The omega’s movements slowed for a second. He looked at Bard before an impatient Destin nipped at his heels, forcing him to keep moving.
Bard watched, though, until he could see no more of them. Then he let his wounds and exhaustion overtake him.
****
As he walked into the healer’s room, Ryan shot Loki a glare. Loki tried not to shrink against the hallway wall where he stood vigil, but he didn’t retaliate in kind, either. Ryan had every right to be mad at him given that Griffin lay inside so badly injured that he hadn’t been able to shift. It was obvious that the boy cared for the beta. He’d been coming and going between the healer’s room and the kitchen, bringing hot water and clean towels as a self-appointed nursemaid.
Even though everyone was wrong in believing that Loki had been trying to run away, it was still his fault. He should never have taken his eyes off the pack the way he’d done. Getting caught up in the fun of chasing a scent was no excuse. Like so many times before, he hadn’t considered how his actions might affect others. He’d been selfish and clueless and deserved the scorn being showered on him by just about everyone.
He would have gone to his new hut with his tail between his legs—literally—if he weren’t so worried about Bard. The gamma was also with the healer getting his wounds treated, although Kyle had been kind enough to reassure Loki that Bard suffered nothing life-threatening. As tired as he was, Loki couldn’t bring himself to go to sleep until he’d seen for himself that the gamma was truly all right.
He stifled a yawn just as Destin came out. After escorting Loki back to the compound, he’d returned to help bring the injured in. He’d been with Bard ever since. Now, looking tired and peeved, he came up to Loki.
“You should be asleep.” The admonishment was issued in a weary voice.
“How’s Bard?” Loki asked, ignoring his brother’s chastisement.
“He’s sufficiently recovered to have shifted. Andrea expects him to be well-healed by morning. It’s Griffin that she’s worried about.”
Loki held in a sniffle. “Is he going to die?”
“What do you care?” Destin shot back. The question and the vehemence his brother asked it with made Loki cringe. Running his hand down his face, Destin sighed. “Sorry. That was overly mean of me. I know you don’t wish the beta ill. You just don’t think past your own wants.”
Grabbing hold of Loki’s arm, Destin said, “Come. I promised Bard I’d make sure you were all right. You need rest.”
Loki allowed himself to be tugged along like a recalcitrant pup. While he resented his brother’s harsh assessment of him, he also couldn’t deny that it held no small measure of truth.
Fortunately, most of the pack was asleep at this point, so he didn’t have to face too much shame. When they reached his new hut, Destin released his hold and stood in the doorway while Loki entered alone. The space was still bare-boned, the rough structure completed just enough to allow him to occupy it. The rest of the finish work would be done in the next couple of weeks by the construction sigmas. Loki went to the small pallet he’d set up and blinked down at it. It looked so lonely, the way he felt.
“Can I leave you here alone or do I need to stand guard all night so that you don’t try to run away again?”
The bitterness in his brother’s voice had Loki looking up and over at him. “That’s not what I was doing.” Now that they were alone, it seemed important that Destin understand that. The look on the man’s face said that he didn’t believe him. “I wasn’t running away,” he said with more vehemence. “I got distracted, which was stupid but not willful.”
Destin shook his head. “I would like to believe that, but given how you’ve acted for the last couple of years, I can’t. It doesn’t matter anyway what I think. The alpha wants you confined to your hut or in my sight until he’s decided what kind of punishment this warrants.”
Loki felt a spike of fear. “Is he going to kick me out of the pack?”
Destin raised his eyes and shook his head. “Now you worry that you can’t be a member of the Rogues?”
“Yes.” Loki sniffed back his tears.
“Ridiculous. You should know by now that Lorcan doesn’t rule that way. You’re being overly dramatic, as usual. But your new-found freedom will be curtailed, you can be sure of that.”
Loki figured that was probably fair under the circumstances and far better than being forced out on his own. Bard wouldn’t allow that. At the very least, he’d go with you.
Except he wasn’t sure that was true anymore. Bard had been furious as he’d knelt over Griffin. Having spent so much time and energy pushing the gamma away, now he worried that he’d lost him for good. Surely he’d believe Loki once he’d calmed down enough to hear what had really happened. Maybe not, or if he did, perhaps he’d still be so mad that he wouldn’t want a troublesome omega anymore.
“It didn’t mean to get separated from the pack,” he said in a quiet voice, as if Bard were there to hear him.
Destin scoffed. “You’ve been too much of a brat for me to accept that you’ve suddenly changed, especially after this night. I don’t think I can ever trust you.”
The words stung, cutting deep and releasing Loki’s tamped down anger at his brother. “That’s fair,” he spit out, “because I don’t trust you. I haven’t since you stole me away from our home.”
Destin’s chest heaved and he stepped into the hut. “You know nothing. I sacrificed everything for you, as did Bard and Carr. You don’t understand what it cost all three of us to leave as we did.”
Loki grimaced. All of his pent up emotions bubbled to the surface. “How can I when you refuse to tell me the reason? This is not of my doing. It’s all on you and until you explain to me why we left, I will never forgive you.”
Destin shook his head. “You don’t want the truth, believe me.”
“No!” Taking a step closer to his brother, Loki said, “Tell me or this wall between us will never come down. I can’t ever have a normal life with Bard or anyone with this resentment writhing inside me.”
Loki stood with his heart pounding and his body quivering. He knew being this upset wasn’t good for him or the pup, but he simply couldn’t let lie this thing that had plagued him for so long. He’d almost believed that he could, but he knew now that it wouldn’t be possible.
“Destin!”
His brother shook his head again even as he spoke. “No…Go to sleep.”
Fury propelled Loki forward. He grabbed Destin’s arm. “Coward!”
Destin’s eyes flashed. He stared down at him with such a look of stubbornness that Loki’s heart sank. He would never know what had happened. He would have to learn to live with this gaping hole inside of him that represented the loss of his pup hood and the future he’d longed for. Then, something broke. He saw it in his brother’s gaze.
“Gods forgive me,” Destin said in a quiet voice. “Here it is, Loki. Here is the truth. Our sire intended to breed you.”
Pulling back, Loki blinked at him in confusion. “What? Of course he did. He was looking for an alpha worthy of me.”
“No.” That one word cut through whatever Loki had intended to say. “He was going to breed you himself.”
Loki kept staring and blinking, his brother’s words not making any sense. “No, that’s not…”
“Yes.” Destin’s expression turned to bitter grimness. “He confided in me one night after he’d been drinking. His plan was to mount you until he triggered your heat. Although he had no way of knowing for sure, he thought that would do it even when it was his own pup involved. He wanted my help to smooth it over with the pack once he got you in whelp. Or shove anyone in line who dared to speak against it.”
Loki’s head began to shake of its own accord. He stumbled back and looked around his hut as if someone somehow could be magically there to reassure him that his brother was lying. There was no one, of course, only a room lit by the hint of dawn.
“Why?” It was the one word he could
get out.
“He thought he could finally get an alpha son if he impregnated an omega of his blood line. There was no sense in it. I thought he was drunk and grieving the loss of his latest mate, or at least grieving the promise of what that mate was supposed to do for him. His words shocked me, but I didn’t take them seriously until I confronted him the next day.
“It wasn’t drink or high emotions.” Now Destin’s voice sounded sad. “In the cold light of day, he repeated his plans and ordered me to keep my mouth shut. I tried to reason with him a few more times, but he was adamant. He was waiting for the next full moon, then he would forcibly mount you in secret and keep doing it until you went into heat. Once he’d bred you, he figured the rest of the pack could be forced to accept the situation.”
No one from the pack would have dared go against the alpha anyway. Loki understood that. And, he’d been cowed enough by his sire that he wouldn’t have said a thing about what went on inside their hut at night. An image of his sire covering him the way Bard had done flashed through his mind. A shudder sent him to his knees.
Destin was right there in an instant, putting his arms around his shoulders. “Loki?”
He pulled away. “I’m fine. I’m…Our uncle,” he spit out, determined to think of a solution that wouldn’t have led to running away. “He would have stopped it if you’d told him.”
“Oh, Loki,” Destin sighed. “Our uncle loved you as he did our mother, but he wouldn’t have started a war with our sire over this, especially after you were bred. Nothing would have been gained and his pack could have been decimated by something that ultimately wasn’t his concern.”
Wrapping his arms around his waist, Loki asked, “Bard knew?”
“I confided in him and Carr after my repeated attempts to dissuade our sire failed. I was worried that my reaction would cause him to change his timetable and mount you before I knew what was happening. I couldn’t take the chance, so I decided that I had to get you out of there. I didn’t demand my friends to join us. They volunteered. They gave up their homes and nearly their lives to protect you, Loki.”
Now he felt shame as well as anger. All those times he’d made Bard miserable with his bratty ways could have been avoided if only he’d known the why. He glared up at his brother. “You should have told me.”
“You were too young. Such a horror isn’t something any pup should be privy to, let alone an omega.”
Loki nodded slowly, trying to rein in his fury and see the matter from his brother’s perspective. “Perhaps at first, but I grew up fast running feral, did I not? You tried to shield me, I know. The wild is not a place of innocence, though. I deserved to know the truth before now, before I went into a heat that nearly killed me. Before I started growing this life inside me after being forcibly mounted not by my sire, but by an honorable gamma who was given a worse choice by you.”
Destin reared back at Loki’s harsh words, but Loki wasn’t finished. The more the truth sunk in, the greater his anger. Destin hadn’t only hurt him, he’d hurt Bard by insisting on this secret being kept. Who knew how Loki might have reacted to being in heat once he’d understood why he’d ended up so far from his arctic home, trying to adjust to a new pack and a different future than the one he’d hoped for.
“What do you think it cost Bard to fight me and hold me down while he shoved his cock into my unwilling ass? Because that’s what happened, brother. And it would have kept on happening if I hadn’t given up and let him breed me.”
Loki palmed his abdomen. “This pup should have been conceived in a proper mating with, if not love, at least respect and willingness. You robbed us all of that with your secret.”
Destin closed his eyes and his breath visibly hitched. “I’m sorry.” He opened them again and stared at Loki. “I did what I thought was best. I wanted so much to protect you and have always felt guilty that I wasn’t the alpha our sire needed.”
“You had no control over that. I would never have blamed you for what he intended or the decision you made. It’s simply that I deserved to know the truth and your keeping it from me has hurt more than the two of us.”
Looking away, he added, “I accept your apology, but I’m not the only one you owe it to.” He crawled over to his pallet and lay down on his side. Exhaustion was overtaking him and he had his pup to think about. No matter the circumstances of its conception, Loki loved his pup already and desperately wanted to keep it.
“You are right, of course. I owe Bard an apology.” Destin sounded so defeated. “He has done more than anyone could have ever asked of a friend.”
“Yes, he has.” With the truth finally out, Loki was just beginning to understand how much the gamma had sacrificed.
“And, he loves you.”
Loki sighed and closed his eyes. “I know he does.”
“He wanted me to come clean with you, begged me to many times. Please don’t punish him for my mistakes.”
“I won’t.” Loki meant what he said, although he knew that he already had.
His guilt wasn’t full blown, however. Once they’d joined the Rogue Pack, Bard hadn’t been under Destin’s control anymore. The gamma could have asked Lorcan for permission to explain everything, or even done it on his own once he’d bred Loki. After all, he’d been given control over Loki, so Bard could have made the decision that Loki should be told. The man wasn’t completely blameless in the matter.
But Loki was too tired to work up any more anger or resentment. He needed to sleep and hoped his mind would be able to turn away from the awful truth that he’d wanted to know for so long and now hated having. Just for a few hours, he needed to shut the whole thing down. There would be time enough to come to grips with it and move on with his life.
“I’m tired, Destin. Please leave. I need to get some sleep.”
There was a pause. “Are you all right on your own?”
“I prefer it. I promise to follow Lorcan’s order and stay put. You don’t have to be my minder because I’m not your little brother anymore.”
Destin snorted, the sound so normal in the midst of so much angst. “You will always be so, no matter how many pups you have or how old you grow.”
That observation made Loki smile. He marveled that his face could move in that fashion given the turmoil within. “I suppose that is true.” Destin’s footsteps receding told Loki he was leaving as asked. “Thank you,” he called out suddenly before he could think better of it. “You saved my life.”
He meant what he said because he doubted he could have survived being mounted and bred by his sire. The agonizing betrayal would have been too much.
Destin stopped. His voice came from beyond the doorway. “There was no choice, Loki. Nothing has ever mattered so much to me as you.”
“I know.” He did, too. His brother had always been there for him. He’d protected him time and again from their sire’s pitiless rule. It was a position no beta should have been in and one that no longer was necessary.
“We need to move on,” he said. “The two of us. I am all grown up, and you deserve your own chance at happiness. Don’t waste any more time on me.”
“You have never been such, but your point is well taken, brother. I would wish you sweet dreams but I fear that isn’t possible.”
“Perhaps not now. Soon, though. I will be fine, Destin.”
With that assurance for them both, Loki settled down and willed himself to let go of the pain and anger and embrace sleep and his future.
Chapter Nine
“You did what?” Bard reared up from his pallet, his mind trying to wrap around Destin’s confession.
“Shh.” The admonishment came from the timid omega, Ryan, who sat nearby keeping watch over Griffin. The beta had woken once and had been able to shift to human form. Andrea’s potions had him sleeping, albeit fitfully.
Bard bowed his head in silent apology. He knew the boy had been tending to the beta since he’d been brought in from the woods. No one had asked him to do so, but no one
had the heart to stop him, either.
Ignoring his own lingering hurts, Bard got to his feet and urged Destin with a jerk of his head to follow him out into the hall. “Why now, Destin? After demanding secrecy for so long, why would you tell Loki the truth at a time when he was already agitated?”
Destin held out his hand. “Be at peace, brother. Andrea has already visited with Loki this morning and declared that he suffers no ill effects from the night’s events. And, Joey made sure he ate breakfast, as well. He rests still inside his hut at Lorcan’s command.”
That news placated him somewhat. His first thoughts upon awakening had been of the omega and the pup. He hadn’t had a chance to ask anyone other than Ryan, who seemed dismissive of Loki and his condition even as he told Bard that as far as he knew, the other omega was fine.
Folding his arms, he frowned at his friend. “The place isn’t finished. He can’t be too comfortable being confined there.”
“He has his pallet and water. I assure you that he is fine. It’s you I am concerned about at the moment.”
Bard dismissed that worry with a grunt. “I’ve shifted twice since last night. My lacerations are all but healed. They don’t trouble me, not as much as my worry for Loki’s peace of mind does, anyway.”
“I’m afraid I can’t reassure you about that,” Destin confessed. “He pushed me on the issue of our leaving as he’s done many times before. Last night, though, given how he’d risked his life, yours and Griffin’s, I cracked. He needed to know so that he would never try to run away again.”
Bard narrowed his gaze. “Really? You finally came to that realization at a time when I couldn’t help see Loki through the trauma of the truth?”
Destin’s shoulders sagged. His fatigue was so obvious, it made Bard wonder if the guy had slept at all. “I have handled this badly, I agree. I owe you an apology, as well. By forcing you to keep the secret, I also forced you to mount Loki against his will. That was unpardonable of me. I’m sorry, my friend. It was a rotten way to treat you given all that you have sacrificed for me.”
Omega Lost (The Rogue Pack Book 7) Page 15
