  “No, sweetheart.” I’m breathless.

  She turns around and reaches for my belt buckle, slides the zipper down, and releases me. She then drops to her knees and looks up at me through those thick lashes.

  “Don’t you forget it.” Then she wraps those ruby red lips around me, and all other thoughts vanish.

  I have renewed vigor on the set. Max has a new storyline apart from Jace. I finally get to interact with other characters that I had only a minimal crossover with before, like Olive’s character. We have new castmates, and the table reads have been going great. Coming back from rehearsals, I run into Kai in the common room. He’s there standing up against the counter, sipping a cup of coffee and texting on his phone. He’s been shooting as many of his single scenes as he can without Noah, who is due to return to set next week.

  “Josh, my man, how are you, doin’?”

  “I’m doing all right; what about you?”

  “Can’t complain. Is Noah still having those dizzy spells?” How does he not know this?

  “It’s not nearly as bad. He’s getting better. One step at a time.”

  “Good, good. Well, I’m glad he’s got you looking out for him.”

  “Noah and I have had our differences in the past, but I’ll always be there for him when he needs me.” I shrug it off like it’s no big deal.

  “I’m glad you guys were able to work things out. I told him all he needed to do was talk things through with you. One way or another, you guys were going to end up together. Oh! I’ve got a call from my agent. Keep your fingers crossed that I got the audition!” And with that, he walks away, chattering into his phone.

  What the hell was that?

  I’m so confused. Why is Kai assuming Noah and I are back together? Is it just because I’ve been helping him out? What did he mean Noah was going to talk to me? Kai didn’t even seem upset. My head is swimming the rest of the afternoon as I try to wrap my head around what he said.

  I’m supposed to meet Sarita, but I can’t think of anything else. Instead of meeting up with her, I find myself on Noah’s doorstep. I ring the bell, and after a minute, he comes to the door.

  “You don’t have to ring the bell, you know. It’s just weird. You can come in anytime you want.” He backs slowly away from the door, allowing me past.

  “Are you busy?”

  “Nah, I’m just running lines. I have to get back on track. Reading is giving me headaches and making the words even harder for me. Maybe if you had some extra time, think you can help me like you used to? I don’t want to disappoint them by not having my lines down.”

  “Sure.”

  “I just heated some of those enchiladas you brought over the other day. They’re good. Want some?” He doesn’t wait and instead takes off for the kitchen to make us both plates.

  With his good arm, he opens up the cabinet and reaches up for the plates. He then gets the spatula to scoop us out the food.

  I can’t wait any longer.

  “Were you ever planning to tell me?”

  “Tell you what?”

  “That you and Kai are no longer together.” He freezes mid-air with the spatula.

  “Who told you that?”

  “Kai and I were talking in the common room today. He seems to think you were supposed to talk to me about something. Only you never did.” Right then his face loses all color. I’m afraid he’s having another dizzy spell and rush around him to hold him up.

  “He’s mistaken.”

  “About what?” I needle him.

  “I wasn’t going to mention anything to you.”

  “Why the hell not?” I ask sharply, feeling so frustrated with him.

  “Because it didn’t matter anymore!”

  “I’m getting confused. What are you talking about? What didn’t matter anymore?”

  “You’re leaving! It didn’t matter what I had to say to you.”

  “What were you going to say to me?” I grab his shoulders and make him face me. “Tell me, Noah! What were you going to say to me!”

  His face is flushed red, and he pries my hands off of his arms and pulls back, staring at me with wide eyes. He opens his mouth. “I…I…I…I,” he stutters, but nothing more comes out. He slowly closes his mouth again and falls back against the wall, slumping down to the ground. He puts his knees up and his head down. Then, he rocks slowly back and forth.

  “Goodbye, Noah.” I leave the same way I came in.

  I’m in a foul mood by the time I get to Sarita’s. After my useless exchange with Noah this afternoon, I’m livid. He’s been talking about hi
m and me with Kai. Somehow, it’s okay for him to be open and honest with Kai about what he feels for me, but he can’t actually talk to me about it? What the ever-loving fuck does that mean? I’m tired of this bullshit.

  I drove around for a little while until I could calm down. I don’t want her thinking I’m some rage monster before we move in together. The house is quiet. Usually, she’s here by now. I’m surprised she hasn’t tried to call me. I go to the kitchen to heat some leftovers when I hear the front door open. I’m on high alert, so I rush around the corner.

  When I see Sarita, her face is stone straight. She moves silently from the front door to the living room and smoothly removes her coat.

  “Sweetie, I just got home. I had to swing by Noah’s for something. I was about to heat something to eat.”

  “You never came.”

  “What?”

  “You never came. You went to him.” Then her words dawned on me. Fuck! I was supposed to meet up with her. I blew her off.

  “Oh my god, look I’m sorry, I completely forgot, I had to deal with something for Noah, and I lost track of time—”

  “This isn’t going to work.”

  “It’s a misunderstanding. I went by his house to—”

  “I saw you both.”

  “What? Who? Me and Noah?” I have no idea where she’s going with this.

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about Sarita; you’re going to have to spell it out for me, okay? I’ve had a bad fucking day, and I can’t take the guessing games anymore.”

  “I saw you together at the hospital.” I wordlessly shake my head back and forth and try to place together what she’s getting at. What could she have possibly seen to upset her so much? I search my head until I find the answer. It was that night. The night he had the bad dreams, and I climbed into bed with him. She’d come by that night. And I had been asleep. She saw us lying in bed holding each other.

  “Sweetheart, that didn’t mean anything. He had a nightmare, and he was scared and vulnerable. I held him to make him comfortable.”