The Moth and the Flame

by Reid, B. B.

  “What?” Sonny shrieked. “What happened to you being the next Tony Hawk, Bam Margera, Rob Dyrdek? Actually, what I believe you said was that you’d be better.”

  Wren rubbed his chin and winced. “Yeah, well, I talked too much back then.”

  “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a dream, especially when you have the guts and talent to make it a reality.” Sonny shook his head and sighed as if Wren not skating anymore was truly a tragedy.

  Considering what he’d given it up for, maybe it was.

  “So what are you doing now?”

  And just like that, Wren shut down, and I recognized my best friend once again.

  “Working odd jobs,” Wren hedged. “Staying busy.”

  I rolled my eyes. Odd jobs, indeed.

  “Yeah, I was sorry to hear about your mom,” Sonny offered sheepishly.

  “Yeah, thanks, man. It was good seeing you again.” Wren turned to me, seemingly dismissing Sonny altogether, and when I saw the empty look in his eyes, I wanted nothing more than to fill them again. I felt his fingers gently curl around my arm, and I placed a tentative palm on his muscled bicep.

  “I want to see.”

  His brows furrowed as he stared down at me. “See?”

  “You skate. You never shared that part of yourself with me.”

  “Because I don’t believe in looking back, Lou. It’s not who I am anymore.”

  “And I don’t believe that. You’re bossy, temperamental, and sometimes cruel, but you’re not a coward.” I shot him a skeptical look. “Are you?”

  “Is that a challenge?”

  “You’re also intelligent,” I answered with a smirk.

  He looked away and exhaled loudly through his nose. “I don’t have a board.”

  “You can use mine,” Miles immediately offered. I was surprised by his eagerness and generosity considering Wren and Miles hated each other. Miles blamed Wren as the reason I wasn’t susceptible to his charms while Wren believed I was. Maybe Miles was just eager to see Wren make a fool of himself. Thanks to Sonny and all his excitement over witnessing Wren skate again, a large crowd had formed and every eye fixed on Wren was skeptical.

  Even I wished I’d kept my mouth shut when Wren reluctantly accepted Miles’s board. Wren thanked him, and Miles nodded graciously, but the smirk he shot to Leo once Wren turned away had me shooting daggers at him. Miles went wide-eyed and shrugged with an expression that said, “What did you expect?”

  I turned my attention to Wren, who had the board trapped under his foot and was gazing down at the bottom of the bowl, his expression blank.

  I touched his fingers, and he flinched as if I’d electrocuted him. “Are you sure you can do this?”

  He seemed amused when he met my gaze. “It’s a little late to have second thoughts, mouse.”

  “Just admit that you’re excited, Harlan. Maybe even a little thrilled?”

  He chuckled and then looked around at the crowd before saying with a wry twist of his lips, “I’m not ready to let you off the hook just yet.”

  And with that, he went soaring over the lip of the bowl.

  LOU DROVE ME CRAZY, BUT she also managed to bring a little more color into my world with each encounter. She didn’t know that I stayed away so long for her sake, but I also know if she did, she wouldn’t care. She wanted what she wanted, and for some reason, she wanted me. Lou would remind me often and passionately that I’d been the one to demand friendship as if the distance made me care for her less. If only I could tell her what staying away did to me. Doing so would open a door I wouldn’t want to close, and I’d made a vow not to ruin her any more than I already had.

  Mr. Henderson had called me this morning, weary and concerned when he discovered Lou hadn’t come home from school. It was the arrangement we had to keep the state from throwing Lou’s belligerent ass back in a group home or worse…juvie. Either she didn’t realize how much the Hendersons cared for her or she didn’t care. Lou was pretty perceptive, so I knew the answer was likely the latter, and it made my guilt much harder to bear.

  “That was insane!” Sonny cheered. “I’m not even surprised that you’ve still got it after all these years.”

  I wiped the sweat off my brow and grinned. My heart was still racing, and for a while, I’d completely forgotten what I’d become. Lou was even looking at me like she’d never seen me before.

  “Yeah, you really got some moves,” Leo said in awe. And then he sheepishly added, “Do you think you could show me that last one?”

  I spent the next couple of hours doing demonstrations all the while keeping a close eye on Lou. I wouldn’t put it past her to sneak away while I was distracted, and I also wanted to make sure the little prick with a permanent hard-on for her didn’t try anything. It didn’t escape my notice that he never left her side for a second. The only reason I hadn’t lost my shit was that the entire time I was out there, Lou only had eyes for me.

  Miles was closer in age and probably had more in common with Lou than I did, and I didn’t like that one bit. Was I jealous? Fuck yeah. But who the hell wasn’t possessive of their best friend? Why should I share when others didn’t? It had absolutely zero to do with the fact that Lou got my cock hard. Or that ever since that day I allowed myself to jerk off in the shower to visions of her, I hadn’t been able to stop. Two years I’d been good and kept my thoughts pure, and I guess that a fist full of cum every night was my reward.

  Jesus fucking Christ.

  “It’s getting late,” I told her when I was finally able to break free. She didn’t respond, and I could tell something was eating her but decided to suspend my curiosity until we were alone. My gaze reluctantly slid to Miles, and I handed over his board. “Thanks.”

  He cleared his throat, and he looked like he’d just swallowed nails when he said, “You’re pretty solid.”

  “Thanks, man. My ollie isn’t as good as yours, though.”

  “When did you see him do an ollie?” Lou interrogated before Miles could respond.

  I just stared at her until her eyes narrowed with understanding, and Miles shifted uncomfortably.

  Of course, I watched her for a while before I actually approached her. She’d been in her element, happy and carefree. As pissed as I was, I’d been even more reluctant to disrupt her peace. It reminded me that one day, she’d find someone worthy of her, living in a home that could never be broken, and…I’d be forced to let her go. That’s if I lived long enough to see her wed and happy. My lifestyle didn’t exactly promise a long lifespan.

  A part of me hoped I was long dead before the day came when she would take another man. That pain would be worse than any death could bring. She wouldn’t be mine anymore, but I’d always be hers.

  “You’re right,” she agreed with a sigh. “It’s late.” She said goodbye to Miles and Leo and promised after almost five minutes of badgering, negotiating, and whining, to catch up with them later. I pretended not to notice Miles’s hostile glare when I finally had enough and grabbed Lou’s hand, pulling her away, but I sure as shit felt it on my back all the way to my ride. It made me look at Lou curiously, wondering what she was doing to him when I wasn’t around—knowing Lou, not a damn thing.

  This girl was a magnet.

  I hoped for my sake she didn’t learn how to wield this power she didn’t know she had anytime soon. I knew if she used it on me, I wouldn’t stand a chance no matter how wrong it was.

  “Sonny had some interesting stories about you to share,” Lou announced once we were alone in my ride.

  “I’m sure he did.” Just as I was sure that no amount of short responses would deter Lou—she was like a bloodhound on a trail.

  “What I don’t understand is why you didn’t tell me any of this yourself?”

  “I told you,” I said with a sigh, “I don’t believe in looking back.”

  “But you’re not looking forward either. You’re hiding.”

  “If you say so.”

  “Why did you stop sk
ating, Wren?”

  “I didn’t have a lot of time for fantasy after my initiation.”

  “But it didn’t have to be a fantasy!” she screamed, losing her patience. “I saw that with my own two eyes. Why can’t you?”

  “Because I was already under Fox’s thumb, Lou. I had a choice to make and not a lot of time to make it.”

  “He made you work for him?” And I was lucky I did. The alternative, as son of a traitor, would have been for Fox to take pleasure in killing me rather than corrupting me.

  “No…I convinced him.”

  She blinked, and I could feel her disbelief washing over me like crashing waves. “Why?”

  “I never told you, but…my mother was a prostitute, Lou.” I felt shame heat my cheeks, and I couldn’t help but wonder what Lou would think of me. “She wasn’t that much older than you when she started working for Exiled. It’s how she met my father.”

  “He was a-a John?”

  I shook my head and took a deep breath before saying, “He was Exiled.” It was only part of the truth, but I couldn’t risk telling her the whole truth and having her look at me differently. I glanced at her and saw her watching me, and the look on her face told me her eyes were wide open in more ways than one.

  “You said you were already under Fox’s thumb. Is…is he your father?”

  The look of utter revulsion etched across her face had my stomach turning. At that moment, I knew I could never tell her the truth. I’d lose her.

  “No.”

  That much wasn’t a lie. Fox wasn’t my father, but she had no idea how close my father had been to Nathaniel Fox.

  Her loud sigh of relief had me gripping the steering wheel.

  “Where is he now?”

  “He’s dead.”

  I could practically hear the wheels turning in her head. “Your father was the one who gave you this car, isn’t he?”

  I nodded. “I didn’t meet him until I was eleven. After my mother died.”

  “If they both worked for Fox, how could that be?”

  “My mom kept me far away from her lifestyle. It was mandatory that she live in the stable, but it was no place for a child, so she left me in the care of a widow out in Jersey. Before my mother died, I had no idea my father even knew of my existence. When she found out she was pregnant with me, she left the stable. I guess I wasn’t enough for her to turn her life around, though, because after I was born, she went back. To him. When she died, my father claimed me. He made me a part of his life, and then he died, leaving me alone in it. I wasn’t given a choice when I became a part of this world, but it was my choice to stay in it.”

  From the corner of my eye, I saw her frown as she fought to understand. “So you became a menace to get back at your parents?”

  I laughed, but it was bitter. “Most of the guys who join Exiled are just kids looking to rebel against their parents, Lou. What makes you think I’d be so different?”

  She was silent for a long while, and I could hear the disappointment in her voice when she said, “How did your father die?”

  “He betrayed Exiled, and Fox punished him for it.”

  “Hold on a sec!” she shouted as she gaped at me. “You’re working for the man who killed your father?”

  “My father betrayed me too, Lou.” I clenched my teeth so hard I was surprised when I didn’t chip a tooth. “He’s the reason my mother is dead.”

  “But you said your mother’s death was an accident.”

  “Getting hit by that car was an accident, but the reason she was there in the first place wasn’t. Fox made sure I knew about my father’s infidelity when he told me what my father had done.”

  “And if you could turn back time and change one thing?” she asked me.

  The light in front of me turned red, so I slammed on the brakes and faced her. “I’m not sure I’d be strong enough to go through with it.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it means I’d never have met you.”

  She frowned. “You don’t know that.”

  “Maybe not, but if things were different, the way they should be, you wouldn’t need me. And you sure as hell wouldn’t want me in your life.”

  She frowned, and I could tell she was confused. “But isn’t becoming Exiled the thing you’d change?”

  “No,” I admitted quietly, and she looked genuinely shocked by that. “There’s something else I regret more than that.”

  “Tell me,” she gently demanded. And then she must have sensed my reluctance because she added, “Please.”

  One word from her and I was tearing down the wall I’d spent years building so that she could see my heart beating for her on the other side. “I regret everything that’s been taken from you, Lou. I regret you ever being hurt. And I regret…I regret not being able to stay away from you.”

  She looked away, and when she turned back, her blue eyes glistened. “So you’re saying…you’re saying you wish we’d never met?”

  “Yes.”

  She flinched as if I’d raised my hand to strike her and cried, “Why?”

  “Because maybe it wasn’t just a coincidence that we met in the first place.”

  “What else could it be?” she pushed through clenched teeth.

  “A cruel twist of fate,” I mumbled.

  “HEY, PHIL!” I THREW A quick wave as I rushed past his perch behind the counter. Mrs. Henderson had sent me to the store for eggs, and since I was still grounded for staying out overnight a week ago, she was giving me fifteen minutes to return before she reported me missing, and she didn’t care what Wren Harlan had to say about it. I’d fled as quickly as I could for fear of the warmth thawing my heart. Those damn Hendersons were determined to show that they cared about me, and I was determined to show them why they shouldn’t.

  “Look who it is,” Phil greeted. “You know, I’m surprised to see you!”

  “Why?” I shouted back as I grabbed the carton of eggs, my usual bag of Chester’s hot fries, a Slim Jim, and a Ding Dong for Eliza.

  “I’ve heard rumors.”

  “Oh?” I couldn’t have sounded less interested as I tossed my snacks on the counter and slapped some money down.

  “There’s been talk…about the company you keep.”

  “What about it?”

  “The name Wren Harlan mean anything to you?”

  “Doesn’t ring a bell,” I lied easily. There was no real reason for me to lie. It wasn’t as if I ever bothered hiding my friendship with Wren, but it remained to be seen why it was any of Phil’s fucking business.

  “I’m sure it doesn’t,” he retorted sarcastically. “You should know, though, that he’s bad news. People cross the street when they see him coming, and everyone knows he only comes around here for one thing.” His expression turned accusatory, and then he reached under the counter and brandished a shotgun. “He’s also the reason why I keep Martha close.”

  “A little extreme, don’t you think?” I remained unimpressed when he cocked the shotgun although anger simmered in my gut. A fanciful part of me thought of Wren as invincible—my own superhero—but that didn’t stop me from wanting to protect him from douchebags like Phil who judged what they didn’t understand.

  “Three bodegas on this block are now paying Exiled for protection,” he informed me as he bagged my items.

  “From what?”

  “Exactly.”

  “I think you might be paranoid,” I teased, never letting on that my mind was racing. I already knew that Wren was Exiled, but until now, I’d never been forced to consider what that meant.

  Wren wasn’t good to many, but he was great to me. Which only made the truth that he was a bad guy a hard pill to swallow. I also had to bear the guilt of knowing that there was nothing Wren could have done or had yet to do that would ever make me give him up.

  “You just be sure to tell your boyfriend to stay the hell away from my shop,” Phil ordered.

  “Bye, Phil.”

  Stepping outside, I ripp
ed open my chips with more force than necessary, spilling half the bag. Completely forgetting Mrs. Henderson’s deadline, I was in no rush to get back. The entire way, I was deep in my thoughts as I munched on what was left of my chips. I was halfway through the bag and still drowning by the time I reached my foster home, but then I heard his voice break through the water like a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back to the surface.

  “Penny for your thoughts?”

  I scanned the street until I found the source of my troubled thoughts watching me from the driver’s seat of his car. The tinted window was lowered only enough for him to speak through it. With Phil’s accusations still swirling around my mind—not to mention the festering wound from Wren calling me a cruel twist of fate—I got as close as I dared. It seemed like all we did lately was argue and spew venom. There was this unspoken tension between us that hadn’t been there before, and for some reason, neither of us dared bring it up.

  “What are you doing here?” I didn’t sound the least bit welcoming, but if he noticed my mood, he didn’t let on.

  “Surprising you.”

  I gave him a mocking smile. “Don’t you have innocent people to terrorize?”

  His brows drew together, and then he was stepping out of the car and towering over me. Not only did he smell really clean and masculine but he also looked deliciously formidable as ever in his usual simple attire of dark jeans and a white T-shirt. During the warmer months, he usually opted for sneakers instead of boots and the faded black hoodie he currently wore instead of his brown distressed leather jacket. Or as many of his admirers preferred, no jacket at all. The way his muscles pushed against his T-shirt left little to the imagination, not that it kept his fans from dreaming anyway. For most of us—them—it was all they’d ever have.

  “Problem?” he asked me.

  “Do you hurt them?”

  “Who?” he demanded as if I were the one under the line of fire.

  “The people you take money from.”

  If possible, his eyebrows dipped even lower. “Who have you been talking to?”

  “Does it matter? He didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.”