by Erica Lee
“Just sit it over there,” she huffed.
After sitting the food down, Faith beamed at the lady. “Would you like us to cut anything for you or maybe go grab you a drink from the kitchen?”
“I’d like you to leave,” she bit back.
I could tell this response shook Faith a little, but her smile never faltered. “We don’t have to go so soon. We could always sit with you for a little.”
I touched Faith’s arm and discreetly shook my head. “We should probably go,” I whispered.
Before we could turn around, the old woman spoke up again. “My own family who lives just down the street doesn’t have time for me. Don’t act like you do.”
I turned to look at her and saw an emotion on her face that I recognized. It was a look of pain - the kind of pain that could only come from those who were supposed to be closest to you.
Normally I was good at keeping my emotions tucked way deep inside, but I couldn’t this time. I saw something in this older woman; I saw myself.
Instinctively, I walked over to the couch and sat down beside her, placing my hand on top of hers.
I let out a long sigh before saying anything. “Sometimes families really suck, don’t they? But the good thing about the two of us is that we’ll never be able to let you down the way they do. No matter what we do, Faith and I will never disappoint you as much as your family does because you don’t have any expectations of us. And that’s one positive, right?”
The old woman stared at me for a moment like she was reading something in my eyes. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking though. Clearly my speech wasn’t super motivational or even the least bit positive, but it was the truth.
To my surprise, the older woman started laughing beside me. “Well, isn’t that the truth?” she snorted.
I looked over at Faith who was giving me an appreciative smile. I had to admit that the whole scenario brought even a slight grin to my face.
After she was done laughing, the old lady’s face became serious again. “I really am tired though, so I’d like to take a nap.”
I squeezed her hand, then started walking toward the door. “Joey?” The old lady stopped me. “My name is Francine, but my friends call me Fanny. Could you tell the church that I want you girls to bring my food every week?”
I looked to Faith who nodded enthusiastically. “Of course,” she assured her. “I’ll let them know.”
Francine smiled slightly and waved goodbye.
“See you next week Fanny,” I yelled while walking out the door. I looked back to see her smile grow as the door closed.
Once we were back in the car, Faith reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “You were amazing in there,” she praised.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Don’t get used to it. She and I just seem to have a lot in common.”
I hoped Faith wouldn’t push me to say more and luckily she changed the subject instead.
“Would you want to come over to my place for dinner?” She asked. She quickly added, “I mean my parent’s place. I still live at home.”
Of course she did. “I’d rather not,” I said without any explanation.
Faith nodded and drove me the rest of the way back to my apartment without saying another word.
Chapter 3
Week three of volunteering went about the same as the first two weeks, except that I actually put in an effort with Fanny and this time she let us stay for a whopping fifteen minutes.
When Faith tried to invite me to her house for dinner again, I quickly declined. But for some reason the disappointment on her face made me begin to rethink my answer.
“It’s only 4:00,” I said, pointing to the clock. “I’m sure you’re not eating dinner this early. I would be down to chill until you have to join your family. I just don’t do parents. Parents hate me.”
“Even though I highly doubt my parents could ever hate you, I understand. We normally don’t eat until about six on Sundays so I can definitely hang for a bit. I know the perfect place.” She smiled over at me then quickly performed a u turn.
Within a few minutes, we were at a playground that was located about a mile from campus. I recognized it since I had passed it sometimes when I was out jogging. I never thought it would be the type of place I would go hang out though. You know, since I wasn’t ten anymore.
After parking, Faith skipped toward the swings, jumping onto one and immediately starting to swing back and forth. She took a deep breath then stared up at the sky like she was contemplating something. Maybe she was praying. It had been so long since I was surrounded by anyone religious that I forgot what it looked like.
I took the swing next to her and sat in silence for a few minutes. When I couldn’t handle the dead air anymore, I spoke up.
“So why this playground?” I asked.
“I’m not sure,” Faith admitted, finally looking over at me. “It’s just always been my happy place. It’s so serene and it’s where I come when I need to think.”
What did this girl need to think about? What color lip gloss she was going to wear to church each week? Maybe which perfectly pressed skirt Jesus would approve of?
I squinted over at her. “Then why did you bring me here?”
Faith shrugged slightly. “I just wanted to share it with you,” she admitted with a sweet smile.
I had to admit that I was slightly bothered by how that smile affected me. But at this point I didn’t know what bothered me more - the fact that her smile could put my stomach into knots or the fact that it was getting harder and harder to dislike her.
“Why do you believe in God?” I asked, breaking the silence once again.
I was interested in getting inside this girl’s head, plus it always fascinated me that people could believe in a man up in the clouds who seemed to be in the business of letting people down.
Faith closed her eyes and smiled broadly. “For me, it’s more like how couldn’t I believe? I feel God everywhere and in everything I do. I see Him so many places throughout the day - in the morning sunrise, the laugh of a child, the way the stars come out as soon as the sky gets dark. There’s just so much beauty in this world. I refuse to believe it’s all random.”
“There’s also a ton of suffering,” I pointed out.
Faith sighed. “I can’t fight you on that one. But God makes it so we never have to be alone. Trials and difficulties are just a part of life. I don’t know if I necessarily believe that God purposely causes the bad stuff to happen, but I do believe that sometimes suffering is necessary to get us to where we are going.”
I sneered at her words. “Tell that to those who suffer.”
“Everyone suffers,” Faith just barely whispered.
“Yeah...well...some of us more than others,” I snarled while getting up to walk to the other side of the playground.
I stopped at the old rusty merry go round and laid down across it, rather than pushing it. I laid there with my eyes closed until I felt a shadow come over me. I opened my eyes to see Faith standing above me.
She tilted her head at me. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No,” I growled, closing my eyes once again.
Even though I asked the question, her answer still pissed me off. Religious folks always liked to make it seem like they had this life all figured out. For some of us, it wasn’t that easy.
When I finally sat up after a few minutes, I realized Faith was sitting just a few feet away from me.
“I’m sorry if something I said upset you. That wasn’t my intention.” The sincere look on Faith’s face as she said these words caused most of my anger to melt away.
“It’s whatever,” I muttered in reply.
Faith looked at me for a moment before beginning to speak again. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I just wanted you to know that there are people who care about you. I don’t know. Maybe you already realize that, but it just seems like you don’t.”
“And who are these people?”
I asked. “Let me guess… God.”
Faith smirked at my sarcasm. “Yes, He is one of them. But I also care about you.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “You don’t even know me. You can’t spend three Sundays volunteering with me and suddenly think you know anything about me.”
Faith studied me again, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. “I know that you refuse to smile, even when you actually want to. I also know that you have these massive walls that you built up to keep anyone from getting in, including me. But something also tells me that it is getting harder and harder for you to keep me out.”
Her words hit me hard because I knew they were true. I refused to let her see that though.
“Whatever. There’s a lot about me that you don’t know and if you did, you wouldn’t like me anymore. You would act like you did since you’re a woman of God or whatever, but it would all be an act.”
Faith raised an eyebrow and stared straight back at me. “Try me,” she dared.
I took a deep breath. “Alright then. You asked for it. I’m super duper gay. You know. A lesbian. One of those girls who lays with women the way I should lay with men. I believe your people call it an abomination.”
Faith grinned widely at me, almost like she was on the verge of laughter. “I mean, I just call it love, but if you want to call it an abomination that’s your prerogative.”
I scrunched my eyebrows in at her, showing my confusion. “Alright. I don’t know what game you’re playing, but you can stop it. Just go ahead and tell me that if I don’t change my ways I’m going to burn in Hell.”
Faith continued to smile at me, seemingly unfazed by my words. “I can tell you that if you want me to, but it’s not true. At least I sure hope it’s not seeing as how I would be right there with you since I’m bi.”
I felt like a Mack truck had just run into me. There’s no way I heard those words right. It wasn’t possible that this perfect little Christian girl in front of me might not be so perfect.
“Wait. What did you say?” I asked, certain I had heard her wrong.
Faith laughed softly. “I’m pretty sure you heard me. I said that I’m bi. As in bisexual. As in I like both guys and girls.”
“Stop bullshitting me,” I said with a slight laugh.
Faith looked at me seriously. “I’m not. I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”
The look on her face told me that she truly wasn’t lying.
“Well shit,” I whispered under my breath. “Does Jesus know?”
With this, Faith started to laugh. “Seeing as how the big man is everywhere, I’m pretty sure He knows.”
“Or nowhere, depending what you believe,” I pointed out. “But seriously… is this a secret between you and the hypothetical man in the sky?”
Faith shook her head adamantly. “I’m pretty open about it. My family and friends have known for years and I’m pretty sure most people at church know since I dated another girl from the congregation for a bit last year.”
“And they haven’t kicked you out?” I asked, completely aghast.
Faith laughed again. “Of course not. You don’t pay much attention, do you? Did you completely miss the big rainbow flag hanging outside the church? My church is completely open and inclusive to gay people. They don’t believe it is a sin.”
I had no idea that there were actually churches that believed this and I tried to formulate my thoughts into words, but had no idea where to start.
Before I could say anything, Faith’s phone chimed. She looked down to read a text message, then looked back at me apologetically. “I’m really sorry. That was my mom. I have to get home for dinner.”
I silently followed Faith back to her car, then stared out the window as we made our way back to my apartment. So many thoughts swirled through my head. I was learning that there was so much I didn’t know about this girl and to my surprise, I wanted to know it all.
Chapter 4
As soon as Faith dropped me off, I burst into my apartment and headed straight for Julie’s room. Julie Higgins and I first met when I started at public school in the second semester my junior year and we were on the track team together. Since I wasn’t friends with anyone on the team, we didn’t truly get to know each other until we were forced to be roommates our freshman year of college. Coach R and the university decided it would be a good idea to put us together since we had gone to the same high school and were both going to be sprinters on the college track team.
Although Julie was the only person my age that I had somewhat opened up to, we still weren’t super close. We were always cordial to each other and sometimes even ate meals together, but I was actually surprised she had agreed to live with me all four years of college since she was a lot closer to some of the other girls from the team. I think part of the reason she liked living with me was because she was a pre-med major and never had to worry about me interfering with her studies.
When I knocked on her open bedroom door, she looked up from her biology book seemingly surprised to find me standing there.
“Hey Joey! What’s up?” she asked nonchalantly. I could tell she was trying to hide her confusion over the fact that I was actually the one initiating a conversation.
“Not too much,” I answered, then added, “Random question. Do you ever hang out with Susan?”
An intrigued smile entered onto Julie’s face. “Susan Hopkins? I mean, we’ve talked a few times at meets and team events, but I just hang out with the sprinter girls most of the time. Why do you ask?”
I shrugged. “I was just curious. I’ve never really talked to her before, so I don’t know much about her.”
Julie lifted one shoulder and let it fall. “She’s cool. A little too high strung for my liking, but she’s always been super nice. Plus, she always gives us two first place finishes at conferences so I like that about her. Oh and her skin is flawless, which I’m really jealous of.”
I nodded, trying not to give away that I was digging for even more information. I decided I should let it drop and started walking toward her door.
When I was halfway out, I turned back around. “I’ve been volunteering with her twin sister.” I cringed as soon as the words left my mouth. What was I doing?
“Oh yeah?” Julie smirked. “I’ve seen her at some of our meets. She’s super pretty too.”
I could feel my face turning red at the mention of Faith’s looks and tried to mentally will it to stop, but the look on Julie’s face told me that clearly I wasn’t succeeding.
“She’s bisexual,” I offered up, figuring I couldn’t embarrass myself anymore than I already had at this point.
“You don’t say,” Julie quipped, while lifting one eyebrow. “So do you like her?”
Like her? No, of course not. I was just attracted to her looks, right? Nothing else.
“Nah,” I lied. “She’s a Christian. You know I don’t believe that shit.”
Julie rolled her eyes at me. “I’m a Christian too, you know, and you don’t dislike me.”
“But you don’t shove it in my face,” I pointed out.
“Does Susan’s sister do that?” Julie asked, trying to figure out my angle.
“No, not really,” I confessed. “But she’s one of those girls that goes to church EVERY Sunday. Plus, it’s different with you. I’m not trying to date you.”
“Ah! So you are trying to date the other Hopkins sister.” A sly grin crossed Julie’s face as she came to this conclusion.
“I didn’t say that,” I grumbled.
Julie continued to smirk at me. “You didn’t deny it either.”
“Whatever,” I mumbled, while retreating out of her room.
Once I was in our kitchen, I shouted back, “I can make us some dinner if you’re interested.”
It was completely unlike me to make an offer like this, but I was starting to realize that Julie really did deserve for me to try a little harder. I wasn’t sure where this change was coming from and couldn’t decide
if it was a good thing, but I found myself feeling happy when Julie agreed.
Chapter 5
“Halfway done,” Faith announced as we crawled into her car after spending a whole half hour with Fanny.
“One month down. One to go,” she added as she fastened her seat belt. “Soon enough you’ll be able to get rid of me.”
The church did the shut in food delivery for January and February since those were the months with the worst weather. After that, I would be free from my volunteer responsibilities. To be honest though, I was secretly trying to see if there was anything else I could volunteer for so I could continue getting to know Faith. She had gone from completely annoying me to being strangely fascinating in a matter of weeks.
I looked over at her and shrugged my shoulders. “Maybe I don’t want to get rid of you,” I admitted.
A slight brush spread over Faith’s cheeks as she smiled at me. “Why Joey I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. I’ll take that as a compliment coming from you.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “Don’t let it go to your head,” I joked.
We rode in silence for a few minutes while I contemplated whether I wanted to say the words that were on the tip of my tongue. When I worked up enough courage, I looked over toward Faith who I had to admit looked super cute with her eyes focused on the road.
“Do you have any time before dinner?” I asked. “How would you feel about going to the spot where I go to think?”
Faith looked pleasantly surprised by my invite. “That sounds awesome Joey. Just tell me where to go.”
I directed her to a parking lot that was located by the campus’s old football field. It had been completely abandoned a few years ago after a new stadium was built on the other side of campus. When we got out of the car, I led her back to a somewhat open path in the woods behind the old field. We walked for about ten minutes until we came to a small pond.
“Well, this is it,” I said pointing to the half frozen pond. “It’s not much to look at, but it’s quiet.”
