Kill the Wild (The Heinous Crimes of Sara Slick Book 2)

by ST Branton

  “Stilts?”

  “I can see everything,” she informed me.

  “Yeah, but where the hell did you find them?”

  “He wasn’t using them.” She matter-of-factly pointed back at a young man wearing the stilt walkers’ costume, but far busier chatting up the girl at one of the booths.

  “Fair.” I broke into a run for the tent.

  When we arrived at the canvas flap, I saw shapes illuminated by light from within. They looked like the shapes I’d seen in the crowd. Tall, somewhat menacing, and vaguely effeminate.

  I turned to Ally, drew a deep breath, and pulled the switchblade from my back pocket. “Okay, we got ‘em. Follow my lead.”

  I flipped the canvas door open, fully expecting to hear a loud and dubiously funny quip from Ally, but none came. Instead, there was a hushed silence. Three tall, hooded figures stood in the center of the room like they’d been waiting for us. Wooden crates filled the tent, some with their tops open and cylindrical objects poking out of them.

  Before I could hazard a guess about what the hell was in the crates, the figures removed their hoods. Cheap plastic masks with elastic bands strapping them to their faces greeted us in the visage of a colorful mermaid. We had gone from unicorn explosion to plastic mermaids. Fantastic.

  Then it occurred to me. This was what Ally’s investigations and the millions of hours of conspiracy video on streaming sites had meant by flesh-eating merpeople? They looked between each other and reached under the masks, then pulled them up and off in unison. A deep gasp from behind me filled the silence as we came into eye contact with the revealed creatures.

  “Fae…” Ally whispered, transfixed.

  “Fae,” I confirmed, lead in my voice. But not the fun children’s book kind. They could be vicious, even if they weren’t technically evil. Chaotic neutral almost, with a dash of the old evil tossed in. “Wait. How did you know they were Fae?”

  “Briefly held theory about your disappearance,” Ally told me.

  “Silly Sara Slick got lost in a tent, and now she’s found some Fae,” the apparent leader of the group sang at me like a nursery rhyme. Her doe eyes and soft, child-like features hid that she was capable of mass destruction at the drop of a hat. Their wings fluttered behind them in excitement, and it enchanted Ally. They were her type, so it shouldn’t have surprised me. Tall, thin, and looking not unlike David Bowie with a long white wig, they were almost androgynous, and their movements were effeminate but sure, even in boredom. They exuded a sense of coolness that I was jealous of, even when they opened their mouths and spoke like a first-grader who was told they couldn’t hog all the crayons. “But who’s this beside her, is she a Nearsider? Either way, she’ll taste the same.”

  “I’ll take the spider and curds and whey, thanks,” I spat at her.

  All three of them suddenly bared their sharp, pointed teeth, then giggled and ran off. The teeth were enough to snap Ally out of the fairy tale wish-fulfillment dream she was having and cringe. Before I could haul off after them, a sound from behind us made us turn.

  “Sara Slick. By order of the Pax Philosophia, you are under arrest.”

  I knew that voice. Guild Agents.

  “Shit,” I exclaimed while turning and backing up to the boxes the Fae had been standing in front of. Ally nearly crawled up my arm, and I worried her poor heart couldn’t handle the disappointment of the Fae being less than a cartoon film with sleeping princesses and getting tossed in jail on the same day.

  “You need to come with us, Sara.” Bentham spoke in an even, almost measured tone as if she’d rehearsed it. If you listened closely, there was empathy there, hidden behind layers of procedures, duty, and hierarchy. Bentham was one of the Guild’s Agents who’d been chasing me for a while and seemed to at least be willing to give me the benefit of the doubt that I wasn’t guilty. Her partner Thrash, on the other hand, either didn’t have that room to believe or didn’t care to. He wanted blood—specifically, mine.

  Thrash had filed in behind her, and several other Philosophers had entered the tent, too. Heavies. Goombahs meant to take me in if I started fighting, which I would. So, got me there, I guess.

  “You guys know I’m innocent,” I pressed while trying to ignore Thrash’s scoff as he paced back and forth. “The real bad guy is Hobbes. I’m trying to help. Let me help.”

  “You stupid…” Thrash began, but Bentham interrupted him.

  “My job,” she cut in and glared at him. He backed off a little, but kept pacing, “is to bring you in, Sara Slick. My job isn’t to judge your actions, past or present. My job is to bring you in and let the Guild do that. Period.”

  Ally had taken another step backward. I thought she was trying to get behind me. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed what she was actually doing. The boxes were full of fireworks. And Ally still had the lighter.

  Think fast, Slick.

  “Okay. I didn’t want to resort to this. But you guys forced me.” I snapped the compass out of my pocket and pointed it at them like a weapon.

  “Get down,” Bentham shouted at the group, and they all hit the deck. She reached out, prepared to use a magic blast. I scanned the room with my stupid, temperamental compass.

  “This,” I bellowed, my voice full of action hero confidence, “is a sonic…uh, rune. It’s capable of taking out all of you in one blast. Latest in rune technology. Cutting edge. Super powerful. So, if everyone can chill the hell out for a second.”

  I didn’t know if they’d buy my lie, but they didn’t move. Looked like Archie’s reputation as a runemaker had increased.

  “You can’t take on all of us,” Thrash growled.

  “Try me,” I snapped back. “Ally?”

  “Yeah?”

  “When will…” I started.

  “Oh, now-ish,” she answered as she threw one of the fireworks at the Philosophers. It exploded in a shower of light, and we ran as fireworks exploded all around us, blowing up full boxes as we booked it for the other end of the tent and out into an increasingly confused parade, now suddenly featuring fireworks.

  Chapter Three

  We barreled through the parade, did our best not to knock over any more stilt walkers, temporarily joined a float of flamboyant line dancers to make it to the other side, then ducked down a side street and got the parking lot within our sights. I looked back to see if we were being tailed and didn’t see anyone, but I wasn’t about to take anything for granted. Instead of running through the open area to the parking lot, I grabbed Ally by the elbow and ducked behind a tent, then wove our way toward a parking deck.

  “We didn’t park in there,” Ally protested through labored breaths. I was running at nearly top speed, and despite being in good shape, Ally was struggling to keep up.

  “I know, but come on.”

  We ducked into the parking deck and ran to the back, which led out to the parking lot itself but had an unobstructed view through a tinted window of the festival’s exit. Ally crumpled against the wall, exhausted, while I scanned for any signs of the Philosophers. When none came after a few moments of silence, other than Ally’s breathing, I sighed in relief and leaned against the wall.

  “I think we lost them.”

  “Good, that’s great. Shouldn’t we go now?”

  Something in my pocket vibrated, and since I saw Splinter poking his head out of Ally’s jacket with tomato sauce on his lips, I knew it had to be the compass rune. I pulled it out to look at it. The finger was moving again, but was smooth and measured like it was tracking something. Despite the adrenaline and exhaustion, I couldn’t quit now. We’d been dry on leads for a long time, and although this turned out to be a trap, I was desperate to eke out a win. These Fae might still know something.

  “Not yet. We need some information, and I think I know how to get it.”

  “Don’t we have all the information you need? The Fae creatures are causing havoc, and they lured you into a trap set by Philosophers. That’s already a lot.”

  �
��More than that.” I opened a soda and reveled in the sound of the aluminum top cracking. I took a giant gulp and shuddered as the carbonation hit hard, and memories of much better days zoomed through my mind at light speed. “Plus, I don’t like being tricked.”

  I walked toward the end of the parking lot where the finger had pointed, and Ally groaned as she stood to follow. As we rounded a column, I heard voices in the distance and ducked, pulling Ally down behind a car with me when I saw the figure the voice belonged to. It was the leader of the Fae pack. She was speaking in giggling tones, delighted that her ruse had worked. The laughter in her voice made me angrier, and I touched my power-up rune, a locket around my neck. I did this fairly often, like a nervous tick. As long as I could touch it, I knew I had an ace in my pocket. It was still there. All I had to do was activate it.

  “Ally?”

  “Yes?”

  “Stay here.”

  “No problem,” she responded.

  I stood and activated the rune, opening the locket and letting the blue light pour out, then I snuck up on the Fae by ducking behind cars and rounding them to the side where none of them were actively looking. When I was close enough, I reached out and grabbed the leader, pulling her down and smacking her head into the concrete.

  I dove out toward the other two, and one took off running. The other tried to swing a fist, but I ducked it and threw a punch to its gut that doubled it over. Even bent at the waist, it was nearly as tall as I was. I quickly stood, raised my knee and smashed it in its pretty face, and sent it buckling to the ground. Before I could turn around, the Fae’s leader had kicked my back, and I sprawled forward before rolling to my feet and spinning to face her. The other Fae got to his feet and took off as well, leaving only the leader and me.

  “Naida, let’s go,” one of them shouted as they ran.

  Naida had no intention of leaving. She wanted the fight, and I was damn well going to give it to her. She rushed me with incredible speed, and I ducked out of the way barely in time. The Fae had long, powerful legs, which gave them one hell of a leap, and I narrowly escaped her fist before it crashed into me. Instead, it crashed through the side window of a car nearby, and I jumped to land a kick to her jaw. She staggered back, wrenching her arm from the window. Little rivulets of dark blood streamed from her lacerated flesh. I jumped at her again, but she caught me with her good arm in mid-air and slammed me down on the hood.

  I tried to gain my breath as she stepped away while holding her arm and wincing. It took a lot to hurt a Fae but letting them hurt themselves was often the best way of causing damage. Now I had a target if I could get myself up and at her again. I rolled off the hood and stood across from her. She took off back toward the party without warning, and I chased after her.

  “Come on,” I shouted to Ally as we passed her, and with a groan, she joined the chase.

  The Fae got as far as an empty dunking booth before I caught up with her, thanks to my rune and her energy waning due to blood loss. I tackled her and struggled with her until I had her bent over a giant bucket next to the booth, filled with water, apples, and the germs of a thousand drunken South Carolinians.

  “You’re going to talk to me,” I shouted before dunking Naida’s head into the water. When I pull her back up by the hair, she spat a stream of water into the air, then onto my face. I dunked her head again out of principle.

  “I’d rather die a thousand deaths,” she trilled when she came up. I dunked her again, this time forcing her to stay down a little longer. When I pulled her back up, she seemed less combative.

  “I mean, I can kill you a thousand times over, won’t bother me a bit. But I’d rather not spend my day doing this when I could eat funnel cake. How did the Philosophers find me, Naida? What do you know about Hobbes? The Harbingers?”

  “I don’t know any—” she began, and I dunked her head in again. When I felt like she might have gotten the point, I pulled her back up.

  “What was that?” I asked.

  “Fine! Fine,” she sputtered, “they made us do it.”

  “Who?” I demanded.

  “The Philosophers. They wanted to take you in, and they threatened us. Thrash, I think. He was going to arrest us for mixing with humans. We like humans. You’re so funny when you’re scared.”

  “What about the merpeople? Was that you?” I already knew the answer. Still, getting her talking might shake some information loose, if she had any to give.

  “That was all me. Humans love mermaids. And they’re always so horny. It’s so easy to trick them into coming with us.”

  “What do you know about Hobbes? Where is he? What about the manifesto?” I demanded while holding her face above the water.

  “I don’t know! I don’t care! It doesn’t concern us, and I hate the politics. I simply want to be left alone,” she screamed.

  “So you can trick humans and scare them to death?”

  “I was only having fun,” she whined.

  I sighed. I wouldn’t get anything else out of Naida, and I knew it. Any further torture was purely for revenge, and frankly, I was too hungry to think about all these apples going to waste. They could have been pie.

  “Fine, get out of here. Don’t come back.” I let the Fae up. As she stood, she looked around as if worried that a Philosopher was standing nearby and would punish her right then and there. When none came, she bared her teeth at me, hissed, and took off in the direction the other two had gone. I sat heavily on the dunking booth platform, and Ally walked up beside me.

  “Well, that was a big old waste of time.” She hopped up to sit beside me. Splinter shuffled out of her jacket, apparently full of whatever stolen items he had come across and hidden there, and crawled into my lap. I stroked his little head as I thought.

  “Well, it might not have been a total waste,” I finally responded.

  “How’s that?”

  “No merpeople. That means it’s taco time.”

  “Yeah, but we have Agents after us, don’t we?”

  “Yes, but after all these fake-mermaid people, I could really go for a fish taco.”

  “I’m not sure about the cause-and-effect relationship in your logic, but I’ll go with it.”

  Chapter Four

  After the incident at the festival, Ally and I decided it was time to regroup. We needed to head back to Archie’s house, still without a clear idea of what to do once we left Charleston. The lack of leads was infuriating and kept us tied to the last place we knew the Harbingers were operating.

  Plus, this was one of the few places where Archie had a local network of Runestuff dealers he could trust, making it our best place to hunker down for a while. Nevertheless, the ambush at the festival meant we were tempting fate the longer we stayed.

  We headed to Archie's house and walked straight inside. The cool air from the window unit AC hit me as soon as the door opened, and was a welcome respite from the late summer heat outside. I closed my eyes momentarily while I let it unstick my clothes from my wet skin.

  A string of profanity as creatively woven as it was nonsensical drifted up the steps toward us, and I opened my eyes. He sounded furious, and my stomach felt a little uneasy as I wondered if someone had found him. I rushed to the bottom of the steps and ran into the lab, and found him giving his lab table what-for.

  Archie stood at the edge of the table, spewing swears at it like it had called him fat and offended his mama. I watched him for a few seconds while waiting for him to notice that we stood there, but he kept right on sputtering. I took another step toward him and realized he was working on something. On my next step, there was a minor explosion and Archie stumbled back. The front of his shirt smoked slightly and the hair at the edges of his face had singed, but he didn't seem too badly damaged by the whole situation.

  "I don't want that rune." I crossed the room toward another table.

  Archie whipped around to face me. "Slick. Ally. When did you two get here?"

  "While you cursed that table up, down,
sideways, and diagonally," I told him. "Seems it got the last word, though."

  He threw a glance at the table and a small pile of still-sizzling debris sitting in the middle. "We'll see about that."

  I set the bags in my hands on the table and unloaded them. "Come on over here and eat, and we'll tell you about the festival."

  "Oooh, the festival. Sounds promising. What did you get to eat?"

  "Tacos."

  He dropped his head back and let out a groan. "Oh, for the love of…" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ally shoot him a threatening glare. His head popped up to give me a forced grin. "Delightful. Can't get enough of them."

  I was still on my quest to try every type of taco that existed within my general vicinity. Over the several weeks that had passed since the showdown with the Philosophers and the massive bag of ‘Celebration Taco Bell,’ I had sampled far more tacos than I ever knew people had created. But there were always so many more to try, then add to my ever-growing chart of comparisons. One of these days, I'd crunch all the data to declare taco supremacy. Until then, I'd eat my way through them and make up for the lost time in The Deep.

  "Great. Well, this one should be a special treat." I slid him a paper-wrapped taco.

  Archie opened it and brought the soft tortilla-wrapped meat to his lips. "What is it?"

  "Beef tongue with adobo sauce."

  He made a face at me, his lips and nose seeming to crawl backward like they were trying to avoid the food I’d described. Archie braced himself and took a bite, anyway. I followed suit and chomped into my taco. He survived the first bite and continued his way through it. Apparently, beef tongue wasn't as horrific as he expected. I thought it was delicious. Not that I had a ton of experience with tongue of any kind, but it was certainly among my favorites.

  "So, tell me about this festival," he said. "Did you get your hands on any of the merpeople?"

  I shook my head as I wiped my mouth. "No. We didn't run into any of them, but we had the unique opportunity to beat the snot out of some Fae."