Dr. Stewart tapped his chin. “Mmm. I think you might be right. Would you like to talk about it?” He glanced at the clock. “I’ve got a few minutes.”
Ben ran his hand through his hair. How could he summarise what had happened and how he was feeling in a couple of minutes? He let out a heavy sigh. “There’s really not much to say. Jayden, my son, has chosen to live with his mother in America, and I’m feeling like I failed him. I haven’t been eating or sleeping, and my wife’s concerned about me, and I’m just feeling down all the time.” He shrugged. “I guess that’s it in a nutshell.”
Dr. Stewart’s eyes softened. “I’m so sorry to hear that, Ben. It must be a difficult time for both you and your wife, so I can certainly understand why your depression’s returned. Let me write you a script, and I think you should get some more counselling.” He lifted his face. “How did you find that counsellor I referred you to last time?”
Ben let out a small chuckle. “How long have you got?”
Dr. Stewart cocked his head, drawing his brows together as he wrote out the script. “A few seconds, why?”
“Let’s just say it was an interesting experience.” Ben’s expression grew serious. “She had an accident recently, and seems she might be paralysed for life.”
Dr. Stewart looked up from his writing. “That’s not good to hear. Poor girl.”
“Yes, it turned out she’s my wife’s best friend, so no, it’s not good.”
“You’ve got a lot going on. Here, take this, and come back in two weeks. In the meantime, here’s a referral to a different counsellor who’s a specialist with mental health issues. He’ll be able to help you.” Dr. Stewart stood and held out his hand. “Good luck, Ben. I’ll look forward to seeing you again soon.”
After leaving the doctor’s office, Ben sat in his car in the parking lot for a few minutes before heading back to work. He was tired of forcing a smile on his face and pretending everything was fine. The medication would help, but he needed to speak with Jayden, find out if he was truly happier with Kathryn than with him and Tess. Having no contact at all was killing him. Am I that bad a father? Ben placed his arms on the steering wheel and rested his head on them. He was tired of being tired. God, please help me. And please be with Jayden. Keep him safe, and please bring him home.
Chapter 7
The week passed slowly, and by the time Friday came, Tessa was looking forward to the weekend. But first she and Ben had a meeting with Preston Iken. He had news. As she waited for a bus to take her to Preston’s city office for the eleven a.m. meeting, she prayed the news would be positive, but had a sinking feeling it wasn’t.
Ben stood outside on the busy pavement when she alighted ten minutes later. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, and she took his hand and squeezed it. They took the lift to the fifth floor in silence.
The receptionist offered coffee. They thanked her politely. The eleven o’clock news beeps sounded from the radio on her desk. Ben crossed his legs at the ankle and then changed them back. He shifted in his seat. Tessa squeezed his hand again. Her own heart was beating faster than normal. If only Preston would hurry up. Soon they’d know one way or the other—had their application been accepted or not?
The receptionist delivered their coffee and directed them into a meeting room. She placed their coffees on the table. “Mr. Iken will be with you shortly.” She left. The clock on the wall ticked loudly. After what seemed minutes, but was actually no longer than thirty seconds, Preston bustled into the room, a manila folder tucked under his arm.
“Good morning, Ben, Tessa. Sorry to keep you waiting.”
Ben rose and shook Preston’s hand.
Preston settled himself in the large leather armchair, placed the folder on the desk, and adjusted his glasses. Leaning forward, he met Ben’s gaze over the top of his bi-focals and paused.
“I’m afraid I don’t have wonderful news.”
Tessa reached out for Ben’s hand. It was cold and clammy when she squeezed it.
“The application was rejected because you don’t have custody, Ben.”
Tessa’s shoulders slumped. Exactly what she’d been dreading.
Beside her, Ben remained rigid, as if he were having trouble processing Preston’s words. She closed her eyes and swallowed. The small progress Ben had made this week would now be under threat. How would he handle this devastating news? Her heart cried for him. She exhaled slowly and leaned closer to him.
Preston continued. “I know this is disappointing, but we tried our best. The only avenue now is to seek custody, but as Jayden’s fifteen, the court will take into consideration his preference.” Preston paused. There was no need to state the obvious. Jayden had chosen to live with his mum. Preston cleared his throat. “Go home and think about it, and let me know if you’d like to pursue that option.” He removed his glasses and shifted in his seat, his voice softening. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I’d hoped it might have snuck through, but given Jayden’s age and the lack of a court order, it didn’t stand much chance.”
Ben drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Thank you for trying.” His voice was brittle. Subdued.
“My pleasure. I just wish I had better news.” Preston picked up the folder and pushed his chair back. He paused and looked at Ben and then at Tessa. “I meant to ask if you had any questions.”
They both shook their heads.
“Well then, just let me know about the custody issue once you’ve had a think.”
“We will. Thank you, Preston.” Tessa stood and shook his hand. Ben followed suit.
Once in the lift, Tessa slipped her arms around Ben’s waist and drew him close, resting her head on his chest.
Tears stung her eyes when Ben placed his arms around her shoulders and hugged her. It was going to be a long road, but at least they had each other.
Later that evening, Tessa knocked softly on Ben's office door and poked her head in. Ben sat in front of his computer, but didn't seem to be working on anything in particular. The glow from the screen was the only light in the semidarkness of the room. She walked up behind him and placed her hand lightly on his shoulder. "Come for a walk?"
He twisted around and leaned back in his chair. The dark circles had returned, and his face looked pale and drawn. "Sorry, Tess, I really don’t feel like it. You go.”
She sighed. "Come on, Ben, it’ll do you good.” She tried to remain patient and calm. He’d hardly said a word after the morning’s meeting with Preston.
He held out his hand. “Maybe tomorrow. Okay?”
Tessa sighed. “Suit yourself.” She unwound the dogs' leashes from around her hand and stepped back into the yard. She felt like slamming the door, but refrained and closed it quietly behind her. Bindy and Sparky jumped up from the grass. They could barely hold still while she fastened the leashes onto their green and yellow collars. Despite their eagerness and enthusiasm, she couldn't share in it.
As she left the house and started down the tree-lined path to the dog park, tears she’d been holding back broke free and poured down her face. The ebbing warmth of the evening air had no bearing on her, and even though Bindy and Sparky accompanied her, she felt alone. She gulped as she wiped her tears away. Will we ever be happy again, God? She’d been trying to keep positive for Ben’s sake, but it was wearing her down. All the hopes and dreams she and Ben had of surrounding themselves with laughing, happy children were now dashed. First the miscarriage, and now Jadyen. Tessa sighed heavily. She’d even started to wonder if God was listening to her prayers. Especially after this morning.
When she reached the park, she unleashed Bindy and Sparky and let them run free. She remained close by them, tossing their balls every now and then, but didn't find their antics as amusing as she normally did. Maybe she needed to talk with someone herself. But who?
Stephanie.
She brightened immediately. Caught up in her own troubles, it had been a number of weeks since she’d talked with Stephanie or her mother, but now that Steph wa
s back home on her mother’s hobby farm, maybe a visit would be just the thing. She could go first thing in the morning. Ben wouldn’t mind.
Ben was still sleeping when Tessa woke the following morning. She’d mentioned her plans to him the night before, and as expected, he encouraged her to go. She dressed quickly and placed a kiss on the top of his head before tiptoeing down the stairs and into her car.
It was a lovely spring morning, the type that made one feel happy to be alive, and beating the heavy traffic that would no doubt clog the highway heading north before too long made it even better. With the city behind her, Tessa began to relax, and by the time she’d reached the lush green Mary Valley a couple of hours later, having spent the time singing along with her favourite CD’s, her spirits had lifted and her outlook was more positive.
Pulling into the driveway of ‘Misty Morn’, Vanessa Trejo’s hobby farm, it seemed just yesterday she’d been here to visit Stephanie shortly after the accident. A wide spreading Poinciana tree in full bloom hung over the garden that on Tessa’s last visit had been awash with colour. Now, the flowers that had filled the verandah and gardens had been neglected, and instead of brightly coloured petunias, geraniums and daisies, the plants were long and straggly and weighed down by dead heads. Weeds threatened to choke whatever remained of the once beautiful plants. The thought suddenly hit her. That’s what was happening with her and Ben. The very life was being choked out of their marriage. Their marriage, which had been so beautiful and wonderful not long ago, was slowly being choked to death by their troubles. The thought made her feel ill in the pit of her stomach. They had to survive this. There was no option—the weeds had to go.
Pausing at the foot of the steps, Tessa steadied herself, inhaling the crisp country air and taking in the beauty of the surroundings. Lord, please breathe new life into our marriage. And please be with Ben while I’m away.
She turned, hurried up the steps and knocked on the door.
Mrs. Trejo’s eyes lit up when she opened the front door. "What a surprise! It’s wonderful to see you, Tessa.” She held out her arms and pulled Tessa into an embrace.
Tessa smiled broadly and returned Vanessa’s hug. “I hope you don’t mind. I probably should have called.”
“Don’t be silly. Stephanie will be excited to see you. Come in and I’ll go wake her.”
“Oh, don’t do that. I can wait.”
“Nonsense. She’ll want to see you. Come in and make yourself at home.” Mrs. Trejo’s voice trailed off as she hurried down the hallway.
Tessa placed her purse on the kitchen table and poured herself a glass of water, gazing out the window at the mountains in the distance. Last time she’d been here, she’d daydreamed about moving to the country, to a place like this. Maybe a change would do her and Ben good, especially if Jayden wasn’t coming back.
"Steph will be out in just a bit," Mrs. Trejo said upon returning to the kitchen a few minutes later. Besides a few wrinkles and age spots here and there, she looked the spitting image of her daughter.
"How is she?" Tessa glanced at the doorway, expecting Stephanie to come in at any second.
Mrs. Trejo’s expression changed and her eyes misted over. "She can’t move her legs at all, and the doctors don't think she’ll ever walk again.” She lifted her chin. “But apart from that, she’s doing well.”
Tessa reached out her hand. “Stephanie’s a strong girl. She’ll come through this.”
Mrs. Trejo nodded, dabbing at her nose with a balled up handkerchief she pulled from her apron pocket. “I’m sorry, I still get very emotional when I think about her never being able to lead a normal life again. You know, going out on dates, getting married, having babies.” She sniffed. “Walking."
Tessa blinked back tears of her own. "Stephanie’s a beautiful person, and even if she never walks again, I'm sure she'll still live a fulfilling life. And you never know who she might meet. I’m sure there’s a special person out there who’ll love her just the way she is."
Mrs. Trejo responded with a half-smile. Tessa didn’t blame her. The likelihood of Stephanie marrying and giving her grandchildren was slim, but it was still early days. And nothing was impossible. Nothing. She herself needed to be reminded of that.
"How’s she getting around?" Tessa asked.
As if to answer, Stephanie wheeled herself into the sunroom. Seated in a motorised wheelchair with a brace around one of her legs, Stephanie flashed her old smile. "Hey, Tess."
Tessa's heart leaped. She jumped up and embraced Steph as best she could. "Oh, Steph, it’s so good to see you. I should have come earlier."
Stephanie wrinkled her nose as she took a glass of lemonade from her mother. "It’s fine, you’ve been busy." She laughed and caught Tessa's eye before turning away. "It's okay to stare. You're not used to seeing me this way, but I'm okay with it. I haven't let the accident change me, and I'm determined to stay strong even if I never walk again. It could have been a lot worse, you know. I could have died that night, but here I am and here you are. I've never been happier to be alive and I've never appreciated life more."
"You're so brave," Tessa said as she took a seat and squeezed Stephanie’s hand. "I'm very proud of you." But was she just putting on a brave face? How could she be so positive and upbeat after what had happened?
"So am I," Mrs. Trejo said. "The doctors may say you’ll never walk again, but I have hope that one day you will."
Stephanie shook her head and wagged a finger at her mother. "You and your hoping." She turned to Tessa. "Can you believe it? Mum's done nothing but look up all sorts of treatment options for me since I've been out of the hospital. If I do walk again, I'll have no-one to thank but her."
Tessa looked from the smiling face of Stephanie to her mother’s hopeful one. She’d been with them for less than an hour, but the visit was already doing her soul good.
“Come on. Wheel me outside and let’s catch up.”
Tessa wheeled Stephanie down the ramp, a recent addition, Steph told her, to a flat grassy area where the views over the valleys to the rolling mountains in the distance took her breath away. She settled Stephanie before she sat on a wooden bench alongside her. As she crossed her legs, she turned to look at her friend.
“So, is it all an act?”
Stephanie burst out in laughter. “You know me so well! But no, it’s not an act.”
“How are you doing it then? It must be horrible for you.”
Stephanie’s expression changed. “Yes, it is horrible. But you know what? I sincerely meant what I said. It could have been a whole lot worse, but it’s given me a deeper appreciation of life, and even when the pain gets really bad, I cope with it. I already feel I’m a stronger person.” She shook her head and sighed. “I still can’t believe how I acted when I lost my job. I was so immature, and I let it get me down way too much.”
Tessa tilted her head. Should she ask? No, it was none of her business. The accident had been assessed as just that. An accident. If Stephanie had really intended to take her life, she’d tell her if she wanted to.
“I’m so impressed with how you’re handling it. Better than Ben and I are handling the situation with Jayden.” Her voice caught in her throat. She swallowed. How bad would it be to break down in front of Stephanie when it was Stephanie confined to a wheelchair and not her? Pull yourself together, Tess.
“Oh Tess. He’ll come back, I’m sure of it.” Stephanie held her hand out. “Has Ben got his depression back?”
Tessa held a tissue to her eye and nodded.
“Don’t you worry. He’ll be okay. He’s a deep-thinking man, and it just takes time for him to work through things. Is he seeing another counsellor?”
Tessa nodded again. “Yes, a male this time. Seems okay. But nowhere as good as you.” She forced herself to laugh.
“Yeah, right.” Stephanie chuckled. “I couldn’t even take my own counsel.”
“But look at you now. God’s going to use you, I’m sure of it.”
Stephanie’s smile broadened. “Thank you.” She paused, and held Tessa’s gaze. “Can I share something with you?”
Tessa’s heart began to pound. Surely not…
Stephanie must have seen the look of alarm on Tessa’s face. “No, it’s nothing bad. It’s good. Pastor Stanek came to visit me in hospital.”
Tessa relaxed as visions of the kindly old pastor came to mind.
“He challenged me. He asked if my anchor would hold in the storms of life. He knew it was one of my favourite hymns, and he quoted it back at me. It made me really think about whether my faith was just a fair weather faith, or whether it really would stand up now I was facing a storm. A hurricane, really.” Steph let out a small chuckle. “I have to admit it threw me at first, but then I decided. Yes, my anchor would hold. I know it’s not going to be easy, but whose life is? We all have our own journeys, some might be a little easier than others, but no-one gets through life on this side of heaven unscathed. So I just recommitted my life to God, and I know he’ll give me the strength to live each day, and to be thankful for everything I have.” Stephanie drew a slow breath. “Maybe that will help you too.”
Tessa couldn’t help herself. She burst into tears as memories of Stephanie sitting at the piano at her old church flashed through her mind. She could even remember Stephanie playing that very hymn. How easy it was to sing songs and hymns when everything was fine with your life. But how much more meaningful when things weren’t. She blew her nose and turned her gaze to the mountains. How her life had changed since the break-up with Michael. Before then, her biggest challenge had been deciding what career to follow, and in the end, that had been an easy choice. When she’d accepted Ben’s proposal, she knew they’d face challenges, but she’d never expected Jayden to disappear with his mum and for their marriage to be under so much pressure so early on. And her miscarriage…
Her heart grew heavy. But Steph was right—what good was a fair-weather faith? God had never promised an easy life. In fact, Jesus himself had said that in this world there would be trouble, but to take heart, because He had overcome the world, and that in Him, peace could be found. Tears pricked her eyes. Would her anchor hold, or would she and Ben be swept away in the storm they were facing? She swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes as Stephanie took her hand.
THE TRUE LOVE SERIES BOX SET: A Christian Romance Page 31
