Half a World Away

by Cynthia Kadohata

  Anyway, since Jaden didn’t have any money, none of this really concerned him. Penni would buy him whatever he needed.

  When the waiter came with the food, Jaden watched with satisfaction. He took out his cell phone and snapped a picture of his plates, then put his phone away as everybody lifted their forks. He liked to take pictures of his life. Sometimes he didn’t take a picture for a week, and then he took twenty the next day. He hoarded the pictures as if they were food. Sometimes he sat at his computer and studied the pictures, trying to find clues that would make his life make sense.

  He ate as fast as he could. He noticed that Penni hardly ate anything, which meant more for him later. She knew how much he loved restaurant food. He felt a little blip of something, but he didn’t think it was love. It was more like maybe he felt a really, really small bit of guilt over how easy it was for him to get things from Penni. In fact, he wondered whether it would actually make it harder for him to get things from her if he actually loved her. It was certainly something to think about.

  After he’d eaten the entrées, Catherine wouldn’t let Jaden get dessert because he’d already eaten too much, not that it was any of her business. Nobody else wanted dessert, so dinner ended pretty quickly. “Let me get the tip,” Steve said. He put thirty dollars on the table.

  Before everybody got up, Penni said to Catherine, “So what was the surprise?”

  “I was saving the best for last—I’m pregnant!”

  “Oh, congratulations!” Penni said happily. She got up to give her sister a hug.

  “I hope you don’t mind . . . I mean, you have to adopt and all.”

  Jaden figured that statement would be too much even for someone as nice as Penni.

  “We want to adopt,” Penni said coolly. Jaden was glad she hadn’t let Catherine get away with a remark like that.

  Catherine and Marty glanced at each other. Then Catherine said, “I have to say, Pen, that we’re worried about your adoption agency. Have you considered that maybe you should start over with a different agency rather than paying more money on this adoption? You don’t want to pay all your money and do all your paperwork, then go literally halfway around the world, only to have something go wrong and you would end up not getting the baby—if the child is even still a baby. What if the child isn’t still a baby?”

  Jaden was getting sick and tired of Catherine. He decided to stick up for Penni. “Mom has spent a lot of time thinking about this, and she feels they’re doing the right thing. It’s a little late for you to butt in.”

  Penni and Steve didn’t say anything, but he could tell they were pleased he’d spoken up. Steve’s mouth twitched into an almost-smile.

  That shut Catherine up. They all pushed back their chairs. Jaden lingered until everyone’s back was turned, and then he pocketed the thirty-dollar tip.

  In the car all he could think about was Catherine’s question, “What if the child isn’t still a baby?” “Getting a baby” was an important issue. Nobody had said this, but Jaden knew that it was a lot easier to adopt a kid who wasn’t a baby. A lot of countries, including the United States, had way too many older kids to give away. At eight years old, he hadn’t been worth the spit on an envelope.

  Chapter Three

  Jaden liked to hoard food, which was another issue. A psychiatrist had told him he hoarded because he’d weighed only thirty-eight pounds when he was eight. The first year he was in America, Steve had given him plastic containers for the food he stockpiled under his bed. But a therapist had thought Jaden needed to “normalize.” The therapist must have come from a really normal family because she was very concerned with normalizing Jaden. She suggested no television, no video games, and no computer unless he stopped hoarding. But nothing worked—Jaden had to do it. He had to, and then they changed therapists.

  Another not-normal thing he did was that from the beginning, he slept on the floor almost every night, even though Penni had tried to persuade him to get into his bed. But often he just wanted to sleep on the ground. He liked the way it was familiar and safe to him, whereas the bed made him feel uneasy. Penni had suggested putting the mattress on the floor, but after they did that, he slept instead on the box spring. It was the hardness that appealed to him. So they’d put the mattress back on the bed.

  Now, Jaden used a flashlight to search through his closet. The back of his closet was where he kept stuff he stole or was otherwise special. He used to steal in Romania, and he’d kept that up in America. That was probably one reason he’d continued getting transferred to different group homes in Romania. He stole food, money, and other people’s photographs. The food and the money—anyone would want those. But the pictures were something else. He’d never owned a single picture, and some of the kids had pictures of families. Once in a while he just had to have those, even if only to tear them up.

  Jaden thought he heard someone and spun around, but the doorway was empty.

  He reached into the back of the closet and picked up a pair of too-small canvas summer shoes he’d gotten when he first moved here. Inside each shoe were a few pieces of candy. He studied each piece and finally picked out a packet of three chocolate malt balls. Then he slipped the thirty dollars into one of the shoes.

  Back at his lamp, he began switching it on and off, sucking on a malt ball, trying to make the candy last a long time in his mouth. It was one of his remaining pieces of candy that he’d gotten on his first Halloween, when he’d been in the United States for about two months.

  He wished he could go back in time to that Halloween. He could still remember how incredi­bly, amazingly exciting it had been. He’d gotten three full bags of candy, and he’d hidden it all in his closet. He’d been scared that Penni and Steve would take it from him, even though they said it was all his. Even today, once in a while he ate a piece to help him remember that hopeful, happy night, when he thought everything would be okay here in America.

  These days he got sweets from Penni once a day, so Halloween, while fun, wasn’t as exciting as it had been that first time. He probably wouldn’t even bother to go trick-or-treating this year. One of his shrinks had said his fixation on candy was like a much younger kid’s. Shrinks had opinions on every little thing about you, even candy eating.

  Jaden sat on his bed in the glow from his fancy night-light. A girl from school who had a crush on him had given him the night-light for Valentine’s Day. It was kind of cool. It was based on a Frank Lloyd Wright design, because he’d mentioned Frank Lloyd Wright to the girl. Wright was a famous architect who’d designed a number of houses in the Chicago area. Last year, Penni had driven several hours to take him to see a couple of the houses. And he had to admit that they were amazing.

  Penni felt that she needed to educate him on America. When he’d learned enough English, she showed him movies like Forrest Gump, Titanic, and Rocky. In music, she had him listen to the Beatles, though they weren’t even American. He watched film clips of American girls screaming insanely and crying at a Beatles concert. He thought a long time about that, and finally he decided he understood why they cried that way. It was because happiness and pain were kind of the same thing. For instance, Penni loved him a lot, which made her really happy but also caused her a lot of pain because, well, because of the way he was: broken. Let’s see one of his shrinks go through Jaden’s life and come out normal on the other end.

  “Knock, knock.”

  He turned on the light. “Hey, Mom.” She handed him a container that he knew held the remnants of the pasta she’d ordered at dinner. “Thanks.”

  “You’re very welcome.”

  She sat down cross-legged beside him, and he stiffened as she touched his cheek, then started to softly sing “What a Wonderful World.” It wasn’t just a song she liked, it was an anthem. That song meant less than nothing to him. The fact was, it wasn’t a wonderful world, and no amount of singing and eating big meals was going to chan
ge that. Then, for a moment, he felt a total lack of respect for her.

  Steve peered into the room. “Good night, you two—I’m going to bed. I’ve got to get up at four to do a bit of work at the office before we leave.”

  “Seriously? You’re going to work tomorrow?” Penni asked.

  “Got no choice. I just found out today that I’m finally getting a chance to talk to the people at the Cal-Mex restaurant chain, and I need to polish my presentation and then meet them early for breakfast.”

  Penni sighed but said, “Well, okay, good night, hon.”

  Steve lingered, and Jaden knew why.

  “Good night, Dad.”

  Steve walked off. He was actually an okay guy. But Jaden had made him very, very tired over the years. Jaden noticed more and more that Steve needed a break from him. Steve bought a motorcycle that he rode every Sunday. That was the one thing he had in his life that was fun.

  Jaden opened the container and picked up some pasta with a fork Penni had brought. The food was like energy filling him up—he could feel his electrons going crazy. Penni watched as he ate. Steve thought he’d be fat when he got older, but Penni always pointed out that somehow or other he was still below average in weight.

  Penni sometimes got fascinated by watching him eat. He thought it made her feel good, really good, to see him enjoying something so much.

  When he’d gulped down the pasta, Penni stood up. “Okay, get some sleep. I’m serious. We have a lot going on for the next few days. Don’t forget to brush your teeth.”

  “Sure.”

  He watched her leave. Then he switched off the light and slid down to the floor on the side of the bed not facing the doorway. He didn’t even pull his quilt off the bed. He had a handmade quilt that was supposed to be really special or something. He got up and opened the window, then lay back on the floor and listened to the rain pounding outside. The temperature was unseasonably cool, and the cool air whooshed and whooshed over him.

  Chapter Four

  It was still dark out when he opened his eyes. He sat up to check the clock: 4:10 a.m. He could hear Steve and Penni talking, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. He pushed himself up and walked into the living room. Penni and Steve were holding hands on the couch, their faces happy. “What is it, Jaden?” Penni asked.

  Then he realized he didn’t know why he’d gone into the living room. “I don’t know,” he said honestly.

  “Honey-darling, come sit with us,” Penni said. Jaden hesitated, then sat on the other side of Penni. She smiled. “Are you packed?”

  “Yeah, I’m done.”

  “Good.” She paused, then smiled again. “Thank you for giving Catherine a piece of your mind.”

  Jaden half smiled back, and Steve chuckled and said, “How in heaven’s sake did you end up the sister of such a pompous, obtuse, pretentious whatever she is? I think she’s humanoid, but I’m not sure.”

  “She’s good inside,” Penni insisted.

  “You think everybody—” both Jaden and Steve started at once. Jaden paused and Steve continued, “You think everybody is good inside.”

  “That’s because everybody is good inside,” she said. “Well, maybe not every single person.”

  “You’re the only one who’s good inside,” Jaden said. “I’m not.”

  “Of course you are!” Penni exclaimed.

  She had so much faith in him. Even after all the lies he’d told her—about setting fires and ditching school and stealing—she still had faith in him.

  “What if you don’t like the baby?” Jaden suddenly asked Penni. “What then?”

  “Of course I’ll like the baby.”

  “You didn’t like me at first.”

  “Of course I did.”

  “Well, at first you did, and then you didn’t.”

  “She most certainly did,” Steve said. “Most certainly and indubitably.”

  “She got mad at me all the time.”

  “Oh, Jaden!” Penni cried out. “Even if I get mad at you, I still love you. And I wasn’t mad. I was exasperated.”

  Jaden knew that there were lots of nights when she had cried in bed for hours because of him. He’d heard her. Then somehow Dr. Wilder had helped him out of the fire setting, and the way Jaden saw it, it was only then that Penni loved him wholeheartedly. He had heard Penni on the phone begging Dr. Wilder to keep seeing him while he was writing his book. But that hadn’t worked out.

  “I know,” Jaden said, though he didn’t know. He went back to his room and lay on the floor again. His teeth chattered from the cold, but he didn’t close the window, just lay there shivering. He refused to get warm. And he refused to love anybody or anything, including that quilt.

  He heard laughing from the living room, which made him feel lonely, and then it grew quiet. Steve seemed to have left for work. Jaden closed his eyes and kind of fell asleep, and he was surprised to open his eyes and see Steve leaning over him saying, “Jaden, get off the floor.”

  Steve hadn’t woken him up when he was on the floor ever since Dr. Wilder had told them to let him sleep down there if he preferred it.

  “Hey, buddy, how’d you like to come to work with me today? See how the best salesman in the state wins over a new client.” Steve was a salesman for a food distribution company. The company delivered food to restaurants and institutions. It was called Sherman Manufacturing and Distributing. SMD. Jaden loved it when Steve took him to work. It was in what Penni liked to call “a bad neighborhood.” There were homeless people sleeping on the streets a block in any direction. They really interested him. Tall barbed-wire fences surrounded all three of the company’s buildings.

  “Today I’m trying to sell our frozen soups to the Cal-Mex chain,” Steve said. “Wait, not ‘trying,’ I’m going to sell them our soups. They’re one of the biggest Mexican restaurant chains in America.”

  “I like the frozen corn soup best,” Jaden said. “I like the bits of corn because they taste so fresh. And I like the mushroom soup second best.”

  “It’s the best corn soup on the market,” Steve said proudly. His eyes went dreamy. Then: “Quality ingredients equal quality results.”

  “Cool.”

  Steve had probably been a happier man before Jaden came. Now Steve often was on guard, and there was something sad about him. At this point he definitely liked work more than home. Jaden imagined Steve got a thrill whenever he won over a new restaurant or hospital or school. The schools usually bought some of the lower-grade items, while some of the restaurants bought what the company used to call the “premium” line. Then SMD changed it so that the lowest-grade items were called “premium” and the highest-grade items were called “super-premium.” They also added a line called “premium value-added,” which was in between. Value-added had become their most popu­lar line.

  “Get up and get dressed, and we’ll head out.”

  “No, absolutely not, he is not going with you,” Penni said, appearing in the doorway. “It’s too much stimulation. We’re going to Kazakhstan today! You know what Dr. Morgan used to say about overstimulating him.”

  Steve asked, “Which one was Dr. Morgan?” But he got up and left the room, stopping to kiss Penni.

  “Jaden, it’s freezing in here,” Penni said.

  She worried too much about things. It was annoying. “I’m sleepy,” Jaden said, which didn’t have anything to do with it being cold, but his sleepiness was suddenly urgent. He needed an unusual amount of sleep every night—like, twelve hours. He closed his eyes and had a vague feeling that Penni had shut the window, but he was already too far gone to know if the room was warm or cold.

  Chapter Five

  Jaden opened his eyes. It was light out, and the quilt lay on top of him. He got up. Penni was standing with her hands on her hips over his suitcase. “You haven’t even started packing,” she said, shakin
g her head. “I believed you.”

  She’d opened his suitcase. “Really, I’m not packed?” Jaden asked. The way lying worked was, you couldn’t back down even when it was obvious you were lying. “I thought I was packed.”

  “Pack it,” she said. Then she left the room.

  Jaden threw the quilt on the bed. There was nothing in his suitcase except seven gifts. Penni and Steve were supposed to bring gifts to give to the baby house director, numerous baby house workers, the interpreter, the driver, the adoption facilitator in Kazakhstan, and so on. The more important the person, the nicer the gift. Penni had bought twenty-one gifts at various levels of expensiveness.

  Penni, Steve, and Jaden each had to carry a third of the gifts in their suitcases. Jaden rummaged through the gifts he’d be carrying. There were cheap-looking makeup trays with ten different colors of eye shadow each, sunglasses from someone named Tory Burch, two bottles of whiskey that was called Johnnie Walker, and a fake orchid that he knew had cost two hundred dollars. It was Jaden’s turn to shake his head. He tried to imagine them giving a fake orchid to someone at the last home in Romania he’d lived in. That would have been ridiculous.

  He opened his sock drawer. It was late summer, and it was hard to know exactly what the temperatures would be like seven or more weeks from now in Kyzylorda, the part of Kazakhstan they were going to. He chose three pairs of thick socks and three pairs of thin socks. If he wore each pair two days in a row, the socks would last him twelve days. Underwear—six pairs. Then he pulled open two drawers at once: his sweaters. According to Steve, Penni spent a fortune every year on his sweaters. She had a thing about sweaters—she got them for Steve, too. Jaden stared at them, then picked two that happened to be on top and dropped them into his suitcase. He closed the sweater drawers and opened his hoodie drawer. He chose five hoodies and threw them on top of the sweaters—hoodies were the most essential part of his look. Then he threw in three pairs of sweatpants, a few T-shirts, two pairs of jeans, and one extra pair of shoes.