Her Big Sky Cowboy

by Alissa Callen

  He forgot to breathe. He knew who the stranger was.

  “Mom?”

  He hadn’t realized he’d spoken until Trinity swung around, eyes wide, and the woman at the table slowly lifted her head.

  “Mom,” he said again even though his voice was nothing more than a croak.

  The woman came to her feet, her hand on the back of the chair as though she feared she may fall. He stared into eyes wet with tears but bright with the love he remembered.

  All his anger drained away. The lines on her face and her fragile body told him whatever hell he’d suffered not having her in his life, she too had suffered. He didn’t need to compound both of their pain. She’d come home. That was all that mattered.

  He walked over and throat tight, put his arms around her.

  She fell against him. While he couldn’t hear her sobs, tremors shook her and tears dampened his shirt. When her sobs gentled, he carefully pulled away.

  Not speaking, she touched his face with trembling fingers, then she took his hand in hers and drew him toward the table where they could both sit.

  Trinity sat a glass of ice tea in front of his mother and a coffee in front of him. When she went to leave, her grasped her arm.

  “Please, stay.”

  Eyes a vivid green, she nodded and sat beside him. Beneath the table, her leg touched his.

  His mother squeezed his hand.

  “I’m so sorry.” For a second he thought her emotions would overwhelm her, but she continued. “What can I say to make things right?”

  His thumb brushed the cold, paper-thin skin on her hand. “You made it back. That’s all that needs to be said.”

  She shook her head. “So much needs to be said. I don’t know where to start.”

  Her earnest, almost desperate, expression said she needed to talk.

  “Trinity filled me in on why Lesley said you had to leave. So why don’t you start with what happened after then?”

  “Okay.” Clara paused as if gathering strength. “I stayed in Australia. For a long time I was … lost. But then I got a job working in a library and eventually I met someone. He was a kind and loving man, everything your father wasn’t. We had a daughter …”

  Zane’s chest tightened. He had a sister.

  “And while there wasn’t a day when I didn’t think of you and Russ, life fell into a quiet rhythm and the years passed. But then the stress took its toll and I was diagnosed with breast cancer.”

  This time he squeezed his mother’s hand.

  “But I wasn’t dying without seeing my boys again or leaving another of my children without a mother.”

  Incapable of words, Zane leaned over the table and kissed his mother’s cheek. He’d come so close to losing her before she could find her way back to him.

  His kiss put a smile in her eyes but her happiness ebbed as she continued. “When I heard about Russ and Marlisa’s accident, I booked a flight over. You and Finn would need help and support. But Phil fell ill and … passed away. So it’s taken me almost a year to make that plane flight.”

  “And now you’re here.” Emotion deepened his voice. His mother had endured enough heartbreak to last two lifetimes. “I’m so sorry you lost your husband. I would have liked to shake the hand of the man who made you happy.”

  She nodded, tears welling in her eyes.

  “You’ll always have a home with me and Finn for as long as you need one.”

  “Thank you.” She gazed around the kitchen, expression haunted. “The ranch looks nothing like it used to, but there are too many memories for it to ever feel like home. I knew I’d feel this way so have bought a small house in Marietta. I’m also hoping my daughter, Bridie, will come over. She’d love to meet you and Finn.”

  “And we’d love to meet her.” Zane glanced at the caterpillar book lying forgotten on the table and smiled. “I see Lesley’s kept you up-to-date on what Finn likes.”

  Trinity pushed back her chair. “Speaking of Finn, I’ll go and check on him. There’s a lot of thumping coming from his room.”

  She touched Zane’s shoulder and gave him her beautiful smile as she passed.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‡

  Trinity checked on Finn and Cricket and discovered the thumping noise had been Finn rearranging his room. He’d cleared a space beside his window to make more room for his Lego town. The toy baskets that usually sat nestled beneath the window frame had been dragged across the room.

  Finn gave her a thumbs up sign from where he sat in the middle of a walled city, a huge pile of loose Lego by his side.

  Trinity returned the gesture. For once she wasn’t modeling good talking. After the high emotion of Zane meeting his mother, her husky voice would alert Finn that something was up. She scanned the room for troublemaker Cricket, but instead of causing havoc the pup lay asleep on a bed Finn had made using bug-shaped cushions.

  She quietly closed the door. Finn would be happy playing and there was no rush to take him downstairs, Zane and Clara needed time alone as mother and son. Trinity headed to her room to change from her cherry-print sundress into jeans and a pink western shirt. She didn’t want to disturb Clara and Zane and she was too restless to sit and read. She’d take Toffee for a quick ride to the creek to see if the first blooms of the Hollyhocks were out.

  When she returned, and even after seeing the pretty pink wildflower spires after which the ranch had been named, Trinity’s restlessness hadn’t eased. She unsaddled Toffee in the empty yard. Hank and the ranch hands were out working on the fences. She released Toffee into the pasture she shared with Sonny and headed to the ranch house.

  From the kitchen she heard Finn giggle. The tense line of her shoulders relaxed. Finn’s laughter was a good sign. She entered the kitchen and saw Finn sitting next to Clara at the table reading the caterpillar book. The joy and contentment on Clara’s face brought tears to Trinity’s eyes. She blinked and looked around for Zane, but he was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he’d left to allow Clara and Finn time together?

  Trinity walked over. Finn grinned and patted Clara’s cheek. “This is my grandma. She bought me a bug book.”

  “I know. She’s waited a long time and come on a big airplane to see you.”

  Finn stared at Clara for a second, edged a little closer to her side and went back to pointing at the caterpillar illustrations.

  “Where’s Zane?” Trinity again looked around the kitchen.

  Clara glanced at her, blue gaze concerned. “I’m not sure. I was telling Finn about how Russ didn’t like bugs but how he did like toy trains. Zane went all silent and then mentioned something about chopping wood.”

  “Okay. The wood pile’s behind the stables. I’ll look for him there.”

  She hurried past the bunkhouse. Zane chopping wood wasn’t a good sign. She’d only known him to chop wood on the day she’d arrived with Ivy and Rhett, but the intensity with which he’d demolished the logs said it was his way of working through his tension.

  It wasn’t until she rounded the corner of the long stable building that she heard the sound of splintering wood. Just like last time, Zane had his shirt off and his sweat-slickened back toward her. But unlike last time, when he turned, he didn’t wave. Now he stared at her, his face a stiff mask, suffering carved into every still line.

  Heart in her throat, she walked over. Zane wasn’t chopping wood because of the emotions associated with seeing his mother again, he chopped wood because of Clara’s innocent reference to Russ being Finn’s father.

  Zane rested the axe against a block of wood, hung his hat from off the handle before swiping the back of his hand across his brow.

  She stopped an arm’s length away and looked into eyes that were as dark and as turbulent as the sky before a summer storm.

  “Zane … it’s only natural Clara talk about Russ to Finn. She doesn’t know the truth.”

  “I know. It doesn’t make the anger and pain go away knowing that Russ was a part of his life before I was.” Bitt
erness rasped in Zane’s voice. “I can’t believe I trusted Marlisa. She said there’d be no baby. I believed her. Just like I also believed her when she’d said I was the one she loved and that there was nothing going on between her and Russ.”

  “It’s not your fault. She’d been your girl. You didn’t do anything wrong believing in her and trusting her.”

  When he didn’t speak, she continued. “Not everyone is like Marlisa and your father, there are people you can believe in and trust.”

  He grunted.

  “There’s people like Hank and … me. You can trust me.”

  Bleakness shot through his eyes.

  “Zane, you can trust me.”

  He swung away, placed his hat on his head and, back toward her, resumed splitting wood.

  Trinity remained stiff and still and then she turned. She retraced her steps, not really knowing where she was walking. The ache in her throat transferred to her chest.

  Zane was in pain and hurting. If Hank had been here he would have reminded her, now more than ever, Zane needed time. Everything would be okay.

  But with every step she took away from him, the certainty grew that everything wouldn’t be okay. Not yet and perhaps not ever. She loved Zane and she was sure he felt something for her. She hadn’t mistaken the tenderness in his kiss or his touch last night. But if he didn’t trust her, what hope was there for the future? The cornerstone of any relationship had to be trust.

  She stopped at the kitchen door beside which sat Cricket’s bright kennel that she and Finn had painted in red and blue stripes. Beneath the cottonwood tree to her left rested the wheelbarrow in which the wildflower seeds now flowered into a living palate of color. Soon the butterflies would come.

  She’d done what she’d set out to do, added a feminine touch and turned the masculine ranch house into a home. The kitchen door blurred before her as she heeded the growing voice inside her head. But she wouldn’t be the person to break the curse of no woman staying at Hollyhock Creek Ranch because … she too could no longer stay.

  She’d relaxed and allowed herself to feel but in the process had opened the door to heartache. She couldn’t control when, or if, Zane could ever trust her but she could protect her heart. She took hold of the door handle with unsteady fingers. If she was going to leave it had to be … now. The longer she stayed the harder it would be for her, and for Finn.

  She bit her lip to stifle her anguish. Zane, Clara and Finn all needed time together as a family and she needed time apart to accept that her dreams of love and a life with Zane and Finn may never come true. Even if Zane was her Mr. Right.

  *

  Zane split wood until his hands blistered, his back screamed and his anger faded. He used his shirt to wipe the sweat from his eyes and dragged in a deep breath. The brutal wood chopping had worked. He felt … free.

  With his mother in his life again it was as though all the jagged pieces of his broken world had come together. All the pieces except for one. He stared in the direction Trinity had walked.

  He’d been unable to answer her query that he could trust her. It was as though the part of him that Trinity had unlocked and freed had suddenly snapped shut. No longer could he find any words. No longer could he do anything but retreat into silence. All he could do was to turn away and vent his inner turmoil on the wood pile.

  Now his emotional storm had blown itself out. But along with calm came a deep sense of disquiet. On the first day he’d spoken to Trinity when he’d collected Finn from summer camp, Trinity hadn’t been content with actions, she’d wanted words. And now, at a time when she’d needed him to speak, all he’d given her were actions. Mouth dry, he headed for the ranch house, shrugging on his shirt as he strode. He had to find Trinity and answer her question. He only hoped she’d now listen to a cowboy who couldn’t use his words when he needed them the most.

  He headed to the kitchen but when he entered it was empty. He heard voices in the hallway and went to investigate. Clara walked slowly toward him, holding Finn’s hand. His cheeks were wet and every so often he’d suck in a shuddering breath.

  Zane crouched and drew Finn into his arms. He hadn’t seen Finn this upset since he’d arrived. “What’s wrong, buddy?”

  “Trinity’s g…gone.”

  He frowned. “What? No, she hasn’t. She’s probably gone to meet Ivy.”

  “Finn’s right.” Clara’s somber voice sounded behind him. “She’s left with her bags. She said she needed to return to town and didn’t want to intrude on our family time. She offered to wait until I was ready to go but she looked pale, almost unwell. I said you’d drive me in later.”

  Zane barely heard any words after Clara’s confirmation Trinity had left. He fought to keep at bay his cold fear that he’d left telling her he trusted her too late. Finn would feel the slightest tension in his muscles.

  Clara’s eyes met Zane’s. In her gaze he glimpsed both concern and understanding. His mother had let Trinity go knowing she’d been upset and that Zane would follow her.

  Clara moved to rub Finn’s shoulder. “But she did say she’d be back next week to see you and to go for a ride and swim in the creek.”

  “See, you’ll see her again. She’ll be back to visit.”

  But his cheerful words didn’t offer Finn any comfort. His small shoulders shook.

  Zane kissed the top of his head. “How about I take a quick shower and drive to town, check she’s okay and tell her she’s welcome to stay anytime?”

  Finn nodded and leaned back in his arms, expression hopeful. “But,” Zane continued, heart heavy that he had to prepare Finn for the possibility Trinity wouldn’t return, “Trinity does have her own life so she mightn’t ever be able to stay like she did this time.”

  Finn nodded again. Zane stood. Now away from Finn, tension lanced through his body. Every breathless gulp Finn took intensified his guilt. He was the reason Finn’s heart was breaking. Trinity hadn’t only left to give them family time. What if he now couldn’t make things right? What if he couldn’t bring her … home?

  “Go, see Trinity.” Clara gave him a gentle smile and took Finn’s hand again. “Finn’s showing me his Lego town. We’ll be fine.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  ‡

  Zane made one stop on his trip to Marietta. Just past the turn-off to Fire Weed Ranch, he picked a bunch of the wildflowers Trinity loved. Their faint fragrance filled the truck and hollowed out a deep void within his chest. This couldn’t be the last day he breathed in the sweet floral scent of her silken hair or felt the warmth of her smile swirl though him.

  He parked outside her house at the eastern end of Bramble Lane and dragged in a ragged breath. He had to get himself under control. His unruly emotions had done enough damage for today. Behind him lay the past, with its pain, mistrust and silence. He could only hope ahead lay a future full of words, happiness and love.

  He killed the engine and stared through the windshield at her front door. Two teenagers rode by on their skateboards, their wheels clacking as they sped over the cracks in the sidewalk. Zane hardly glanced at them. The head start Trinity had on him meant she had to now be home.

  He collected the fragile and small wildflowers into a bunch and left his truck. He climbed the porch steps but didn’t lift a hand to ring the doorbell. His heart felt like it would slam out of his chest. What if his words failed him again? What if he couldn’t find the right ones to convince her that he trusted her?

  Trinity was strong willed. She’d said that what they’d shared by the campfire had been a big deal but was he wrong in hoping that this meant she too wanted the summer to never end? And if she did, had he just blown everything? She’d held firm against her father and Dexter when they’d attempted to control her life. Would she now hold firm against him after he’d hurt her?

  He rolled his shoulders and strove for calm. Hank had always said that courage was being scared to death but saddling up anyway. It was time to saddle up.

  He pressed the doorbel
l.

  Silence.

  He glanced behind him at the empty road. He hadn’t caught Trinity on highway 89. He took his cell from his shirt pocket and dialed. If she wasn’t home there was only one place she could be.

  Just when he thought the phone would ring out, Rhett answered. “What’s up, Zane?”

  “Hi Rhett, Trinity there?”

  “Yes.”

  Relief flowed through him. He turned to head to his truck. “Where is she?”

  “Out riding with Ivy and they said they’d be awhile. By the serious looks on their faces they had some secret women’s business to discuss. That wouldn’t have anything to do with you, would it? Because if it did our pool nights could be over. If Trinity’s hurting, Ivy will be too.”

  He sighed. “I’m sorry to drag you and Ivy into this, but yes, their discussion would involve me.”

  “Thought so. You’re the only man I know brave enough to take on Trinity and still be standing.”

  Zane didn’t laugh. He wouldn’t be standing if he couldn’t convince strong-willed Trinity that she belonged with him and Finn.

  He cleared his throat. “Does she have her cell?”

  “Hang on, I’ll check.”

  There was silence and then Rhett’s voice travelled down the line.

  “Nope. It’s here on the kitchen table.”

  “Okay.” Zane opened the driver’s side door and slid into the seat. “If she comes in, tell her … I’m on my way.”

  “Will do. And if she won’t wait?”

  Zane briefly closed his eyes. “I’m in trouble.”

  *

  “What’s happened?” Ivy asked, expression grave. “I’ve never known you to run from anything, or anyone. Even when those Baxter boys wanted your care parcel at summer camp.”

  As soon as Ivy had seen Trinity’s face she’d bustled her to the barn where they’d saddled Cherry and a soft-mouthed chestnut that Trinity now rode.

  She didn’t smile her usual smile at the reference to the Baxter boys. That was how she’d met Ivy. Ivy might be the Queen of lists but she’d been the Queen of plans and together they’d put a stop to the two brothers bullying the smaller campers into handing over their food.