Remember Fate

by Ginny Sterling

  “I can’t believe this,” Lucy said quietly, sitting down along the opposite wall. They both froze as the whirring suddenly got loud. Jamie leapt upwards and immediately grabbed her arm, dragging her back into the darkness like some caveman.

  “Look Captain Caveman—just tell me and I’ll move!” she snarled angrily, yanking her arm from his hand. She didn’t even want to think about how warm his hand felt on her, nor did she want to think about when he put it on her bottom to shove her into the cave. “If I find a spider back here…”

  “I’ll kill it,” Jamie chuckled lightly. “Keep your voice down though, Lucy. I’m willing to bet they’ve found the truck already if that drone is searching the face of the hills.”

  “We can sit here and wait.”

  “Why don’t we try to leave when it gets dark?”

  “Lucy—the desert is deadly. If they took the truck, then they have our water—we have two half-empty canteens. Without transportation, barely any water, and two clips of bullets—our safest bet is to wait for help. Here,” Jamie mumbled as Lucy stared in the darkness in front of her. A bright light came on and quickly flashed onto the rocky surface. She could see the faint outline of his profile in the shadows.

  “You can hang onto the flashlight. It might make you feel better when the sun sets and it gets really dark in here.”

  “I should save the battery then, shouldn’t I?”

  “I would.”

  Chapter Eight

  Lucy sat there for what felt like hours in the darkness. Jamie was right about the temperatures. Inside the cave it was a little cooler than the arid atmosphere outside, but as the sun began to set, it was getting downright chilly. She heard the whirring sound of the drone at least three to four more times, verifying that whoever was out there was searching for the driver of the truck.

  “Tell me how you found out about Annabelle,” Jamie said quietly.

  “I thought she had a stomach virus,” Lucy whispered, knowing that he must still hurt on the inside. She felt herself wondering what his expression looked like right now in the darkness. “It was morning sickness and everyone at the office knew but me.”

  “And me.”

  “True,” she said, her words came tumbling out. “I felt so bad about writing the letter to you. I just knew that if it was me—I would want to know. I couldn’t believe what was happening and it just…”

  “You did the right thing.”

  “It doesn’t make it any easier.”

  “Doing the right thing never is.”

  The silence was so thick you could cut it. Lucy’s mind was whirling with unspoken questions and thoughts. Jamie was obviously lost in thought as well.

  “Well this is awkward,” she began, just trying to fill the silence.

  “I guess it doesn’t have to be. We are just friends right—and friends talk.”

  “So, what do we talk about?”

  “Anything but Annabelle?” he replied quickly. Both laughed uncomfortably at the same time and then got quiet again.

  “You mentioned you changed jobs?”

  “I thought we would not talk about her,” Lucy teased.

  “I guess I should have known she would have been the reason.”

  “A big reason.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Why? You did nothing. She’s an adult—it was just hard for her to behave like one after she got caught.”

  “I could see that,” Jamie admitted, chuckling again before speaking. “I feel like such an idiot I didn’t see what was happening. It’s not like it’s unheard of at times when soldiers go out on deployment, but I never dreamed it would happen to me. I guess that makes me naïve, doesn’t it?”

  “It makes you loyal and faithful.”

  “Like a dog?”

  “Like a person in love,” Lucy countered, feeling her stomach clench as she realized she was trying to comfort him. “Maybe she made a mistake? You two have a lot of history together. Have you thought about trying to work things out?”

  “You know, we did have a lot of history together—but that was part of the reason I trusted her so much and why what she did was so horrifying to me. She pushed me away time after time, and I see why now too,” Jamie took a deep breath and she could hear it from across the cave. The shudder in the rush of air from his lungs broke her heart as she realized that he was truly rocked to the core.

  “I don’t think I could trust her again. For me, being able to rely on someone, to know that they have my back even at the most difficult moments, is quite telling of a person and who they are. Trust and love go hand-in-hand. I love my fellow brothers because I can trust them. I know that my team would take a bullet for me, to keep me safe… I can honestly say that I don’t know many others that would.”

  “I understand,” Lucy breathed, and froze when she heard voices from down below. “Jamie?”

  “Shhh. I hear them.”

  Her heart pounded terribly, and she was positive that whoever it was could hear the thrumming in her chest. She’d never been so scared in her life. A rollercoaster, a haunted house, scary movies—nothing compared to this!

  “Stay here,” Jamie whispered. A second later, she almost screamed aloud as a hand touched her. “Shhh Lucy, it’s me. I will go look. My gun is laying on the ground next to you—do me a favor and don’t shoot me.”

  “I’m not touching it. I hate guns.”

  “If someone comes through that opening and it’s not me – you are going to want it,” he warned her quietly, grabbing her hand in the darkness and placing it on the handle. “It’s right here, okay?”

  “Jamie, don’t go.”

  “I will be right back,” he said quietly, not letting go of her hand. “You’ll be okay and I am right here. Trust me.”

  “I do trust you.”

  When he released her hand, Lucy bit her lip to keep from crying out in dismay. She was utterly terrified she would die out here alone, cold, and painfully in front of the man she’d always admired. This time, Lucy jumped as Jamie moved stealthily back to her side. She felt him sit down next to her, his shoulder warm against hers.

  “Are you cold?”

  “Getting there fast,” she admitted. “What did you see?”

  “They’ve got a fire going close to where we are at. I can see the fire and a couple of people around it, but no one on the hill below us as far as I can tell.”

  “Thank God.”

  “Exactly,” he whispered emphatically. “If you are cold, we can keep each other warm–in a very platonic kind of way. I don’t want to cross a line with someone I respect.”

  Gosh, his words burned a hole in her heart and hurt so very much. Platonic? Would he ever look at her as anything other than a friend or acquaintance? She was better than trying to beg for attention from someone that wasn’t ready to give it, but why on earth was it so very painful to let go of the idea? ‘Know your value’ had been her motto for years on end and drove her to be the person she was now—so what was so incredibly wrong with her that Jamie couldn’t see her value?

  “Can I ask you a very personal question?” she whispered painfully.

  “Of course.”

  “With all of this going on around us, those rebels down there, and being stuck in a cave with all sorts of possible creatures… if this was your last night on earth—where’s the one place you’d want to be, or what would you want to do?”

  Jamie got silent beside her and sat there for several minutes. Lucy had thought her heart had pounded before with hearing the rebels nearby, but that was nothing like what she was dealing with now. Is this what heart failure felt like, she wondered idly, because she didn’t think her poor organ could take much more stress.

  “I would have said a year ago that I knew where I wanted to be,” he began quietly, “but truthfully if I had to analyze the last several years to figure out when I was happiest… and exist in that single moment? You’d be very surprised by my answer.”

  Just as Lucy was opening her m
outh to ask why, she felt Jamie’s hand touch hers in the darkness. His warm fingers caressed her palm ever so tentatively, as if it scared him, just before he laced them with hers.

  “Jamie?”

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered and started to pull away. Lucy curled her fingers and put her other hand on top of theirs where it lay on her leg.

  “You’re fine,” she began and hated the shakiness to her voice.

  “What about you? If this was your last night, where would you want to be?”

  Lucy didn’t hesitate.

  There was no doubt in her mind anymore, it was simply reaching him that was the hurdle she had to cross. She loved this man and everything about him, even if they barely knew each other. She loved how fiercely loyal he was when he gave his heart away—and how scared he was to try again.

  “I’m right here.”

  The innocent question and its answer had brought forth a revelation that stunned Jamie. Truthfully, the last few months, since he’d found out about Annabelle, had really put him down emotionally. Before that, he’d been so very lonely, trying to reach out for comfort only to be shot down repeatedly. The last time he’d tried to kiss Annabelle, she’d pushed him away and complained about his breath.

  Yet, this woman Lucy he’d known almost his entire life had been always constant. She was honest, truthful, supportive, and steadfast. She was truly a friend—one of the lifelong ones you don’t talk to for months… but when you see each other, it’s like coming home.

  Today had been one of the best and worst days of his life—and he would have thought that moment would have been discovering Annabelle’s pregnancy or how she’d fleeced him of his money.

  No.

  Jamie was scared for Lucy’s safety and worried about how she was handling being out here with him. He was afraid to fail her, to fail his childhood friend who’d helped him in so many ways and tried not to hurt him with the truth. When he’d seen her yank off the burqa at the airport, it felt like a punch in the gut to hear Luka say the words that raced through his mind now.

  “She’s something, dude! You could kiss that one,” Luka had said, elbowing him when he’d climbed into the cab. He’d looked back over his shoulder, met Lucy’s dark eyes, and his world turned over. She was so pretty - and the polar opposite of Annabelle.

  Lucy was fierce, whereas Annabelle would have whined or cried about the sand, heat, and being trapped. Instead, Lucy had persevered on bravely and yanked off the boots to climb up the hillside. Even when she was tired, she marched on like a general on the warpath. When he’d heard the drone coming back, he couldn’t help the thrill that coursed through him as he’d pushed her up into the cave. Whether it was touching her bottom or the fact that she was safe—he couldn’t identify.

  She made him smile with her sassy attitude. No one had ever mailed him Midol, or astronaut ice cream, nor told him to basically ‘get over it and have a good cry’ in his life. Only Lucy would do that. She was stronger mentally than anyone he’d ever met and was an incredible ally to have at his side.

  He had enjoyed his day thoroughly except for the rebels—and even then, he wanted to make the best of it by her side. Jamie moved to hold her hand, feeling the soft skin of her palm against his. He remembered how much Annabelle hated holding his hands, claiming that his were ‘sweaty and rough’.

  Lucy held on tight, making him feel special. She’d asked him where he’d want to be at the very end—and while he couldn’t say the words aloud—he was happiest at this very moment. He felt broken, damaged, unsure of what exactly this friendship entailed or falling for someone else. What if he ruined this or created a bigger mess that he wasn’t ready to deal with? Instead of mulling it throughout his mind, he asked her the same question she’d posed.

  “What about you? If this was your last night, where would you want to be?”

  “I’m right here.”

  Her reply was in the softest, most tender voice that could have made the angels weep in heaven – and it made the walls he was building around his heart, crumble down around him.

  Fateful words came back to haunt Jamie there in the dark silence of the small cave where they were hiding. You’d be surprised at how easy it is to kiss another girl when the moment is right, Luka had said and now he understood what his friend had meant. At first Jamie thought Luka was just being shallow, a real lady’s man, but maybe there was more to the man than met the eye.

  Jamie leaned over and reached for Lucy. His hand caressed her cheek, and he heard her soft gasp in the dark just moments before a blinding light hit him directly in the eye.

  The flashlight.

  “Are you feeling okay?” she asked in a hushed whisper as Jamie squinted and put his hand directly over the flashlight, making his palm glow eerily in the cave. He saw her wary face in the dim light and couldn’t help but smile at the confused look on her face.

  “I wanted to kiss you.”

  Lucy’s mouth opened and closed several times in silence, making his smile split into a wide grin. It amazed him at how utterly enchanted he felt right now. The idea of sweeping this confident, aggressive, successful woman off her feet just felt right to him.

  “Haven’t you ever had anyone just want to kiss you?”

  “N…no? No,” she stammered, staring at his mouth in the shadows.

  “Tell you what,” Jamie whispered, turning to face her, “we will try this again without blinding me or giving away our position. Okay? It’s just us. You and me. We are delving a little deeper into your question earlier. What would you like to do and where would you like to be? Is that still right here, knowing that I’m going to kiss you?”

  She looked at him warily and without a word turned off the flashlight. Jamie leaned forward only to realize that Lucy had leaned towards him as well. Their noses bumped each other, but instead of pulling back, he heard the sweetest word ever said against his lips.

  “Jameson.”

  Lucy had felt Jamie’s hand caress her cheek and turned on the flashlight only to see him slap his hand over the top. Was he lost in the cave and trying to move to the other side, she wondered and then saw his expression—it wasn’t a mistake?

  The seconds ticked by as she listened to his words.

  She wanted to pinch herself until she bruised just to see if she was dreaming. He wanted to kiss her? Confused, wary, but not wanting to let the moment slip by, she flipped off the flashlight. Leaning forward, Lucy bumped into his nose. The ache was nothing compared to the one that burst forth within her soul, realizing that she was about to kiss the man she’d always longed for. His name was torn from her lips in the darkness, almost in a plea.

  His lips touched hers hesitantly before sliding across her mouth hastily in a possessive fashion. Kissing Jamie was nothing like she’d ever imagined and more than she could have ever hoped for. His hands cupped her cheeks and she could just imagine him leaning over his crossed legs towards her.

  Her hand travelled shyly up his arm to caress the back of his neck. She needed this to be real because there would never be another moment like this for as long as she lived. Kissing him had to be the most elemental and soulful thing she’d ever done.

  She knew what people meant when they said they’d met their soulmate. The attraction had always been there for her - but kissing him brought it to a whole ‘nother level of epic proportions! It was like having a rubber band snap back into place that you didn’t know was missing or broken. Kissing Jamie finally was a shining light in the darkness, putting on a favorite pair of jeans that simply fit just right in so many blessed ways. He was essentially right for her soul and somehow she’d always known deep down inside.

  Breathing heavily, their kiss ended, and he rested his forehead against hers as if he was trying to reestablish a connection between them, or at least she silently wished for that. She hoped that the kiss affected him in the same way it did her. A single tear of pure, utter joy slipped down her cheek. His lips were like tasting perfection.

  “
Shhh,” Jamie whispered tenderly, his thumb stroking her cheekbone and his breath mingling with hers. “I’m sorry I crossed a line. I never intended to make you cry, Lucy.”

  “I can’t help it. I get weepy when I feel overwhelmed with emotion—and that was a little overwhelming,” she admitted softly.

  “Just a little,” he teased, kissing her cheek.

  “A whole lot.”

  “Nothing is going to be the same,” he said quietly in the darkness. She already knew that, but it hurt hearing it aloud. Hope is what kept troops going during moments when they knew they already lost the battle. She knew deep inside that he was simply putting a Band-Aid over a bullet wound of hurt. He loved Annabelle and probably always would.

  “It’s whatever you want it to be,” she countered, putting the ball back in his court. Every decision would have to be something he wanted. It couldn’t all be one-sided or it would never work and she refused to be a rebound for his ruined relationship with Annabelle.

  “Your skin is chilly.”

  “Nice save,” she replied truthfully and realized that he didn’t respond. That was fine. The line in the sand had been crossed and there was no going back. She would always have this memory, and they could never erase memories. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s getting quite cool in here.”

  “C’mon. It’s getting late and it's really chilly. I can hold you while you sleep and watch for any spiders that might want a taste of sweet little Lucy.”

  “That’s seriously not funny.”

  “It’s only half funny,” he teased, taking a seat beside her again and putting his arm around her. Lucy immediately took the opportunity to cuddle against Jamie’s body for warmth, enjoying this moment for as long as it lasted. His heart beat strongly under her cheek and she could smell the unique scent that was simply him. A mixture of sand, sunlight, sweat, and cologne that made her feel a yearning she’d only tapped into with that single kiss.