Murders on the Edge

by Andie Alexander

  I took a chill. Yuck.

  We all got out of the car and entered the house from the back door into the kitchen, where two other agents, dressed like telephone repairmen, were sitting at the table eating sandwiches. The place was huge, with a giant kitchen, and a door leading into what I assumed was a living room. There was also a door to the right, and from the layout, I was sure that went to the doctor’s office next door.

  “Hey, Harley,” one of the guys finally said. He was balding but young.

  “It’s Jane,” I corrected him. “How’s it hanging, Archie. Anything new?”

  Jim spun me toward him. “It’s Harley, here.” His lips attacked mine, making me throw my arms around him and return the gesture. He finally backed away, resting his head on mine. “I missed you,” he said.

  “It’s been four hours and you missed me already?”

  “Get a room,” Jordan muttered. He was the other agent dressed like a telephone repairman.

  I backed away from Jim and addressed the blond-haired goon. “You’re just jealous.”

  “Yep.”

  Jim smiled and opened the refrigerator. He grabbed some sandwich meat, tomatoes, lettuce, and mayonnaise. “I have to feed Junior,” he whispered.

  “Or Jane,” I said.

  “You?” he whispered. “What about the baby?”

  “If it’s a girl,” I whispered.

  He grabbed a knife from the drawer, and began making me a sandwich. “Now you’re confusing me. There are too many Janes around.”

  “Okay, what about Zara?”

  “You’ve been sniffing too much formaldehyde. Mary and Junior. Simple and we know what we’re talking about.” He threw some chips onto the plate, took a glass from the cabinet, and poured milk into it.

  I grabbed the glass and the plate and headed toward the table. Chris was telling everyone what I’d told them.

  “So you’re arranging dates for hookers?” Jordan asked.

  I nodded. “If they’re as weird as the mayor, it might be time to bring a camcorder. I wonder what’s in the air in this town, because they’re all nuts. That lady who grabbed my arm…I could’ve sworn she was dead and we’d removed her blood.” I turned toward Jim. “They have no coroner in this town. The doctor does that job.”

  “Good.” He grabbed a chip from my plate. “I want to know what killed these people.”

  “They just keel over dead,” I said. “No reason, just dead. And any age, too.” I lifted my sandwich and just about inhaled it, taking a huge bite. I really was hungry. I swallowed and looked at Chris. “What do you know about Grande Mesas?”

  “It’s a mess.” He studied my face for a moment. “Wait. You’ve been under wraps for a while. How do you know about Grande Mesas?”

  “Mr. Moody told me. The guys hanging out with Tilvin are from there.”

  All the men stopped eating and stared at me.

  “What? Do I have lettuce in my teeth or something?” I reached up and picked at my teeth.

  Jim reached over and took my hand. “No one survived Grande Mesas. It’s been declared off-limits for the next hundred years, and they built a bio dome over the city.”

  “How is that possible? Tilvin’s friends used to live there. Maybe they moved before that happened?”

  Archie shook his head. “Not possible. It’s been a biohazard for a while, and no one survived.”

  “Well, maybe that’s the angle that should be taken.” I said. “Do you think they’re involved in the problems this city has?”

  Chris shook his head. “I think Mr. Moody’s mistaken.” He looked at Archie and Jordan. “I can’t get in with Tilvin, but one of you guys might be able to because you’re younger.”

  “I’ll do it,” Jordan said. “I’ll play a surfer dude visiting here, looking for surf.”

  “Surf. In the Midwest,” I said. “Are you nuts?”

  “Probably, but it worked in the last scenario I did.”

  “How about you’re traveling around the states and wanted to have some fun?” Chris asked. “You’re walking the shady, illegal side of things, buying firecrackers and pipe bombs for fun…stuff like that. You need the adrenaline high to beat all other highs from surfboards and are loaded.”

  “Better you than me,” I said. “Firecrackers are too noisy for me.”

  “Except when I set them off,” Jim whispered.

  I grinned and winked.

  “Enough already,” Archie said.

  I spun my head toward him. “It’s our honeymoon. What do you expect?”

  “Have some decency.”

  “We’ll see,” Jim said. “Now, Harley, I think Jane’s getting a special visitor tonight for your hand. I’ll hang around and make sure the bodies in the back are up to par or something. I want to hear what’s going on in that place.”

  “Got it.” I checked my watch. “I need wheels, too. I don’t like being trapped in that town.”

  “How much are you making?” Chris asked.

  “Five grand a week.”

  Chris whistled. “Five grand? That’s a bundle for a receptionist with no degree. Why are they paying that kind of money?”

  “I don’t know, but I intend to find out. Did you happen to pass any cycle places? I can afford the gas for those things.”

  Jim wrapped his arm around my waist. “You’re not driving a cycle.”

  “I’m not?”

  “Nope.” He looked down at my stomach. “Not even close.”

  “Then find me a car,” I said, rubbing my nose against his.

  Archie stood up. “I’m outta here.”

  “Find yourself a girl.” Jim still stared into my eyes. “A nice one this time.”

  “Fine. I want Harley.”

  I turned toward him. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “Hey, if you’re willing to have a kid that fast, that’s what I want. Fast and get it over with so I can settle down within a year.”

  “How did you know about the kid?”

  He rolled his eyes. “It’s written all over your face and Jim mentioned it back in Arizona, remember? You think you’re pregnant. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were.”

  I grinned. “You’re right. I want to harass Jim for the next nine months, at least.” I even chuckled and clapped my hands. “That sounds like so much fun.” I turned toward him. “Whatcha doin’ tonight, big guy?”

  He stood up. “I’m inclined to agree with you, for once, Archie.”

  I joined him, moved up to his face, and laughed. “Party pooper.”

  He spun me around, pulled my back to his stomach, and covered my mouth. “Enough,” he whispered.

  I shook my head and laughed behind his hand. His actions were uncalled for, but hilarious.

  “Now, everyone knows what they’re doing?” Jim asked, one hand still covering my mouth and the other around my waist.

  I pulled away from him and pointed at Archie and Jordan, in their telephone repair outfits. “Why are you guys dressed like that?”

  “We were repairing the line near the cemetery. Nothing happened. The sheriff dug up a bit, rooted around in the dirt, and covered it back up again. He wasn’t even deep enough for a coffin, but it was a freshly dug grave.”

  “Another weird mystery in this town. I walked over to where he’d been digging and only found a water sprinkler for the lawn. So I saw nothing, too.” I grabbed the milk, chugged it, and took Jim’s hand. “Time to go right after I change into something more comfortable.”

  “Yep.”

  And I could hardly wait to see this weird town in action.

  Chapter 10

  Jim looked around the dark and dingy mortuary room with the dark, blood red carpet. “So this is where you work?”

  “Yep. For five grand a week, I get to look at dead bodies and listen to them having sex upstairs.”

  “You can hear them from here?”

  I looked up the stairs. “Yep. Have a seat. I think they’re open for business in about five minutes.” I stood
up and stared out the window at the line already forming. “Look and see what I mean.”

  Jim looked out the window and sat beside me. “Show time in just a few minutes.”

  “Looks that way.”

  The backdoor to the mortuary opened, and a slim, dark-haired woman rushed in, running past us toward the stairs. “I’m late. Hold them back.”

  “Sure.”

  She turned at the bottom of the stairs and stared at Jim with a grin. “You’re new. Where did you come from?”

  “Tucson,” he said. “I’m the new doctor and I’m here to talk to Jane. She has a sore hand. I’m going to look at it when she has a break.”

  The sleazy woman sauntered over to Jim, reached out and ran her hand through his hair. He closed his eyes while I just watched in surprise.

  She leaned closer to his ear. “Come upstairs and see me, and I’ll give you a newcomer’s welcome for free.”

  “Uh…” He backed away an inch and opened his eyes, glancing toward me. “I think I’m taken. But thanks anyway.”

  I crossed my arms and stared at him. “Think?”

  “Well, we did just meet, and I wanted to see if I could get you to go out with me.”

  I still couldn’t get over the fact that he just thought he was taken. “Think.”

  “Yep. I think I’m taken.” He shot me a ‘don’t mess with me’ look, but I stared him down.

  “Okay,” he said to the unknown woman. “I am taken and I’m not interested.” He turned toward me again. “Better?”

  “Much better.”

  The woman looked at me. “You’re good. Want a job upstairs? We need some dominatrix types.”

  I raised my eyebrows. Dominatrix? Me?

  Jim laughed while nodding. I was ready to slap the stupid smirk off his face.

  “No, that’s okay.” I took Jim’s hand. “I’m busy and I’m the scheduler for down here tonight. What’s your name?”

  “I’m Shirley, and there should be six more women up there, but I have to make sure they’re there.” She pointed to the intercom on the side of the desk. “Press that when you’re ready to send someone upstairs, and don’t schedule more than one man with a woman at a time unless we tell you to. Each phone number has a room number attached.”

  “So I really schedule your ‘dates’?”

  She grinned. “Yep. And there will be something extra in your paycheck at the end of the week.”

  “Thanks.” I didn’t want to be here and didn’t want to work. It was Saturday night. Didn’t they have someone else willing to be a pimp for these women?

  As soon as she walked upstairs, six other women entered from the back of the building, all scantily clad. They were chatting among themselves and each of them shot Jim a flirty look. I moved my chair closer to him and put my leg over his, protecting him from the slutty women. I was just glad to be wearing slacks and low shoes with knee-high hose. Otherwise, I’d be giving the men outside the door a show.

  He leaned closer to me with a grin. “Want to sit in my lap?”

  “I may have to. What was that ‘I think I’m taken’ comment?”

  He moved even closer. “I didn’t want her to think we were married or anything,” he whispered. “I have to keep my options open when undercover.”

  “Options? There are no options like that and don’t ever forget it.” I moved my leg from his and moved up to about an inch from his face. “They have diseases, I’m sure. Don’t be stupid or I’ll never let you forget it.”

  He laughed, his breath covering my face. “Like I’d sleep with them. I may talk to them, though. Is that allowed?”

  “No. Let one of your goons do that,” I whispered. “You’re taken. Remember? And I’m watching.”

  “Jealousy looks great on you.” He chuckled, but I was ready to haul off and smack him.

  “I’m ready,” the intercom said. “All of us are. Just go numerically and wait until we tell you we’re done.”

  “Great.” I turned to Jim. “We’ll talk about this later.”

  “After you calm down?”

  “After I kill all the women upstairs.”

  He laughed and I stood up, heading for the door. As soon as I opened it, hoards of men ran into the mortuary, all lining up at the counter. They were like trained rats, waiting for their treats.

  “I’d like number four,” the first one said.

  “I want her,” another answered.

  They started to fight over the number four slot, whoever that was, so I whistled. “If you fight, you’ll go to the back of the line, and I can guarantee neither of you will get number four.”

  They stopped fighting and I rang number four’s buzzer. “One coming up.”

  “Jake,” the man said.

  “Fine.” I pressed the buzzer again. “Jake’s on his way.”

  “Send him up. The feather duster’s ready.”

  “Goodie.” The man actually clapped his hands and ran to the stairs, taking a few at a time.

  I shook my head toward Jim, who was appalled. He leaned up to my ear. “This is so illegal in so many ways.”

  I nodded, continuing to take orders. When the women’s slots were filled, the rest had to wait. They only waited for about three minutes, when Jake came back downstairs with a huge grin on his face, zipping his zipper. “Good luck, guys.”

  “Four’s empty,” the woman called from upstairs. I sent the next guy to number four, and so the evening went.

  An older graying man with a goatee and a military cut approached the counter. “I want number four and I’m willing to wait my turn.”

  “Fine,” I said. “I just filled number four, so it might be a while.”

  “No problem.” He waved someone in beside him, and a man and a woman joined him. The woman was slightly overweight, with long dyed blonde hair and blue eye shadow. “It’s a foursome anyway,” he said. “This here’s my wife.”

  Jim’s eyebrows lifted and his mouth dropped. “Did you say your wife?”

  “Yep, and my neighbor.” The man pointed at the man beside him. “We like number four.”

  “What’s your name?” Jim asked.

  “Willy and Billie Nilly, and this here’s Homer.” He pointed, again. “He’s into the kinky stuff, and he gets Billie. I like number four.”

  “Who is number four?” I asked.

  “Shirley,” Billie said. “She’s our favorite.”

  “Unbelievable,” Jim muttered, and then leaned toward me. “For research purposes only, would you ever let your husband join a hooker while you slept with the neighbor in the same room?”

  “Never. And don’t ever get any ideas.”

  “You’re right about that one. That’s even off the kinky meter for me, and that’s saying something.”

  He was hardly kinky. At least I never knew him to be kinky, but sometimes I wondered what went on in that brain of his.

  Yelling started on the streets and I looked out into the darkness. Firecrackers filled the sky and someone turned their music to full blast. The people in line started to dance, and before long, a party was going on, all over the town. I moved toward the window and saw a couple going at it on the street, a naked man running toward the cemetery wearing only sneakers, and many people lifting bottles to their mouths. Jim joined me and we both just stared at the antics from outside.

  “They’re using the cemetery as a toilet,” he whispered, pointing.

  “That’s the last time I dig a grave,” I muttered. “But look at them. They’re looting the appliance store.”

  “Where are the cops?”

  I pointed down the street. “They’re probably the ones smoking what looks like illegal drugs. I see a crack pipe. What’s going on here?”

  “Want to party?” some guy asked from behind me. He spun me around and started to dance, but I stood still and stared, confused.

  “No, I don’t want to party,” I said. “I’m working here.”

  “Oh, a working girl.” He lifted me into his arms and
took me toward the stairs.

  I hit his chest and tried to get away. “No. Leave me alone. I’m not a hooker.” I looked to Jim for help, but he seemed confused.

  “You ain’t?” The man put me on the floor, staring at my face. He seemed so confused.

  Jim and Willy Nilly approached us.

  “Leave her alone or I’ll have to beat you up,” Willy said, holding a knife.

  “Yeah,” Jim said. “What he said.”

  Some husband I had.

  The man backed away. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

  The man returned to his place in line and Willy Nilly put his knife away. “They get a little carried away,” Willy said. “That’s why I carry a weapon.”

  “I see that.” I took Jim’s hand and returned to the desk.

  “Number four’s empty,” the intercom said.

  “Willy, this one’s for you,” I said. “Have fun.”

  He took Billie’s and Homer’s hands. “We always do.”

  Jim moved closer to me and unwrapped the gauze on my hand. “No time like the present.”

  “Be gentle,” I said.

  “Yep. I always am, right?”

  “You try but don’t always succeed.” He unwrapped the thing, but it wasn’t a good sight. It was swollen, red, and yellow. “Pretty,” I said.

  “Not pretty. This is infected.”

  “Great. Does this mean drugs?”

  “Major drugs.” He went into the back room and returned with his doctor bag. After loading up a syringe, he put the cold alcohol on my arm and shot me with the syringe, making me wince in pain. Then he went to work on my hand.

  I ignored him the best I could, trying to remember who was free upstairs, to match with the people in the line downstairs. Jim finally put alcohol on my hand and wrapped it in more gauze.

  “Don’t get that wet if you can avoid it,” he said.

  “It’s my hand. What do you think?”

  “I said try to avoid it.”

  “Help,” number three said over the intercom. “I need help. Now.”

  Jim and I ran up the stairs, where a woman walked out into the hallway.

  “Where’s number three?” I asked.