Perfect Fit (Small-Town Secrets-Fairview Series Book 4)

by Sophia Sinclair

  Nick’s face looked as if she had slapped him. And she felt as if she had.

  “Julie, don’t do this. We’d have amazing kids!”

  “Maybe I should go,” she said. He dropped his head into his hands as she quietly picked up her things and let herself out of the apartment.

  Chapter 18

  Julie had never studied so diligently in her life. She spent every possible moment in her room, the door locked. She interacted with Jolene and the children as little as possible. She missed Nick. But she understood that every moment of pleasure she indulged in now would be paid back with double the sorrow later.

  Her room felt like a little prison cell. Outside, the vague sounds of the children playing or arguing was a near constant, but she did her best to ignore them. She even quit joining the family for most meals, preferring to simply take sandwiches into her room to eat alone. She refused to answer any of Jolene’s questions, simply saying she needed to study.

  Jolene wasn’t fooled. Anybody could see that Julie was unhappy, and the fact that she never mentioned Nick anymore was a dead giveaway. But Jolene had enough problems of her own and left Julie alone.

  One morning, Julie awoke to little taps on her door, which she ignored. Then she heard someone trying to turn the knob. But she’d finally gotten better about locking up before bed. Tori would just have to take Mr. Pickles to Jolene’s room if she wanted early morning cuddles. Julie just wanted to be alone.

  “Aunt Julie!” Tori’s small cry threatened to melt her heart, but she hardened herself against it. She didn’t want to be at the beck and call of children, after all. That was why she was alone right now — if she were more interested in having children, she’d be at Nick’s right now, practicing doing the thing that made them.

  “Aunt Julie!” Tori’s cry was a little louder now. She was going to wake up the whole house at this rate. Julie sighed and unlocked the door, and then got back into bed and scooted over as far as she could, her face inches from the wall. Tori was undeterred. Her small arm snaked around Julie’s body. Julie held very still, hoping Tori would go right back to sleep.

  But that didn’t happen.

  “When can we go back to Vinnie’s?” she asked.

  “Ask your mom if she can take you.”

  “I want to go with Nick.”

  “I don’t think I’m going to be seeing Nick, honey.”

  “Can we call him to see if he can come over to play?”

  Julie felt tears slipping out of her tightly closed eyes. “He’s very busy, sweetie. I’m sorry.” She concentrated on keeping her crying silent so Tori wouldn’t know. She’d perfected the art of crying so quietly that nobody could hear her heart breaking.

  It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy children, of course. She did. Playing with her nieces and nephews was fun, and she didn’t even mind changing toddler diapers; surely one of the least pleasant parts of childcare. Take Georgie, for instance. He seemed to barely eat anything, but he could sure load a diaper.

  She recalled again how close she’d come to marrying Derek. If he hadn’t gotten his girlfriend pregnant, Julie would be his wife right now. And eventually, she’d have caught on that he had no intention of being faithful, and there she’d be with a baby or two and no money of her own, totally dependant on a man she couldn’t trust. What would she have done? What could she have done? She’d have become one of those women who looked the other way and pretended everything was fine.

  Or, if she left him, she’d have had to apply for subsidized daycare so she could try to get her career established. Working at a local art gallery or something of that sort wouldn’t come close to paying the high cost of childcare.

  Or she could have thrown herself on her grandfather’s mercy and asked for help. She shuddered. Better to live in a run-down apartment with ratty carpeting and holes in the wall than to pay the emotional price that called for.

  Any way she looked at it, she was thankful she hadn’t fallen into the trap she’d once been so eager for. It had sounded so lovely when she was just a few years younger: Having a handsome, wealthy husband and lots of sweet babies? What was the downside?

  She shuddered. And now, here she was, being asked to step into the same pretty trap.

  Oh, it was obvious there were huge differences in the two men. They were nothing at all alike. Nick was such a genuine, good-hearted man. So kind. So understanding. To say nothing of the way he loved all of her body. She’d been prepared for him to focus on her large breasts and ignore everything else, as Derek did. But Nick very obviously liked all of her. If not for him, she never would have guessed she was capable of such passion and satisfaction. She felt sad that one evening of passion was all they were fated to have.

  But she concentrated on her studies. Nursing school was harder than she had expected. Not that she had ever thought getting a nursing degree was going to be easy, but it demanded everything she had. The summer semester was wrapping up and she regretted having signed up for it. She craved a break from academics. But no real break was on the horizon for a year; she had the fall and spring semesters to get through, and so far, every year was a little harder than the previous one.

  That was what had convinced her to stop accepting new birth clients. She had done the right thing there, although that meant she wouldn’t be earning any money and would have to use a little bit of her student loan money for basic living expenses.

  She sighed. Of course, when she had decided to put doula work on hold, that had been when she thought she’d be living with Jolene. If she had to rent an apartment, she’d have to resign herself to a lot more debt. She rolled over, careful not to disturb the sleeping child. Her thoughts were driving her crazy and she couldn’t afford to have a personal crisis right now.

  She had one more birth to go to, which she expected to happen soon, and she had made up her mind that she would be nothing but kind and respectful to Ken when he moved back in. According to Jolene, he was doing very well with rehab and was looking forward to coming home. Anyway, it was just one more year of school and one more year of living here. A person could bear almost anything for a year, if she had to.

  And then she’d be free. She’d be able to get a job and support herself, and she’d have a year off school before starting the certified nurse-midwife program. The day would come when she’d make a solid living and would be able to put back enough money to feel secure. Perhaps at that point she’d want to start dating again. Or perhaps not. There was no sense taking up with a man who was going to want her to push her goals aside to have his children. From now on, that was a conversation that would happen on the first date, she thought. Assuming she ever had another date.

  But she did miss Nick. The way he looked when he moved his fingers through that glorious hair. The way he loved a good meal. The way he joked around, even in bed. The way he loved and accepted her body just as it was. The way he brought her the kind of pleasure she hadn’t known existed.

  Why was she focusing on all his good points? She forced herself to remember the rude things he’d said the day they first met, at his sister’s birth. He’d been an asshole. Of course, he’d apologized. He’d just been worried about his sister. Still….

  He had been so good with his nephews and with Jolene’s children. They still talked about the trip to Vinnie’s as if it were one of the highlights of their young lives, and kept asking if Nick could come over to play. It was one of the reasons she’d started taking most of her meals in her room. She felt like a hermit, spending as many as 14 hours a day in there by herself.

  She kept a tight focus on her priorities. Study. Go to class. Go to clinicals. When thoughts of Nick crept in, she reminded herself of her goals and the need to work hard to meet them. And when she couldn’t stop the tears, she cried as silently as possible, wiped her face, and kept studying.

  Chapter 19

  Julie dressed in an old pair of shorts and a T-shirt. She had on her tightest sports bra and she forced her feet into running shoes. Ever
ybody said that exercise was supposed to be a fantastic mood lifter. She hadn’t found that to be true, but she kept trying.

  She doggedly ran around the neighborhood, miserable but refusing to give in to her body’s pleas for rest. She’d lost a few pounds recently, thanks to skipping family meals and studying alone in her room, but she felt terrible. After this run, she promised herself, she’d reward her body with something besides the sandwiches she’d been subsisting on.

  Footsteps were approaching from behind. She turned her head to see who it was. Lila. She should have known. Lila was a running machine, and Julie admired the woman’s dedication, but she dreaded having to talk to her.

  “It’s great to see you out here trying!” Lila said, slowing her pace down to Julie’s slower one. “It looks like you’ve lost some of your tummy,” she said. “Great job! I bet you get that skinny boyfriend back when you lose the rest of it!”

  Did she really think that was encouraging?

  “Actually, I broke up with him because he wants kids and I don’t,” Julie said. “And he said he loved my body just as it is.” She slowed her pace even more, hoping Lila would give up and pass her.

  “Oh, honey, you can’t believe anything men say. You’re old enough to know that. But you might be surprised how many men will be asking you out after you lose the weight. Maybe even the rich one you had before. He’s back in town and back on the market. You never know. He might be interested again. You’d be really pretty if you were skinny. Keep up the good work!”

  Lila sped up and ran down the block, turning after a little while to offer Julie a little wave.

  Julie had had enough. She turned around and walked back home, and when she got there, she went straight to the kitchen and got the ice cream out of the freezer. She scooped up a big bowl of it and headed to her bedroom.

  “Julie?” Jolene popped her head into the hallway. “I thought you’d gone running.”

  “I did. Ran into Lila. She offered me some, uh, motivation. Motivation to eat, that is.” She lifted her ice cream bowl.

  “Don’t let Lila get you down. She’s not a happy woman. There’s nothing in her life but exercise. Ever since her husband left her, she’s been manic about fitness, but as far as I can see, it doesn’t make her happy at all. She’s in that big house all alone, afraid to eat so much as a cookie.”

  “She told me I might be able to get my skinny boyfriend back if I lose weight, or even, if I’m super lucky, Derek. Apparently, I’d be pretty if I weren’t so disgustingly fat.”

  “You’re pretty as you are,” Jolene said. “You always have been, and you always will be. You aren’t going to let that lonely woman get under your skin, are you?”

  Julie took a big bite of ice cream. “Apparently I am, since I stopped running and am stuffing myself with ice cream. I’ve actually lost a few pounds lately, without even meaning to. But I feel like crap.”

  “Stop skipping meals. Come out and eat with us. You don’t need to lose weight. I think this is the shape that’s natural for you. You can kill yourself like Lila, running constantly and starving yourself just to be a little bit thinner, or you can live normally and be fine.”

  “How come you never gain any extra weight, anyway? Most women who have several children carry a few extra pounds.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t exercise, beyond the physical work of keeping house and running after kids, and I’ve never been on a diet in my life. I think everybody has a natural weight their body wants to be, and I think if you insist on fighting it, you’re going to feel lousy.”

  “This ice cream is soooo good,” Julie said. “You want some?”

  Jolene smiled.

  “Yes, if you haven’t finished off the whole carton already.”

  Chapter 20

  “You’re doing great!” Julie said. She’d said it about a hundred times. Her client, Kayla, had been in labor for 16 hours and was exhausted. But it wouldn’t do to show any sign of impatience. Birthing mothers needed to feel secure. Besides, a long labor wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Some very short labors were excruciatingly painful and difficult, and some long labors were a bit easier and less intense.

  But not always. Kayla was really in the trenches, and Julie tried to think of what she could do for her. Kayla wanted a natural birth and Julie wanted to support her in that, but she also could see that the young woman was wearing out. She’d thought at first that the baby’s position might be the problem, but the midwife, Lora, said things were good there. Julie looked forward to the day when she would be able to check mothers herself. But she trusted the midwife.

  So, the birth position wasn’t the problem. The obvious answer was that Kayla was here by herself. Her mother lived out of state and Kayla’s boyfriend was out of the picture. Julie hadn’t wanted to ask intrusive questions, but it appeared the young couple had just broken up. Kayla said he wouldn’t be attending the birth, but that she would call him when the baby arrived, so he could meet their son or daughter. Kayla hadn’t wanted to know the sex ahead of time.

  Another contraction ripped through Kayla’s body, and Julie held her hand and encouraged her. She wasn’t sure how much longer Kayla would be able to do this. She and the midwife had begun sharing questioning looks. Both of them knew that if this labor didn’t start progressing, it might be time to gently suggest some pain relief so Kayla could rest a bit. Not many of Julie’s patients needed cesareans, but she could see that as a real possibility for this birth.

  A nurse came to the door and motioned to Lora, who told Kayla she’d be right back. The two women had a hushed conversation at the door, and then Lora leaned over, her face close to Kayla’s.

  “Kayla, honey, your boyfriend is here. He’d like to come in. But it’s your choice. We won’t let him in if you don’t want to see him. What shall we tell him?”

  Another contraction hit, and Kayla wailed. Cries of pain just came with the territory, but this one pierced Julie’s heart. It was clearly mental anguish blended with extreme physical pain. And before it was even over, a young man came bursting in. Julie recognized him as Adam, Kayla’s boyfriend. Or ex-boyfriend, now, perhaps.

  “Kayla!” Adam yelled. “I’m here. I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

  The nurse rushed in after him. “You are not cleared to be in here, and I’m calling security.”

  “No,” Kayla said, taking his arm. “Let him stay.”

  Lora looked at Kayla again. “Are you certain? It’s completely your decision. You’re in charge here.”

  Kayla nodded, still holding Adam’s hand. “I’m sure.” Then another contraction hit her and she went into her own little world where nothing existed except pain. She gripped Adam’s hand, hard. When the contraction ended, he held up his hand and looked at the red half-moons on his palm left by Kayla’s fingernails.

  “How did you know I was here?” she asked.

  “I went to your work because I wanted to apologize. Cindy told me you’d left to go to the hospital. We can talk about it later, but you were right, I was wrong, and we’re going to make this work. I’m here for you now.”

  At one time, Julie knew, birth was thought to be purely a mechanical issue. Doctors focused on methods of getting the baby out of the mother. But it wasn’t that simple. She’d known of mothers who didn’t go into labor until their husbands came back from business trips or deployments. She’d heard of mothers whose labors stalled until after a hurricane was over. Birth was as much an emotional process as it was a physical one, and there was a lot that science just didn't understand.

  Kayla’s next few contractions seemed to be a bit easier for her. Julie retreated to the background a little bit, letting Adam play the primary support role. She even had time to retreat for a short break to eat a granola bar. Meanwhile, Adam was talking his girlfriend through the pain, stroking her hair and lavishing her with love. Kayla was still having intense contractions, but now she seemed more calm and focused.

  “I’m thinking we’re going to see mo
re progress now,” Julie murmured to Lora after a while.

  “I’m going to check her after her next contraction,” Lora whispered back.

  Neither Julie nor Lora were very surprised to find that Kayla had dilated several centimeters since Adam’s arrival, after having made very little progress for hours.

  “You have just one more centimeter to go, sweetie,” Lora told her after the check. She instructed Adam to go wash his hands.

  “What’s happening?” Kayla asked.

  “You’re going to meet your baby pretty soon,” Julie said. “They’re getting set up. You just keep doing what you’re doing.” The nurse turned on the warmer just in case and uncovered a tray of sterilized instruments.

  “Is everything all right?” Adam asked, as he returned from washing his hands. He looked terrified.

  “Everything is going perfectly,” Julie said. “Hold Kayla’s hand. It’s probably all going to happen pretty fast from here on out.”

  And it did. Labor could be tedious, but this part was always exhilarating. The midwife got into position. Kayla was going to give birth lying on her left side, and the midwife arranged everything accordingly. Julie helped hold up Kayla’s right leg, and Adam kept his face close to Kayla’s.

  The labor had been long but the next stage went quickly, with every push bringing the baby closer. Julie could see quite a lot of head emerging.

  “One more push and you’ll see your baby,” Lora said.

  Kayla gave it everything she had, and with a primal cry of pain and triumph, brought her little girl into the world.

  Julie congratulated Kayla and Adam and again retreated a bit so all the medical things could be done and so the new family could bond over the baby’s first meal. Julie used the time to take the family pictures Kayla had asked for ahead of time, but she also couldn’t help but note what the nurse and midwife were doing.