Whispers in the Dark

by Niranjan K

  He stood outside, closing the door behind him and leaned against it for a moment, just breathing. He was surprised to see the lights in the houses. Of course. It was only just past eight. People didn't go to bed this early. It was even more surprising to see everything look the same as before. How could the world just spin on when Dad was gone? How could he still feel the nip in the air, how could he still see the sky dotted with stars and feel the breeze on his face when Dad wouldn't ever be able to?

  He looked at Alistair's house. All he wanted was to go there. Alistair had pulled him through when he had lost Shane. Surely, he would be able to do the same now. But what if that asshole Jonathan was still there? Ray didn't want to run into him. Instead, he turned towards the hills, tugging his coat closer to his body. It had been such a bright day. From where had this wind come now? It didn't matter. Did anything anymore?

  He reached the top of the first hill and sat underneath the tree. It felt as if he couldn't take another step. To go down, to the stream, where Dad had taught him and Shane the constellations… he couldn't, not now. Shane was gone and Dad was gone and he was still here, and he couldn't go there. That place was full of memories, and most of them were linked to Dad.

  His phone vibrated again and he took it.

  Where are you? It was Alistair.

  At the hill, he replied.

  Do you need to be alone?

  Did he? Ray wasn't sure.

  I don't know, he typed back.

  May I come there?

  Yes.

  Alistair was there, and he sank on to the grass beside Ray, not speaking.

  “Can you hold me?” Ray asked.

  Alistair said nothing, but drew Ray into his arms and they sat there, till Ray sighed, and turned his face into the warmth of Alistair and said, “Is Jon there?”

  “No,” Alistair said. “He left a couple of hours ago.”

  “Take me to your house. Mine's too full.”

  “Okay,” Alistair said as he gathered Ray close and the next moment they were in the familiar living room.

  “Can I sleep with you tonight?” Ray asked. “I don't want to be alone,”

  “Of course,”

  “I'm going back to Miriwok,” Ray said as he lay on the bed, still dressed in the same clothes he had worn during the funeral. Alistair lay next to him, holding him, and Ray's face was buried in his neck.

  “Magnus told me about what was happening. Ray, someone else could do it.”

  “Yes, but then I would have nothing to do and too much time in my hands.” Ray said. “I need this. Can't you see that?”

  Alistair hugged him even closer. “I just don't like the idea of you being alone there.”

  “I'll be okay.” Ray said.

  “You don't always have to be.” Alistair said.

  “I know,” Ray sighed. “I need this, that's all. I need something to keep me from thinking about all this shit, and this hunt would do that.”

  “I can come with you.”

  It was tempting, so tempting, but Ray shook his head. “Mom will need you. You're her oldest friend. She and Dad… they'd been together so long.”

  “Since she was twenty.” Alistair said. “Two years before she had your brother.”

  “I've heard the stories,” Ray said. “But you were there, weren't you?”

  Alistair nodded. “Ned used to say he was married to his work. And then he met Daphne. She was thirteen years younger, and they fell for each other like a ton of bricks.”

  “Forty-five years.” Ray whispered. “How will she survive?”

  “She will. She's strong,” Alistair paused. “Will you?”

  “I have to.” Ray said. “Sometimes it's all you can do, you know.”

  “It's a good enough thing.” Alistair said.

  “Jerry's coming tomorrow.” Ray said.

  “Your producer?”

  How did Alistair know that? Did he watch the show? That had never occurred to him before.

  “He's also a friend,” Ray said. “But yeah, he does produce A Ray of Sunshine.”

  Fortunately, Alistair didn't make any comments on that, saying instead, “So, you'll be going back with him?”

  “That's the plan. I still have to tell Mom, though.”

  “She'll understand.”

  “I hope so.”

  They didn't speak further, just stayed in each other's arms, listening to the other's breathing and lay there.

  I need to be back before Mom's up.

  The thought was at the edge of Ray's consciousness as he slipped into a disturbed doze.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Alistair woke him around eight, murmuring, “Weren't you saying you needed to be home before Daphne's up?”

  Ray yawned. He wasn't rested, but he wasn't tired too much. His brain just wanted to shut down. It didn't want to think or remember. “Did I say that out loud?” Ray asked. Alistair nodded, smiling. Ray placed his hand on his cheek. “Did I tell you I love you?”

  “Not today,” Alistair said, drawing him close and kissing him, morning breath and all. “I love you.” he whispered against Ray's lips.

  “Hold me for a minute,” Ray said, his arms already around Alistair. “Fuck! I wish I weren't going.”

  “Do you want me to call Daphne and tell her you're here?”

  Ray shook his head. “No. After... After what I did the last time I lost someone... You can't really blame them if they...” He shrugged.

  “I understand,” Alistair said. “But you do plan on telling them eventually?”

  “Yes, but I don’t know when,” he said. “I also need to tell them I'm leaving, to tell Jerry I'm going back with him, to book tickets…” He glared as Alistair chuckled. “What?”

  “Some things about you never change.” Alistair smiled at him.

  “You're telling me you aren't as lazy as fuck these days?” Ray asked, grinning.

  Alistair laughed. “I'm afraid that's something you'll have to live with.”

  Ray kissed him. “I can do that.”

  He pushed himself away from Alistair, not wanting to go, to face the real world, where his father no longer existed, to deal with his grief. Being with Alistair, being in his presence made it all seem like a bad dream, kept the grief at bay. Even he couldn't explain how it was, except that it was. It was just one of the things about him that was immutable, as unchangeable as his feelings for Alistair, and as constant as his own habit of making impulsive decisions at the last minute. Becoming a vampire was perhaps the only decision he had thought through. He had regretted that when he'd seen the expression on Alistair's face, as he never had to for any of his impulsive decisions, not even the one where Shane and he had stolen Dad's car and had ended up wrecking it, though they had ended up uninjured.

  “I need to leave.” he said, sighing.

  “Okay.”

  Ray got up, straightening his clothes. Even a blind person would be able to tell he had slept in them. He found his shoes and put them on before walking back to the bed and kissing Alistair.

  “I love you.” he said. “Thank you.”

  “You're welcome, Ray.” Alistair said, holding his face between his hands for a moment longer.

  Ray felt bereft as soon as he was out of the bedroom. He had never been in Alistair's bedroom before. Not even when he had lived in this house, irrespective of whether Alistair was home. He didn't look around, not wanting to remember those days. Not because he hadn't been happy then, but because he didn't want to face the piercing sense of loss he felt on being back in this house.

  Or what it felt like when he had become human again. It had been like waking up after being unconscious for so long, as if his senses were working properly only then. It made little sense since as a vampire, his senses had been sharper and far superior. It had also been pain as he had never known, since the bond between him and Alistair was no longer the same. Where it had been alive and pulsing with life and shared experiences and feeling, now it was just a buzzing at th
e back of his head, something that felt alien and intrusive.

  But that was before he lost his father. Had he thought losing Shane had taught him everything about loss? Did he think it equipped him to face more grief? He was an idiot if he thought that.

  The sun was shining when he stepped out of the house. It stopped him in his tracks. There was little traffic at this hour, and everything was just so - normal, so ordinary. Everything looked the same as it had last night or the day before, or even the week before. Nothing had changed in the world while their lives had been altered irrevocably. He walked across the streets, feeling the sun shine on him, the warmth of the rays on his body, the fragrance of something cooking in a nearby house, the purple flowers peeking through from a tall bush near their front lawn.

  Ray opened the door and entered. Eve was curled up on the couch, asleep, and shivering slightly. He took off his coat and covered her, careful not to wake her. Going to his room, he opened the door softly so as not to wake Brett, and tiptoed to the bathroom. He needed a shave and a shower and to change his clothes. He brushed his teeth and shaved, before tiptoeing to the wardrobe to take a fresh pair of jeans and a T shirt, and going back to the bathroom to have a shower.

  Brett was still sleeping soundly when he came back to the room and for a moment, he envied his nephew. To be able to sleep after a loss such as this was a blessing. He also found himself pitying Brett. He was too young yet to understand the magnitude of his loss. Ray couldn't remember his grandparents, but he remembered the way Eve and Dan talked about them. Dad would always be only a character in his father's stories for Brett, and wasn't that the saddest part?

  He went back to the living room where Eve was moving in her sleep, small whimpering sounds escaping her. Probably a nightmare. He went to her and held her, not waking her. Eve had always been a sound sleeper, but even then, he was careful not to disturb her. Let her find what sleep she could, even if it was fraught with nightmares.

  “Do you need coffee?” Anton whispered from behind him.

  “Please,” Ray half turned to give his brother a smile. “Mom up yet?”

  “She took a sedative, according to Nat.”

  Anton placed a steaming mug on the coffee table. Eve stopped moving and whimpering, relaxing and sighing. He released her and went to pick up the mug. It was hot enough to scald and he blew on it.

  “You were out all night.” Anton said.

  “I'm fine.” Ray said, taking a tentative sip. It didn't burn his mouth and he took another.

  “I know. I can see that, it's just... I don't know how to talk to you any more, Ray.”

  Ray stared at him. “What does that mean?” He still kept his voice down, mindful of Eve slumbering in the room.

  “It's just... You were my big brother, and now... Now you're younger than me... And everyone talks as if you're still my big brother, but... I don't feel that... And I don't feel like you're a younger brother either... I don't know how I feel... And I don't know how to act around you or how to talk to you...”

  Ray put his cup down and went to his brother and hugged him. Anton hugged him back, tight enough to make him breathless. “It doesn't matter.” Ray said. “We're brothers, and will always be. Younger, older, it doesn't matter. I love you and I always will.”

  “I love you too.” Anton said, his voice thick.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Eve yawned, waking from a dream she couldn't remember. She couldn't even remember if it was pleasant or not. Wait, was that a coat over her? She sat up and it fell to the floor. She took it. It looked like Ray's, though her recollection of what her brothers had worn yesterday was hazy.

  “Good morning.” Brett said, from a chair where he seemed to have been engrossed in a game on his phone.

  “Good morning.” she said, getting up and stretching.

  She felt hot and her mouth was like sandpaper. She needed a shower urgently, and some water to drink, not necessarily in that order.

  “Uncle Ray told me not to disturb you.” he said. “I hope I didn't.”

  “No, you didn't.” She yawned again. “What time is it?”

  “Around eleven. Everyone already had breakfast and grandma said yours is on the table. You may have to make toast fresh though.”

  “All right.” she said. “Where's everyone?”

  “Uncle Ray is out. He said a friend was coming. Uncle Anton and Bruce have gone out for the day, and grandma said she was going to Alistair's. Mom and Dad are in their room.”

  “I'm going to have a bath.” she said,

  “I was about to suggest it. You look funny with your hair all stuck up like that.” Brett said. “Can I turn on the volume of my game now?”

  “Sure,” she said. “Or you can watch TV or read a book.”

  “I read books on my phone.” Brett informed her. “I don't buy paperbacks. That's part of what nearly destroyed earth, you know.”

  Eve was amused. “And what do you know about it?”

  “I learn about it at school, about how they cut down trees to make paper.”

  “They used to,” She corrected. “Now they use recycled paper and plastic for books, you know.”

  “My teacher says plastic nearly killed the environment in earth.”

  “That was before we found out how to degrade it safely. Now it’s used to make books. Safe, I assure you, and no threat to the environment unless you’re planning on burning them.”

  “Mom says only savages burn books.” he said.

  “She would be right.” Eve said, smiling. “See you later? I really need a shower.”

  He nodded as he went back to his phone and she could hear the chiming sounds as he turned the volume on his phone. At least it wasn’t gunfire which was all Ray, Shane and Anton used to be interested in at his age.

  She went to her room, closing the door behind her. It was painted a soft mauve. Mauve had been Nancy’s favourite colour. She felt tears prickle her eyes. Why was she destined to lose everyone she cared for? Seeing Josephine at the hospital the other day had been a shock. She looked exactly like Nancy, except Nancy never looked that old, and she never would. The rogue vampire had made sure of that.

  Did Jo remember that night? The night when the rogue had gone after her family, and Shane had risked his life to save hers? It was unlikely. Alistair had used his powers to make her forget. That was not something that wore off with time. Why had Mom and Dad even asked him to do that? Larry and Pen had also been part of that decision. And Alistair… he had not said no either.

  She sat on the floor, her back to the door. Nancy would have been happy and proud to see Jo now. She was a doctor, successful, happily married with children of her own.

  At least Shane’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain.

  She really ought to shower, but moving from the floor seemed like such an effort. Why couldn’t she just stay here? Why shouldn’t she? What had she left anyway? She was alone. She had always been alone. Ever since Nancy had died, she had been destined for loneliness. What was the point in holding on any more?

  Her eyes went to the framed photograph on the wall. It had been taken on Ray and Shane’s sixteenth birthday, and had all of them in it, even Uncle Gary and Gisele. Aunt Sarah wasn’t there, though. Oh right. She had snapped the photo. Her eyes moved over her father’s face, mentally contrasting the man in the picture with the man she had seen on the hospital bed. He hadn’t changed all that much. She was right about that. But her mother… Mom looked so young, so happy… Shane’s death had dimmed her light and now Dad… Eve drew a gulping sob. What would it do to Mom if she were to do something rash?

  She drew her knees to her chest, hugged them close to her body, and wept, burying her face in her knees. Her stomach grumbled, reminding her she had not eaten. Rivulets of sweat were running down her back and she was breathing hard. How could she feel hunger and all these other things at this time?

  She pulled herself to her feet, and nearly doubled over with the pain that hit her abdomen. Oh. It was tha
t time of the month again. She had forgotten the date with everything that was going on. She stood there, leaning against the door. She had better get to the bathroom before she started bleeding. Of course, the bleeding wouldn’t start until much later. She pushed herself to lean against the wall as she walked to the bathroom. There should be some painkillers in there. Mom always kept them stocked.

  Her eyes went to the closed window. Mom had gone to see Alistair. It wasn’t surprising. He had been their oldest friend. He’d probably watched Dad grow up, the way he did them. How strange that Mom should have gone to him for comfort when he probably needed it as much. She pushed that thought firmly to the back of her mind. Alistair was a vampire. Probably, he was used to seeing humans die every day. How did he deal with it? Would he be able to tell her?

  She downed a painkiller and waited for the pain to subside before doing anything else. She was an idiot to have wanted to harm Alistair. He had always been a friend to her family, and she had forgotten all that, forgotten that Alistair was the one who had helped her find the vampire who had killed Nancy, that he had ignored the treaty in favour of helping her, that he had never told anyone of that breach of law by her. He had understood her need for revenge. How could she just have forgotten all that?

  She sighed as she went to the kitchen. She was hungry, but wasn’t sure she would be able to eat. Everything seemed such an effort. She poured herself a glass of juice. The doorbell rang. Perhaps Mom was back. She went to the front door only to see Brett opening it and a deep voice saying,

  “Is Eve in?”

  She stiffened, and before Brett could invite the stranger in, she had put down her glass and had pushed past her nephew, putting herself between him and the stranger.

  “What do you want, Aiden?”

  The vampire lifted his hands as if in surrender. “I just wanted to pay my respects and express my condolences.”

  She stared at him a moment, and turned to Brett. “Go inside,” she said. “And don’t ask anyone to come inside when you answer the door, no matter who, okay?”

  “Dad already told me,” he said. “I wasn’t about to invite him inside, aunt Eve.”