Alive

by Victoria Johns

  “Okay.” I owed him that. Jonas had never steered me wrong and he was right, I needed some thinking time before I went all out and changed my life.

  An attention-seeking cough broke the silence. “Dare I ask what’s going on here?” I turned to see Dolly looking ready to jump in between us. “I made your bagels to go. Rebecca says you’re meeting people. Be warned, boys, I’ve decided to help with that. She can meet the whole gang at Purps later. Neely has already claimed dress up duty and I figured Rebecca could do with some fun, and dancing is her kind of fun.

  “Yeah, whatever,” I mumbled.

  “Are you two okay?” She looked dumbfounded. “I say this because you’ve both just accepted that Neely is dressing a person for a nightclub. Neither of you reacted to the words ‘gang’ and ‘purps’, and that’s disappointing. I had a whole convincing speech prepared. Baby, you’re usually speed dialing the national guard by now.”

  “We’re good. Dalton, get over here,” he demanded, and I knew that was my cue to leave. My brother was struggling with his emotions and I’d done nothing but make him angry and drag up the past. Unspoken words passed between them and I knew how she was going to calm him down. I left them to it and walked away. If he chose to tell Dolly my plans then I was okay with that. People were going to hear about them soon enough anyway.

  Deciding one argument and near punch up was enough for today, I made what I was hoping would be the easier of the remaining visits next. I knew I should have been heading to see Jack first and sorting that shit out, but what could I say? There was no point coming up with excuses. I was scared of seeing him, especially with Rebecca in tow, so our next stop was my mom and dad’s.

  “It’s lovely to meet you,” Mom clucked. Actually clucked, like a mother hen, because she’d only ever met Lacey and that didn’t go the way she’d expected. All her praying that I would get together with Lacey had never paid off and we’d remained firmly in the ‘friends’ camp. “Come in, come in and have coffee.”

  My mom successfully snatched her from me, just like that, kidnapped Rebecca and led her into the kitchen. At least I didn’t have to worry about leaving them alone. This was what my mom did best, loving strangers, so I knew Rebecca would be fine. After all, when she married me, she would be moving to a new town with new people, and they’d all be strangers until she got to know them.

  I wandered out back in search of my dad. The handsome old guy was where he always was, tinkering with some shit in the shed. “Wondered when you’d show.” My arrival didn’t stop his work and if I didn’t know him any better, I’d have said he was disappointed in me so I let him carry on. He was bent over an old lawn mower with dirty rags everywhere and surrounded by jars containing old oil.

  “I went out of town for Jonas.”

  “And you didn’t have time to let me or your mom know? She worries, son.”

  “Sorry, things were—”

  “I know. Jonas told me,” he cut in sharply. “Although your mom doesn’t know. I didn’t think she’d react well to hearing about your latest activities.”

  “Fuck,” I muttered under my breath. He could have been talking about me working with Jonas—she’d always hated it when he was on deployment—but we both knew what he was referring to.

  “A fairly apt way to describe what you did. What in the hell were you thinking?”

  “Clearly I wasn’t. But I’m going to try to put things right with Jack. I just hope he forgives me.”

  “He will. Eventually. He got the compassionate genes so just hang in there.”

  I rubbed my hands down my face. “I hope you’re right. I brought someone home and I’d like you to meet her.”

  This news changed his demeanor. Lacey was the last person I’d brought home and that had been a really long time ago. I could see he was shocked. “Well why didn’t you say?” He was already rubbing his grubby hands on rags and screwing lids on the multitude of oil jars.

  “Dad…” Shit, his enthusiasm made me a little nervous. “She’s important to me.”

  “Son, you brought her home so I think I get that.”

  “No. I mean really important. I’m going to marry her.”

  I waited for him to berate me like Jonas had but instead, he shook his head with a knowing smile. “Always the impulsive one of the two, right from the get go. When you set your mind to something, you were annoying as hell until you got it. Just be careful.” Then he walked out of the shed, leaving me speechless and surprised. “You coming?”

  When we got back to the kitchen, the two most important women in my life were as thick as thieves. Rebecca was making my mom laugh and I suddenly understood what leaving her to join the navy would really mean. If I left her, how would I fit in when I got back? If I was different and my family felt obliged to support me and not her, I’d be taking away the only support network Rebecca had, the one thing she’d always wanted—a normal family life. Immersing her in my family, making my family fall in love with her and giving her the chance to do the same would just be cruel if I didn’t work my ass off to keep that together. If there was any chance I would come back broken, that would destroy both of us, but taking a family away from her, one that had cared for her and grown to love her while I was away, would obliterate her.

  There was no way on earth I could do something that like. I’d be dangling her dream in front of her and then be responsible for ripping it away from her again.

  Decision made. Find another career path.

  My dad had a sudden moment of clarity and stopped me on my way to her. My body always gravitated towards her whenever I was close.

  “She why Jonas sent you out of town?” I halted at his line of questioning and nodded, worried that he was going to come to his senses and warn me away from her. “She safe?”

  “Working on it.” My answer was good enough for him. He seemed almost proud of me.

  “Jake,” my mom shouted. “This girl dances!”

  “She does,” I agreed, smiling at my girl.

  “Looks like I’ve finally found someone who will watch Dancing with the Stars with me.”

  “Here we go,” my dad mumbled, looking to the heavens for divine intervention. “Me, on my ass in a chair next to her with a book or magazine isn’t good enough. No. I have to hear shit about move sequences. Move sequences! I’ll say it again, Barb. Neither of us knows shit about moving or sequences. Then we delve into the realms of muscles and waxed chests, you wanna take on that burden for me, I will love you forever.”

  “Rebecca, this is my dad Harrison, eternal shed dweller and apparent dancing philistine.” Dad leant forward and extended his hand.

  “Well that’s a done deal,” my mom enthused. “Dancing with the Stars now reclassified as girl’s night. I’ll bake!”

  I was about to mouth the word ‘sorry’ to Rebecca but she was grinning from ear to ear. She seemed comfortable and at home here and I couldn’t have been happier.

  That wasn’t strictly true. I could have been if I’d managed to sort shit out with Jack, and I was feeling inclined to get that over and done with. “You okay to hang here while I take care of some business?”

  “Of course,” my mom answered for her, like I’d just suggested the unthinkable. “I’ll cook us an early supper.”

  I could see the sparkle in her eyes. Something as simple as sitting in a kitchen and looking forward to spending time at my parents’ house was part of her dream of living the good life. I gracefully conceded to my mom, the fiancée kidnapper, and left. I’d figure out a way to get her out of girl’s night later.

  “Walk me to the door.” I grabbed her hand and gave her no choice in the matter. “I won’t be long. I just need to see my brother and introducing him to you without trying to sort out our differences would be a disaster.”

  “That’s cool. I’m fine here and your parents are lovely people.”

  I took her in my arms and locked my lips with hers, trying to convey an entire world of emotions in one simple kiss. When I he
ard her getting seriously breathless, I knew I’d let it go on too long. “Bye, baby.” I finally released her and watched as she wobbled on uneasy legs back inside my family home.

  Rebecca

  Jake’s big brother was hot and protective. His sister Dolly was super nice and I mean, nice. Inviting me out to meet her friends was unbelievable.

  His mom and dad were adorable and made me realize what I’d missed out on growing up. My parents made The Addams Family look normal, which meant Barbara and Harrison Griggs were like something from the Hallmark channel.

  They all seemed to want to get to know me, and I loved that because I wanted this to work out so badly. The thought of not being a part of this family made me feel queasy.

  I was fairly certain it was my time to receive some good fortune and meeting up with Jake had to be it, my turn of fate at last.

  The time I spent with his mom flew by just doing normal stuff. Jake’s dad left after a while, retreating to a shed in the garden with joy as we finished baking. Then I sat beside her as we watched reruns of Dancing with the Stars. I had to laugh when she compared me to Juilanne Hough. She was beautiful and starred in the love film ‘Safe Haven’. I’d never read the Nicolas Sparks book about a stranger finding love in a new town to avoid her past, but damn… totally my life and totally fate.

  I hadn’t realized how late it was until Dolly and Neely showed up to get me ready for my night out. Neely was beautiful, too, so as well as hot guys crawling out of every nook and cranny, it appeared that Jake was surrounded by cute, pretty women who were also available in abundance. Jake got called back to see Jonas and Ross after visiting his brother so the girls had volunteered to collect me. I got the chance to see the twins again. I was starting to adore them and I’d only been around them for about forty-eight hours. Dolly dropped them with Barbara and Harrison who were babysitting while Dolly and Jonas indulged in a rare night out.

  “I’ve only had a brief description of your sizing, complexion and hair coloring,” Neely fussed, hauling a full suitcase of clothes from the trunk of the jeep. “We should have something in here, though.”

  Dolly looked excited as she put her arm around me. “Trust the sisterhood. It will all come good.”

  I’d never had a sisterhood.

  God, I wanted a sisterhood badly.

  More girls arrived as I was getting ready, and Lottie was even more angelic and beautiful than the others, only to be complimented by Flo, a down to earth gorgeous woman who was bitching about her post baby stomach, but doing it with a huge smile on her face. After a while, I stopped trying to have a say in the clothing selection and let their creativity flow. They seemed to be having a good time playing dress up and I wasn’t going to spoil it.

  In the end, I settled on a short black skirt that cupped my butt cheeks and made the most of my dancer’s legs, legs they all seemed to be jealous of for no reason at all as they all had perfectly good legs themselves. The only choice I did have input in was a long floaty top covered in simple flowers of different nude and blush shades. With a simple v-neck and light fabric, it was perfect for a warm evening out. The nude patent heels I sunk my feet into were to die for. As soon as I slipped them on my feet and looked in the mirror, I knew I wanted to keep them forever. They turned my legs from a mass of muscles to shapely and alluring.

  Neely was desperate to do my hair and makeup, and that was when I had to step in and pull it back together. I knew something was amiss when the other girls all backed away and left Neely to it. It scared me a touch when Dolly tried to tame Neely’s ideas but got shut down quickly. I knew I was going to stop her, though. I’d spent so much time overdoing my hair and makeup for Mansion’s and before that, Sunset Beach, that I wasn’t going to go out looking like a stripper. Every time I did that for work, I felt like Raven was back and she was someone I was working hard to leave behind. That girl was fast becoming a stranger and I’d avoid having her looking back me through mirrored glass at all costs.

  In the end, Dolly placated Neely’s pouting and I was left to dab on a bit of bronze shimmer. I chose Lottie’s as her complexion was closer to mine than that of Neely’s dark skin tone. A swipe of mascara and sweep of pink lip gloss and I was happy. My hair was effortless. I’d washed it, tipped my head upside down and blasted it with a dryer. When I felt light headed from the blood rushing to my bent head, I knew it was done and for the first time, I let myself get excited about having my very first girl’s night.

  A cab collected us and took us to their local nightclub, Purps. The music connected with me from the moment we were stood in line waiting to pay our admission fee.

  For the first time ever, I felt a solidarity with new people. We were all together, chatting about nothing and drinking beer. I was having the best time in the world and I felt a sense of happiness and freedom, even with my troubles still ongoing. I had this desperate need to dance because I knew it would be for my own enjoyment. The rhythm inside my soul was begging to be set free because it was my addiction and my body was keening, waiting for a fix.

  I couldn’t wait to see Jake. It was almost like we were having our first date and it was sending me into a tailspin. Then it smacked me square in the face—I’d agreed to marry a guy and we’d never even dated!

  “You look like my kind of sister. Those toes are tapping and I can see you’re itching to get your groove on.” Dolly interrupted my musings.

  Her words inspired me to feel the mood and check out the dancing of the people around me. It was then that I spotted him. Jake was there in a killer dress shirt and pants with his hair styled. My heart beat faster when I realised he’d made an effort. He looked so lush my mouth started to water, but a moment later, I felt the juices flooding my teeth like I was going to puke.

  I saw a girl moving towards him with intent. He returned her smile enthusiastically when she went to grab him, and he didn’t move to stop her. He was baiting her and if I had been the girl receiving that smile and those dance moves, I’d have interpreted things the same way. It was like he was open for fun. My frustration piled forward at his inability to dismiss her. He needed to hurry the fuck up and turn her away.

  But he didn’t. He was playing games and I wasn’t sure I liked that side of him. He was my guy and she needed to back off or I’d make her. I could feel my blood beginning to bubble; I’d never felt so possessive before in my life. It was an odd sensation I didn’t know how to deal with.

  Turning back to Dolly, I dumped my bottle of beer on the bar and shouted, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

  As I started to storm off, Dolly grabbed my arm. “Rebecca, that’s not—”

  “Not fucking on. I know, right?” I shrugged her arm off and felt slightly relieved that she was going to let me deal with this alone. In truth, I wasn’t sure what angry bitch mode I was about to call upon, but I didn’t want my future sister-in-law to see it. As I got closer, I begin to feel slightly relieved that the bitch had taken the hint and left him alone, although why he continued to dance out there in the throng of it all when he knew I was there somewhere I didn’t know.

  I walked up behind him and rubbed my hand across his ass cheeks. They were snug in his pants, and when he turned to see who was touching him, I could see interest flickering in his eyes. I dragged my fingers up a bit to his waist and then journeyed round to his front. I felt like I was circling prey and it was empowering.

  “Hey there,” he finally said, showing me that beautiful smile.

  “I missed you.”

  Jake looked round at the people behind him to see if anyone else was listening. “You missed me? Do we know each other?”

  My blood thickened and surged through my veins. The music poking at me, and this game he was playing were doing crazy things to my libido. Finding out he could be this way when he was in a playful mood was a huge turn on. Snippets of his demeanor in the Rockton cabin had taught me he had that potential. “So that’s how we’re playing this.” I smiled back at him. “Dance with me, handsome.
”

  I stepped forward into him and straddled his leg, guiding his hands around my back to rest on my waist. I leaned up really quickly and licked from the base of his throat, before taking a quick nip of his bottom lip with my teeth. Jake and I started to move together, but he didn’t pick up on my rhythm and I felt a bit lost at sea. We were so in sync the rest of the time, and it was a major blow to learn that we didn’t fit together well when we danced. Dancing was my life. How the hell could we not melt together as one to music?

  It was devastating.

  The more we tried to move together with the beat, the more it all felt wrong, like he was forcing it.

  The idea that I’d lost my connection with him terrified me.

  “Wanna tell me your name?” Jake asked, forcing himself into the game, but even I could see he was uncomfortable.

  Desperate to salvage something from the situation, I stopped dancing abruptly and pulled him as close to me as possible, putting my fingertips to his chin. “Kiss me.”

  “You’re a forward little thing.” He smiled and then did as I asked. Jake didn’t take control of the kiss like he usually did. He just flapped his lips with mine.

  There was no spark; it was gone.

  I felt my stomach plummet.

  The electricity had vanished.

  When Jake and I kissed, a part of the excitement was always the thrill of wondering just how quickly he could get my body fluids screaming and how wet he could make me. Usually, it only took a single swipe of his tongue.

  Even though it wasn’t physically possible, I tried to push myself in closer and when I tried to get him more involved, he didn’t react like I expected. The intensity of his kiss stayed the same, and even though I was virtually crawling up him, it seemed to do nothing for him.