Murders on the Edge

by Andie Alexander

  “Running in the cemetery through the water.”

  “I’m putting it all together now. They all knew about the ‘sprinkle yourself’ directive.” He pulled on some gloves, lifted my wet clothes, and stuck them in a plastic bag. “I’ll be back. Your clean clothes are over there.” He pointed and ran out the door with my black dress. If he was right, I was probably infected, once again.

  Chapter 34

  The room above the mortuary was filled with old fogies and various townsfolk. As if on cue, loud dance music began in the back, drowning out the funeral dirges being played on the intercom. Six good-looking men, wearing only short shorts, entered the room, approached the casket, and began dancing onstage. Archie, Damon, and I stood in the back, just watching.

  “Isn’t this some sort of offense?” I whispered to Archie.

  “Nope. They’re covered, sort of.”

  “Well, it’s offensive to me. I want them taken out.”

  “I can’t. They have a right to be here, too.” He nodded toward the seated crowd. “The old women seem to like it.”

  As I looked around the room, I saw what he meant. The old ladies were grooving along with the music. One woman, with her hair up in a bun and dressed in a conservative dress and slight heels, ran to the stage and put some money into one of the men’s shorts. She grinned and began dirty dancing with the guy until an old man pulled her off the stage.

  “Unbelievable,” Damon said. “A psychologist would have a field day in this town.”

  “Remember,” Archie whispered. “They’re all drug-induced.”

  I shook my head. “But the drugs aren’t in their systems right now.”

  “No,” Archie said. “But they’ve been taking them long enough, there’s bound to be lingering effects.”

  The men continued to dance until one woman entered the back of the room from downstairs. “Off the stage. I want to see my sister.” She was older, but not as old as dead Mrs. Highland.

  The music turned off and the men took their seats in the front row. I made a mental note not to sit in those chairs, considering their sweaty butts were there.

  The woman walked down the aisle toward the front, wiping her cheeks and her nose. “My sister. I can’t believe she’s dead. Now I can take her place as the one everyone loves.”

  I snapped my head toward Archie in surprise. He seemed just as stunned.

  “Esmeralda,” the woman said, approaching the casket. “It’s about time you died. You always were the favorite child.” She looked down at the open casket and screamed. “This isn’t fair. She’s still prettier than I am. What do I have to do…die to get attention? Unfair. I can’t believe it.”

  A man ran to the front and grabbed the woman. “It’s okay. They made her look better for the grave.”

  Tears streamed down the woman’s face. “Why? I wanted to be the one who made men turn their heads. I wanted to be the pretty one. This isn’t fair. She’s always stealing my limelight.”

  Damon’s mouth hung open. “Her sister’s dead and it’s all about her.”

  I leaned closer to him. “It always is, when you think about it. These people are extremely selfish.”

  He looked at me. “Selfish. You’re so right. I wonder if there’s a selfish drug out there somewhere, and that’s what they should be testing for?”

  “I have no idea.”

  The woman struggled and fought the man. She even lifted her purse and hit her dead sister. “Just a broken nose or a black eye. That’s all I’m asking, Hank. I want her to be uglier than me.”

  Other men jumped up on the stage, trying to pull the woman away from the casket. She finally climbed on top of her sister, pounding on the dead body as she yelled.

  “Isn’t that some sort of offense?” I asked Archie.

  “Yeah. I guess I should stop it, but it is entertaining.” He put his hand on Damon’s back. “Help me with this, Deputy.”

  With all the men trying to pull the woman off the deceased, a fistfight broke out. The minister walked to the front, stared at what was happening, turned around and left. Archie and Damon ran to the front, pulling people away, while the rest of the crowd began to fight. The shorts-clad entertainers and the husbands went at it, with people being punched everywhere possible.

  I ran downstairs and approached Chris, still sitting at the front desk. “They need you upstairs. It’s a free-for-all fight.”

  “I’ll take care of it.” He got to his feet. “It has to be more exciting than working down here.”

  “You’re so right.” I grinned and pushed up my sleeves. “Maybe I can take them on. Want to cover for me with Jim? I’d love to step in.”

  “No, I’ll go.” He forced me into his chair. “You stay here. Archie and Damon are up there, right?”

  “Yep. They’re armed, too.”

  A gunshot broke out from upstairs and everything got quiet. “Return to your seats and act civilized,” Archie yelled from up the stairs.

  Chris sat back down. “Guess I’m not needed after all.”

  “Nope.” I returned back upstairs, where everyone was sitting in chairs. However, they were all holding onto at least one of their body parts while wincing in pain. I shook my head in disbelief.

  The wailing woman stormed out the back. “I’m not staying. I’m still prettier than she is.” She turned, halfway down the aisle. “And I hate you, Esmeralda.” She ran down the stairs, crying.

  That was it. I decided to be cremated with no funeral. I didn’t want my brothers or their future wives saying I was prettier than they were.

  The rest of the funeral was anticlimactic after that outbreak. Archie and Damon stood in the back with me, until they took the body out to the gravesite.

  “What’s next?” Archie asked me.

  “Jerry Krumpet.”

  “We’re going outside to make sure there isn’t another fight. Want to join us?”

  “I have to get Jerry up here. Then I can join you.”

  “Don’t be alone for long.” Archie checked his watch. “It’s almost five. I think you’re safe because you have over an hour yet.”

  “Yep.” I headed to the elevator and took it to the first floor. Wheeling Jerry’s body into the elevator wasn’t that bad, but I didn’t like being alone. It made me wonder where Mr. Moody was, because the previous body had been carried out by six other men.

  Once I reached the second story, I wheeled Jerry’s body to the stage. The only people left in the room were Vladimir, Assam, and Jordan.

  “That’s a big job for such a small lady,” Vladimir said.

  “I’ll manage.”

  “Want some help?” He started toward the stage.

  “No.” I cleared my throat. “No, it’s fine. Just take a seat. His funeral will be starting soon.”

  “Tell me about yourself,” Vlad said.

  “There’s nothing to tell.” I inched toward the elevator.

  “Ah, but there is.” He glanced at Assam with a grin. “I’m here for research, in case you’re wondering.”

  I just had to know more. “What type of research?”

  He and Assam started to chuckle. “We’re watching people.”

  Jordan was smiling. Something wasn’t right, but I wasn’t about to tip my hand. Considering he’d held me in the sprinklers, it made me wonder about his loyalties. Or was he trying to prove he was worthy to the bad guys? Who knew.

  I heard what sounded like someone slapping the stairs as they made their way to the room. “Someone call a clown?” A clown stepped up on the top step, with big floppy feet, a gigantic hat, and a face full of white makeup with a red nose. His clothes were mismatched and too big, making him the funniest clown I’d ever seen.

  But I kept a straight face. “I’m not sure. What are you here for?”

  The man smiled. “I’m here to put the fun back in funeral. Jerry Krumpet was an honorary clown over in Las Cruces, and we wanted to send him out with a bang, making everyone laugh instead of cry.”

&nbs
p; I opened the casket and looked down at the man, who was donning a smile.

  “Good,” I said. “This place needs some laughter.” I shut the lid and wheeled Jerry to the front, walked down the stairs, and got the flowers.

  As I passed Chris on the way to the back room, I leaned closer. “Vlad, Jordan, and Assam are upstairs with me, alone, except for the clown. I need backup.”

  “Jordan’s there.”

  “Something’s not right with him. I need help. Call Damon or Archie. They’re right outside.”

  The front door opened and in walked Dr. White and Kent.

  “We’re here for the funerals.” Kent let his eyes go toward me. Yikes. I’d rather take my chances with the bad guys than with him. I turned and headed up the stairs with two huge flower vases.

  “Jane, can I speak with you?” I heard.

  I turned and saw Kent and Dr. White heading up the stairs.

  “I’m kind of busy right now,” I said. “Come with me. I can talk and work at the same time.”

  They ran beside me, flanking me on both sides. “What’s going on?” Kent whispered and took one of the big vases.

  “I’m up here alone with the bad guys,” I said. “I think Jordan’s turned.”

  “You do?”

  “He got me wet outside, and Jim thinks that’s the source of the drugs. Jim took my clothes back to the lab and is testing everything.”

  Kent nodded. “We’re with you and we’re armed.” He turned toward Dr. White. “Get Jordan alone and see what’s going on.”

  Dr. White walked the rest of the way up the stairs and we followed behind.

  “A clown?” Dr. White said.

  “Yep. Putting fun back in fun-eral,” the overdressed entertainer said. “We do weddings, funerals, kid’s parties, the works.” He approached Dr. White, who looked befuddled, and handed him his card. “Call me for anything.”

  “I thought funerals were to grieve?” the poor doctor said.

  “Not any more. Anything goes these days.”

  “Especially in this town,” I muttered. I walked toward the stage and with Kent’s help, put the flowers to each side. Fortunately, Mr. Moody had the flowers from each funeral taken to the gravesite.

  I turned back around and saw Dr. White taking Jordan by the arm, down the stairs. “Show me where I should park my car? I’m double-parked.”

  Jordan was in such trouble and I knew it. But my link to the outside world after I was kidnapped had also just walked down the stairs. I was going to be alone.

  Mourners began coming up the stairs, while Vlad and Assam sat in chairs at the back.

  Kent stayed at my side. “Is there some place we can go to talk?”

  “Not really. I have to be here. This is my job.”

  “Not your real job,” he whispered. “And the boss wants to talk to you.” He even frowned.

  “Fine.” I took him up onto the stage and into the elevator. Not a word was said until we went to the first floor, and stepped into the back room of the mortuary. “I don’t think Mr. Moody’s around. What did you want to talk about?” I kept my voice low.

  “You told Jim.”

  Lovely. I was about to be kidnapped and he wanted to fight.

  I crossed my arms. “No, I didn’t. Chris figured it out and he told Jim. It’s a lot different.”

  “I haven’t spoken to Jim yet and wanted to tell him myself, but have been watching you instead. I don’t want him to be biased.”

  “No bias,” I said, lying through my teeth. “But he knows me and he’s going to be watching me, too. Just let it go. I’m not what you think I am and I’m sure of it.”

  “Overseas, you were brainwashed. Your old boyfriend told us that. He said he can turn you at any time. Does Jim know that?”

  “No, because I don’t even know that.” I kept my arms crossed. “What do you want me to do? Beat myself up over this? I don’t think so. If you want, I’ll quit and flip burgers somewhere.”

  “No, because we want you where we can see you. I want to know what you know, and need to know the trigger. He wouldn’t tell us that.”

  “Like I would know.” I wanted to roll my eyes, but didn’t. “I don’t think there is a trigger. For right now, I have two men upstairs who want to see me dead. There’s probably a third outside with Dr. White. Don’t you think that takes precedence over your imagined sleeper problem?”

  “No, I don’t. If the Russians are after you, they’ll use the trigger to get you to do what they want. I don’t want my agents killed because you’re a threat.”

  I held my hands out to my sides. “What would I kill them with? I have no gun and no weapon.”

  He stared at me for a long time, his face about a foot from mine. “I think it’s time for you to go back to D.C. for more tests. I don’t like what I’m seeing.”

  Jim walked in the back door and Kent backed away from me.

  “What’s going on?” Jim asked.

  Kent shook his head, his eyes still on mine. “Nothing.”

  “I got the results.” He turned toward me. “You’re infected, as is Jordan, I’m sure. This is different from the last time, but there’s still some sort of time delay release on it. We also got the results of the antidote. It’s nothing more than liquefied baby aspirin.”

  “How exactly did they do it?” Kent asked Jim.

  “They use a different water tank for the lawns than they do for the drinking water. I never knew they could do that, but in this town, they did it for conservation problems. They clean up the sewer water then pump it into the lawn-watering tank for the lawns. It’s clean, but reused. That’s where they were putting the drugs. Every time the sprinklers went off, people who are outside would get it on their skin and they’d be infected. If someone had a cut, it would be more powerful. They advertised in the paper to have people get in the water at certain times, and because of the mind control, they willingly did it.”

  I looked down at the cut in my hand. “I did this earlier today while digging graves.” I showed him and he shook his head. “So what do I do?”

  He addressed Kent. “I say we pull her now. We have enough to fry these guys.”

  “You don’t have any proof they did it,” Kent said. “It won’t stand up in a court of law.”

  “Does Jordan have anything?” I asked.

  Kent sighed. “If he’s turned, then no. Chances are they’ve brainwashed him and he’ll remember nothing when he comes out of it.”

  “Jordan’s turned?” Jim whispered.

  “I have my suspicions,” I said. “What am I going to do? If I start to act crazy, I won’t be able to control myself.”

  “We’ll get you out of there as soon as we can,” Jim said. “You’re our only hope.”

  “And a sleeper,” I whispered. “Kent knows you know. Dieter told them I could be turned with a trigger.”

  Dieter was an old boyfriend I had while in Geneva, but turned out to be a terrorist, bent on blowing up the world. I didn’t know it, but Kent did have a right to suspect me. Now what should I do?

  Chapter 35

  Jim turned toward Kent. “But you did testing, right?”

  “Yes, we did, but Dieter wouldn’t tell us the trigger. He refuses.”

  Jim stared at me. “Interesting. My wife has a secret she doesn’t even know about. This’ll be fun to experiment with.”

  “Oh, I bet.” I looked back at the elevator. “I have to get upstairs. I don’t want another fight to break out.”

  “Another one?” Jim asked.

  “The only two we’ve had so far were free-for-alls. The last one was started because the deceased lady’s sister thought the deceased looked better than she did.”

  Jim seemed to ignore the weirdness of my statement. “Where’s Mr. Moody? He’s not affected by this stuff at all, from what I’m seeing.”

  I looked out to the front where Chris was seated. “I thought he was at graveside.”

  Jim shook his head. “Nope. And the hearse is out ba
ck.”

  “I don’t know, but I have to go back upstairs.” I returned toward the front, past Chris.

  Kent was right behind me. “We’ll join you. Jim, we can’t let her out of our sight, even after six.”

  Jim nodded. At least someone was watching me.

  As I headed back upstairs, I realized the funeral had begun. Archie and Damon were there, but Dr. White and Jordan were still missing. Kent walked over to Archie and whispered something. Archie and Damon left the room. The clown was entertaining everyone by making balloon animals, while some sappy upbeat music played in the background. He was also giving the eulogy, relaying funny stories of Jerry’s life, and everyone was laughing. At a funeral. At least the casket was closed.

  Jim moved closer to me. “Don’t go anywhere. I don’t trust anyone here.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  It was almost twenty minutes to six when the guy finished entertaining everyone. People were crying tears of laughter, and I then realized that this guy got it right. What a way to remember someone.

  The casket was hauled out of the room by mourners, but the flowers remained. Mr. Moody had disappeared, so I picked up the flowers and joined the crowd.

  Kent grabbed the flowers from me. “Not yours.” He handed them to some guy walking out the door. “Make sure these get to the grave.”

  “Sure,” the man said.

  Kent took my arm and directed me to the elevator, leaving Jim upstairs to watch everyone.

  “One more body,” I said to Kent.

  “Then you’re done. I’m reconsidering this kidnapping deal. I don’t like the idea that you’re infected. You could tell everything.”

  “I won’t. You know me.”

  “Not as much as we’d like to know you,” he muttered.

  Oh, brother. He’d never let that go. I could see more ‘alone time’ in my future, in a room in D.C. again, without contact to the outside world. Lucky me. I wished I could just run away and take Jim with me.

  We took the elevator to the first floor and wheeled the last body inside. While taking it to the top floor, Kent lifted the lid. “Who’s the stiff?”