Surrendering to Us

by Chelsea M. Cameron

  “I love you so much that I can’t breathe sometimes. How did I find you?” His thumbs skimmed my cheeks and he smiled so big, I thought his face might crack. I was smiling too.

  “eBay.”

  He leaned forward once more and kissed each cheek and then the tip of my nose and the middle of my forehead.

  “It’ll take some getting used to, having him around, but it will only be temporary. I’ll get him set up with his own place, and get his ass employed and he’s going to get his shit together whether he wants to or not. And then we can go about our merry way.”

  The last part made me laugh as I imagined Lucah and I skipping through a field of wildflowers.

  “Now we just have to break it to Ryder.” Lucah said as he hailed a cab.

  “Oh, I’m sure he’s going to be thrilled about it.”

  That was an understatement.

  “You are fucking kidding me!” Ryder said when Lucah pitched him the idea. We’d stopped at Ryder’s favorite taco place to pick up a bunch of tacos to soften the blow, but it didn’t really work. He’d known something was up. Sloane had gone to make a few phone calls, and April and Tate were out in the hallway talking about something kid-related.

  “I am not moving in with you. I’m not some stupid kid. I’m an adult. I have my own fucking life.” His face was getting red, but so was Lucah’s.

  “Yeah, you do Ryder, and look where you ended up. In the fucking hospital. You can’t keep living this way, and I will be damned if I’m going to let you fuck your life up any more than you already have. What would Mom and Dad think?”

  There was a charged silence after Lucah’s outburst. The two men were nearly shaking, they were so worked up. I was torn between thinking that I should leave them to it, and staying to make sure they didn’t get into it. On the plus side, we were already in a hospital.

  I stayed.

  The rage simmered and I thought it was going to explode, but it didn’t. Ryder looked away from Lucah and out the window.

  “I’m not trying to punish you, Ryder. I’m fucking trying to keep you alive. And like it or not, I’m all you’ve got. Me and Tate. I can’t lose any more of my family, I can’t. Don’t make me have to.” Lucah’s voice went from loud to soft and intense. Ryder kept glaring out the window, but I could tell that he was fighting a losing battle. He might be a grown man, but he was still Lucah’s little brother. Something like that didn’t change, no matter how old you got.

  “You don’t have to talk to me, that’s fine. Give me the silent treatment. Get it out of your system. But when you leave this hospital, you will be moving in with us, and you will be going to counseling. If you can’t comply with that, then I will be very happy to tell the hospital that you can’t be responsible for yourself and need to be admitted to a treatment facility. Trust me, that place probably isn’t going to have food cooked by Sloane Harris every night.” At the mention of Sloane’s name, Ryder startled, just a microscopic amount.

  “I am going to get some coffee, and I will be back.” Lucah left the room and I followed him.

  “What’s going on?” Tate said, looking worried. Lucah explained the situation as Sloane came back with coffee for everyone.

  “Are you sure you’re up for that? It’s going to be like having a full-grown toddler in your house. I would say he could come and live with us, but I think that might make things worse, and I don’t know about having him with the girls.” I could understand that, absolutely. Which was why letting him stay with us was really the only option, and the best option.

  “We’re up for it, aren’t we, Sunshine?” Lucah slung his arm around me. “We probably won’t even notice he’s there.” That was the biggest lie I’d ever heard, but I didn’t call him out on it because I wanted to believe it.

  “He could stay with me,” Sloane said, looking at the coffee cup in her hand.

  I had the urge to scream, NO, but Lucah cut in for me.

  “He’s my brother. My responsibility—” He was then cut off by Ryder standing in the doorway of his room, hanging onto his IV pole.

  “I’m not anyone’s fucking responsibility, and I’m sick of you talking about me out here. So if you’re going to do it, go somewhere else.” He turned around and I hid my eyes because his gown was tied in the back, but not very well. There was a lot of exposure.

  We all stood there silently after Ryder called us out.

  “On that note, I think we’re going to head home,” April said. “We’ll talk about . . . everything at some other time.” There was more hugging and then they left.

  “I also think I’m going to head home. I have a lot of laundry to do. Keep me updated.” More hugs for Sloane and then it was Lucah and me and a surly Ryder.

  “I’m thinking maybe we should both spend the night at home. Give him some space. The nurses are watching him and the doctor is always on call.” Ryder had to meet with a psychiatrist and would have to continue doing so for a little while to make sure that he wasn’t harming himself further. They were also changing his medication.

  “I think that would be a good idea. He’s kind of been in a fishbowl lately.” We both spoke in low voices so Ryder couldn’t overhear.

  “True. I’ll go tell him we’re leaving. Why don’t you stay out here?” I nodded and he went to say goodnight to Ryder. Only a few minutes later he was closing the door and shaking his head.

  “This is going to be interesting.”

  The realization that Ryder was going to be moving in with us the next day hit both of us as soon as we got back. We had a bed in the spare room, but we hadn’t really decorated it or anything. Plus we were going to have to feed him, and . . .

  “I can see you starting to panic,” Lucah said as he got out some sheets for the bed while I made sure the drawers in the room were empty.

  “I’m not panicking. I’m just . . . “ I didn’t know what I was. I’d never lived with another boy before. Lucah had been the first, and obviously it was different than living with Ryder. I barely knew him.

  “It’s going to be an adjustment, but I’ll deal.” I gave him what I hoped was a confident smile and went to check the refrigerator to make sure there was actually food in it. It was well-stocked, and I couldn’t remember it being that way when we left. Just as I was about to go back down the hall and thank the refrigerator fairy (otherwise known as Sloane), there was a knock at the door.

  I didn’t think it was her at first because she almost never knocked, but it was.

  “Wow, this is new. The knocking and everything,” I said as I let her in. She had a box full of . . . stuff.

  “What’s this?”

  “Just some things for Ryder. I know he doesn’t have a lot of stuff, so I went out and got some shaving cream, and shampoo and I brought him some clothes I had kicking around.” She always had clothes “kicking around” at the most convenient of times.

  “You really didn’t have to do this,” I said as she proceeded to take the box into the guest room and surprise Lucah.

  “I know, but I wanted to. So there. Take it or leave it.” Lucah didn’t say a word as she started folding shirts and putting them in the drawers.

  “Speaking of Ryder’s stuff, are you going to go over and get it from wherever he was crashing? Has he told you where he was?” I asked Lucah as Sloane flitted around the room, putting everything in order.

  Lucah and I stood back and watched. It was like one of those home makeover shows, only it was happening in our apartment.

  “Um, he just had a duffel full of his stuff and someone dropped it off at the hospital for him, minus his cash of course, and I guess that’s all he had. So he can just bring it when he comes tomorrow.”

  Sloane finally emptied the box and turned around, a triumphant smile on her face.

  “Tada! Now we just need to get something on the walls and some candles and this place will be livable.” I didn’t know what she was talking about. The sheets were 400 thread count, and the furniture was from Pottery Barn. It w
as by no means uninhabitable.

  “Candles?” Lucah said, one ginger eyebrow raised.

  “They make manly candles now.” Sloane seemed offended.

  “Well, we’ll see what he wants when he gets here,” I said to be the peacemaker.

  “Right.”

  “Right.”

  Crisis averted. Sloane took the box and said to contact her if we needed anything and then was gone as quickly as she’d blown in.

  “What was that all about?” Lucah said, sitting down on the bed, which now had the addition of a few throw pillows Sloane had found somewhere.

  “She is being so weird about this Ryder situation,” I said, joining him on the bed.

  “I couldn’t believe she suggested he move in with her,” Lucah said, picking up one of the throw pillows and then putting it back.

  “Yeah, like that would work out,” I agreed. “It would only end one way and it wouldn’t be pretty. I’d also be prepared for her to be dropping by without announcing herself again. She stocked the fridge while we were gone, and I foresee her cooking a lot, and coming over to borrow things, etc.”

  “That should be fun.” Lucah yawned and lay back on the pillows. I snuggled next to him, putting my head on his chest.

  “Do you realize this is the longest the two of us have gone since we moved in together without having sex?” I almost rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t lie, I was thinking about it too.

  “I think I read somewhere that the average American couple only has sex, like, a few times a week.” His hand moved to my hair.

  “But we’re not average. Who wants to be average? I want to be in the ninety-ninth percentile. That’s where all the geniuses are.”

  “You mean that’s where the sex addicts are.”

  “Okay, maybe that was a bad example. But still.” I waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t.

  “Does this mean you want to have sex?” I hoped I was reading his signals right.

  “Sunshine, I always want to have sex with you. If there were a way to spend each moment of each day fucking you in every way imaginable, then I would happily sign up. But right at this moment, I’m afraid I would fall asleep on you, and that wouldn’t be very sexy.”

  “You probably wouldn’t be the only one.” I yawned and I could feel my eyes closing.

  “Yup,” he said, and the next thing I knew we were both passed out on Ryder’s new bed.

  I took a quick break the next morning and called Lucah to see how things were going. I made sure that my office door was closed and locked beforehand, though.

  “He’s still not very happy, but he said he would take this over rehab.”

  “I guess that’s an improvement?”

  “I guess.” I heard Ryder talking in the background. “Look, I’ll call you later, okay?”

  “Okay. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.” He hung up and I wished that I’d gotten to talk to him longer. Or that I could magically transport myself to the apartment. OR, clone myself so I could be in two places at once.

  I shook my head at my imaginings. If I could, I was going to sneak away on my lunch break and make sure everything was going okay. I had no doubt that Lucah had everything in hand, but my control freak tendencies would not be suppressed.

  There was a knock at my door and I told whomever it was to come in before remembering that the door was locked. I got up to open it and was shocked to find my father standing in front of my office.

  “Oh, hi Dad.” I smiled and stepped back so he could come in. “Sorry about the locked door. I was calling to check on Lucah and didn’t want to take the risk that someone would walk in on me.”

  He nodded and sat down.

  “Understood. That’s actually what I came to talk to you about. He’s been out for three days now. What’s going on?” I’d hoped to put this off until that Sunday when Lucah would come with me to dinner, but it had to be addressed now.

  “Okay, so it’s Lucah’s brother, Ryder, that’s actually in trouble. To make a long story short, he overdosed on some pills and ended up in the hospital.” I reiterated that they were prescribed and not illegal and that he hadn’t been trying to kill himself and so on and so forth. Then came the rough part.

  “Since he’s trying to get back on his feet and has no money and nowhere to go, he’s going to stay with us for a little while.” I waited for his reaction. I had no idea if it would be good or bad, which was why I had avoided talking to him.

  “Are you sure you’re up for that? He doesn’t sound like the most stable fellow.” He wasn’t, but there wasn’t really anything I could do about that.

  “It’s the best solution for right now. We have the space and he’s family.” I shrugged. That was the best way to explain it. Lucah’s family was my family now, even if we weren’t married.

  “That is a very generous thing you’re doing, Rory. Not many would do that in your situation.” I found that hard to believe. My parents were extremely generous people, and were always giving to one charity or another, and Mom volunteered so much it was almost her full-time job.

  “He’s family,” I repeated. That was it. The end. Ryder was staying.

  Dad finally smiled and came over to give me a hug.

  “I’m so honored to be able to call myself your father, Aurora.” He kissed the top of my head like he did when I was young and got a good report card. “And if you need anything, anything at all, please let me or your mother know. You know we would be more than happy to help in any way we can.” I could just picture it. Mom would be worse than Sloane.

  “I’m honored to be able to call myself your daughter, Walter.” He chuckled and then left, stopping to say hello to Lilia on his way back to his office.

  I considered, for a moment, asking him if he knew of any jobs for Ryder, but I didn’t think the kinds of jobs Dad would know about would be good for Ryder. Lucah might be a bad boy who was able to work it in the boardroom, but I just couldn’t see Ryder sitting at a desk in a suit. Maybe in a music store or a hip coffeehouse. But I knew he’d already gotten fired from places like that, so the chances of finding somewhere he hadn’t already gotten fired from were pretty slim, even in a city this size. Plus, the economy was so bad that people with Masters degrees were having trouble finding employment.

  But Lucah would find a way to make it work. I had complete and total faith in him, even if I didn’t have it for Ryder. Yet.

  “Knock, knock,” I said, opening the door slowly and making sure I made plenty of noise jingling my keys. “I thought I would come and see how things were going.”

  “Hey, Sunshine!” Lucah said, coming out of the room formerly known as the guest room and now was Ryder’s room. “What are you doing here?”

  “I thought I would come and see how everything was going. So, how’s it going?” I peered toward the room, but Lucah had closed the door.

  “He’s sleeping. The new meds they’ve given him are going to take a little while to adjust to. I also think he went to sleep so he wouldn’t have to talk to me. He’s got his first therapy session tomorrow.” Oh, that should be fun.

  “But anyway, how are you? How’s work? Is it weird that I miss it?” He put his arms around my waist.

  “Not weird at all. I’d miss it too. Work is good. Dad asked if he could do anything to help, by the way. I gave him the abbreviated version and he was surprisingly okay with Ryder moving in.”

  “Really?”

  “Uh huh.” He leaned down and gave me a kiss and then licked my top lip. He had the metal tongue bar in again. Mmmm . . .

  “I’m not tired anymore,” he said, withdrawing his mouth from mine only lick a spot behind my ear that made me quiver in every place that mattered.

  “Lucah, I can’t. Ryder is right there.” He pulled back to look at me.

  “You do realize that we had sex in the office with people right next door.” That was different, but it was true that we hadn’t had sex in a few days and I was definitely missing it
in my life.

  Lucah smiled because he saw my face change.

  “Just once. Or twice if you can rush it. I have to get back to work.” We ran to the bedroom and slammed the door and then ripped off each other’s clothes.

  “Shhh,” I said as Lucah took me and tossed me on the bed. “Lock the door. If he walked in on us, I would die of embarrassment.” Lucah locked the door and then dived on top of me. Before I could say another word, he was straddling me and asking me if I wanted him inside me.

  “Fuck yes.” I’d been ready for days and so wet that when he thrust into me, it was smooth and he went deep. Before I could even get used to him being inside me, he pulled nearly all the way out and plunged in again.

  “Do you want more?” he said, as if he was going to stop if I didn’t say yes. In answer I dug my fingers into his back and wrapped my legs around him and thrust my hips upward as much as I could.

  “That’s my girl,” he said before setting a frenzied pace that I could barely keep up with. It was hard and it was fast and before I knew it, he was arching above me.

  “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hold out any longer,” he panted above me. “But if you give me a few minutes, I’ll be ready again.” We kissed while we waited. People always seemed to underestimate the eroticism of kissing. Especially if your boyfriend had a tongue bar. Within just a few minutes, I could feel him getting hard inside me. Lucah flipped us so I was on top.

  This time I was able to set a slower pace and maneuver myself so all the right spots were getting hit, and within minutes I was screaming his name. He held on a little longer, but it was another quickie.

  I fell against him, and we both rolled so we were on our sides.

  “That was so much better than eating a salad,” I said, kissing his shoulder. “Or even a burger. Although I am hungry now.”