Player

by Sean Ashcroft

  Wow.

  That had been… intense. Intense was the only thing Isaac could call it right now, his head still swimming with everything that had just happened.

  Short of anywhere to roll off to but the floor, Isaac let himself collapse on top of Julian, his already sore arms giving out now that they’d both come.

  Julian hummed softly, his grip on Isaac’s ass finally easing off. He trailed his hands up over too-sensitive skin, making Isaac shiver as he rested them on his back instead, under his t-shirt.

  “Am I too heavy for you?” Isaac asked after a moment, finally willing to move if Julian needed him to.

  “You’re fine,” Julian said, his voice rough. “Not the first man I’ve had on top of me.”

  The tiniest spike of jealousy made Isaac’s heart clench. It was stupid, of course—they’d both had other partners, and Isaac was definitely not in a position to judge, but…

  Some part of him had always thought of Julian as his, and his alone.

  The rest of him was just catching up to that part now. Better late than never, he supposed.

  Julian felt so damned good under him, warm and relaxed and solid. The smile that spread across Isaac’s face might’ve been embarrassing if he’d been with someone else, but it was the least Julian deserved.

  “Not bad,” Julian said after a moment, a teasing grin taking up most of his face.

  Isaac didn’t have the energy to pretend to be offended. He was wrung out, though he’d definitely had more athletic sex in his life.

  It wasn’t his body that was exhausted. It was his heart. He’d felt so many things tonight that he’d probably spend a week coming to terms with them, sorting them all out in his head.

  He was glowing, though, and he knew it.

  He’d never wanted someone so for long without having them. He’d thought it’d just been a few days, since they’d gone to that bar together, but…

  It dated back a lot further than that.

  And either way, Isaac didn’t normally wait a few days. Maybe a couple of hours.

  Julian was definitely worth it, no matter how long this had taken. Right now, Isaac couldn’t remember ever feeling better or more content after sex.

  And they hadn’t even managed to get their clothes off.

  He chuckled at the thought of that. Both of them had come in their underwear like horny teenagers.

  “I wanna stay the night,” Isaac said, the words escaping him before he was even fully aware of the thought.

  “I’d like that,” Julian murmured, reaching out to play with his hair.

  Yeah. This had definitely been special, and Isaac couldn’t wait to see what was next.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Julian rolled over as he began to wake, the warmth of the bed too comfortable to even consider giving up just yet. He’d slept better last night than he had done in a long time, completely exhausted by being with Isaac.

  The thought brought a smile to his face instantly, and he reached out to the other side of the bed.

  Only to find it empty. And cold.

  Julian sat up, his heart sinking down to his stomach as he realized Isaac was gone, and had been for a while. Did he regret it? Had they just screwed everything up between them?

  He sighed, glancing over at his alarm clock to check the time. Instead, a piece of paper caught his eye.

  A piece of paper with Isaac’s handwriting on it.

  Julian snatched it up, eager to see what it said, and smiled as he read the first two words.

  No regrets, it began.

  Relief washed over Julian. He’d been so afraid for a moment that Isaac would hate him now, that he’d feel used, or… or like this wasn’t something he wanted to face. Isaac thought of himself as straight, after all.

  Even if evidence was beginning to pile up that he maybe wasn’t.

  Had to leave early for training, the note continued. You looked peaceful so I didn’t wanna wake you. See you later.

  It wasn’t exactly signed Love, Isaac, but Julian would take what he could get. This was a lot better than he’d been afraid it might be.

  Julian groped for his phone, yanking it away from the charging cord and opening up a new text message to send to Isaac.

  Thank you for leaving a note, he typed, and then hit send.

  He was grateful. He would have spent the whole day with his stomach in knots over how Isaac felt now if it hadn’t been written down so plainly for him to find.

  While he waited for a response, Julian climbed out of bed and stretched, bracing himself to face the day. A task which, as it turned out, seemed just a little easier now.

  Now that he knew there was someone waiting for him on the other side of it. Maybe not tonight, maybe he wouldn’t see Isaac for another few days, but it was something to look forward to. That was nice. He hadn’t had much to look forward to for a while.

  His phone vibrated on the nightstand.

  You sleep okay? Isaac had texted back. Julian’s heart swelled, a tiny squeak of joy catching in the back of his throat.

  Isaac could be sweet when he wanted to be. It was really, really nice to have that sweetness directed at him.

  Better than in a long time, Julian responded, taking the phone with him as he headed to the bathroom. He had to get ready for work, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t talk to his…

  Boyfriend? Maybe. Not quite, though, not really, despite what Isaac had planned on. Julian was beginning to see that he really hadn’t put that much thought into the plan at all.

  It seemed like he’d just been reaching out to someone he knew who might understand what he was going through. Like maybe he’d discovered something about himself.

  Julian gnawed on his lip, unsure he should be thinking that about Isaac at all. It wasn’t as though he could read the guy’s mind, but…

  It didn’t feel like a coincidence that he’d kissed his first boy a little over a week ago, and he’d had sex with his first boy last night. It felt more like being kissed had changed him. Or not changed him, but given him the courage to see who he really was.

  Julian almost wished he’d had the courage to do it back when they were teenagers. Maybe things would have worked out very differently.

  Or maybe Isaac would have taken to avoiding him, and he would have lost the only support he had at a time when he needed it most. Isaac’s friendship had been, and would always be, more important than access to his cock.

  Dick was easy and plentiful to come by. Friends like Isaac weren’t. Which was why Julian planned to be very, very careful about this.

  His phone vibrated again as he turned the shower on, and he rushed to check it while the water heated up.

  Yeah, I’m great like that, Isaac had responded.

  Julian chuckled. Isaac wouldn’t have known what humility was if it fell out of the sky and gave him a lap dance.

  He probably would have been thrilled by the attention, honestly. Not that Julian could begrudge him that. Everyone liked attention, Isaac just didn’t see any point in hiding that.

  You keep telling yourself that, he responded.

  So is this where I ask what you’re wearing? Isaac texted back at record speed.

  Part of Julian would have liked to stand and exchange texts with him all day. His heart lit up with each one, and it was definitely brightening his day.

  But he absolutely had to shower before work, which meant having to sacrifice this conversation. For now.

  Isaac still wanted to talk to him, so they’d get the chance later.

  Nothing, I’m about to shower.

  Hot, Isaac responded.

  Julian laughed again. It was good to know that Isaac was still interested in making him laugh.

  Are you like this with everyone?

  Honestly… more or less.

  That didn’t surprise Julian even a little. At least Isaac was being honest, not trying to pretend that Julian was his one-and-only. That would have been… painful, considering how much detail Julian kne
w about Isaac’s previous love life.

  More than he wanted to, honestly. He’d never had the heart to block Isaac’s name on his social media accounts, but he hated how invasive some people got. Not just because he really didn’t want to hear about who Isaac was screwing this week, but because it wasn’t fair on him, either.

  Julian could pick up a new partner every night and no one would even know about it. Isaac should have had the same freedom.

  I’m thinking dinner on Friday? Isaac added, just as Julian was thinking he’d gone back to training. Or whatever it was he did at this time of the morning.

  Uh, sure, Julian rushed to respond, not wanting to seem anything less than enthusiastic.

  Awesome, I’ll pick you up. Talk later, Isaac said.

  With a little heart emoji at the end.

  Julian bit down on his lip, his heart feeling as though it was in danger of bursting for a few beats.

  It wasn’t a declaration of love from the rooftops, but… it was a heart. That was a lot more than Julian had expected.

  It was early days yet, but the part of Julian that was a hopeless romantic was starting to think that all his dreams were about to come true.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Isaac sat down to catch his breath, wiping sweat from his brow and away from his eyes. Training was still a little harder than he would have liked, but it was getting easier, and he was finally starting to feel as though he’d be in shape for the tournament.

  It seemed a little more important now, knowing that Julian was going to be watching him. Knowing that…

  Well, Isaac was hoping this would last at least as long as they’d already agreed it would, which was until after the tournament. Which meant he was going to have someone to win for, even if Julian didn’t really care.

  The thought made him feel like some kind of medieval knight, out to win his lady’s favor by knocking another knight off a horse. Or something. He wasn’t necessarily sure how that worked, but some part of him liked the mental image.

  Not that he was expecting Julian to give him a handkerchief. Not that Julian was a lady, for that matter.

  Isaac had been expecting that to hit him all day. For the freaking out to start, for him to suddenly realize that he’d had sex with a man and liked it and that for whatever reason, that was bad.

  It hadn’t. He was as happy with his decision in the cold light of day as he had been when he was overwhelmed by being so close to Julian. If anything, he felt even more at peace now than he had before it happened.

  “Hey,” a familiar voice called out, making Isaac look up.

  Adriana. He hesitated to smile, but only for a moment, until she smiled at him.

  He just wasn’t sure if he was allowed to smile at her anymore. Some of his past breakups had been messy, and theirs was definitely one of them.

  Isaac planned to take everything he’d learned and not end up doing the same with Julian. They were staying friends after this. Isaac couldn’t afford to lose him.

  Besides, he’d managed to stay friends with a few exes. Sort of.

  Shit. Maybe he hadn’t thought this through.

  And there, right on time, was the freak out. Not about Julian being a man. But about now being at risk of losing Julian, permanently. Losing him because, as usual, he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.

  “Hey,” Isaac said back, glad they were apparently on speaking terms again. He didn’t like to fall out with his exes, and he’d rather have them willing to talk to them.

  He was also surprised to see her here, since she was rarely in town these days, but now was a better time than most.

  “Up for a couple of rounds?” she asked, twirling her racquet.

  Isaac took stock of how he felt, and then nodded. It’d be good to have an opponent who could keep up with him.

  Especially one who was probably still a little mad at him, and wouldn’t hold back. People who were trying to win against him wouldn’t hold back.

  Besides, they’d always been competitive. About everything.

  Which had been fun at times, but always meant they weren’t going to last long. Isaac had stopped dating other tennis players after Adriana.

  Not that it’d stopped him making some spectacularly bad choices, but, well…

  He sighed, heaving himself off the bench and throwing his towel down.

  “You serve,” he said, tossing her a ball and getting into position.

  He watched her move, graceful and powerful as ever, lunged to hit the ball back as it bounced on his side of the court, and…

  Missed?

  Isaac swallowed. Sweat in his eyes, probably. Plus, he was already a couple of hours in. He was tired.

  None of these things were good excuses.

  Adriana laughed, because of course she did. It wasn’t quite cruel, but it was the same mocking laughter he remembered every time she’d beaten him at something. It’d gotten old, fast.

  “Off your game there, Isaac?” she teased.

  Isaac did his best to smile back. He might have had a reputation for being a sore loser—hell, maybe he was—but he wasn’t about to show it. Not right now.

  “It’s day five of training after coming back from an injury,” Isaac said, tapping the ball with the end of his racquet to bounce it high enough to pick up without bending. Once he had it in hand, he tossed it back over the net. “Serve.”

  Adriana obliged, and he hit it back this time without any problem. He ran back and forth up and down the court, meeting every move Adriana made. She was good, and she was fast, but he’d played with her enough times to know her weak spots, and he was just a little better and faster.

  On the third return, Isaac watched the ball bounce just inside her court, and then out of it again. She’d left it, thinking he was going to hit it straight out.

  He didn’t laugh, since the sting of it coming from her was still sitting uncomfortably. He was turning over a new leaf. No more Asshole Isaac.

  Julian made him want to be better. Even just as a friend, Isaac wanted Julian to be proud of him. Now, he had even more reason for that.

  “So are the rumors true?” Adriana asked as she collected the ball this time.

  “Probably,” Isaac said, shrugging. “Which rumors?”

  “That having women fall at your feet just isn’t enough to you, and it’s gotta be men now, too.”

  Isaac did chuckle at that, grinning broadly at the thought.

  Right up until he realized Adriana wasn’t smiling. His face fell, and his heart sank with it. For a glimmering moment, he’d actually thought she was going to say she was happy for him, or something.

  “Problem?” he asked, unsure he really wanted an answer.

  Adriana’s face changed, her features hardening. “Were you cheating on me?”

  “What?” Isaac asked, shocked. She’d accused him of a lot of things, but never that. Not until now, anyway. “No, never.”

  Adriana narrowed her eyes, clearly not ready to believe him.

  “Look, I know I go through relationships like clean underwear, but only ever one at a time. I’ve never been trying to hurt anyone. And I know the whole… thing is a character flaw, and I’ve got a lot of those, but cheating isn’t one of them. I wouldn’t. I thought you knew me better than that.”

  “So did I,” Adriana said. “But as it turns out, you like dick, so… guess I didn’t know you all that well. Guys like that cheat.”

  A thousand responses raced through Isaac’s mind, from well, you like dick too, to confessing that he hadn’t known then, that this was all new and he could use a little compassion, actually.

  Fear stopped him from getting any of them out. Cold dread that someone he knew, someone he’d been close to once, was mad at him for being who he was.

  It was probably only the faintest sliver of what Julian had felt when he came out to his parents, but Isaac suddenly understood how much that hurt, at least partially.

  Julian really was tougher than he looked. Hearing somet
hing like that from his mom, in the icy tone Adriana was using, would’ve broken Isaac’s heart.

  “I didn’t cheat on you,” Isaac insisted.

  He was happy for people to think a lot of things about him, but that one stuck in his throat. The thought of doing it made him feel sick.

  “Hard to believe when it’s pretty clear you’ll screw anything with a pulse,” Adriana said, serving the ball. “That’s what bisexual means, right?”

  Isaac let it go right past him, paralyzed by what he’d just heard.

  Having a reputation was one thing, but this… this was something else entirely. This was cold hatred, and it chilled him to the core of his being.

  This was the other side of what he’d been trying to do. He could be a hero for some people by letting them believe he was bi, but…

  That made him the villain to others.

  Isaac’s stomach turned. He hated the thought of that, even if the people he was the villain for were objectively, unquestionably wrong.

  It had been so much easier to be straight, and this was the first time he’d encountered any meaningful resistance.

  His heart ached for Julian, who’d definitely been through this before. It hurt, in a new, scary way that made Isaac’s pulse speed up, his head pound.

  “No comeback for that?” Adriana asked. “Done pretending you’re not just a total pervert who’ll drop his pants for anything that comes along?”

  Isaac’s stomach knotted up, shock at the pure venom in Adriana’s voice making him feel sick. They’d had fights, but it’d never been like this. It’d never been about the core of who he was.

  Was this what Julian felt like every time? How did he stand it?

  “I don’t need to listen to this,” he said once the shock had worn off, heading over to grab his bag and get out of there as quickly as he could. He was only cutting his training a little short, and he could make up for it tomorrow.

  Maybe find a different court, if he could. One where Adriana wouldn’t know where to look for him.

  “All you ever do is use people,” Adriana called after him as he walked away, making Isaac’s heart pound even harder. All he could think of was how badly he wanted to get away.