Project Death: Resurrection

by Danielle Thamasa

  Chapter Nine

  I woke a few hours later, a fierce pang in my stomach. Slowly I dragged myself out of bed and grabbed my robe, pulling it on around me and tying the belt. Then I started to walk off towards the kitchen, feeling as if my dinner was calling out to me. I should have known that I couldn't go longer than a few hours without wanting to eat what I knew would be another fantastic meal.

  The hallways were dim, lit only by sparse candles. I enjoyed the effect, even if it did seem to be a little creepy. It made the hall seem like one for a large castle, something out of fantasy or history. The Resurrector facilities were completely lit by electricity, unlike here, and I truly preferred this. It was soothing watching the light of the flames dance on the walls and floor. The whole facility was now familiar to me; I made my way to the kitchen without even thinking of where I needed to turn. Now it was really starting to feel like home.

  When I stepped into the kitchen though, I encountered a sight I hadn't expected whatsoever. Thanos sat at the table, relaxing in one of the chairs and holding a glass of something, wine perhaps. He did that every once in a while, but I have yet to develop a taste for the stuff. This wasn't exactly the part that was strange at all; in fact it was quite normal to find him there late at night. We had bumped into each other several times during late night snack runs, especially if we needed to work through the night. The strange sight was what he was wearing, or to be more precise, what he wasn't wearing. It seemed that he hadn't thought to put on a shirt. It was a first, though I could admit to imagining it at least a few times.

  I honestly couldn't control myself and I found that I was staring at him. He hadn't seemed to notice that I was standing in the doorway just yet. That was probably good because I thought it would be awkward if he knew I was staring at him. But how could I not? It wasn't like he was unattractive, not even the slightest bit. Dark hair, captivating blue eyes, pale skin—but not a sickly pale, more like alabaster—and his torso…it was toned but not overly so. It was just enough to make him look like he at least took care of himself, which I was certain he did. He was always the one telling me to relax, to rest, to take care of myself and not work too hard. It was no easy task. My drive to work and desire to do well still overwhelmed me often and I would try to revert to my old ways.

  The one thing that didn't change with Thanos, even if he wasn't wearing a shirt, was the gloves. He still had them on and that was what really made the sight odd. It definitely made me even more curious about him. There was a reason for the gloves but what reason could he have? Were his hands deformed? No, they couldn't be. That would have been slightly visible even with the gloves on. Besides, I had held his hand before and I hadn't felt any sort of deformity. Also, if the deformity was due to injury then I’m certain my desire to heal would kick in, but touching him I had felt nothing more than that spark. What other reason could there be for wearing the gloves?

  I blinked and found myself taking a step into the kitchen. The movement caught his attention and he looked up before straightening in his seat, once more becoming far too reserved and proper for his own good. Of course, the shifting in his seat caused his muscles to ripple ever so slightly. I had to force myself to look away, so as to not be completely obvious in my actions. Not staring at him was starting to become a more difficult task than my job as Angel of Death, and that was plenty difficult.

  He cleared his throat and looked over at me for just a couple moments before standing up and moving away from the table. It seemed that whatever relaxation he had found in the solitude was gone and he was now in a hurry to leave. "Good night, Tam." Then he turned to walk out of the kitchen.

  "What aren't you telling me?" I asked, unable to keep the question from escaping. Once again it felt like my emotions were getting the better of me, almost as they had during my trial with the Leaders. "I get the feeling that something is going on and you're hiding it from me. That is something I never really thought you would do with me. I'm tired of people not giving out the whole truth, thinking they know what is best for me. You're just about as bad as the Leaders."

  He froze. I could tell then that I had struck a nerve, even though I did not know exactly why I had. Of course I did just insult him by comparing him to the Leaders and that was a pretty good way of striking a nerve. I noted that his muscles had tensed up and he stood about as still as a statue. For a brief moment I could almost imagine what it would be like to have an actual statue of Thanos; it would be quite impressive. Wow, totally off topic train of thought. I almost hated that he had that effect on me.

  "I wish I could tell you," he said, his voice low and even, though I felt he was struggling to maintain his composure. "I would really like to. It is merely for your own safety that I will not tell you."

  "I don't need you to protect me." Moving over to him, I grabbed his arm and turned him around so he was facing me. After doing that I realized it probably wasn't the smartest idea. His half naked body was only inches from mine, close enough for me to reach out and run my hands over every sculpted muscle. That thought alone was enough to make my cheeks flush. I stared up at his face, knowing it was the safest place to look, even when I became lost in his gaze.

  "Tam…" He was staring down at me, those dark blue eyes piercing through me as if he could see my deepest thoughts and desires. "I cannot even begin to tell you how much things have changed these past weeks. Everything is becoming more complicated. You need to be careful."

  "Why? What is going on?" I was worried now. If something was going on then I wanted to know so I could help. "Anything you're going through, let me help."

  He shook his head. "I will not have you become a part of this. It is not for you to worry about."

  "If you didn't want me to worry about it, you wouldn't have told me that I needed to be careful. Thanos, we work together and we are the only ones who are here. You've treated me like a partner these past few weeks and it should be the same now. If something is going on I need you to trust me enough to let me in and tell me what is going on. Otherwise, how can I work with you?"

  I just wanted him to open up to me. I knew there were truths about his past that he felt he couldn’t talk about and so far I respected that decision. He would tell me in time. But this seemed as if it had something to do with our duties and our work on the side of Death, which really was more the side of Balance and Fate. Considering that, I had a right to know and it would be the best for everyone if he would tell me what had him so upset. It had nothing to do with that pregnant woman I had just healed, and the only other issue I could think of would be something to do with my former employers.

  He turned his head, looking away from me. Without thinking I reached up and placed my hand on the cheek farthest from me, turning his head back to face me. I felt a tingle when I touched him but it was nothing like the way my body reacted to his touch. "You can trust me," I said.

  "I do," he whispered. "But right now I need you to let me handle this while you continue doing your job." He closed his eyes for a couple seconds, as if trying to push every bad thought away, and then opened them to look at me again. "When it is time for you to know everything, you will. I promise you that."

  He kept his promises. That much I knew from every encounter I had ever had with him. When he killed all those Resurrectors, he had let me live, and more than that, he had saved my life when the Leaders set up that bogus trial. He had never given me a reason to doubt him. It was then that I realized my hand was still on his cheek. Slowly I pulled it away and lowered it. Why hadn’t he said anything about that? Could it be that he felt something similar, that he was drawn to me as well?

  "Thanos…" I trailed off. How was I supposed to ask him about this? It seemed highly awkward to tell him how my entire body reacted to his presence, and even more so to his touch. I needed to have an answer though and to get that I had to ask him. Slowly I moved away from him, unable to put together the question. In my mind I was screaming, wanting to know if he felt the same reactions to me as
I did to him, but the words never made it to my mouth. It would all sound so ridiculous. Besides, this hardly seemed the appropriate time, considering whatever work issues were plaguing Thanos. Then again, maybe it was the right time since his shirt was off. No, no, that was inappropriate. Instead of saying everything I thought I shook my head. "Never mind," I said softly. "Good night."

  I turned and went to heat up my dinner, all the while listening for him to leave the kitchen. The whole time I heard nothing to suggest that he had left. Had he walked away without me hearing it? It was entirely possible but I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to turn around and see him standing there. It would be even better if he had stayed because he realized that keeping too many secrets from me would never end up the way he wanted it to. But hoping about something enough did not mean that it would become a reality.

  Even though I wanted it, I never actually expected him to be there when I finished re-heating my food. Seeing his form still in the doorway as I turned around caused me to almost drop my food. Thankfully I managed to steady my plate so I didn't waste any of this latest meal. "I…I thought you would have left. You seemed so eager to go earlier." I just couldn't keep some comments from just tumbling out of my mouth. It was like sometimes I was compelled to say them and this was just one of those times.

  So why couldn't my questions for him tumble out that way as well? It would certainly make things easier because at least then it would be out in the open, no matter how awkward the moment would be at first. Maybe I was scared of the answers, scared that he wouldn't have the same reaction, that it would all just be in my head. I didn’t want our relationship to become strained, as my friendships had become in the past.

  "Do you have any idea why things have changed so much around here?" he asked from the doorway, where he was framed by the darkness of the hall. It was a nice effect and I liked how the darkness seemed to enhance the shape of his body.

  His question caught me off guard. Was he honestly about to tell me what was going on, why he was in such a foul mood? I set my plate down at the table though I continued to stand. "No, I don't."

  "Because of you, Tam. There has never been an Angel of Death like you. Your moral compass actually still works; you feel for the people whose lives you have to take away. I've seen it when you go out on a job. I guess I know why that is, but it changes a lot of things. Then add to that the fact that for the past twenty years the Angel of Death has been men. And, as if anything more could be added on top of all of that is the fact that usually I don't meet the Angel of Death before they're chosen to take up the job."

  He paused and I simply stared at him. I had not expected this. It was more information, stuff I hadn't really thought of. But why was he telling me this now? There had to be a reason for it. My stomach started to dance around and I moved to sit down at the table. He thought something bad was going to happen. That was the only reason he would tell me this now; he was worried that he or I was in danger.

  "Maybe I made a mistake, letting feelings take over instead of allowing my duty to win out. It clouded my judgment and for a little while I thought it would make it so you couldn't do the job you were chosen for, and yet here you are, succeeding in every task set for you. Things are different with you and I have no idea why. There is something you need to understand about how a person steps into the role you now find yourself occupying. For you to become the Angel of Death I was supposed to kill you."

  Wait, had I just heard what I thought I did? Did he just say that he let his feelings take over? What feelings? Was it possible that the reactions I felt whenever I was near him, that he felt them as well?

  I felt those questions bubbling up to reach the surface the same time that I opened my mouth to speak. Instead of blurting it all out I forced myself to take a breath before saying anything. I needed to replay his words a couple of times to give me the time to figure out what to say. My mind had immediately latched on to his admission to allowing his feelings get in the way and that had stopped me from hearing that he was supposed to…kill me. "What do you mean?" I asked, staring over at him. Perhaps that was the safest question.

  "Come now Tam, I know you are not completely stupid or oblivious. You had to notice that something was happening between us. From all the Leaders taught you it should have been obvious that Resurrectors do not walk away after they encounter Death. I had never hesitated to kill any of the others but with you...I let you live every single time. If someone had asked me then why it was I would not have had an answer for them."

  He spoke of it all as if it was so simple, so black and white. I should have found it off-putting that he spoke of killing my friends and co-workers in such a flippant manner. Then again, he had been doing his duties as Death for a long time, perhaps forever, so I guess he could be numbed to it all. Killing people was probably as easy as making a snack in the kitchen, requiring no thought and definitely not being drawn into some sort of moral or ethical debate. Everything he said made sense. Why had he let me go after each time we encountered each other? He had to have a reason for it. "You said if they asked you then you wouldn't have an answer. What about now?"

  "Is it really that difficult for you to see?" he asked. This was it; I was finally going to have at least one answer to the questions swirling around in my mind almost constantly. "You are entirely more than I had bargained for and I find myself completely torn between continuing my job as it is supposed to be done or spending days on end here with you, not leaving for anything."

  "You mean to say..." I stood up and took two steps toward him. He wasn't even touching me but I felt a pleasant tingling throughout my entire body. I honestly hadn't thought of what would happen if Thanos had said that he had feelings for me. Again I found myself wishing I had a friend around so I could ask about how to move forward with whatever this was with Thanos. This was a strange new experience and it made me feel like that awkward and clueless loner on her first day at Resurrector school.

  "Yes, and I do not want to fight it any longer but I know I have to. This cannot happen between us, Tamesis. I hope you believe me when I say that I wish it could but I know the consequences and they are too great to risk. I am sorry." Then he turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving me staring after him with wide eyes.

  Had that actually just happened? I wanted to believe some of it but it wouldn't work that way. It couldn't be like this, not without better answers. He said there were risks, consequences but I needed to know what he was talking about. I could not believe he was going to make this decision without caring how I felt about it. Perhaps it would be worth the risk and the only way to know for certain was to try.

  I stared at the doorway as if expecting him to return. Several minutes later I slowly moved back to the table and sat down to eat my food. My thoughts revolved around the conversation that had just occurred. It seemed to be all I could think about; I kept hoping he would return to the kitchen.

  He didn't. After eating I cleaned up and put the dishes away before returning to my room. Pulling the covers over me I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would take me soon enough.