I DON'T BELONG HERE

by Tayla Grossberg

  Andrea was pouring herself a cup of coffee while Ned was reading the newspaper. Sunlight shone into the house and created a happy, healthy atmosphere.

  “I would also like some coffee,” I said groggily.

  I took a seat next to my father, and he kissed me on the forehead. “If I did not know any better, I would say you have a hangover.”

  I rarely drank, and I never came home drunk. I was responsible, and my parents knew I did not drink and drive. A part of me wished I was hungover – a hangover felt better than this sad, empty tired feeling inside my chest.

  “I didn’t sleep well,” I said.

  My mother brought my coffee to the table for me. I took a sip and pulled a face. “It needs more sugar.”

  “You don’t like coffee,” Andrea told me.

  “I need something to wake me up,” I moaned.

  My mother took the cup and added sugar before she returned it. The coffee tasted better, but still not nice. Andrea made us breakfast, and Amore begged for bacon. I fed her a piece, although she was very fat. I blamed her round belly on her lack of exercise, not her diet. Just like me, she did not enjoy walking.

  I clenched and unclenched my fists nervously at my side. This was the perfect moment to tell my parents about last night, but then I’d have to explain why I had left it until now. I wanted to tell, but I didn’t know how, so I ended up eating breakfast in silence.

  Afterwards, I went upstairs and took a warm bath in my en-suite bathroom. I then put my sheets in the wash to clean off the dirt, leaves, and thorns. I shouldn’t have gone to bed in my dirty clothes.

  It was past noon when Juan’s friends dropped her off at home. From my bedroom window I watched their car pull into the driveway, then went downstairs to greet her. There were bags under her eyes, and her hair was a mess. I had no doubt that my sister had not slept much and that her head was killing her. She did not even greet anyone, nor did she acknowledge me standing at the foot of the stairs. She went straight to bed.

  It was 6PM when Juan woke and came downstairs, looking like she was on the verge of death. Andrea and I were making dinner while Ned kept us company.

  “Hi,” Juan managed to say and sat down next to our father.

  “How are you feeling?” Ned asked.

  “Like I’m dying,” she said.

  “Let it be a lesson to you.”

  She groaned. “I’m hungry.”

  “The food is almost ready,” Andrea said. “The lasagne is in the oven. We are just finishing the garden salad.”

  “Yum,” Juan said. “Hello, Charlotte.”

  “Hmm,” I responded. I hadn’t been focussing on their conversation because, in my mind, I was picturing the lady dying.

  “You’re very quiet today,” Juan said.

  “I’m always quiet,” I countered.

  Juan raised an eyebrow, as if she didn’t fully believe me. I was nervous because she knew something was off. Luckily, she didn’t push me to talk about it in front of our parents.

  “Do you girls have anything planned for Wednesday night?” Andrea asked.

  “No,” we said simultaneously.

  “There is a moonlight horse ride on one of the ranches. I was hoping you girls might want to go.”

  “It’s in the middle of the week,” I said, in attempt to join the conversation and act like nothing was wrong.

  “I have class during the day,” Juan reminded them.

  “You already don’t have a routine,” Ned said to my sister. “I’m sure one night of horse riding won’t make a big difference.”

  Juan sighed and touched her head. “I do like horses.”

  Juan was always the adventurous sister. She liked dirt biking, hiking, and white water rafting. I was not a sporty person. I was an indoors, play-it-safe person.

  “Please, Charlotte,” Andrea looked at me with big eyes before I could say no. “It will be such a nice family outing.”

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “It’s a guided tour,” Andrea said. “We will walk most of the time.”

  “There is always some idiot who thinks he can ride and ends up falling off,” Ned told her. “We can laugh at that idiot together.”

  “Dad,” I said, “I will probably be the idiot that falls off.”

  “Yes.” Juan smiled for the first time since she had sat down.

  “Nonsense!” Andrea said.

  “Can’t we do this over the weekend?” I asked.

  “It’s cheaper during the weekdays,” Andrea said.

  “All right, I will do it.” My soft side had given in, like it mostly did around the people I loved.

  Andrea kissed me on the cheek, delighted that I had decided to join. Then we set the table and ate a quiet but comfortable dinner together. Afterwards, I followed Juan up to her room and sat down on her bed.

  “How was the party?” If I directed the conversation to her, she would forget that something was bothering me.

  “You missed out,” Juan replied.

  “Did you see Quinton after I left?” I should stop thinking about the judgmental way he had looked at me, but I could not. I couldn’t help but wonder if he would tell his friends that I was crazy and feared that they would make fun of me.

  Juan hesitated. “Yeah...”

  “How did he look?” I wondered. Was he pale? Was he distant? Was he freaked out?

  “He looked like he was warming up to some brunette,” Juan said.

  “Was she pretty?” I felt a stinging pain in my heart. I was not in love with the guy, but it was not a nice thought that a moment after he kissed me, he was chasing after someone else.

  “She looked as cheap as her hair dye,” Juan said.

  I smiled. “You always make me feel better.”

  “You are welcome,” Juan said and changed into her night clothes. “Did you drive home all right? I know you don’t see well in the dark.”

  “I don’t see well in the light either,” I countered.

  Juan was the only one in the family who did not wear glasses or contact lenses. It was one of the things I envied about her. I wondered what it felt like to wake up and be able to see.

  Juan got into bed and pulled the sheets over herself. Amore sat on the bed – next to me.

  “You can’t seriously want to sleep more,” I said.

  “Oh, yes I can.” Juan yawned.

  “You slept most of the day!”

  “My head hurts,” Juan complained and closed her eyes.

  I groaned as I realised I wasn’t going to win this one. “Sleep well.”

  “Close the door behind you.”

  I picked up my dog and did as my sister asked. Back in my room, I brushed my teeth and got into bed. I switched on my night light and read my book for a while, my dog by my feet.

  The house was quiet for a while, and the only sound was Amore’s breathing. Then I heard footsteps. I did not look up from my book. Amore started to growl protectively.

  “Amore.” I nudged the dog with my foot. “It’s probably just Juan who can’t sleep anymore.”

  Amore looked at the door as if she expected someone to enter at any moment. No one did. The walking did not stop either. I wondered if my sister had her earphones in and was dancing in her room.

  When the footsteps died down, Amore finally closed her eyes. After a while, I put down my book and switched off my bed light. I was lying in the dark for about ten minutes when I heard the footsteps again.

  Amore growled softly. “Yes, I know. I have one inconsiderate sister.”

  I closed my eyes and fell asleep to the sound of feet treading the wooden floor.

  ****

  The next morning, I was already dressed when I headed downstairs. The sweet smell of pancakes filled the kitchen and drew me closer like a butterfly to a flower. Andrea was cooking breakfast for the family while Juan, still in her sleepwear, was eating the first pancake at the kitchen table.

  I greeted everyone as Andrea switched off the stove and placed a
plate stacked with pancakes on the centre of the table. I helped myself to breakfast. “This looks delicious.”

  Ned entered the kitchen. “Morning everyone.”

  We greeted him, then Andrea handed him coffee with a kiss on the cheek. He sat down next to Juan. “You look like you’ve just finished hibernating.”

  “I slept so well,” Juan said with her mouth full.

  “Next time try not to be so loud,” I said, trying to keep the edge out of my voice.

  “So loud?” Juan asked.

  “When you can’t sleep. Try not to walk around your room like bigfoot.”

  Juan frowned. “I was not walking around. I fell asleep right after you left my room.”

  Juan got up to go and get dressed, and nothing more was said. Her college classes started later than my school. I checked my phone and realize that if I didn’t leave now, I’d be late. So I picked up my pancake, as if it were a sandwich, so that I could take it with me.

  I headed to the front door but turned around before leaving. “Mom, Dad, were either of you walking around the house last night?”

  “No, we both fell asleep early,” Ned said. “Why do you ask?”

  “I swore I heard someone walking around.” Syrup dripped from my pancake, and I twisted my hand so that it would drip onto me instead of the floor.

  “Maybe it was a dream,” Andrea suggested.

  I licked the syrup from my hand before answering, “Yeah, maybe.” Although I knew that it had been real. I had heard those footsteps as clearly as I just heard my parents speaking.

  Charlotte

  That night, Monday night, I had a lot of homework, and it was my turn to clean the kitchen. I hated cleaning and always felt frustrated afterwards. Once I was done, I said good night to my parents, who had gone to their room early. Our house was big, spacious, and sound travelled through it. I could hear my parents were watching television and that Juan was listening music. Her room was next to mine, which meant I could hear her every move. My parents’ room was down the hall, so I couldn’t hear everything clearly.

  Amore lay next to my bath as I washed my hair. I lay there for a while and tried not to focus on the lyrics coming from my sister’s room. I preferred peace and quiet, while my sister always listened to music.

  After my bath, I went to my desk and started doing my homework. It was getting later and later, but I focussed better at night than in the mornings. I was a night-owl, but school forced me to get up early every day. Eventually, the television and music was switched off, and I could focus.

  Amore growled. “Shut up,” I mumbled.

  The footsteps had started again. I did not put down my pen. I could not tell if the footsteps were coming from the hall or my sister’s room. Amore would not stop growling.

  “Amore, shut it,” I ordered.

  I continued studying, but my mind wandered to the footsteps and my growling dog. The footsteps were irritating me immensely. Why was my sister walking around so much? I figured my sister would be tired after going to the gym.

  My temper got the best of me, and I tossed my pen. It landed on the desk and rolled off it and under the bed. I got up and stomped to the hallway. I switched on the light and went to my sister’s room. The door was closed, and I flung it open.

  “What?” Juan growled. She was in bed and sat up. My sister had been sleeping, and I had startled her. She rubbed her eyes. “Is everything all right?”

  “Yeah. I’m sorry I bothered you,” I said, and closed the door. If it wasn’t my sister, could it be my parents walking around? Usually, they fell asleep early, and their room was far away, so I didn’t think that I’d hear their footsteps so clearly.

  The hallway was long, and at the end of it was a big mirror. To its right was my parents’ room. I approached the mirror. I liked heading towards it because I could watch my back. It was clear that I was alone in the hallway.

  I reached my parents’ door and put my ear against it. I could not hear anyone walking. I did not hear them talking, either. Judging by the hour, I assumed they had been asleep for some time now.

  Amore had stayed on my bed, and I suddenly felt the need to hug her. All of a sudden, the house felt too big.

  I had to return to my room. That meant I had to turn my back on the mirror. Although I had already seen that I was alone, the thought of walking back to my room made me uncomfortable.

  I was over reacting. I had been up and down the hall so many times. Aware of how tense my body was, I started walking. My footsteps sounded on the floor.

  I stopped and listened when I was in the middle of the hallway. I could hear footsteps that did not belong to me. The hairs at the back of my neck started to rise as I realised the footsteps were coming from behind me. They were getting closer and closer...

  I spun around and faced my reflection in the mirror. There was no one there, but I had no doubt that I had heard steps. I took a deep breath.

  The light went off.

  My heart nearly stopped beating, and I sprinted to my room in the dark. I slammed my door and didn’t care if I woke someone. I locked it behind me.

  Chapter 6

  Charlotte

  Tuesday morning I was tired. I forced myself to get out of bed and ate cereal at the kitchen table. I considered everything that had happened last night, the footsteps, the light, standing alone in the hall. Just thinking about it sent shivers down my spine and goosebumps appeared on my arms. I did not speak until Juan came downstairs.

  “Did you have bad dreams last night?” Juan asked.

  “No,” I mumbled, not wanting to talk to her about the footsteps. She was asking because of how I had stormed into her room like a crazy person the previous night.

  “Well, if you do, you are always welcome to sleep in my room,” she said.

  “Thank you,” I mumbled. It was great to have her care about me, I just wished she would believe me when I told her things about the supernatural. She’d listen to me when I talked about seeing ghosts, but there was also a look of disbelief in her eyes every time. I understood that it must be difficult to believe in something you couldn’t see, feel, hear, or touch, but I also wished she believed in me enough, to trust that I was telling the truth.

  I went to school, and the day dragged by. I was too tired to focus and was happy when I could go home. That afternoon I took a nap, and as a result, I was not tired that night. I lay awake while Amore slept next to me, and I put a hand on the dog for comfort. I decided to keep my bed light on, which made me feel like a little kid again who was dependent on the illusion of protection the light provided.

  I waited for something to happen. I jumped when the wind blew a branch against my window. Other than that, the night was peaceful. There were no footsteps.

  The next day flew by, and that night, my family and I dressed in jeans and boots. We were ready for the midnight horse-riding tour. Andrea was more excited than we had seen her in a long time – she was smiling, laughing, and energetic. I couldn’t keep up with that energy.

  “Where did you get the idea to do this, Mum?” Juan asked. I was glad Juan indulged our mother, while I could hang around in silence.

  “One of my friends suggested it to me.”

  Andrea loved horses – ever since she was a little girl. She had owned one when she was much younger. Unfortunately, for her, none of us shared her passion for horses. Juan liked them, but not enough to take riding lessons. I thought they were pretty, but they intimidated me too much. They were so big and strong, and I feared they would kick or bite me. Andrea did not currently own a horse because they were expensive, and she did not have the time to give it all the attention it required.

  We got into Ned’s car, and he got the GPS ready. This ranch was in the opposite direction from the ranch where the party had been held, which weirdly made me feel safe. I never wanted to go back to those ranches again. I could picture the lady, lying on the ground, squirming helplessly, with the man on top of her.

  Stop thinking abo
ut it. I just wanted to forget it like a bad nightmare.

  The sun had set, and streetlights illuminated the quiet street. We lived in an upper-class area with beautiful houses and neatly trimmed gardens. Someone was playing soft music, and at ten o’clock all would be quiet.

  I looked out of my window and noticed a tall blond woman standing in the middle of the street. She was too far away for me to make out her features. I twisted in my seat so that I could see better. What was the woman doing? She did not appear to be moving. I stared at her, and the woman stared right back. Then she lifted a bony arm and pointed to her right. I looked but could not see what she was pointing to.

  “Are you all right, Charlotte?” Andrea asked.

  “Yes,” I said.

  Ned started driving to the horse farm. It was in the opposite direction to where the woman had pointed. I realised she had been pointing in the direction where the pumpkin farm was. When I looked back, the woman was gone.

  I shivered and told myself that it had been one of the people who lived here. She must have gone back into her house. But what was she doing outside, anyway?

  We listened to lively country music on our way and occasionally sang along. I liked the night. It was when I felt most alive. I opened my window so that the cool air could kiss my skin, and after breathing in the fresh air, I forgot all about the woman.

  We arrived at the horse farm, where the gates were wide open and there were pastures with white fences and trees. Hay had been stacked in piles, and the grass outside the pastures had been neatly cut. Even in the dark it was beautiful.

  The horses were in their stables, and we headed to the reception area first. Andrea signed some forms, and then we were sent to the stables, where we met our tour guide, Max. He was short and skinny, and had a passion for horses. Max told us that he had been riding since he was a little boy, and he explained the route we were going to take as well as some safety regulations.

  I was riding a beautiful dapple grey mare named Mystique. She was a strong, majestic animal with long legs. She had a good temperament, yet I couldn’t help but feel nervous around her. She snorted unexpectedly when I touched her nose, and I quickly retracted my hand.