Just Like Heaven

by T L Bradford

  We walk into the house greeted with the smell of gingerbread and comfort foods. This time Josh and I get to share his room, with Olive and Sarita taking Xander’s old room and my parents in Zach’s. Kai will have the basement room now that Zach has finally moved out and in with his girlfriend. I take our things upstairs and set them on top of the bed.

  “I could have carried that, you know. The doctor said I could start putting more pressure on it.”

  “What do doctors know?” I say stubbornly. “I have all your medications in that brown bag. We’re off schedule with the flying, so you should take your pills now since you have time to rest. The others you need to take with dinner, so, we’ll hold off on those. I have your other sling in here—” He spins me around and shuts me up with a kiss.

  “Relax. This is your vacation too. You take great care of me, but I’m okay. I want to be like everyone else on this trip. No special treatment.”

  “That’s impossible; you’re always special to me.” I grab him around his waist and pull him in tight to me. He feels warm and all kinds of wonderful. I kiss him full on the mouth.

  “Oh, for the love of god, not even two minutes, and you guys are at it.” This is from Chloe, who is standing in the doorway.

  “Some people should knock,” Josh says.

  “Some people should close their door,” she retorts.

  “Good idea. Let’s go do that right now,” he says, turning around to shut the door in her face.

  “Josh! Don’t you dare shut—”

  She never finishes before he slams the door and comes back to give me a huge kiss. We haven’t been together sexually since the attack. His pain and surgeries were too much on his body. But, lately, his stirrings have been hard to deny.

  He presses his hips into mine where I can already feel his raging semi just getting started. I push back, making him release a small gasp. He brings his arms up around my neck and starts moving me backward towards the bed. I feel the back of my knees up against the mattress; then I snap to reality. “We better stop.”

  “Why?” he almost whines.

  “I don’t have anything prepared, and babe, I don’t want to hurt you.”

  He backs off, looking a little hurt. “Sure, no problem.” He drops his arms and turns around quickly to pick up his bag and start removing his items.

  “Are you upset?” I ask, not wanting anything to escalate before we even settle in.

  “No, I’m not. I’m going downstairs. You need anything?” All signs of his earlier warmth dissipating.

  “No.”

  “Okay.”

  With that, he spins on his heel and exits the room.

  What just happened?

  I love Josh, but damn, sometimes dealing with his fluctuating attitudes is almost too much. He’s not cold to me, just more distant than usual. I don’t know what sets him off sometimes when all I’m trying to do is help him. His patience level is almost non-existent these days.

  When I get downstairs, I see him off in a corner helping his mom in the kitchen. He’s quiet, not at all his bright and vibrant self. I deliberately go to stand behind him while he chops veggies. I kiss him on the back of his neck. He stops chopping to turn to me and kiss me back, then goes back to his task.

  “Explain to me how this all works again. We choose two-person teams, then we compete against each other over two days in different areas like physical, mental, and creative challenges, right? This is going to be so fun! We get to choose a team name, right?”

  “Yes, that’s the gist of it,” Josh replies.

  “Gotcha. I choose Sarita as my partner, then.” She gives a smug smile. “Ultimate Girl Power.” They high-five to cement the deal.

  “I pick Noah since Josh is out of commission this year,” Chloe says.

  “But what will Archer do without you? You guys were a hit last year,” Josh asks.

  “Easy, Archer can pair with Kai,” Chloe says. She’s got a mischievous glint to her eye that makes me wonder what she’s scheming.

  “That works for me,” says Kai, ever the easy-going guy he is.

  I put my arms around his waist and duck my head to whisper in Josh’s ear, “Are you okay with judging this year? I could pull out of the game and be with you if you want, then—”

  “No, I’m good; don’t worry.”

  “Are you sure? I know how you love this.”

  “I’ll be fine; I can be your cheerleader from the sidelines.” He sounds slightly wistful.

  I stare at him, trying to figure out what’s going on in his head, then relent and give him a quick kiss. “I’ll win one for you and make you proud. How’s that?”

  He tilts his head up at me and grins, kissing me back. A dishtowel hits me in the head, being tossed from Xander.

  “Ugh, get a room already,” he says.

  By 6:00 pm the house is abuzz with all the relatives descending on the Hill house for the annual Pre-Olympic dinner. This is our first social function as an “out” couple. Part of me worries how his family will react to us, but after a while, it becomes apparent that no one gives a rat’s ass about us. They’re just glad we aren’t the competition this year.

  Sara has five giant casserole dishes of lasagna for the group. The feasting is epic. Everyone is having a great time. My mom and dad got in about an hour ago. They have made fast friends with Josh’s parents. You’d think they’d known each other forever.

  Mom and Sara, giggle like schoolgirls in the kitchen, no doubt bonding over their husband’s shortcomings.

  I move through the crowded house to find Josh after talking with our dads in the living room. I find him out in the gazebo with Sarita, Olive and Kai. There’s a distinct but familiar scent floating in the air.

  “Oh shit, it’s the narc,” Olive exclaims.

  “Ha, ha, very funny. Now pass it,” I say. Olive moves over so I can sit next to Josh. He’s more relaxed now. I put my arm around his shoulders.

  “So, what were we talking about before I so rudely interrupted,” I say.

  “Kai here was telling us all about the misadventures of your New York trip,” Sarita says. “I don’t blame you. I would have gotten drunk off my ass, too if my plane had landing gear problems.”

  “It was an omen,” Kai says with a wink. “But it all worked out in the end.”

  We hear noises coming from the house and straighten up as best we can. Olive’s still giggling.

  “So, this is where all the cool kids are!” It’s Xander and Zach making their way into the gazebo. “Pass it,” Xander says, sliding down to take a seat close to Sarita.

  “Where’s Archer? I thought he was coming over tonight?” Zach says.

  “He texted me. He can’t make it here tonight. He’s still in LA. He couldn’t get a flight out in time for today, but he’ll be here early tomorrow,” Josh says.

  “What the hell guys, you totally left me with the grown folks,” Chloe says, entering the gazebo. She sits down next to Kai. “Pass it,” she says.

  “So, you and Archer teaming up again this year?” Zach asks Chloe.

  “No, Kai is partnering with Archer. I’m teaming with Noah.”

  “Ah, that’s right the magnificent duo is out this year, Xander, you and I have it locked down,” Zach says.

  “Wait a minute, what’s this Archer guy like? Do we even have a shot?” Kai asks.

  “Archer is a backup quarterback for the Denver Broncos, so, you’ve definitely got a shot,” Chloe brags. “Last year, we tore it up.” She puts a fingertip on her hip and making a sizzling sound.

  Xander pipes in, “Sorry you can’t play this year Joshy boy, can’t have you doing anything where balls hit your face.” He takes a sip of his beer. “Oh wait, Noah’s got that covered.”

  Everyone falls over laughing.

  “I’ll have you know I’m a judge this year, so kiss your gingerbread house win goodbye, cause ya ain’t winning that round,” Josh says sassily.

  “Ooh, I’m so scared.” Xander teases.


  “I made us team spirit shirts to compete,” Olive says to Sarita.

  “God, Olive, not again with the team shirts. What does it have on it this time? Unicorns shitting rainbows?”

  “No, snarky mcsnarkins. I have a strategy.”

  “What’s that?” Sarita asks.

  “You’ll see. We are so gonna win it.”

  “I love my friends,” Josh says, sitting back, eyes nearly half closed.

  “Are you taking that with your medication?” I ask him.

  “Nah, just high on life.” He pats the side of my face. The pat ends up turning into a soft slap, and he laughs, nearly falling over.

  “Let me get him upstairs. See you all tomorrow.”

  I support Josh inside and up the stairs, trying not to look too obvious.

  When we get inside the room, I say, “Are you crazy? You’ve got to be careful. You’re on some strong medication.”

  “I’m fine mom….” He draws out the last word. Then he falls on his back in the middle of the bed. “Come to bed.” He opens his arms wide.

  “Let me get your clothes off first.”

  “That sounds like a great idea.” I notice he is slurring his speech.

  I bend over to take off his shoes and socks, then slide his legs out of his pants and lay them on the back of the chair. I remove his sling, then unbutton his flannel top. As I do so, he moves his mouth close to mine, staring at my lips. When he goes to move in, I push back. “Not now, Josh, you’re incapacitated.”

  “Inca…what?”

  “You’re not in control now. I won’t take advantage of you when you’re like this.”

  He turns around pouting and says, “Big surprise.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “Nothing, I’m tired anyway. I’m going to sleep.” Then, he turns on his side away from me and curls into a ball. I try to spoon with him, but he’s not having it. So, I turn over on my back and sigh in frustration. It’s going to be a long night.

  When I wake up late the next morning, Josh is already gone. I always have a terrible time sleeping apart from him, so I feel groggy and drained. I shower and change, then go downstairs. Most of the family is already down there. I look around for him, but I don’t see him initially. When I do, I see he is outside playing with the small children. They are fascinated by his eye patch, thinking he is a pirate. He plays the role so as not to scare them.

  I’ve never seen him interact with small children before. He’s great with them, and the kids seem to love him. He looks up and sees me, then gives me a small hesitant smile. I wave, then walk over.

  “What’s going on here?” I ask the little boy he’s currently got turned nearly upside down as he gives him helicopter rides.

  “I’m a plane!” the little boy says. He’s the cutest thing.

  Josh says, “Yes, you’re on your way to help the people stuck on volcano island! Quick, make sure you get low enough so they can jump on!” With that, he dips the boy fast, and he squeals in delight.

  I’m excited to see the genuine joy in Josh. He would have made an outstanding dad to his child, but he never even got the opportunity. This makes me think about our future and what he would be like if we had children. At least two, maybe three. Girls and boys. Yeah, that was an idea I could get behind.

  “You ready for today? I think Chloe was looking for you earlier,” he says to me.

  “Look, I wanted to talk about last night.”

  “There you are!” Chloe runs up behind me, startling the bejesus out of me. I love her, but she has the worst timing of anyone I’ve ever known. “We need to come up with a fierce name, what do you think of The Marauders?”

  “That’s pretty good. I like it.”

  “You’ll want to start stretching because the first event is in ten minutes. And make sure you call me when you start. I wouldn’t want to miss that.” She winks at me.

  “Hey, hands off my man, I warned you,” Josh says, pointing his finger at her.

  “Ah, spoil all my fun; why don’t you?” She giggles and leaves.

  “Josh, I—”

  “—I’m sorry about last night. I wasn’t feeling right. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

  “What’s going on, I want to help you, but I can’t tell what’s going on in your head. You have to talk to me. We can figure it out together.”

  “You have to go, or Chloe’s going to have a fit. We’ll talk later, okay? I’m alright.”

  I’m still not convinced, but say, “Okay.” I lean over to kiss him, and he tilts his head up to mine.

  “Go get ’em. Take no prisoners.” He encourages me.

  When I get over to the start line; I see Chloe there introducing Kai and Archer. I pat Archer on the back. “Kai my man, you are in good hands. This guy killed it last year.”

  “Is that so, well, let’s see if I can put you through the paces then!” Kai says to Archer.

  “You’re on,” says Archer. They step away to talk team strategy.

  “What are you doing Chloe?” I say.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t get coy with me. Do either of them know about the other?”

  “No, these things need to happen naturally. I’m just here to give them a little push on their way.”

  “You are devious; you know that.”

  “Absolutely.”

  Day one of Olympics is fun but more challenging to us than last year. The competition is stiff. Uncle Herb got a new hip, so he’s in better contention than ever. Olive and Sarita show up in their team shirts, or should I say skin- tight halter tops. Their midriffs are exposed, and they are wearing teeny tiny shorts. They win the first couple rounds based solely on being a distraction for all the guys and dare I say a few of the girls.

  Xander and Zach lead the board, but Kai and Archer are quick on their heels. Chloe and I are doing decently, but my thoughts are distracted by my babe sitting on the sidelines. We are tired and sore, but ready for tomorrow’s challenge.

  That night he’s still strangely distant again. He showers and changes first, so by the time I finish up and go to bed; he’s already in bed asleep. At least he’s pretending to sleep. I know his sleep patterns well enough to know if he’s really asleep or not. He’s actively avoiding me. Tomorrow I’m finding out why.

  It turns out Kai and Archer work great together as a team and finish the puzzle round in ten minutes flat. It’s remarkable how they were able to work together so well, so quickly. They come in at first place. Chloe and I get second. I knew I had a better shot this time as Chloe and Archer won this round last year. Admittedly, she did most of the work.

  The most fun of the day was watching the epic battleground for supremacy in the compliment battle. It’s no surprise to anyone when the final battle comes down to Sarita and Xander. All I can do is sit back and behold the sparring of wits. Ultimately, the winner comes down to…Sarita. Yep, her smart mouth finally paid off. She bested Xander taking the prized honor. Maybe it’s just me, but I could swear I saw a spark of interest in Sarita for Xander. My guess is she can respect a man who verbally knows how to hold his own.

  Who kicks ass in the endurance challenge? Chloe and I, that’s who. That yoga toning came in handy. I find it redemptive after me and Josh’s loss last year. Oh yeah, Suzy, I’m back. And this time, it’s personal.

  The bitter loss comes in the final Trivia round. Without Josh’s arbitrary pop culture knowledge, Chloe and I are at a disadvantage. Who comes in to swipe the trivia master title? Olive and Sarita. It’s a crushing blow, but oh well, there’s always next year when Josh is back in fighting form.

  Overall the team with the most points for the win is Kai and Archer. Second place, in an upsetting blow, is Olive and Sarita. Xander and Zach get third. His cousins, Ryan and Jett, are fourth. Chloe and I get a depressing fifth.

  After waiting all day, I corner Josh to ask him to take a ride with me. We go for a short drive and end up at a park where I turn off the engine, intent on
getting to the bottom of what has him agitated.

  “You and Chloe looked great out there today—” he starts.

  “—I don’t want to talk about today, I want to talk about last night,” I jump right in. “Is there something I’m missing here Josh, I’m doing everything I can think of to help you, but I feel so much tension from you these past few days and I’m not sure what I did.”

  He’s quiet, staring out the windshield. Then he unconsciously begins to massage his arm in the sling.

  “This isn’t what you signed up for. If you want to bail, I understand. I wouldn’t blame you.”

  I turn all the way around in my seat to look at him. “Oh, hellz no, you did not just give me an out!”

  “Isn’t that what you want? Because you sure as hell don’t want me anymore.” What he says shakes and rattles me. It’s so far out of the left field from the way I feel that I am dumbstruck.

  “Are you totally out of your mind? Do you even hear what you’re saying? What on earth gave you the ridiculous idea that I don’t want you anymore?” He grows quiet and begins massaging his arm again.

  “You won’t even touch me anymore. Do I disgust you that much?” His gaze drops down to his lap as he fiddles with the material on his sling. He looks small and hurt. This makes no sense. I try to think about what I did to put that idea in his head.

  “Do you think I don’t want to be with you because you now have scars?”

  “I try to touch you, be close to you, and each time you push me away or find an excuse to leave. You never did that to me before the attack. I thought if we went away for a while, maybe something would change, you’d see me differently.”

  I sit way back in the seat and drop my head on the headrest. “Listen up, the only reason I had for holding back from you was to allow you time to heal. Nothing else has changed. I want you as much as I ever did, if not more.”

  He stubbornly shakes his head. “It’s more than that. It’s been weeks. You don’t look at me the same way, you treat me like a little kid or worse you act like my mom or my nursemaid instead of my boyfriend.”