Those Who Wait

by Haley Cass

  “I’m terrified,” she confessed, looking more vulnerable than Sutton had ever seen her.

  Regardless of the last month, despite the pain – despite everything – she wanted so badly to reach out to her. This lack of any mask made her itch to want to be there for her.

  Before she could decide if she should take a step forward, Charlotte made her freeze. “Besides, they’ll all know tomorrow, anyway.”

  “What?”

  “I . . .” She trailed off, her jaw working against itself.

  Charlotte broke their eye contact and looked down. She pulled her phone from her clutch and unlocked it, handing it to Sutton. Their fingertips brushed as she took it and for a moment her whole world lurched.

  Then Charlotte’s hand fell away from hers. Looking both defiant and scared, she gestured for Sutton to look at her phone.

  From: M.Diop@nytimes.com

  To: Charlotte_thompson@gmail.com

  Subject: Interview – Advanced Copy

  Date: March 26, 7:02AM

  Charlotte – I figured you’d want to see this before it hits the literal and digital shelves tomorrow. Thank you for trusting me with this; I did my best to frame your courage and honesty in the admirable light you deserve for this step.

  We both know something like this could kill your career. For what it’s worth, I very much hope it doesn’t.

  She peered back up at Charlotte, stomach knotting in anticipation.

  Because this seemed like . . . but there was no way. . .

  Charlotte rocked back on her heels. “I’ve spent my entire adolescent and adult life with these goals and plans. And I want them, I do. I want to climb the ladder,” there was a fire in her voice. “But I think I spent so much time focusing on what my grandmother did, paving the way for women as a whole, that I didn’t ever think about what I should be doing. For people like me and you.”

  Charlotte Thompson, leading candidate in the House of Representatives election, gets candid in this personal and bold interview with Imani Diop.

  “No,” Sutton heard herself whisper as her stomach dipped.

  She quickly scrolled down, until she landed on the text near the end – highlighted, bolded, enlarged to stand out in the article:

  I'm a lesbian.

  This was more shocking than anything else. More shocking than Charlotte being here, more than . . . god, Sutton felt like her breath was knocked out of her. “Charlotte.”

  “I want my career,” Charlotte repeated, her voice firm but edging into a peculiar tone. The one that someone else wouldn’t recognize, but Sutton knew that it only sounded so firm because Charlotte didn’t want it to tremble. “But I don’t want to lose who I am doing it. And it took losing you for me to see that.”

  Despite the month of pain between them, despite the fact that she’d spent that time thinking she’d been so wrong in her assertions about knowing the way Charlotte felt – she knew her.

  And if she was feeling like the entire world was flipping on its axis, if her stomach was clenched so tightly that she could barely breathe, she couldn’t even imagine what Charlotte was feeling.

  Her watery eyes searched Charlotte’s face. Her stunning face that was so open and nervous, as she watched Sutton.

  There was no more voice in the back of her mind reminding her of what she’d been feeling and dealing with for the last month. She couldn’t hear it, not when everything else seemed to slide into place, and more than anything else she needed . . .

  She took the final two steps that she’d been edging on taking, both unable and unwilling to not bridge the gap between them. They’d had enough distance.

  Her arms wrapped tightly, securely, around Charlotte.

  Who was already stepping into her embrace as Sutton’s arms wrapped around her waist. She felt her warmth and the softness of her cheek rubbing against her own as Charlotte’s arms wrapped around her and held.

  She knew she was right to do it, not just because she needed it. But because Charlotte melted into her.

  She could feel it in an instant, the way Charlotte took in a deep breath against her and the tension that was so tightly coiled in her leaked away. The tears she’d blinked back so many times returned and she couldn’t stop them now from falling.

  It was so much. It was all so much with Charlotte in her arms solid and warm, pressing so close as if she couldn’t be close enough.

  Sutton held tighter when she realized that the rough breathing coming from Charlotte was crying, as she felt hot tears land on her collarbone.

  “I can’t believe you did that,” she murmured, rubbing her hands up and down Charlotte’s back. “You are so brave.”

  So maybe she could believe it. Because Charlotte was extraordinary and she’d always known it. But somehow, someway, she managed to surprise her.

  A laugh puffed against her throat before Charlotte took a shuddering breath. “I can’t believe I did it, either.” Her breath caught as she pulled back, her hands landing on Sutton’s waist in a tentative hold. As if she was expecting Sutton to want to pull away. “I’m sorry, Sutton. For everything.”

  Sutton shook her head but Charlotte continued anyway.

  “Please believe that I didn’t mean to out you in the article. I wasn’t thinking, for once in my life, and I would take that part back if I could.” Sincerity was etched into her features, as those doe eyes stared into her own. “I came here to tell you one very particular thing, but even if you don’t want to hear that,” she hesitated, and Sutton felt her fingers toy with the fabric of her dress before she caught herself. “I had to tell you in person about the article. About my talking about you in it.”

  Sutton had completely overlooked that aspect and it took her one jarring moment to realize that when the article hit tomorrow not only would Charlotte be outing herself, but that Sutton was mentioned as more than a friend.

  “I don’t care.”

  The words left her before she could deliberate over them but as soon as it happened, she realized it was true.

  Charlotte quirked an eyebrow in a disbelieving look. “Sutton, please. We’ve spent much of . . . this not talking in whole truths about our feelings. If you’re upset I need you to tell me.”

  “I don’t care,” she repeated, firmly. “My family, they all know. And so do my friends. Everyone who matters to me knows. And nothing matters more than this.”

  The hands on her waist flexed before Charlotte lifted one to her jaw. She couldn’t help but close her eyes at the touch, living for the way Charlotte’s hands felt on her skin. At the familiar way she cupped Sutton’s jaw, like there had been no time since she’d done it at all.

  The anticipation inside of her made time feel slower, her heart starting to pound again, as Charlotte leaned in closer.

  Her breath washed over Sutton’s jaw and her lips tingled as her eyes slid shut. Her hands that had both come to rest over Charlotte’s shoulders slid into her hair, tangling into the soft strands as everything inside of her was pushed to the precipice.

  Charlotte turned Sutton’s head slightly and she brushed her lips against her cheek. Just the slightest contact, soft and warm, pressing in the gentlest kiss.

  “What –” her voice broke as her stomach free-fell. “What is the one thing in particular you came here to tell me?”

  She needed to hear it. She needed so much to hear exactly how Charlotte felt about her.

  “You were right,” Charlotte repeated, her voice falling into a whisper. She stayed exactly where she was, with her lips brushing Sutton’s cheek. For a dizzying moment, she was thrown back to months ago, when she’d first realized that she’d had a crush on Charlotte. The first time she’d kissed her cheek as if it was the smoothest thing to do.

  This moment felt like that, only a thousand times more nerve-wracking. Like she had everything on the line.

  Charlotte pressed her forehead against Sutton’s temple. “A month ago, you said that I was just too scared. And you were right. I’m so many things, Sut
ton. And many of them are not quite so simple to love, I imagine. But you are.”

  Sutton felt like her heart was going to give out with how heart it was beating. She let out a shuddering breath, waiting to hear the words.

  “But I’m here because I would rather be terrified and openly myself and,” she drew in a sharp breath, giving Sutton goosebumps. “And with you, than closeted and feeling like I’m hiding myself away.”

  She pulled back a bit, using the hand still holding Sutton’s jaw to gently turn her face, and her eyes fluttered open. Her eyelids felt heavy, almost intoxicated, but she needed to look at Charlotte.

  Who looked miraculously not afraid, as she stroked her thumb along Sutton’s jaw. “I’m in love with you, Sutton. Terrifyingly, irreversibly, life-alteringly in love with you.”

  She hadn’t been delusional. She hadn’t imagined all of the times Charlotte touched her and held her like she was precious.

  “I very much hope I’m not too late.” Uncertainty clipped into her tone. “Because I know how much I hurt you and a month went by that must have been agonizing. And you deserve everything you want, Sutton. More than anyone else I’ve ever met, you deserve all of the goodness in the world.” Sutton could feel the slightest way the hands shook. “I don’t want to miss my opportunity to be with you.”

  It was almost laughable, really.

  The idea that Sutton was over her. That this – all of this – wasn’t out of her wildest, most unbelievable dreams.

  She couldn’t help but laugh with the thought as she shook her head. “How – how could I be over you?”

  Brilliant and ambitious and caring and strong and soft Charlotte Thompson who was going to rule the world, was in love with her.

  “You aren’t the easiest person to get over,” she confessed as if it were a secret.

  Charlotte’s smile was devastating. That beautiful, enthralling energy in her charmingly lopsided smile. God, Sutton had missed that more than she’d realized and seeing it aimed at her felt like she was staring at the sun.

  “I was hoping you’d feel that way.” Charlotte’s eyes fell to Sutton’s mouth and she didn’t know who moved first.

  She only knew that Charlotte’s mouth was finally on hers after missing it for so long and it felt like salvation. The hands she had in Charlotte’s hair tightened and Charlotte released a sharp breath against her lips that had her stomach dipping.

  In her late night fantasies about this, there had been so many kisses that they would share in this moment.

  But nothing she’d thought about could even feel nearly as good as it felt in reality.

  There was no soft build up to the kiss. Just hunger and want and need. She slid one of her hands down to Charlotte’s collarbone, stroking her soft skin, just wanting to feel more of her.

  Charlotte scratched her hand down her neck and she shivered. Then whimpered as Charlotte nipped lightly at her tongue and chased it with her own. Her other hand slid down Sutton’s back, her movements slow and making this hunger inside of Sutton grow the farther down she went.

  Sutton gripped at Charlotte’s waist, walking until Charlotte’s back hit the wall. She exhaled on a groan into Sutton’s mouth, her nails digging into the back of Sutton’s neck as she pulled her even closer.

  Everything she’d wanted for weeks poured into the kiss. A desperate, low moan came from the back of her throat as Charlotte stroked her tongue up the roof of her mouth, before tugging her top lip between her own.

  Sutton didn’t know if she’d ever been weaker in the knees as their kiss gentled. Like they were both finally on the same page and something shifted.

  Charlotte’s hands cupped her jaw, both of her thumbs stroking softly. As if savoring the feeling of her.

  Charlotte ducked to press kiss swollen lips to both corners of Sutton’s mouth. Then right at the seam of her bottom lip before the softest series of kisses to Sutton’s mouth, ever so slowly lingering.

  She shuddered at the touch, her voice just barely audible above their breathing, “How? How is this happening?”

  Charlotte tilted her head back against the wall, her breathing just as ragged as Sutton’s. Her pupils were blown and she was absolutely stunning. “It’s been quite the past few days.” She gently brushed Sutton’s hair back over her shoulders. “After my interview on Thursday, I went to find you. To tell you – all of this. It turned out, clearly, that you weren’t there.”

  “And Regan was.” Jesus.

  Charlotte gave her a wry smile. “Yes. It was . . . an interesting conversation. Regan isn’t exactly my biggest fan, of course, and I know there is still a bit of understanding we have to reach between us, but – after I told her everything, she told me where you were. And as long as I promised I wouldn’t hurt you, she agreed to help me with –” she gestured around them. “All of this.”

  “She really is the best friend I could have.” Sutton was unable to stop grinning.

  Charlotte’s just looked at her for a long moment, eyes soft, before she quirked her eyebrow. “I knew I needed to see you before tomorrow, and I –” She rolled her eyes at herself. “I didn’t want you lonely at your brother’s wedding; I wanted you to have something special.”

  She couldn’t resist leaning back in to press a kiss to Charlotte’s lips. The slightest pressure, and only lingering for a few moments, before pulling back. But she could do that now. There were no rules.

  Charlotte smiled slowly up at her. “And then, in order to make it onto the guest list and past security, Regan put me in touch with your mother.”

  “What? My mom?”

  “Yes. I truly didn’t know if she was even going to let me in. I, well, I’d gotten into contact with her last night but she isn’t, apparently, as easily won over as Regan. So I . . .” she trailed off, rolling her eyes at herself. “I was standing outside, but she and Regan came to escort me in just in time to hear the majority of your speech.”

  She still couldn’t believe it, her eyes searching Charlotte’s. “I can’t believe you convinced both my mom and Regan to help you with your plan.”

  They were very possibly the two staunchest protectors she could imagine.

  That confident and proud smirk tugged at Charlotte’s mouth. “I’m very persuasive.”

  “I love you.”

  It was all she could say in response. Because she’d never in her wildest dreams imagined Charlotte – anyone, really, but Charlotte – would do all of this for her. She felt like she was in a dream, almost. Like that was the only way everything could fall into place so perfec–

  Her internship.

  The thought struck her so quickly and powerfully and she abruptly pulled back, staring at Charlotte, her stomach in knots.

  “I’m, um, I got in.” She ducked her head to look at the floor. “To my internship. In Rome. I got in.”

  Charlotte gave her a soft, accepting smile, instead of looking even remotely as stricken as Sutton felt. “I know. Both Regan and your mother told me.”

  Sutton shook her head. “No, but, I accepted. I’m – I’m supposed to be going to Rome in a month. Halfway around the world. For months.”

  Right when they’d just worked this out. Just as Charlotte had just come out and was in one of the hardest places she’d ever been in – Sutton should be there for that. She wanted to be there for that. For the beginning of this.

  Conflicted, she pressed her hand to her stomach. “It’s probably not too late to cancel it.”

  “No,” Charlotte pressed, reaching out to take Sutton’s hand and clasping it firmly with her own. “I’m proud of you. So proud.” She brought her other hand up to stroke Sutton’s hair behind her ear.

  “There are other internships.” It probably wasn’t too late to find one in Manhattan and she knew Dr. Martin would still support her.

  “Hey,” her voice was gentle but her eyes had that firm set to them. “Do you want this internship at the Archives?”

  “I . . . do,” she admitted, because it really h
ad been the one thing in the last month that had been truly good. Researching everything she could do and see while she was there, getting in touch with the internship coordinator and knowing that she’d been selected for a once in a lifetime opportunity; it had all been not only her biggest bright spot in the past weeks, but also genuinely thrilling. “But –”

  But she just got Charlotte and she didn’t want to give her up.

  Charlotte shook her head. “I want you to go.”

  It felt like a small rejection in and of itself. “You do?”

  “You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You deserve that internship and you want it. So you’ll go to Rome.”

  “But, you’re here.” And she knew that no matter what the outcome of the election was, it wasn’t as though Charlotte could just come to Rome with her. “And I don’t want to lose this. You.” Anxiety nagged at her. “You want me to go?”

  “I don’t want to not be with you,” Charlotte’s voice was tender but honest. “Having you here and with me would be everything.” She offered a self-deprecating smile. “And I can be selfish. But I’m not that selfish to want you to give this up.”

  Her fingers tightened around the ones they were tangled with. “What does that mean, for us?”

  Charlotte used that hold to tug her forward again. “It means that I’ll be here when you get back.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ll be here,” she promised with utter certainty. “I’ve only just gotten you, Sutton Spencer; I’m letting you go, but I’m not letting you go.”

  Charlotte was in love with her. Enough to put much of the beginning of their official relationship on hold while she went to Rome.

  “We’ll talk about it more,” Charlotte murmured, “We have a month to figure everything out. But I’m not going anywhere.”

  Now, she was the one to melt into Charlotte. She slid her arms around her once more, pulling her so close, and Charlotte easily moved with her.

  She was at Oliver’s wedding. Charlotte was in love with her and they could make it work. She was delirious with it as she slid her lips along Charlotte’s. They were still sensitive from before and her stomach dipped with the feeling.