Mail Order Lila

by Patricia Pacjac Carroll

  “Where can I find the widow?”

  “Earlene Jenkins is at the hotel. She couldn’t bear to go back to the cabin. She’s selling it all. Come to think of it, I think her land backs up to your property. You could talk to her and make her an offer.” Marge wiped off the nearest table. “Can I get you anything?”

  “No, I guess seeing Lila and hearing the way she talked, ruined my appetite. If you don’t mind watching the kids, I’ll go see about Mrs. Jenkins.”

  “Good idea, if I don’t say so myself.”

  Zandy kissed the children before he left and then walked to the hotel. The building wasn’t much, but it was all they had in Brazos City. He hoped the woman would help him. He couldn’t see any other way for things to work out.

  He entered the hotel and waved at Charlie. “I’m here to talk to Mrs. Jenkins.”

  The clerk nodded. “She’s in room four at the top of the stairs. You going to ask her to take care of the kids?”

  “You been to the café, Charlie?”

  “Yep.”

  “I guess Marge serves as a great newspaper. Yes, that is exactly what I’m going to ask her. Think she’ll say yes?”

  Charlie grinned. “She’s up there waiting for you.”

  That made things easier. At least, Zandy knew this part of his life was handled. Lila was another story. He walked up the stairs and was about to knock on room four when the door opened.

  The sweet older woman with white hair, glasses, and teary eyes welcomed him in. “I’ve been waiting for you. Zandy Smith, you’re an answer to prayer. I was in the café earlier.” She put a handkerchief to her mouth. “Did Lila leave the saloon?”

  Zandy shook his head and took Mrs. Jenkin’s hand. “Would you be willing to take care of the babies for me until I can get things straightened out?”

  A big smile brightened her face. “Yes. I’d be delighted. You have no idea how hard it is for an old woman with no one to want to go on living.”

  “Well, consider yourself part of the family. The children need someone to watch them. I’m sorry about your loss.”

  “It’s been half-a-year now. Pastor Coates came to my cabin and made me come to town with him. He saved my life. Now, your babies will give me a reason to go on living. Me and Herbert never had any, you know. It’s the one big regret of my life.”

  Zandy took the woman in his arms and gave her a big hug. “You know, my parents are long gone, so I’d be grateful if you’d be part of my family. From now on. Even if Lila comes back, I’ll build you your own room.”

  She sobbed in his arms. After several minutes, she stepped back and looked at him. “You’re an angel, Zandy Smith.”

  “Well, there are quite a few people who would argue with that, but I know how hard it is when you have no one to talk to.”

  “And hugs. It’s been over six months since I’ve felt human kindness in the flesh wrapped around my shoulders.” She cupped his cheek. “Thank you, son. That meant the world to me.”

  Zandy nodded. “Felt good for me too.” He looked and saw her bags were packed. “Shall we collect the children and head for home. Mom?”

  Smiling, Earlene Jenkins went out the door. “Let’s do. Oh, and by the way, I’m an excellent cook.”

  “What do you want me to call you? Earlene, Mrs. Jenkins?”

  At the bottom of the stairs, she turned to him. “Ma will do me fine, Granny, in front of the little ones.”

  “Lead on, Ma. I have a feeling my cabin is going to be full of life. By the way, I have a dog that sleeps in the house. I’d like to keep it that way. Her name is Flower.”

  “I love dogs. You’ll have to keep the animal clean though. Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” Earlene Jenkins walked with her head high and a smile on her face.

  Zandy figured he probably had a pretty happy look on his face too. That is until he looked at the saloon. What was he going to do about Lila?

  Chapter 9

  Lila stood beside Drake, and the longer she did, the more she disliked the man. So far, she’d seen cowboys lose their money to the cardsharp. She thought he cheated the first one, wasn’t sure about the second but caught him slip a card under the table on the third.

  Her life was repeating. How long would it be before she was thrown out of the saloon and the town? She hadn’t seen the sheriff and didn’t know if he was in with Drake. But if she caused trouble, she’d be the one tossed out.

  That’s how it worked. She’d tried to point out a crooked dealer before, and she’d been lucky to get out of that town alive.

  Bored with watching Drake shuffle and reshuffle the cards in a blatant attempt to impress her, she wandered away from him to the bar.

  “Where are you from, Dave?”

  The big man stared at her. “From the life of hard knocks. Like you, I’ve seen my share of towns.”

  “How do you know I’ve been to a lot of towns?” She didn’t like that he could read her like a book. Was she that obvious?

  While wiping down the bar, he studied her. “Why don’t you go and stay with Zandy? He’s a good man. This is no life. I know.”

  She tossed her head to show him she didn’t care what he thought. Yet, his words burned in her mind. Why didn’t she? He’d not thrown her out even after she told Zandy she was a saloon girl.

  Dave whispered to her. “Watch out for Drake. He’s a hard man. Dangerous. Don’t cross him. If you stay much longer, he won’t let you go.”

  “Lila! I told you to stay with me. While you’re there, bring me back a whiskey.” Drake’s words cut the air like a knife.

  Dave poured her a glass. “I’m telling you the truth. Get out of here while you can.” He turned away from her as if to keep Drake from seeing him talk to her.

  Lila walked back to the dealer. Drake was a handsome man. Ladies man if she had to guess. But Dave was right. Danger blanketed him. It was in his eyes and the harsh way he watched her. His voice was edged and sharp while his moves were precise and calculated.

  She handed him the glass and stood behind him just out of his reach.

  Drake reached for her. “Closer. I like to feel my good luck charm. That is what you are, Lila. Stand beside me, so I know you’re here.”

  Lila complied, but tonight, she’d leave the saloon. She wasn’t a fool, and she’d seen his kind before. Possessive, Drake would treat her like his property until he was finished with her. No, she wasn’t staying.

  Not that she was going back to Zandy. No, she wasn’t going to tear him and those children down. Surprisingly, she missed Griffin and Gracie. So cute, the way they snuggled against her and put their little arms around her neck. They had won over her heart.

  Then there was Zandy. If she had been another person, she’d have stayed with him. Even though he didn’t seem to be embarrassed by being married to her, there was no sense in ruining his life.

  She was soiled, a stain on all that was good. Why if she tried to enter a church, she was sure lightning would strike the steeple. It was fitting that she married Zandy in the café. It probably didn’t even count.

  Drake took her hand and squeezed it. That look in his eye told her she better leave before the night. Yeah, she was in trouble.

  ***

  Zandy helped Earlene into the wagon and then handed her the children. “You sure you don’t want to ride up here with me? The chairs keep the kids corralled.”

  “No, I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to sit with them and play with the little toddlers. It’s time I got involved with life.” She smiled and adjusted her bonnet to block more of the sun from her eyes.

  “All right. We’ll be home in a couple of hours. If you need to stop, let me know.”

  “Thank you, Zandy. You’ve made this old woman happy.”

  He faced the front and had to admit he felt a sight happier himself. The children took to her and were babbling and playing with the doll Marge had made them.

  Zandy couldn’t figure out anything he could have done to drive her away. It had
to be the old feelings of worthlessness. He knew all about those and had suffered from it for the last three years.

  It was only last Christmas that Zandy had broken out of the prison of his past. He’d put it aside and chosen to go on with his life. Just thinking of what he’d been sent chills down his back.

  So, he knew what Lila was feeling. Somehow, he’d have to show her that his love for her could overcome the worthlessness she felt. Then again, it had been the Lord showing him how much he mattered that had won Zandy’s heart back to life.

  As a gunfighter, he’d been more like the walking dead. Always waiting until someone would show up to challenge him to a fight. And when he won, well, there was no winning. Even when he was quicker on the draw and either made the challenger back down, wound him, or worse, kill him, Zandy felt no more alive than the loser.

  Pastor Coates had found him outside the saloon on Christmas Eve. Zandy had just faced off with a kid not much more than sixteen. Zandy’s bullet hit the kid in the arm. The boy would never pull a gun again, but at least he was alive.

  But Zandy felt dead inside. No joy. No hope. Nothing to look forward to. Only a past to run from.

  Zandy could see it so clearly in his mind. That night, he wanted to die. He stood in the cold chill of the frosty evening, hoping the cold would kill him. No jacket, and less hope, he stood in the freezing drizzle and contemplated the fact that no one would mourn his loss.

  Here he was the son of a missionary’s daughter. His parents led a small church in Pueblo, New Mexico. But Zandy had long since left them and the church they loved. He knew they prayed for him. He could feel it. Hard feelings of condemnation would wash over him as he regretted not being the son they had hoped for.

  Then Pastor Coates came by. It was if he could feel it happening even now. The pastor’s jacket going around his own frozen shoulders. The quiet voice that asked him to take a walk. Before he knew what was happening, Zandy was in the church with him.

  Pastor Coates led him to the front to stand before the wooden cross on the wall. It was old wood, beaten, and rough. Red stains covered the cross from top to bottom. It was ugly. Zandy could barely force himself to look at it.

  “On a cross, the Lord let the soldiers nail his bleeding body. That blood, precious blood, was shed for the sin of the world. That any, whosoever, believed in Him would not perish, but have eternal life.

  “You know those words. Heard them all your life. But tonight, Zandy Smith, this is your time to understand they were meant for you. Reach out with your heart and soul and believe. Your sin has been washed away by the shed blood of Jesus.”

  Pastor Coates walked away and left him standing there. Just Zandy and the cross, facing the abyss and eternal life.

  Indeed, Zandy stood there for what felt like an eternity, and gradually, warmth spread through him. Peace fell upon him as he chose life. That night, he put away the guns. He kept his shotgun and rifle, but the pistols, he left them at the foot of the cross.

  Not that his life changed immediately, but in his heart, he felt alive. Since that day, he never regretted his decision. There had been three times when someone came to face him in a gunfight. Each time, Zandy stood without a weapon. Confident that the Lord would either save him or take him home.

  And three times, the challenger had walked away, shaking his head. Then Zandy would hear the hoofbeats as the man rode away.

  The memories always gave him a feeling of peace and warmth. Maybe he could get away and talk to Lila. Tell her how the Lord forgave him and set him free. He’d have to tell her. Tomorrow, he’d go back to town and explain to her that he understood feeling worthless.

  Chapter 10

  Lila waited and watched. Finally, Drake took a break and went to his room on the second floor. She ran to her small room in the back and grabbed her things. She should change out of the dress, but she was fearful she didn’t have the time.

  She threw her things in her bag, stopping to hold the giraffe. Silly thing. She wasn’t a toddler like Gracie and Griffin. Yet, the carving fascinated her. How odd that such a creature existed. He was nothing like the animals she knew.

  That long neck and the knobs at the top of his head. Must be a giraffe’s excuse for horns. The long sleek neck perfect for taking leaves out of the trees. She stood there looking at the thing and felt a wondrous excitement and peace about her.

  If God had made such a creature and taken such time to put the detail in the giraffe, why not have a place for her? It was an odd question. One she’d never considered before. Yet, she recalled a pastor who had come into one of the saloons while she was working.

  He’d stood on a table and related stories from the Bible. But the one that she had taken to her heart was about the sparrow. They were plentiful and worthless, yet the preacher said that God knew when one of them would fall.

  Why would God who made such a magnificent creature as the giraffe even care if a sparrow fell from the sky?

  Lila heard a noise and stuffed the carving into her bag and ran out the back door. She counted the buildings until she thought she was at the café and entered.

  “Marge?”

  Big Sam, the cook, peeked out from the kitchen. “Marge is out shopping.”

  “Can I change my clothes in her room?”

  Big Sam nodded. “You running from Mr. Drake?”

  She nodded.

  He grinned. “We’ve helped other girls get away from him. Go on in. Marge doesn’t keep it locked.”

  Lila nodded and slipped inside the room. It was modestly decorated. There was a picture of Marge and a man in uniform. Lila wondered if she’d lost him to the war. There were so many widows because of it.

  Hurriedly, she slipped out of the skimpy dress and put on one of Mattie’s skirts and blouses. Lila felt the imposter in Mattie’s clothes. Yet when she had on the saloon outfit, she felt naked and dirty. She didn’t see any way that she would ever be comfortable in Mattie’s clothes. She wasn’t a decent woman. Never had been. She’d really never been given a chance to be.

  She stuffed the saloon outfit in with the trash and walked into the café and sat at a table. Not that she was hungry, but she didn’t know where else to go. She had enough money to spend the night at the hotel.

  But not enough for dinner. And if she spent the night in the hotel, she wouldn’t have enough for the stagecoach.

  She poured a glass of water and was startled when Big Sam brought her a plate of stew.

  “On the house, Miss. You looked hungry.”

  “Oh, I don’t have the money. Really.”

  He smiled. “Lady, I get a free meal each day. Look at me,” He pointed to his wide girth. “Do you think it will hurt me to miss a meal? So, please, eat up and enjoy.” He nodded at Marge as she walked in the door.

  Marge went over to her. “Lila, I’m glad to see you left the saloon, but I just saw Zandy leave on the way to his ranch. He had the widow Jenkins with him.” She wanted to ask questions but refrained.

  Lila nodded. “It wasn’t going to work out. Zandy and I are two different people. I couldn’t ruin his life, and certainly not the children’s.”

  “Oh, I see. Well,” Marge looked around. “Does Drake know you’re gone?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Then stay in my room. He’s a horribly mean man. I don’t want to see you hurt. I have an extra cot that you can sleep on.”

  Tears burned Lila’s eyes. “Thank you. I just need to get out of town.”

  Marge nodded. “What happened between you and Zandy? Did he treat you wrong?”

  “No, nothing like that. I just don’t want to hurt him or the children. You know what I am.”

  “What you were, but I see what you could be. You were a mother to those babies. You might have only had them a day, but I saw the look in their eyes, and more importantly, the look in your own eyes. Don’t run away, Lila.”

  “I have to. I thank you for your room tonight, but tomorrow I’m leaving town.” Lila didn’t wa
it for her to answer and went back to the room. With her heart beating wildly, Lila tried to make sense of her life and shut out Marge’s words.

  She sat down on the cot and leaned against the wall. Why did she have to meet Mattie and the babies? And why did Zandy marry her knowing that she was a worthless saloon girl?

  Before, she would just drift into a new town. She didn’t think. Wasn’t faced with decisions. Only picked up where her life left off in the last town. Nothing changed. No hope. Just existing.

  But that had all changed with Mattie. That woman had intruded on her life by making her responsible for the babies. And then Zandy, why did he marry her? She glanced at her hand and the ring Zandy had placed on it.

  His grandmother’s ring, he’d said. The missionary from Africa that sent him the giraffe carving. Why did they all intrude on her life and make her feel and think and … most of all, hope?

  ***

  Zandy helped Earlene from the wagon and then grabbed a baby under each arm. “I’ll come back out for your things. Right now, I’ll put you in the bedroom. Tomorrow, I’ll go back in for supplies to add two rooms onto the house.”

  “Call me Granny. Earlene is such a long old name. Herbert always called me Early because whenever we had something to do, I was always the first ready.” She smiled at him. “But Granny will suit me best because of the babies. You are sure that you want an old woman living in your house?”

  “Definitely. I couldn’t care for the babies without your help. And I’m with Lila, I can’t see them going to an orphanage. It’s about time I had some company in this cabin. Flower, my dog, is getting tired of me talking to her anyway.”

  Laughing, Granny walked up the steps. “You have a lovely cabin.”

  “I brought a catalog for Lila to look at and buy things to pretty it up. I guess you can do that now.”

  Granny faced him. “I want you to save that for Lila. And tomorrow, you go back to town and fight for that girl. Drag her back here if you have to.”