by Erica Lee
I took a seat on a rock close to the water and, to my surprise, Faith sat down beside me.
“I like it,” she replied, while staring up toward the sky. “It’s peaceful.”
After a few minutes, snow started to come down from the sky. I saw Faith shiver as the large flakes fell onto her face.
“We can go if you want,” I suggested.
Faith shook her head, pulling her jacket a little tighter. “No, I like it. It’s even prettier with the snow coming down.”
“Yeah, it is,” I admitted. “It’s just too bad I didn’t come more prepared.” As I said the words, I pointed to the thin jacket I was wearing which clearly wasn’t made for this type of weather.
To my surprise, Faith wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to her, laying her head on my shoulder. My body immediately warmed up from her touch.
“Is this better?” Faith asked tentatively.
“Yes,” I whispered softly, as I closed my eyes and tried to stop my heart from beating so fast.
“You’re the first person I ever brought here,” I admitted. “I guess that’s not a big surprise though since I don’t really talk to many people. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of a loner.”
“And why is that?” Faith questioned sincerely.
“Trust issues,” I muttered, unwilling to give any greater detail than that.
Faith nestled herself in closer to me. “Well, you can trust me. I’ll prove it. Ask me anything and I’ll answer it truthfully.”
I wanted to trust Faith, but learning to trust people wasn’t something that happened over night, especially when you’ve seen what people were capable of. I was curious about her though, so I decided to go along with it.
“Are you seriously bisexual? I’m not trying to be a douchebag by questioning it, but I’ve just never heard of anyone who was gay and Christian.”
“I am,” Faith answered confidently. “And believe it or not, I actually know a few people who are gay and Christian. They all just happen to go to my church and most of them are a decent bit older than me.”
I tried to wrap my head around what she was saying, but it was hard since it was different than anything I had ever heard about before. “But I thought the church hated gay people. What about the parts of the Bible that talk about homosexuality being some unforgivable sin?”
“The Bible is a very old book that has been translated and interpreted many different times and in many different ways throughout the years,” Faith explained. “Some Churches, such as mine, have come to realize that you can’t take it all literally.”
“So what you’re saying is that the Bible is just a load of shit?” I joked, only half kidding.
“You have such an eloquent way of putting things,” Faith laughed, causing her body to move even closer to mine. “But no, that’s not what I’m saying. I truly do believe that the Bible is the word of God, but I also think that people have used that word as a way to judge and crucify others. I’m not going to get into it because I have a feeling you don’t really care, but research has shown that the anti-homosexuality verses have been misinterpreted throughout the years and weren’t meant to be about loving, consensual relationships.”
I exhaled loudly, unsure of how to even respond to that. I decided to just change the subject to something a little less deep.
“It’s so unfair though. You’re dating pool is doubled,” I mocked while elbowing her in the side.
She sighed in response. “Not quite. I actually have a hard time with dating. A lot of Christian guys don’t want to date an out and proud bisexual and a lot of gay girls don’t want to date an out and proud Christian.”
“So have you…” I started to ask, stumbling over my words. “How many people have you dated?”
“Three,” Faith stated firmly. “Two guys in high school and then the girl I told you about from my church. We only lasted a few months though. We honestly didn’t have anything in common, aside from our beliefs.”
I nodded in understanding, then asked the question that was burning in my mind. “Do you think you could ever date someone who doesn’t believe in God?”
Faith sat in silence for a few moments like she was considering the question, before answering. “I could, but I think I would have a hard time. Although, it’s not for the reason you’re thinking. I know that people have different beliefs and I can understand why life makes it hard to believe sometimes, but God has had such a big impact on my life that it would be hard to know that someone so close to me isn’t experiencing His great love in the same way I am.”
I let her words sink in. Faith was so much more than I ever bargained for. Hearing her speak about God almost made me want to believe. I couldn’t though. I wasn’t naive enough to believe in that fairy tale.
I leaned in closer to Faith and rested my head on hers. I was tempted to tell her how much she fascinated me, but I knew I shouldn’t. She had already gotten to me in a way that I normally didn’t allow people to and I couldn’t let her in. I had done such a good job at protecting my heart the past few years and I couldn’t risk ruining that. Instead, I enjoyed the moment. I watched the snow accumulate on the ground and let my thoughts drift away. I had to assume Faith was doing the same because she was also reserved. After awhile, my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Faith’s phone ringing.
“Hello?” she answered, breaking the silence.
I heard a frantic voice on the other end, then Faith replied in a calm manner. “Sorry mom. I’m ok. I just lost track of time. I’ll be home in a few minutes. I just have to drop off Joey, then I’ll be there. I don’t think she can, but I’ll ask her. Don’t worry, I’ll drive safe. I love you.”
I looked at my phone and was surprised to see that it was already 6:15, meaning Faith was most likely already fifteen minutes late to dinner.
“Your Mom must be pissed,” I said while quickly standing up. I felt the absence of Faith’s touch immediately and that sensation scared me, but I chose to ignore it.
“She’s fine,” Faith sighed. “She was just worried something happened to me.”
I nodded my head like I understood, but deep down I couldn’t help but wonder what that felt like - to have someone worry about you; to have someone who cares enough to worry.
As we got back into the car, I noticed that the snow had started to cover the roads and they were looking a little slick. Faith didn’t seem worried as she whipped the car out of the parking lot.
“By the way,” she commented as she drove, “my mom said you’re welcome to come over to dinner. I figured you wouldn’t want to, but I wanted to extend the invitation.”
I immediately declined her offer, but found myself strangely disappointed when she didn’t try to fight me. When we arrived at my apartment, I said a quick goodbye and slid out of the car.
As I watched her car drive through the still accumulating snow, I reached into my wristlet and pulled out a piece of paper, adding the number into my phone.
“Hey it’s Joey,” I typed. “Could you let me know when you get home? The roads are pretty bad out there.”
Chapter 6
As I stepped inside the door, I took in the modest sized house in front of me. It was cute and had a “home” feeling to it.
“Home sweet home,” Faith said, standing beside me. “Shall I give you the tour?”
Faith and I had texted a few times during the week and when she texted to ask if I wanted to hang out at her house after volunteering since her parents wouldn’t be home, I surprised myself when I quickly typed back yes. Normally, if a girl had pointed out that we would have the house to ourselves, I would have expected that there would be some extracurriculars going on, but I knew that wasn’t the case with Faith and I was strangely ok with it.
I motioned for her to lead the way then followed her down a hallway that was covered in pictures. I noticed a few pictures of her with a guy who seemed at least a few years older than her, who I figured must have been her b
rother. She wasn’t exaggerating when she said they could be twins. I also noticed that the pictures of her brother seemed to be vastly outnumbered by the pictures of Faith and Susan. There were even a decent amount of pictures that seemed to be more recent family pictures that he was missing from. I wondered if he had been disowned by the rest family and found myself becoming angry about this possibly being the case. I made a mental note to find out from Faith later because I knew that would be a game changer for me. I would never be able to continue this friendship if she was the type of person who could disown a family member.
She showed me the family room and kitchen which were decorated with more pictures, then led me downstairs to the basement.
“This is my favorite part of the house,” she revealed as we walked into a big finished basement, complete with a bar and the biggest flat screen tv I had ever seen hanging on the wall.
Faith walked behind the bar and immediately went into bartender mode. “So what can I get you today ma’am?” she mocked.
I sat down on one of the bar stools on the other side. “I could actually go for a Gatorade if you have any.”
Faith walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a red Gatorade. “It’s your lucky day,” she said with a wink that sent my stomach into knots. “Not feeling any alcohol today?”
I shook my head. “I don’t drink once the season starts. Plus, I figured you guys wouldn’t keep any alcohol in the house.”
Faith laughed and shook her head at me. “Just because we go to church doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy an alcoholic beverage every once in awhile.”
“Let me guess. You prefer wine, just like Jesus.” I couldn’t help but smirk at my own joke. Although, I had a feeling I was right.
Faith sneered back at me. “Nope. I actually prefer whiskey like my dad.”
When I gave her a doubtful look, she started to laugh again. “I’m serious. I know it’s such an old man drink, but I really do enjoy a glass after a long week of classes.”
“You keep surprising me,” I admitted, hoping I wasn’t confessing too much.
“I hope it’s a good surprise,” Faith countered. She smiled sweetly as she said the words.
“Definitely,” I just barely whispered as I looked back at her.
I forced myself to stand up and walk around the room so I wouldn’t get caught up in the moment that it felt like we were having. The room had a sport’s theme to it and the walls were covered with posters of various Philadelphia teams, as well as a ton of Belman decorations. One wall was completely dedicated to articles framed from the local newspaper.
I noticed multiple articles from the time we were in high school that had titles such as “Hopkins’ twins jump into record books” and “Hopkins’ twins lead Belman High School to championship.” One particular article that caught my eye had a picture of Faith and Susan sitting at a table, wearing “Belman University Track and Field” gear. They were smiling up at the camera, but both were holding a pen onto a piece of paper.
I turned to say something to Faith and realized she was standing right beside me. She ran her hand over the picture and a pained smile entered her face.
“That was such a great day,” she reminisced softly.
I turned to face her. “You were supposed to be on the team at Belman....” The words came out as both a question and a statement.
“I was…” Her voice trailed off as she said it.
“What happened?” I asked, then quickly added, “Actually, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
A smile crossed onto Faith’s face. “That’s really sweet of you, but I don’t mind. I actually fainted during practice my senior year and had to be rushed to the hospital. That’s when we found out that I had something known as Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. It basically means that the wall of the left ventricle in my heart is thickened. Because of that my left ventricle holds less blood and the thickening can also block blood flow.”
I swallowed hard and could tell that the concern was apparent on my face. Faith shook her head at me. “Don’t give me that look like I’m dying. I’m fine. The chances of anything happening are really small and, honestly, I probably could have kept competing without having another episode. My parents just didn’t want to risk it. I fought them for a bit, but then I realized they were right. It could have been much worse.”
Guilt coursed through me as she talked about it. I had spent our first month as friends constantly complaining about how terrible my life was, completely oblivious to the fact that she had gone through crap too.
I put a hand on Faith’s shoulder and she jumped slightly, clearly surprised by my contact.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” I apologized while squeezing her shoulder. “I can’t imagine losing the opportunity to compete. Sometimes I feel like track is all I have.”
Faith leaned into me. “It’s not all you have.”
I took a moment to breathe her in. I felt safe being close to her. I hadn’t felt like that in years and, for once, I actually believed her words.
“How did you get through it?” I asked curiously. Honestly, I was asking for selfish reasons. I didn’t know what I would do once this final track season was over.
“I know you’re not going to like this answer, but it was honestly my faith that got me through. I leaned on God and believed that there had to be some good that would come of it. And there definitely have been positives. I’ve had a lot of time to be involved in clubs that I wouldn’t have had time for with the workout and meet schedule. It also taught me that there is more to life than just sports. But I think the best part is that it gave Susan a chance at the spotlight. I think sports always meant more to her and she was always stuck in my shadow throughout high school. Whenever she would jump a new personal best, I would go out and jump even farther. She would never admit it, but I know that was hard on her.”
I raised a skeptical eyebrow at her. “Are you seriously that selfless or is this just an act? I totally wouldn’t blame you for secretly wanting to break her legs every time you watch her jump.”
Faith started to laugh again. “Believe it or not, I’m telling the truth. Maybe it’s a twin thing, but I feel a special connection to Susan and her success truly does make me happy. Don’t worry though. I’m not some saint. I have reminded her countless times that it took her until her junior year of college to finally beat my personal best in both the long jump and the triple jump.”
I felt a grin spread across my face. “That’s good to hear because I can’t be friends with someone who is too nice. It would totally ruin my reputation.”
Faith stared at me a moment longer than usual, before speaking softly. “You look really pretty when you smile. I mean, you always look pretty, but you have a really nice smile. You should wear it more often.”
I had to shake my head to remove myself from the trance Faith had me in. I couldn’t believe she had just called me pretty. I couldn’t believe it was affecting me so much.
“Thanks. I guess I just haven’t found much to smile about throughout the years,” I said with a shrug. Then I thought better of it and added, “But I’ve been finding a lot more reasons recently.”
The genuine smile that entered Faith’s face as I said these words made me melt inside. Julie was right. I definitely had a crush on this girl. But I also wasn’t naive enough to think it could go anywhere. We were completely different people.
Faith tilted her head at me while still keeping the same smile on her face. “What’s going on inside that head of yours?”
“Oh nothing,” I coughed out, trying to think of a way to change the subject. “So… tell me… why aren’t there as many pictures of your brother as you and Susan?”
“Oh…” Faith answered, while moving her eyes toward the floor. “He actually passed away.”
“Oh shit,” were the only words I was able to get out in response. I opened my mouth a few times, trying to think of something more profound to say, but
no sound would come out.
Faith shook her head slowly. “No, it’s ok. It was a long time ago. Not that time takes away the pain of not having him here exactly, but it’s just something that you get used to.”
I nodded my head in understanding, thinking about my parents. Sure, they were still very much alive, but it had been five years since I had seen or spoken to them. At first, I felt the void from them every single day. At this point, I really just felt the residual effects of it.
I looked back at Faith and reminded myself that this moment was about her and not me. Why did I have a habit of always going back to my own crap? I was finding that it was actually a really selfish habit to have.
Instinctively, I reached out and took Faith’s hand in mine, walking us both over to the couch. When we were sitting, I kept my hand on top of hers and traced the lines on her hand.
“I’m really sorry to hear about your brother,” I finally said. “I wish I could think of something more profound to say, but I honestly just don’t have the words to make this better.”
Faith’s mouth arched into a half smile, as she looked over at me. To my surprise, she took my hand that was still touching hers and intertwined our fingers together.
“You’re doing great,” she reassured me.
I was starting to realize that this was the type of person Faith was. She truly was selfless. She made other people feel better at times they were supposed to be doing that for her. She was so strong and I decided in that moment to tell her that. As I opened my mouth to speak, I heard a door open upstairs.
I ripped my hand away from Faith’s as I heard Susan’s voice yell down the stairs. “Faith? Are you down there?”
“Yep, we’re down here,” Faith yelled up confidently.
I could feel my face turning red as I heard Susan bounding down the stairs. A soft giggle left Faith’s lips as she playfully shook her head at me.
“Oh hey Joey,” Susan said nonchalantly, seemingly unsurprised by my presence. Then she looked over at Faith and added, “I just talked to Mom and Dad. They are on their way home and will be here in about a half hour with pizza. You know they always get extra so I’m sure it’s fine if Joey stays too.”
