Resolution: Free Fall (A Resolution Pact Short Story)

by Fiona Starr

  Pete nods. “Yeah, you feeling better?”

  “Much better, thanks,” I say.

  Brent smiles. “Sorry we left you alone for so long. Did Ben take good care of you while we were gone?”

  Ben glances at me and winks, speaking before I can. “Oh, I took care of her all right. I can think of worse ways to spend an afternoon.” His smile is wolf-like, predatory and cold.

  He may as well have slapped me I am so stunned. Is his wise crack compensating for the lie? Or is he really being a prick and sending me a message that this was a one-and-done? I can’t tell. I’m not sure what to say.

  I know it’s not like we’re getting married or anything; I don’t know what I expect. But I can still feel him on my skin. I can still taste him in my mouth. The time we spent talking and caressing, the things we said… all of it is still echoing in my mind and he’s cracking jokes? I feel sick to my stomach.

  Cassie puts her arms over my shoulder and squeezes me to her. “You look a little pale. Maybe you need to eat?”

  I smile at her and let her lead me into the office while everyone says their goodbyes. “Yeah, I am sure I just need to eat something.”

  Evan jangles his keys and unlocks his SUV for us. “Ben, we’re going grab some food, want to join us?”

  He’s walking away as he talks. He can’t get out of here fast enough. “No man, I have some work to do here before I can leave.” He doesn’t even look my way.

  Later on, we are sitting around the table at a burger place and I can’t take it any longer. When the conversation comes back to skydiving, I try to remain casual. “So what’s the deal with Ben? Is he single?”

  Cassie laughs. “He’s single all right.”

  Evan leans back in his chair and shakes his head. “Don’t get me wrong, Jules. I love the guy like a brother. I’ve known him since forever. But he’s not relationship material.”

  Something about how he says it makes me curious. “What do you mean?”

  Cassie rubs Evan’s chest. “What he means is Ben’s a horn dog.”

  Disappointment lands in my belly. I push my food away. I feel like a fool.

  Evan slides his chair forward and leans his elbows on the table. “No, it’s not like that. He’s a good guy. A really good guy. He’s got an awesome family. I’d give him a kidney if he needed one. But he got burned once by a girl and he never really bounced back, you know? So he dates and stuff, but… he’s…”

  Cassie finishes his sentence. “But he’s a horn dog. A total player.”

  Evan sighs in defeat. Cassie won’t let him sugar coat anything. “Sorry, I wouldn’t want you to get hurt, Jules.”

  BEN

  I lie awake in my bed, my head spinning with thoughts of Jules. It’s not just the mind-blowing sex that’s got me, it’s more than that; it’s her. She’s not like the girls I usually hook up with. I don’t even like calling what we did hooking up—it feels dirty and she’s better than that.

  I don’t remember the drive home from the airfield, or taking a shower, or anything after she left. It’s like something in my brain hit pause and replay and all I can do is think about her.

  She told me she’s a kindergarten teacher and she loves her kids. She told me about growing up in the mountains and about college back east. She seemed more concerned with her friends having a good time at the airfield than her own injury. And she never once harshed on skydiving—which is a thing a lot of people do—even though it was clear she was relieved to miss the jump today.

  Some dumbasses make jokes about jumping out of perfectly good airplanes—ha ha ha, like they are so clever and skydiving is beyond their comprehension. They don’t get it and they don’t want to. They also don’t see how disrespectful it is to slam what we do. But Jules didn’t do that; she was obviously afraid to jump, but never once did she say anything that made it like she was better than those who did.

  I know that if I can get her up there, she’d see it. She’d get it, and she’d be hooked. Shit—what am I thinking? No strings, man. That’s the rule.

  Swooper whines and shuffles to the door, his leash in his mouth. I don’t remember walking him when I got home. Damn, I’m in a fog over this girl. I slide out of bed and pull on my jeans and hoodie and make my way to the door. I step into my boots and snap Swooper’s leash onto his collar.

  “Sorry, boy. I think I forgot about you.”

  He wags his tail so hard his entire body waggles. He races through the open door and tugs me to the sidewalk where he relieves himself like he’s been waiting all day.

  “Dude. I am so sorry.”

  I pull out my phone and text Evan.

  Hey. What’s Jules number?

  Don’t have it. I’ll ask Cass.

  Thx

  Great time today. Thx for squeezing us in.

  No prob man. Anytime.

  I can imagine the conversation going on at this moment between Cassie and Evan, debating whether to give me Jules’ number. It’s no secret I have a reputation and I have earned every bit of it. But maybe this is different.

  I blow into my fists as Swooper does his business and we hurry back inside. I’m back in bed and staring at the ceiling, wondering what the hell I am going to do to get Jules out of my head so I can sleep.

  The next day I wake up and find myself checking my phone every other minute for a reply back from Evan. Come on, man. This isn’t funny. I go through the morning motions and get dressed and take Swoop for a run. It’s almost ten o’clock before it hits me: I don’t need Evan to give me Jules’ number. She filled out the waivers at the office. I have everything I need to reach her right on my desk.

  I run home and feed Swoop and hop in the shower. I’m dressed and in the car by ten thirty and Swoop can feel my excitement. I remember how my dog barreled Jules over at the airfield yesterday and I can’t help but laugh.

  “There’s something about her, buddy, right? You saw it first.”

  Swoop wags his tail and sticks his head out the window as I turn onto the main road to the airfield.

  Evan calls on the way. I slip my earbuds in and answer the call.

  “Hey man.”

  “Hey Ben, I asked Jesse for Jules’ number, and… I don’t know man. Cassie didn’t want to give it to me. She says she loves you but Jules is her girl, you know?”

  I shake my head and ignore any hard feelings. I know I deserve this. “Yeah. I get it. But she’s different, man. She isn’t just any girl.”

  Evan laughs. “That’s exactly what Cassie said. Hey, you’re like a brother to me. I didn’t want to leave you hanging, but I can’t help you with this one. Cassie’s not letting me near her phone.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I appreciate the call.” Even though it stings hearing this shit from my oldest friend. “You going to come jump again soon?”

  “Cassie’s birthday is next month. I got her lessons. She’s going to flip!”

  Well, if they won’t trust me with Jules, I guess it’s still something that they aren’t cutting me out. “That’s awesome, man. She really seemed to dig flying. Talk to you later.”

  “Later.”

  I pull into the airfield and swing into my parking spot. Swoop is on the ground as soon as I open the door, racing off to see Shelly, who always gives him treats. I hurry into my office and check the papers on my desk.

  “Shit.” They’re gone. I realize that Shelly would have taken them and scanned the waivers and filed the original paper first thing. I jiggle the mouse on my laptop and wait for the screen to wake up.

  I pull up the client database and search for “Jules”. Nothing comes up. I stare at my screen and think for a second before dialing Shelly’s desk.

  “Hey, Ben. Didn’t know you were in.”

  “Yeah, I just got here. Hey, did you grab the paperwork from the clients I processed yesterday?”

  “Evan and his friends? Yeah, it’s already processed and in the system. Got it all done this morning.”

  “All right. Thanks,
Shelly.”

  “You bet.”

  I hang up and stare at my screen and it dawns on me: Jules is a nickname. She wouldn’t have used it on a legal waiver. I type “Julie” into the search. Nothing. Shit! What could her name be?

  I sit there another moment before I remember I can search the records by date. I pull up the waivers from yesterday and the list populates. There she is. Julianne Wilson.

  Julianne. Jules.

  I click on her name and her information appears. I have her address, her phone number, her place of work, and an overwhelming sense of dread.

  What if she doesn’t want to hear from me? What if she knows about my reputation from Cassie? Evan wouldn’t have let it sound all bad, would he? What the hell am I doing? Reality checks in and I tell myself that Jules knows how to reach me at the airfield office, right? Right. So… maybe I need to chill on the stalker vibe and take a breath.

  I close the database and run my hands through my hair. I need to get her out of my head.

  Fuck.

  I grab my gear and radio for the next plane to see if they have room for one more.

  Nothing like blue skies to clear Jules out of my head.

  JULES

  I give myself two more days, but when Saturday arrives and I wake up with Ben on the brain yet again, I make a decision. I can’t keep this up any longer. I can’t pretend that what Ben and I did—the time we spent on New Year’s Day was meaningless. I know he felt something too. Maybe I misread his joke and took it the wrong way. Wouldn’t be the first time I did that. Maybe he’s waiting to hear from me.

  I am in the car, heading to the airfield before I chicken out. I think of Stacy and her push to make this my year. I think of my promise to myself not to hold back any more. The old Jules would never do this, and that’s why I need to. How many opportunities have I missed because I was too afraid? I don’t know, but I won’t let another one pass me by.

  I am gripping the wheel so tight my knuckles turn white. I flex my hands one at a time, telling myself I have nothing to lose. I have nothing to lose. I have nothing to lose.

  I click on my blinker and merge onto the highway.

  BEN

  I check the straps on my parachute one more time and sling the pack onto my back.

  Shelly claps me on the shoulder. “You’re doing a lot of jumps these days, what’s up?”

  What am I supposed to say? Nothing, just need to clear my head because I can’t stop thinking about Jules and the incredible sex we had in the staff room the other day and the way she smells and how she talks about her kindergarten class and the way she laughs when she’s embarrassed and the feel of her hair and how she moaned when I…

  I shrug. “Nothing. Just itching for sky.”

  She nods. “All right. Just making sure you’re okay, chief.”

  “I’m good.”

  Shelly checks her clipboard and ushers the class of jumpers on board ahead of me. I get on last and close the door, plug in my earbuds, blast some tunes and get ready to shut the world and Jules off.

  JULES

  I pull in to Butler Airfield and my palms go sweaty on the wheel. A quick inventory of my body reveals shortness of breath, jittery legs, and a racing heart too. What the hell am I doing here?

  “No turning back, Jules. You owe it to yourself.” I add shaky voice to the list of ailments as I pull in to the parking lot and find a spot behind a van that hides me a little but leaves me with a view of Ben’s office.

  His truck is here, so at least I know I haven’t wasted the trip.

  I do some deep breathing in an attempt to calm myself down and watch the jumpers as they fall from the sky. It’s hard to spot them when they free fall, but once their chutes open, it’s like they appear out of nowhere and catch the eye.

  I follow them down until they land and realize with a start that one of the jumpers in the group is Ben. He’s taller than the others, and he’s wearing the same red and black jumpsuit he wore when we…

  He gathers up his parachute and makes his way toward his office and my throat tightens. I can’t breathe.

  I give myself a pep talk. “Ok, you’re doing this, Jules. When he gets over here, you’re going to open this door and step out and talk to him.” I wait for him to get closer. “On the count of three… two…”

  BEN

  Swooper hops from the back of my pickup and runs toward me, tennis ball ready. I grab the ball and throw it for him, watching as he races after it. I turn around and almost bump into her, taking an automatic step back. “Sorry.”

  “Hey, tall boy.” She paws at my jumpsuit with her kitten claws.

  Kitten… “Hey, Katie. What are you doing here?”

  “I asked around at the bar and they told me you’d be here. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to…” She eyes her Escalade a few spots away from my truck. “… go for a ride?” She drapes an arm over my shoulder and presses her hips into me.

  My body reacts against my will and she can tell I am getting a hard on.

  I pull my hips away and look around for Swoop. “Oh, uh.” I need to not be here.

  She senses my hesitation and moves in again, nibbling at my chin. “Oh, come on. It will be fun. We can do it in your truck if you insist.” She opens the cab and hops into the driver’s seat, her legs swinging out the open door.

  My thoughts are a jumble as I watch her. I don’t want her. I don’t want this. I need her to go. She can’t be here.

  JULES

  I’m about to open the door when she appears at Ben’s office door. She’s got long blonde hair and a ski-bunny body, and she’s smiling and walking toward Ben. I watch in detached curiosity as they meet on the edge of the field. It isn’t until she touches him that I realize my mistake. It takes one look at how she’s draped herself over him to know that she’s here on a mission—one she’s been on before.

  It only takes another look to see that he’s attracted to her too.

  Damn it.

  I swallow the lump that has risen in my throat and blink back tears. Am I really going to cry? Earth to Jules… get a hold of yourself!

  Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

  I should have known better. I should have listened to Cassie and Evan when they warned me. Ben’s a player. He’s looking for good times and nothing more. It hurts to admit that’s all I was to him—just a good time. One in an apparently long and active list.

  I close my eyes and put my car in gear and slip from my parking spot. The lane I’m in is at ninety-degrees from where Ben’s parked so I just have to duck my head a little and drive away.

  I need to put this airfield and Ben Butler where they belong: behind me.

  BEN

  I step over to my truck and I put my hands around Katie’s waist. She’s surprised when I lift her out of the seat and place her back on the blacktop.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” She leans against me and runs her hand over the zipper running down my chest. “We had a good time, didn’t we?”

  “Yeah. We did. Totally. It was great, but… I’m not… I can’t…” I have no idea what to say. A week ago I would have taken her up on the offer, though I might have taken her to my place instead of repeating our parking lot encounter. A week ago I was someone else. A week ago I wanted nothing but the Ben Butler checklist… all the hot stuff and no strings. But now… with Jules taking up all the space in my head… I can’t. I just can’t.

  She takes it surprisingly well, though I can see a blush rise in her face. “I get it. No worries. See you at the bar. Maybe you’ll change your mind…”

  Swoop is back with his ball, finally. He sees the open door on the truck and hops into the cab.

  I watch her go, relief washing over me like rain. “Yeah. Maybe… I’m just… Sorry. I have to go.” I point awkwardly at Swoop and hop in the truck. I don’t wait for her to leave. I stick the keys in the ignition and gun the engine and peel out of the lot.

  JULES

  It’s been a week since I showed up at the airf
ield and even though he’s an absolute dog I still can’t stop thinking about him. And his body. And the sex. Oh, my god, the sex. I still have no idea what I was thinking getting together with him in the first place. The old me would never have done anything like that. But I guess the old me would have missed out on a good time and headed into the new year as alone and oblivious as ever. It’s definitely a bummer that he’s a man-whore, but if I am being honest with myself, I really don’t regret a second of our time together.

  Thank god for risky New Year’s resolutions and good friends. I have to admit I am glad Evan and Jules warned me off Ben, now if I could only get him out of my head. I click away from the Butler Airfield website and close my laptop. I could call… No. I have to stop this. I am not doing myself any favors getting wrapped up in the next Mr. Wrong.

  The alarm on my cell phone dings. I plaster a smile on my face and smooth my sweater over my skirt as I stand to face the room full of kindergarteners. “Ok class! Who can raise their hand and tell me what time it is?”

  BEN

  I’m parked on the street across from Langfield Elementary watching the kids play at recess. It occurs to me that not only am I acting like an actual stalker, but sitting outside a schoolyard makes me a bit of a creeper too.

  It’s lunchtime, and the kids come out to play in waves. I am about to leave when I see her. She’s wearing a long red plaid skirt with black boots and a black coat, with a white scarf around her neck. She’s talking to another woman while the kids run around in their parkas like overstuffed munchkins.

  My mouth goes dry at the sight of her. What the hell’s come over me? I clutch the flowers in my lap. She mentioned that she liked daisies… “What do you think, Swoop? Should I…?”