The Bloom Girls

by Amy Pine

  She was soaked once she made it inside the building, and her ankle throbbed. Alissa had always thought people claiming that bad weather aggravated past injuries was a bunch of BS, but she considered herself a convert now. She’d been out of her cast and walking for a week and had felt great, but the confluence of what seemed like every possible weather system had her limping now.

  She rested a hand on her belly as she stepped gingerly onto the entryway’s tile floor. Her clogs, thank goodness, had rubber soles that—despite being wet—gripped the floor rather than slid across it.

  Wedges…Never again.

  When she finally stepped off the elevator and through the practice’s door, her eyes widened to see Matthew already in the waiting room. He’d asked for space, and she’d given it to him, but seeing him here—before her no less—had her heart racing.

  His eyes grew wider than hers.

  “Jesus, Liss. What happened to you?” He sprang up from his chair and strode to her side.

  She laughed and shivered at the same time. “My jacket’s water-resistant, but I’m guessing that doesn’t apply to sleet.” A thick wet curl fell from her topknot and flopped against her cheek. “And I have no idea where my umbrella is. I swear I have dozens of them because I buy a new one every time this happens—and then this happens again. Where do they all go, Matt? Huh? Where is this secret society of umbrellas? I bet they’re all sitting there petting their hairless cats like Dr. Evil and deciding when to release their ill-tempered sea bass at me.”

  Matthew chuckled. “Are you losing it already? Because the wedding is still two months away. Also, why are you limping?”

  She waved a hand around her head, and Matthew’s brows furrowed.

  “The weather,” she said. “I’m going to be one of those people who aside from having a geriatric pregnancy will now say things like, Oy. My ankle aches. Storm’s a-brewing.”

  She could tell he was biting back another laugh, so she shrugged. “It’s fine. Laugh. I need to check in because we are on a schedule.”

  He nodded. “Did you drink the stuff?”

  “I drank the stuff,” she said. “Oof, it was sweet. How did we ever drink regular soda when we were kids?” She was referring to the glucola beverage she drank exactly thirty minutes ago so she could get her blood drawn, the results of which would tell her if she was in danger of gestational diabetes.

  “I don’t know,” Matthew said. “I’m a water guy only these days. Unless, of course, I’m downing a six-pack on your porch.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him before limping her way to the check-in desk, her sore ankle enough of a reminder of the few nights she’d slept in his arms before both Matt and Gabi told her they needed space. That was weeks ago already. So why now when he offered his elbow as a crutch—when she smelled the soapy, woodsy scent that was so unmistakably him—did she want him to just wrap her in his arms and take her home?

  I miss you, Matt. Why couldn’t she just say it? He’d been gone from her house a week after sleeping on her couch for the previous four, but it suddenly felt like she hadn’t seen him in years.

  “Name please?” the woman at the receptionist desk said.

  Right. She couldn’t tell her ex-husband / current baby daddy that she’d been thinking about him all week because they were in a crowded doctor’s office waiting room.

  “Alissa Adler,” she finally said. “I’m doing my one-hour glucose test.”

  The woman behind the computer clicked and clacked at her keyboard and then looked up at Alissa. “What time did you finish drinking the solution?”

  Alissa looked at her watch, which read 2:00 p.m.

  “One thirty exactly,” she said.

  More clicking and clacking ensued, and Alissa stared longingly over the woman’s shoulder to a large golf umbrella that was propped up against the front office’s filing cabinet.

  “Please have a seat, Ms. Adler,” the other woman finally said. “A nurse will call you back when it’s time for your blood draw.”

  “Thank you.” Then because she didn’t want to walk any farther than necessary, she collapsed into the seat just to the left of the window, and Matthew took the one beside her.

  She unzipped her wet jacket and slid her arms free, feeling slightly warmer now that she was only damp and not covered in a layer of soak.

  “So how have you—” she and Matthew said at the same time.

  “You first.” They did it again and both laughed.

  Matthew cleared his throat and then crossed his arms in wait, giving Alissa the floor.

  He’d moved back into his parents’ place the day she’d gotten the cast off. Their arrangement had been because of her injury and her inability to drive, so it made sense to part ways. But after four weeks of finding some semblance of a rhythm, they’d now gone a full week without seeing each other, and an awkward tension had grown between them in nothing more than days.

  “How are things back at your parents’ place?” she asked, inwardly groaning at a question that held about as much weight as How about this weather we’ve been having? But she didn’t know where else to begin.

  He let out a small laugh. “Everything’s in full swing with getting the yard ready for a winter wedding. You do realize, though, that Gigi is going to double down on her doula/rabbi officiating, right?”

  Alissa snorted, then held her hands up in surrender. “From here on out I’m just baking the cakes and keeping my head down unless Gabi asks my opinion.”

  “You guys are okay now, right?”

  She nodded. “We’re getting there. I messed up big that night, Matt. With her and with you. I—”

  “Alissa?” A nurse holding a green file folder popped out of the door leading to the exam rooms.

  Alissa turned away from Matthew and smiled at the young woman. “That’s me.”

  “I’m Nina,” she said. “I’ll be drawing your blood today. When we’re done Dr. Weiland will explain what happens next depending on the results of the blood test, which we should have back by tomorrow morning.”

  Alissa realized she’d been twisting the hood of her not-so-sleet-resistant jacket and released her grip. Then she stood and draped the jacket over her damp arm.

  “Will the father be joining us?” Nina asked, and Alissa looked back over her shoulder at Matthew, who was already standing.

  “Wouldn’t miss it. Oh. Wait…” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “It’s work. Sorry. I’ll be right in. Promise.”

  “We’ll be in exam room three, on the left after you head back,” Nina said.

  Then Alissa let the nurse lead her back to an exam room. Five minutes later, her blood was drawn, and Matthew still hadn’t shown up. She waited, fully clothed, for Becca to debrief her after the blood draw, choosing the regular chair next to the counter rather than the one with the stirrups. Her phone buzzed several minutes later, and she scrambled to pull it out of her purse.

  Really sorry, Liss. Work emergency. Something with the winter light installation. Had to run back. Please let me know test results and date of next appointment so I can put it in the calendar. See you next month I guess? Unless wedding duties call. Also, stay dry, okay?

  A knock sounded on the door, and Alissa jumped. “Come in!”

  When Becca entered, clicking the door shut behind her, without so much as a warning, the waterworks began. Big, ugly-cry waterworks. Becca held her arms out, then pulled them back, seemingly unsure of how to respond, not that Alissa could blame her.

  “Did something happen?” her sister asked. “Is it Gabi? Mom? Dad?”

  Alissa shook her head at each name.

  Becca’s eyes widened. “Where’s Matthew? Oh my God. Something happened to Matthew?”

  Alissa shook her head again, then nodded, then went back to the head shaking.

  Becca strode to the other side of the small room and sat down in the doctor’s chair, hesitantly rolling toward her sister. Alissa sniffled, but it was no use. Her entire face was leaking like it
never had before. Becca handed her the box of tissues from the counter, and Alissa pulled two of them out, one for each hand.

  “Okay,” her sister said. “Do me a favor and nod twice if everyone is okay and you’re simply having an emotional crisis. Because I’ve never seen you cry like this before unless we were watching Beaches or Terms of Endearment. You don’t do this in real life, so I need to know that you and everyone else is okay, okay? Otherwise—I’m calling Mom.”

  Alissa’s already puffy eyes widened, and she quickly nodded twice.

  Becca let out a relieved-sounding breath.

  “So. Emotional crisis it is,” Becca said. “Not bad. You made it this far into the pregnancy with barely a blink at how this would change your life. I’d have lost it the second the test turned positive.”

  This, at least, got Alissa to laugh.

  “I did,” she admitted through the onslaught of snot and tears. “You should have seen me at the grocery store in the middle of the night buying every brand of test known to humankind and practically tearing apart a package of white chocolate Reese’s with my teeth before even paying.” She blew her nose then tossed the tissue in the direction of the trash can but missed because—well—it had a lid. So the balled-up mess just hit the floor.

  Becca laughed. “Well, at least your intention to clean up after yourself was there.” She nodded toward Alissa’s belly, which had clearly popped since her last visit. “So, I’m assuming Gabi knows now because—well—who wouldn’t. I assume she took the news better than you expected?”

  Alissa calmed down enough to scoff at her sister’s question as if it had been an accusation, and Becca narrowed her eyes.

  Right. Her stupid tell.

  Tears sprang from Alissa’s eyes again. Where had all this liquid even come from? She’d be a raisin by the time this crying spell was said and done.

  “Gabi—left. Moved in with Ethan.” She heaved. “Matthew—left.” Another heave. “Wedding in eight weeks.” Sniffle. “And everyone wants space.”

  Ugh. She was Sally Albright telling Harry all about Joe getting married right before having sex with him. Except this wasn’t a romantic comedy Alissa was starring in. It was her life. And in real life when decades of unprocessed emotion finally boiled over, it didn’t end in sex and a happily-ever-after. It ended in her pregnant and turning forty and losing the love of her life all over again.

  “Shit,” Becca hissed. “What an asshole. Matthew left? Where is he going next? Is he even waiting around for the wedding?” She shook her head, and her gaze turned wistful. “I remember how much I loved our wedding, mine and Jeff’s. It truly was a fairy tale.” She cleared her throat. “But you know what they don’t tell you under the chuppah, Liss? You know what the rabbi should say before the groom stomps on the glass? They should say that happily-ever-after isn’t real. It’s a fantasy. What’s real is the struggle and the work of keeping a relationship together. What’s real is having to schedule date nights and sex and having your husband fall asleep before you can put on the skimpy lingerie you swore you’d never buy, but there you are, clipping stockings to your garter belt and peeking out of the closet door to see your fairy-tale prince snoring with his phone propped up on his chest where he was probably reading some scintillating piece from a law journal because what does he have to do to set the mood?”

  She gulped in a breath of air, and Alissa stared at her sister, mouth agape, her tears coming to a halt.

  “I meant he left the building,” she said warily. “Bex…Is everything okay with you and Jeff?” Alissa had been so wrapped up in her own string of crises for the past few months. Had she completely missed that her sister was going through her own?

  Becca sighed and waved her off with a laugh that sounded about as genuine as Monopoly money. “I’m fine,” she insisted. “We’re just going through one of our rough patches. And you could have specified about Matthew, instead of letting me assume the worst. But seeing as how you don’t exactly look happy right now and everyone—your baby daddy included—seems to want some space, maybe it’s for the best. Cutting your losses and going your separate ways before it gets too messy.”

  Alissa let out a bitter laugh. “Promise me you’ll leave that out of any toast you might make at my daughter’s wedding.” She wiped the last of the tears from her eyes, but her cheeks already felt tight and sticky with salt water. “But what if I don’t want to cut my losses anymore? What if I’ve gotten it wrong all these years?”

  Becca shrugged. “Then fight for what you want, Liss. You know I’m always here for you, but I can’t tell you what’s best for you. Only you know that.”

  Alissa nodded. “What about you? If you and Jeff need a way to spice things up, I can take you to the store where I got my hot pink little friend.”

  Becca covered her face with her palms, shaking her head, then looked up at her sister with renewed confidence. “Thanks,” she said. “But you know what? It shouldn’t have to all be on me. If Jeff wants things to get better, then he has to put in the effort too.” She pressed a palm to her sister’s knee and gave her a soft squeeze. “Thanks for letting me melt down with you a bit there. But this is your appointment. Your dime. Matt hasn’t skipped town but wants space?”

  Alissa winced. “It’s just—it’s been so awkward since he moved out, you know?” She groaned. “Who am I kidding? It was awkward before he left. First, the night the accident happened, it was amazing. Did I tell you he carried me to the hospital?”

  Becca rolled her eyes. “Several times.” She paused. “But you know what? I don’t think you ever truly explained why, other than his car not starting and blocking yours in. Why not call an Uber or Lyft? Without our Saturday yoga dates, I feel like I’ve only been getting half the story with you lately.”

  Alissa pressed her lips together, not sure if putting it all out there would paint Matt the hero or the villain. She’d been so careful throughout the years, not wanting Gabi to see her father through anything other than her own eyes. That carefulness had spilled over to how much she said aloud about Matthew to anyone, especially her mother but even her own sister.

  “His car didn’t die,” Alissa said, letting out a long breath. “And he wasn’t blocking me in. He was at my house, sitting on my porch steps, when I got home from my date with Chris. And he was—tipsy.”

  Becca’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything. She was waiting for the rest of the story.

  “Somehow Gabi found out from Sadie that I had a date, and she told Matt. Apparently they had a lovely father/daughter night that evening because Gabi needed me and I wasn’t there and…” She groaned. “Chris was really nice and cute, by the way. But I got home from the date to find Matt waiting for me, jealous and a little drunk, and when I tried to push him away for the billionth time, I did so with all the grace of an elephant in a tea shop—”

  “Bull in a china shop,” Becca corrected, but Alissa waved her off.

  “Pregnancy brain. You know what I mean. The point is that every time I need him lately, Matt keeps showing up. When he didn’t trust himself to drive, he put me on his back and carried me because I was in pain, and he knew it would be faster than waiting for a ride share. When I didn’t want to be alone that night, he held me and slept next to me, no questions asked. And when I told him he had to prove himself by showing up to every baby doctor appointment no matter whatever else he had going on, he was here.”

  Becca crossed her arms and gave her sister a pointed look. “He definitely sounds like a real asshole.” Alissa opened her mouth to protest, but her sister held up her finger to cut her off. She wasn’t done. “Do you even listen to yourself when you talk? Don’t answer. That was rhetorical. But you just admitted to pushing him away for the billionth time. Why do you keep doing it?”

  Alissa shrugged and sniffled. “I’ve been doing it since I was eighteen and I don’t know how to stop. Matt is this brilliant, amazing guy. I knew it even when we were kids—that he would do big things. But the big thin
gs he needed to do weren’t here in Chicago. I was fine putting culinary school on the back burner. I wanted to be around for Gabi’s early years, but that didn’t mean Matt had to do the same. His dream was college. When he got that internship in Costa Rica, he almost turned it down. I saw the letter he’d written rejecting the offer on his laptop when he was home for Thanksgiving, and we had a big fight. He didn’t want to leave me and Gabi for a full semester and I didn’t want him giving up an opportunity he wouldn’t get again.” She blew out a long, shaky breath. “Saying goodbye to him that January was the hardest thing I’d ever done up until that point, but it was the right thing to do. He—he loved the work he was doing, and I promised myself then that I’d never be the one to keep him from doing what he loved. So I—I kept pushing.

  “Bex…I was so convinced he wouldn’t want to stay that I never actually asked him to stay. I thought I was fighting for us by giving him his dream. What if I fight for us to be together and we still fail?”

  “When have you ever failed?” Becca asked, throwing her hands in the air. “You are a rockstar mom and chef. You’re the big sister I’ve always looked up to because you can do it all no matter what life throws at you. Even with you and Matt apart, you somehow managed to both be these amazing parents to Gabi. I mean, look at how great she turned out. I’ve had to live in the shadow of the great Alissa who can do anything, and you know what? Mom was right. You can. But jeez, Liss, if you don’t try, how is that any different from trying and failing? Is it too much to want the man in your life to chase his dreams but have you be his dream too? Because it sounds like you’ve got that right in front of you, but you’re too scared to grab onto it. Is it some affront to women everywhere to want the career, the family, and someone who would carry me to the ER because he cared about me so damned much?”

  Alissa’s mouth opened to respond, but the words wouldn’t come. Was Becca angry at her? And what was all that about her living in Alissa’s shadow? She glanced around the exam room, waiting for the walls to move or a monster’s head to try to break through because clearly she was in the Upside Down right now.